Last week had been an eventful one, what with lizards making themselves at home on my front door blocking my way in, and I frantically messaging the L&M to PlEASE NOT OPEN THE FRONT DOOR or else the lizard would get in. Predictably it had the opposite effect.

The L&M not grasping the gravity of my message, and having given the accompanying photograph I had sent so helpfully only a cursory glance, tried doing just what I had warned him not to, open the front door. Can’t blame the poor man though. After all the last he heard was his wife had gone off for her usual after-dinner stroll. To find the said wife, instead of strolling for all she was worth, was sending him pictures of the front door on WhatsApp was enough to confuse any husband. Anyways…

As soon as I heard him opening the door I yelled, ‘No! NO! NOOOO!’ The corridor obligingly took my yell and magnified it a thousand fold. At least it seemed like a thousand fold to me, Next it did the same with my loud whisper, “CHECK YOUR WHATSAPP!” Anyway long story short (or is this short story long?), the lizard was eventually sent packing, quite reluctantly I must say, when the L&M banged a few times on the door from the inside.

If this wasn’t enough excitement for the week, a mango leaf, masquerading as a chameleon, scared me half to death by jumping off the mango tree the exact moment I was beneath it while on my morning walk. I am not going into the details of it because it is all well laid out for you in the Facebook update I have shared below:

All this caused much amusement among friends. ‘Waiting for more anecdotes’ said one. ‘Any new visitor from the reptile world?’ asked another. Hope not, I thought to myself. Weren’t these two incidents enough for the next year and a half? Sigh. But who cares for my views or wishes in this matter? Not the minions at work at the unknown Fate Headquarters. Sinister plots were being hatched at their special cell dedicated exclusively to scaring the sh*t out of Scaredy Cat Shail.

Last night, as is usual when dinner is done, I set out for my ‘stroll’. I put on my shoes and a trifle distractedly opened the front door a crack. The next moment there was a strange kind of slithering and crackling kind of sound with someone or something coming right at me through the gap. Terrified, I jumped back. Was I being attacked in my own home in this peaceful gated community?!!!!!

My heart was galloping at an incredible rate. Whatever the thing had been now lay at my feet. I stared at it in disbelief. It was a broom, a brand new one at that, still in its plastic cover and just like that everything became clear. The house-help had bought a new broom and not wanting to disturb my siesta had left it at the door for me to find later. But did she have to leave it leaning against the front door in such a way that it fell on the first person who opened it, me? A question I intend asking as soon as she steps in. Grrr….

© Shail Mohan 2022