Yesterday I was asked to write a few words about myself. Not a difficult thing. After all who knows me better than I myself? The ‘few words’ constraint notwithstanding, I was all ready to do the needful when I hit a snag. It had to be written in the third person.
Why????? I silently writhed in protest on coming to know of the rider. Not fair. If you want something about me in the third person, ask a third person to do it, I wanted to say. I didn’t though. I know it’s the norm, writing about oneself as if they were words coming from a third person. Silly idea, if you ask me.
Silently cursing those unknowns who had come up with such stipulations, I got down to it anyway. If the third person rule and word limit wasn’t bad enough, there were more riders to the exercise. There were some absolutely- have- to- fill in facts about myself to be included. Boring stuff. I mean, who cares what my qualifications are? I am not applying for a job. Does my degree really matter? Anyways…
I spent hours writing, rewriting, deleting, writing, rewriting, deleting… Oh well, you get the drift. Should I lace it with humor? Something like: Shail likes to call a spade a spade, but life has taught her that calling it a magic wand was a better idea to not ruffle feathers. Or here’s another one: Shail is innately curious and seeking by nature, but unlike the proverbial cat, it has not killed her, not yet.
Nah. No one’s going to get that sort of humor. I wrote and rewrote some more. Counted words, removed some, added others. Was this too light and frothy? Was this next one too staid and boring? If I had any hair worth pulling out, I would have at that point. But having recently got a hair cut – crew cut to be precise – I had none left to pull out.
I decided to leave it for the moment and go take a shower. Standing under the falling water has always given birth to new ideas for blog posts, short stories and verse. So why not a bio in the much disliked third person? I could utilize the shower’s refreshing effect on the gray cells to come up with something worthwhile.
Lost in thought, trying out one intro after another in my head, I soaped myself, then washed the suds off me. Reaching for the soap, I started over again and stopped, unsure of which phase I was in the bath cycle. Wait a minute. Hadn’t I already done the soaping once? Or hadn’t I? I tried to smell myself. Soap or sweat? This was confusing. Oh what the heck, I will just do it once more in case I hadn’t already. But what if it was already the third time?
I tell you, these third persons are tricky whatchamacallits. That’s why I prefer the first person any day. 😉
© Shail Mohan 2020
Update: Yay! My arm/shoulder is so much better which fact you must have realized already by the length of the post. 😉