I am participating in the 30 Days Letter Challenge where you write one letter each day. The 25th in the list is a letter to ‘The person you know that is going through the worst of times’
Dear Person I Know That Is Going Through The Worst Of Times,
Let me make clear at the outset, I am not going to tell you inane things like, ‘This too shall pass’ or ‘After the night comes dawn’ or another all-round favorite that goes ‘At the end of the tunnel there is light’. Like hell, there is and you needed others to tell you that? Then there are their ‘cousins’ that go, “Cheer up!” and “You need to stop thinking too much!” The second one takes the cake. Just the sort of thing to come from those with rusty unused brains that have not done any ‘thinking’ in a long long time. Gawd. Give me a bleddy break. My sympathies are entirely with you on this one.
According to me there are two kinds of people: those who seek and get comfort from such useless platitudes and those others who want to throw a royal fit (apart from whatever else is handy around at the time with intent to do bodily harm) when hearing them. I know you belong to the latter and smaller group that would rather maul the eyes out of those mouthing such meaningless stuff, the same as I do. If we had our way we’d punch without a second thought, all those who came within 6 feet of our vicinity with that look of concern plastered on their collective faces, dripping words they have learnt are the right ones to use on such occasions. How insanely stupid. Who needs that? Definitely not us.
You know, you and I are peas of a pod. We are different from the clueless majority around us. They are the ones who are like people choosing from the spread at a buffet, believing in their hearts that what they see on the table is the ONLY choice of food available. As for us, we are looking for something beyond. We have thought of new dishes, are even prepared to work towards making them. But those with limited vision trip us all the time and insist on telling us that the choices are limited to the “dishes on the buffet table”. Like hell they are!
Do you remember how someone asked you one day, ‘What else could your parents have done?’ in my hearing?! Apart from the fact that they hadn’t lived your life and so were ignorant about what you went through, they were also belittling you by not giving weight to your feelings and experiences that you shared with them in confidence. I could have shaken them till their teeth fell out to bring them out of their foolish complacency and face the world for what it is: not something that was made up of their personal experiences alone. Just HOW difficult is that to understand? Apparently pretty tough.
You are going through a really difficult time now, I know. I can feel it in my bones. You do not have anyone to share your thoughts, your troubles. You are unwittingly trapped in the image you have created for yourself and have to be the brave person you are believed to be. Around you are ‘heroes’ by conventional standards and you will inevitably be cast as the villain, by default, by the closed minds. Guess what. I am there for you, to listen and not judge.
When you told someone how you were feeling sad and depressed, the first thing you heard was, ‘divert your mind’ like you have never tried it (and as if that would work. What are you, a train?). How dumb can people be? Living in a world created solely by their limited imagination and even more limited experience, unwilling to open their eyes/mind. When you attempted suicide, they asked you to ‘think of others’. Yeah, think of goddamn O.T.H.E.R.S. Does it get more bizarre than that? Telling a lonely person to bleddy “Think. Of. Others”! Dumbos, one and all who cannot get the simple fact that loneliness is THE result of always putting others first and never thinking of yourself. And they want you to think of others. Ha.
You can talk to me. I will listen. I will not tell you in that condescending way, why the other persons did what they did to you. (“They had your good at heart” “They were helpless” “They had your best interest in mind” “There was no other way”). YOU are the best judge of that. My job will only be to hear you, be YOUR support, not be spokesperson for the f*cking ‘others’ in your life. You really don’t need *friends* in your life who play at being lawyers pleading the case of ‘others’. Ditch them, pronto. Come to think of it, those ‘others’ in your life have it pretty good, don’t they, with supposed friends springing to their defense each time, explaining them and their actions to you, as if you have only half a brain and need their quarter brain to see things clearly.
I will hear you and let you hear yourself. I will be the shoulder for you to cry on. Cry all you want, i will never ever tell you to stop because I know you will stop on your own. If you cannot, then I will get you professional help because that will be what you need, not a bunch of fools sitting in judgement and being totally blind to your predicament. perhaps then, you will be able to untangle the tangles and find your own answers. Or maybe find that there are no answers, that we all have to just accept things the way they are and live this life through. And also acquire the strength to deal with it, with my help, always.
I won’t ever say stupid things like, ‘I know how you feel. I have been there, done that.’ I may have been there or to an even more worse place than yours. But that does NOT give me the right to say that to you. No one has EVER been THERE or done that because no one else is you. Only you are you and what you feel only you can feel. I understand that. I’ll give you one piece of advice though, if anyone tells you, ‘snap out of it’ or ‘cheer up’ or that they have been there… well, kick them out of your life right then and there. They are talking through their…(I am leaving out the more unpalatable example) bally hat.
Someone who will be there for you, come what may (because that will be who you need)
* * * * *
©Shail Mohan 2014