Last evening, the Lord & Master and I found time to catch the Mallu movie Traffic, and I came away from the theatre hopping mad. Don’t get me wrong. The movie itself was different from the usual and quite well made. For a change there was no larger-than-life hero who did everything from creating the world from scratch to destroying it all by himself so he could rebuild it single-handedly once again which is more or less the boring and recurrent theme in most all movies. In this one, there were just a lot of ordinary people whose lives intertwined and from it a story was born which was fairly well presented.
So it wasn’t the movie that got my ire. What had me bristling and indignant was what happened while watching it. Here I am about to divulge a little bit of the story. So those who haven’t seen the movie, please desist from reading any further.
There is this guy in the movie, who has just bought a car as a wedding anniversary gift for his wife. He asks her to wait for him at some place and is driving there with the intention of surprising her. Enroute, he discovers that she and his bosom buddy are having an affair behind his back. In rage, he brutally runs down his wife with the self-same car and drives away. Even before you can recover from the scene of the car thudding into her, sending the body flying, which comes upon you rather unexpectedly, you hear something unbelievable reverberating in the movie hall: some among the watching public are clapping.
Yes, they were bloody well C-L-A-P-P-I-N-G in appreciation of the deed.
There was absolutely no class distinction in this exhibition of wholehearted approval of the husband’s action; those seated in the balcony and the frontbenchers alike rooted for his act of killing his erring wife with a solidarity that would have brought tears to the eyes of the most hardhearted. Yes, and to my eyes it brought tears of anger and frustration.
Don’t get me wrong. I certainly don’t condone extramarital affairs. A commitment is a commitment. But, I certainly draw the line at people taking law into their own hands when such a contract (please don’t give me all that mumbo jumbo of marriage being sacred, it is a contract like any other) is broken. I take even stronger objection to those retards who clap and show their approval of murder. as if they were in some Roman Colosseum cheering a gladiator. Today they approve murder on screen; tomorrow these same morons will condone it in real life too, that is, if they not already are doing it.
What are we, barbarians??!
We read news about stoning and flogging of women in other countries and take a moral high-ground. We pat ourselves on our collective backs. We Indians are not like that, no Siree we aren’t, we say all pleased about ourselves. But, is that really so?? Is our basic attitude about women any different?? Not really, not even in enlightened literate Kerala, it seems. The self same people who pride themselves as liberals, open minded, law-abiding blah blah blah have (in their heads) a well assigned place for the little woman. And woe-betide if she dares budge from that place. That is when you see the men cheer lustily, for the man on screen who kills his ‘wayward’ wife.
And yet, that is only half the matter. My sarcastic question wondering (a little louder than usual, I was that angry) if they’d cheer one of their own kind being murdered by a woman for a similar crime was shushed by the L & M and was anyway lost in the hullabaloo. If women cheat they deserve death as opposed to men, in whose case, the women are magnanimously allowed to forgive them their trespasses. That’s what the unwritten rule book of society says. Don’t we all know that??
Some time back during a talk with a gentleman friend, he admitted to me that he was unsure of his reactions if ever he caught his wife in an affair. He would probably kill either/both his wife and her paramour, he candidly confessed. This was from someone who has on his own admission never adhered to the tenets of marriage and has broken every rule so to speak.
What makes men so unforgiving and judgmental about women, for the same ‘mistakes’ they and their brethren make with impunity?? Isn’t it easier at least for those who make those ‘outside forays’ to understand (leave aside forgiving) the same in a partner?? But it seems not. Not surprisingly, it is one rule for Him and another for Her. Why the double standards?? Why do men think women are any different from them when it comes to sexuality?? Who taught the men (AND THE WOMEN) this nonsense that Men will be Men and will have their flings, but women have to be Goddesses, pure as the driven snow??
What I find amusing about the whole thing is the little matter that seems to have escaped the notice of men and our very unwise women. Does it take more than a pea-sized brain to understand that for every man who wants to have a fling, there has to be a corresponding woman (unless of course he wants a same sex partner) willing to partner him for it to be an ‘affair’?? It is worth a thought when people go ballistic about women and their sexuality, to remember that men cannot really be men, not the way they envisage themselves to be, minus women and their sexuality. Quit baying for blood of women who happened to express their sexuality much the same way as men. It takes two to tango. So wipe off that supercilious smirk and put a sock to that clapping.
Shail's Nest 
BRB
@Hrishi,
Waiting…. 🙂
This is odd. You see at first when I read of the the said scene I didn’t how to react. Maybe he loved her loads, and that when he saw that he was being cheated upon, he instantly snapped. however how does one justify killing? and if he did love her, and she is/was happier with some one else he should have let her go. But ig uess the point that you’re trying to put forward is that how men treat women as glorified property and trophies instead of human beings.
Had it been a woman who had an in infidel husband, people would have told her that it is her fault that she couldn’t keep her husband to her self
@Hrishi,
I am not writing about the story line of the movie. People do a lot of things in a fit of emotion (in real life too as much is i fiction) which is of course unfortunate. Besides for a film to be made there has to be a story. If everyone is shown being rational, there will be no interesting story to watch. Hence, my emphasis is not on that, but on the way the audience reacted, which was totally unpardonable.
And yes if it had been the other way round, with the husband having an affair, then the wife would have been blamed directly or indirectly. Not only that the husband and the world at large would have expected her to forgive him and welcome him back with open arms whatever her real feelings.
Great post. I think this happens because a wife having an affair is somehow a reflection on the man’s sexual prowess. And that is something most Indian men simply cannot handle. Besides, no matter how badly they treat their women, men do have a proprietorial attitude towards them. Check out this news story. I also think that more extra-marital affairs happen between married men and single women rather than between two married people. Just a gut feeling.
@Careless Chronicles,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest.
Men cannot handle women’s sexuality. Period. They like to think of their mothers/sisters/daughters and to an extent the wives (except when they want them not to be so) as asexual beings, the devis.
I don’t think I go with the extramarital relations being mostly with single women. Married women are very much in the picture. Then there are single men who have relations with married women. But whatever the case, an affair equals, one man and one woman. So if men are supposed to be men in that sense, then correspondingly you will find women being women in the same sense, perhaps under wraps, but definitely so. Or else there is the possibility that the whole thing is mere empty words and bravado on the part of the men, which I don’t put past them either 😛
I remember reading the news whose link you have posted. No doubt about the proprietorial attitude. Leave aside husbands, even cousins and extended family members have the same attitude over insignificant things like status messages on Facebook *shudders remembering her experience*
That is Bl***y it, Shail! I(Excuse the swearing, but I need to!) Wipe those smirks off; if you have pea sized brain at all! Men ie. And women too, who must have applauded that ghastly scene!
Very pertinent cause you present here. But we know so well, don’t we? What’s sauce for the gander and goose and all that jazz?
@Usha,
No doubt about that Usha. People are so quick to judge. I have no doubt that a large number of women in the audience supported the clapping men. In their little minds, the two-timing woman had to die, she was bad (such a one would be a threat to them in real life) and her death made them feel less threatened and good about themselves. I can almost hear their thoughts, ‘Ennalum, avaloru bharya aano??’
If the situation was the opposite, these same women (traitors) instead of helping their sister set up a new life would advice her to quietly suffer at the hands of her philanderer husband and try to win him back. If she fails, ‘Something must be wrong with her’! Ahh…. isn’t ti all too common?!
Yeah by closing eyes to the inevitable equation, people can delude themselves foolishly that what is sauce for the gander is not for the goose. Where as in reality, there would be no sauce for the gander if the goose is denied the sauce! 😛
Yet to see Traffic :)will comment later 🙂
Saw make-up man . A good time pass .
@Krishnaleela,
Do watch Traffic. It is an excellent movie 🙂
A hard hitting post as usual. 🙂
But I have to take you on your observation about front benchers and the ‘upper class’.I am a poor(literally) guy who can’t afford the upper class tickets and so generally am a front bencher( I think sitting in the back benches in school has something to do with it).That doesn’t mean that I am not cultured or that I don’t have good taste(I read Shail’s Nest. Do you want proof enough?). Wouldn’t we be falling into the trap of ‘classifying’ people, which we fervently oppose.
Yeah,it sure takes two to tango. 🙂
@Govind,
Actually, I wish I could have hit harder.
I have changed the sentence to read ‘those sitting in the balcony’.
What is this ‘trap’ you speak of?? Whether you like it or not, there IS a difference in approach to stories and situations in movies by those termed frontbenchers (as used by film circles) and those who buy balcony tickets which apparently was absent when it came to the particular scene I mentioned. That is what I have written about.
Of course you are cultured, goes without saying. As you so rightly pointed out, you read Shail’s Nest after all! 😉 😆
Shail, Thanks for agreeing that I am cultured. I very badly needed that. 🙂 😛
Now coming back to the discussion,if there IS a difference, where does it start,the last row of the front benchers and the first row of the balcony? There are only, people with myriads of beliefs, thougts and actions and it doesn’t really matter where we sit.If a beautiful girl passes by, I might get a urge to slap her bottoms, but there is something that holds me back (maybe fear or my values or my beliefs or my suroundings). My thoughts are morbid but my actions are not.So what does it make me? A good person? In society there is a little of white and a little of black, but mostly it is shades of grey. What we are is not front bencher/balcony class thing, is not rich/poor thing, is not educated/uneducated thing, is not man/woman thing.It is a person thing. I rest my case your honour. 🙂
@Govind,
Well, I have failed to convey what I wanted to you, because what you have written has got absolutely nothing to do with what I mean by frontbenchers. 🙂 I rest my case too.
Shail, it is not your failure. It is my skull. It is expectionally thick. Nothing goes in so easy. I should have stuck to my silly 4 liners. 🙂 Now let me go find my foot. Ah there it is . In my mouth. 🙂
Yes, it takes two to tango. That being said, most men won’t murder wives for cheating on them, but yes, they will wish they had to guts to do what the guy in the movie does, that is why they applaud him. Men are condoned for their rages and their violence even as boys. If a girl loses her temper, her parents will shut her up immediately and tell her that it is unladylike. It makes a woman more tolerant/repressed. But dammit – “allowed to forgive” takes the whole effing cake!
@Phoenixritu,
They might not go outright and murder (though what they would do as a mob is what is indicated by such group behavior like seen here, which is what is scary) an erring wife. But they can (with the help of women too of course) make life hell for those women who have not even erred that they wish themselves dead.
“Men are condoned their rages” Yes, right from the time they are toddlers.
“Allowed to forgive” Yeah, when they come and ask forgiveness do women have a choice??! 😆
Brilliant, Shail . It definitely takes 2 to tango!!! And you know what, this sentence of yours captures it all – ‘What are we, barbarians??!’ YES Madame, that is exactly what we are. We only talk of modernisation and globalisation, but heart of hearts, we are definitely mere barbarians. Only that can explain the amount of hatred and injustice we see around today.
PS: This is still a man’s world.
@Writerzblock,
I tend to agree with you. So much of hatred for women that they clap to show their appreciation when she is killed!
Dear Shailji, My humble plea to you is to discontinue seeing Malayalam movies in the theater. Instead go for Hollywood movies. You will never find a single person in the audience doing what you mentioned above. Spare yourself the stress. From what you mentioned above and some of your other writes and from my own observation about life in Mallu land, Ive come to the conclusion that people like us are a minority, maybe our thinking is even a byproduct of English education. Who knows?
@Jacob,
This is not just about “malayalam movies” or in the “mallu land’. This barbarianism is all over the country (I dont say all over the world because it is not so everywhere, though India is not the only country where this is prevalent). I think this happens everywhere: wherever there are men and women; and wherever the men think it’s a “man’s world”.
Read a report about a rape case; read a report about a murder case; reap a report about a kidnapping…the first (instinctive, in most cases) reaction is that the girl must either have “deserved it”, or “provoked it”, or should’ve “taken care”.
I guess if some day, women can rape a guy and get him pregnant or make him feel “violated”, the tables will turn. As long as that won’t happen, this will continue…till the day women fight back so badly, men will learn to “stay away” and “not provoke violence” from them 😀
I do not want to generalise this. Not all men are vice; and not all women are victims. There are (surprisingly) STILL a lot of good people on earth.
@Scorpria,
Just 24 hours of role reversal is all I ask the creator or anyone that can make it happen and the ability to retain the memory forever afterwards. Will help women a lot, perhaps the men too, who knows!
There are many good men. There are even more of them who are good individually. But put them in groups and even the best of them show their ugly face. If they don’t… well, then those are definitely good people. Applies to women too.
@Jacob,
Your suggestion is like a cat drinking milk with its eyes closed. 🙂 Will the problem go away if I stop going to the theatre?? Besides, why should I let some dumb idiots keep me from enjoying watching a movie on the big screen which I truly enjoy??
Yes, people like us are a minority, i agree. But I am not even sure about it being a by product of English education. I was not the only one in my class and I find the majority of them have assimilated the traditional way of thinking and have accepted it without question. It is something else that makes some of us think differently. In fact children of the same house don’t think alike. What is this ‘something else’?? Your guess is as good as mine.
You score some very important points in your rant. I agree that first, the need for violence (and the appreciation of it) needs to cease, but second, the double set of standards must be put aside – and permanently.
@RJ Clarken,
Bingo! That’s what I would like to see too.
I can empathise.
Of course infidelity is wrong.
But as you rightly mention, it takes two to tango.
Who is to punish the wife’s paramour?
You can’t clap in glee at the husband killing his wife.
It is disgusting.
Remember Lorena Bobbit?
She brought a new word into our dictionary viz “bobbitizing”
Recently a lady dentist in Bangalore did the same thing to her man.
The man probably deserved it.
Will these men in the theatre you mentioned applaud this lady’s act?
Your experience reminds me of an old Tamil Movie which had repelled me.
The story in brief:
The hero is the son of the village headman and he rapes a village belle.
The poor girl, is then married off to the rapist by her own family to protect family honour because she is now “tainted” and no one else will marry her.
I came out of the theatre feeling sick.
Regards
GV
@G Vishwanath,
Yes, I wonder if they would clap for ‘bobbitisation’ too in an equally enthusiastic way.
You rightly felt sick after seeing the movie. Rapist marrying his victim! And in the real world, even the court is okay with that we hear. I feel sicker about this real life incident.
Yes it has always been so. Different standards for difference in Gender. As for Devis, being chaste and untainted…I wonder how Ganesha came to being or for that matter the Pandav and Kaurav.. no matter how nicely we gloss over stories with “boon and immaculate conception” theories, I dont think it was possible even with all their mind power, for a baby to come into being without a reproductive process.
I am laughing so hard at that last Paragraph…
It is difficult for Men(Most not all) to understand that a Woman maybe different anatomically but that she is also capable of infidelity just like the MEN. Men go – “What!!! it takes two to tango? Damn.. I thought it was just me and all the other women.. not MY woman and other men”
@Rashmi,
Well when we were younger (kids) they had us in with all the boons and all. But we know better now how Kunti got her kids and how Dasarath’s wives got theirs.
And I am laughing so hard at your: Men go – “What!!! it takes two to tango? Damn.. I thought it was just me and all the other women.. not MY woman and other men”
That’s it. Nothing more need be said I guess. 😆
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LOL @ Rashmi 🙂
As usual, you put it so succintly 😉
Very well written Shail. I had observed something similar when I went in for a movie recently, but didn’t really think of doing a post on it.
I was watching “7 Khoon Maaf” with a cousin in a city multiplex. The crowd was meagre, but confined to the balcony or top rows.Assumption would be that the crowd sitting there (where tickets cost 200/- per seat)would be cultured. But surprise surprise!!
If you haven’t seen the film, I wouldn’t give out spoilers, but just to let you know, there is this masochistic character in the film, who takes pleasure in mauling his wife in the name of sex. The shocker was when the men in the audience hooted and cheered whenever the female lead was beaten up by this character!!
I didn’t really think much of it then, but in the context you have given here, it seems like there is a lot more than repressed perversion in the male genes 😦 . They cheer other men who do what they themselves would have liked to do , but didn’t have the courage/chance to carry out!
But like you said, there are Still plenty of good people going around, so all’s not lost yet 😉
@momofrs,
I cannot imagine what sort of people these are who hoot and cheer when a woman is being mauled. Are they human at all?? Once again (like I mentioned in my post ‘Adjus’), I feel the roles should be reversed for a period of just 24 hours and then see how such monsters feel about all this.
There are plenty of good people around but an equal number of the other type, pretenders, those pretending to be the good ones and only occasionally revealing themselves like this when in groups, in company.
Yeah all is not lost and anyway hope should never be given up 🙂
I got upset while reading the post. You’ve hit the nail on the head – as usual! I haven’t seen the movie, but did this scene really need to be there? Couldn’t there have been a role reversal? The woman plowing the man down…….Don’t approve of either, but would have liked to have seen the reaction from the crowd. Somehow the man who gets caught in an affair is an idiot (to be caught) and a woman in such a situation has loose morals!!
@Corinne Rodrigues,
In the movie the scene itself was okay. The husband in the story has had a shock, is feeling betrayed and angry and in a fit of rage commits the crime (which he later on regrets). Well, that’s part of a story. But to appreciate the killing shows a very sick mentality. Don’t you think so?? Yes, I would like to ask if they would react the same way in case a wife killed an errant husband!
Your last sentence says it all. A man who is caught is an idiot for being caught, but a woman… yeah, she has loose morals and is to be condemned.
And surely no one would dare clap or even call it appropriate when a lady kills the cheating husband ! I still remember people telling Priyanka’s character in saat khoon maaf should have spared the cheating husband for sake of his other wife and kids !! Did this person even once think of the number of people attached to his wife before killing her ! truly crazy time we have come to ..
@Nimue,
You are right. More than the story itself, I was horrified at the appreciation by the crowd. Truly shocking way of looking at things.
So true- people condone a man doing what they would condemn a woman for. Certainly double standards!
Congratulations on the Blogadda pick. 🙂
@manju,
Yes, double standards is what it is.
Thank you 🙂
WOW !!! What a post !!! 🙂 And congrats on the Blogadda pick. 🙂
Two to tango – of course it does. Its the double standards that irritate me…why, the mothers bring up their children of diff gender in total double standard way, thereby laying the seed for that mind-set to grow. We – both the women and the men – need to refine our thinking and start looking at things without any bias.
@UmaS,
Thank you 🙂
We do need a sea change in the way we bring up our kids if we need mindset to change.
Have you seen Katl/Qatl – it has Sanjeev Kumar, Sarika and Marc Zuber. Sanjeev Kumar loses his sight while saving Sarika’s life and then when he finds she cheated on him, kills her. The court forgives him – ‘ba-izzat bari’. The movie makes a real hero out of him and justifies the killing – I remember feeling the same anger. It seems whenever there is any indication that it takes two to tango, patriarchy panics. I agree this is no better than stoning to death or flogging.
@Indian Homemaker,
This also reminds me of the Nanavati case http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KM_Nanavati_v_State_of_Maharashtra.
Patriarchy has a conundrum on its hands if it sticks to ‘Men are men and will have flings, but women are all pativratas and devis.’
Brilliant post by the way, and congratulations on a well deserved Blogadda pick.
@Indian Homemaker,
Thank you 🙂
Have been reading your posts one by one for the past half an hour after going to your page on FB and reaching here thru the link given there.You write with a lot of spirit 🙂 I’d seen traffic on my last trip to Kerala and had liked it. Like you mentioned , it was in a different mould. Thank goodness that at least in the theatre I watched the film, there was no such “clapping” incident. Would have got me worked up too. No justification for murder on any account. But I was glad that the wife did not press charges 🙂 I’d written a blog too on this film on Rediff.Here’s the link.
http://blogs.rediff.com/nadirafromkannur/2011/02/08/traffic-the-film-and-compassion/
@nadira,
I am so sorry I missed replying to this comment Nadira. How remiss of me!
Thank you for the appreciation and welcome to Shail’s Nest. 🙂
Wonderfully expressed…..
No third person can understand or comment on the relationship between two persons.. Only the persons involved will know the reason for being into that relationship… its always easy to comment and walk away.. isnt it?
@Madhavan,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest 🙂 I agree with you on that: “Only the persons involved will know the reason for being into that relationship…”