I am at that juncture in life when I look back and think, ‘Damn it!’ (Imagine it being said exactly the way Jack Bauer says it in the television series 24), ‘I should have said this, or may be that in reply to him, her or them!’ (This latter part though is not in Jack Bauer’s repertoire, only mine, but the tone remains the same).

Yup, I have been too much of a Miss Goody Two Shoes all my life. Or a plain Scaredy Cat. The jury is still out on that. Anyway, here’s a list I have compiled of things I’d have liked to say but didn’t.

1. To the person… (Damn it! Why am I being so coy?) To the MAN who said in a disdainful tone to me, a hands on homemaker of three decades standing, to use a cloth and not the paper towel, to wipe a drop of curry that had fallen on the table surface: How about I try and wipe the sneer on your face with the paper towel and then you can see for yourself how well it works in removing unwanted oily stuff?
2. To the man who said that women bloggers get readers because of their profile pictures they use and not writing prowess (They apparently had none!): Munthiringa kittathappol pulikkum, alle? (Sour grapes, right?) Also: Fifteen years and here I am. Where are you? And to the man who thought this attitude of mine was in ‘poor taste’: I am sorry, I do not own stock in Pretense Humility, only in Facts As They Are.
3. To the woman who pulled up my dupatta because it had moved to reveal a bit of cleavage: Excuse me. Are you a professional in this field (of covering up women) or was this a one time stray act of kindness to strangers?
4. To mother who kept telling people, in my hearing (this was in my youth), that daughters don’t take care of mothers, only sons do: Umm.. well, okay. Can I take it as official – we have witnesses too – that I have been let off the hook?
5. To the woman who kept repeating how was she to know that that was what I meant: Duh! That’s why I explained exactly what I meant in chaste Malayalam, our common mother tongue. Shall I now try saying it in say, Kiswahili?
6. To the family members who asked how I took care of my baby when the L&M was away on duty, just because they saw him take care of the baby while he was home: I don’t really! In fact, when his dad is away, the baby takes care of me.
7. To the practical stranger on the net who said ‘We don’t expect this sort of behavior from someone your age!’ because she thought something I wrote was an emotional response rather than a mature one: Ditto feeling here, sistah! Same to same, as they say in India. Same pinch. Er… can I pinch you we being strangers and all or does it fall under the purview of ‘not expected from someone your age’?

Oh well. Seven is a nice number, so I will stop for today. More may come up on another day. 😉

© Shail Mohan 2021