Some days the first thought that comes to mind when I wake up in the morning is of the work lined up for the day. Not that it is any different from the previous day’s except for minor variations. Make tea, feed the dog, dump dirty clothes into the washing machine, fill up the dishwasher, make the beds, put the clothes on the line, cook… and then I think, Oh no. Not again! Why? Why?? WHYYYYYYY??????!!! Why do we have to do these same things over and over again every single day? To what purpose?
Do you ever wonder about that? Why we do the things we do? I know the most simplistic and obvious answer to that. So I am NOT looking for answers like, ‘Or my family will go hungry’ ‘They won’t have clean clothes to wear!’ ‘Everyone has to do something!’ ‘Blah, blah and more such blah’. Let me also add that I love the work I have chosen to do. There is nothing in the world I would like to do better than to run my home, so what if it makes me a lowly worm in the eyes of the world, especially those who call themselves ‘working’ women. And no, this is not a call for women to take up housework as their vocation, far from it. I will fight tooth and nail for women’s right to work wherever they wish. At the same time, I would also want them, the ‘working’ women that is, to remember that the right is mine too. But I digress.
So there you have it. I don’t hate my work. So why could I be waking of some mornings and going, Why? Why?? WHYYYYYYY??????!!! It is a thought I have banished to the furthest corner of my mind knowing how dangerous it is to let it run wild. What better time for it to strike back than the early morning hours when I am at my most most vulnerable, not yet having donned the armor to face the day ahead, before I have had that cup of chai?! Why you doing this Shail? Wake up every morning, cook, clean, eat sleep, then wake up, cook, clean, eat, sleep. Why? Why?? WHYYYYYYY??????!!!
Of course I do not have an answer. That’s what’s driving me nuts and which is why I keep the Why? Why?? WHYYYYYYY??????!!! in the remotest corner, to be retrieved only when I want to, when I have the time to dispassionately look at it, turn it every which way, approach it from all angles, and definitely not have it jump at me unexpectedly and rattle me when I am only half awake. Hmmm… Truly speaking this is not a topic I should be rambling about right now, when I am feeling so sleepy. When sleep beckons, I have to stop whatever I am doing and follow it at all costs or else, the nifty customer that it is, it will abandon me for those who will. Then where will I be?
Twiddling thumbs and counting sheep Cornered by the banished thoughts in the night too, and going Why? Why?? WHYYYYYYY??????!!! So let me bid you all a hasty goodnight 😉
©Shail Mohan 2015