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When I see the lavish weddings happening around me, I am left wondering just WHAT the celebration is for. I mean, so you have found yourself a partner with whom you want to spend the rest of your life or in the case of arranged marriages, the parents have found one and are licensing the pair to live together. It is between you and your partner, and those close to you. WHAT is there to crow about it in such gargantuan scale?
I have never really understood the relevance of extravagant weddings just because two young people are about to start a life. Good wishes and blessings from near and dear ones, yes, but the pomp and show, no. Isn’t a wedding only the first step in a long journey, yet to be traveled together? The road, as yet not walked upon, still stretches ahead of them, to be taken one step at a time. And here we are celebrating like nobody’s business without even a single milestone having been reached.
The way I feel, the time for celebration arrives when you have successfully spent time together for some years and, what comes next is extremely important, you feel you want to continue staying together. If I had my way, the celebration and parties would come at the end, not the beginning. Throw a party for having lived together in harmony for, say 25 years, or even 10 years. Now that would be a solid reason for festivities. But then, that is just me.
Today morning I read about the wedding of Reema Kallingal, the Malayalam cine actor and film director Aashiq Abu (link). They have apparently been living together for some time now, and yesterday they had a simple wedding at the Registrar’s with close family members and friends. Of course I don’t know for sure how much of all that I read is the truth. But the news item said that they both had decided earlier on, not to have a lavish wedding and instead donate the wedding expense for a noble cause. Accordingly, they donated Rs 10 lakh towards the welfare of poor cancer patients at the general hospital here and also gave Rs 25,000 to meet a day’s expense of the dietary kitchen at the hospital (link)
Well, here is a wedding after my own heart. I think it is a wonderful thing they did. It is anyways better than wining and dining already well-fed people (half of who you don’t even know), who all have the ability to buy thousand such meals on their own, not to mention the exchange of unnecessary gifts which are then dumped in some dark room never to see the light of day except may be to be recycled as gift in some other wedding later on. Here’s to the pair of them!
Shail's Nest 
I agree with you 100%!
The biggest joke or tragedy, depending on how you view it, is quite a few of the most lavish weddings end in divorce even while the rest of the world is still talking about the ‘oh, so lovely’ celebrations.
The logic of lavish weddings beat me. How would it look if a sports team celebrates before it has even stepped into the arena?! 😛
“the time for celebration arrives when you have successfully spent time together for some years and, what comes next is extremely important, you feel you want to continue staying together.”
THIS!!! I could never see the point of lavish weddings. When I saw this news I applauded loudly. My mom said “Now dont you get any ideas. These people can do all this but not simple people like us”. Simple people can buy kilos of gold, a car and such stuffs for something as ordinary as a wedding.
I hear you, Nidaa, loud and clear. The amount spent by ‘simple’ folk in the name of wedding is astounding!
Very well articulated! My idea of a perfect wedding is a fun ceremony with close relatives & best friends – people who know the bride+groom – instead of ostentatious affairs involving second cousins thrice removed and the customary Flaunting of Saris and Jewellery. I mean, come on, invites worth Rs.100 per piece is firmly in ridiculous territory!
You speak my mind, Zainab, a fun ceremony with close ones who *know* the bride and groom. 🙂
I agree with the feeding already well-fed people only to be criticized for the food, looks, clothes and decoration. The real blessings can only be gained through helping the ones that are deprived of even a simple meal a day or helping some needy recover from an illness or helping some poor children get their basic education.
I found the Reema-Aashiq couple’s initiative really wonderful! 🙂
Ohh I love simple weddings. All these Big fat weddings . they might be fun to attend but all lavish spending gets to me ! I consider it a big waste of time and money !
Yeah, parties are enjoyable. Though what there is to celebrate remains an unanswered question for me 🙂
That’s a good cause for a celebration. thumbs up for the couple
Truly so! 🙂
I agree we do spend atrocious amounts on weddings. I never understood why “sanctioned breeding” should be celebrated cause that’s what a wedding basically is – an announcement that NOW you have permission to breed…and you voiced my thoughts when you said “If I had my way, the celebration and parties would come at the end, not the beginning.” That is achievement worthy of celebration.
Exactly my point! 🙂
Do you know how many people try to guilt-trip me because we didn’t have the wedding our parents dreamt about?! Thank you for writing this so well. I should probably print this post out and make flyers out of it.
Lol @printing this. That’s another thing, isn’t it? This dream that parents have about the wedding of children. I mean, isn’t wedding about the ones who are getting married?
Good points – I think we should celebrate both the beginning AND 25 years later!
Thanks. Perhaps the latter is a little more celebration-worthy? 🙂
Maybe – but I think the send-off at the beginning is really an encouragement that this will be a bright future together whereas at the end other end it’s a congratulations you kept the dream alive.
🙂
Very well said and I do agree with you, completely !!! Kudos to such people who spend money for a cause rather than show-off(and keeping people happy who do not even matter).The money could be saved for couple, to begin and settle their life. It is good to celebrate when it is worth, say after 10-15-20-25 years rather than beginning of unknown path.
Thank you, Anand. Yes, the couple could have a good start in life with the same money, and celebrate when they have accomplished at least part of what they have set out to achieve 🙂
Shail, me and my wife have been married for thirty six years…when we first got married we were got married with two other couples at a justice of the peace. When we hit the thirty year mark, we had a renewal of vows/2nd wedding and invited family members from both sides all over the country to attend, because it just seemed the right time to do it celebrating our first thirty in front of family and friends. It was worth it , and will be a lasting beautiful memory! Very nicely written!
Welcome to Shail’s Nest and thank you 🙂 That’s so wonderful to read, a second wedding and renewal of vows at 30 year mark. Definitely something to celebrate 🙂
Thank you for stopping by.
I can’t imagine ever wanting a big lavish wedding. It is conspicuous consumption just for the sake of it. I would rather see the happy couple take that money and do what the couple in your post did or even invest it in a home to start their life together in.
Welcome to Shail’s Nest, Kat, and yes I concur 🙂
So true shail.. even I too do not understand the show off.. and it is more irritating when in your relative circle the person who does most show off is treated differently ..
That says something about our society, doesn’t it?
Kudos to Ashiq and Rima! From the pictures, the bride did not have even a piece of the yellow metal on her too!
Hope this sets a trend.
Amen to that. I’m sick of seeing brides who look like they’ve been touched by Midas!
‘Midas touch’ describes it accurately. Ugh.
I always speculate what would happen if women give up the yellow metal 😉
That was indeed a thoughtful, if novel, way of celebrating one’s wedding. Thanks for sharing, Shail. 🙂
Kudos to the couple for what they did.
Been telling that all my life & people just roll their eyes at me!
But for the internet I would never have met people like you 🙂
Same fro my side too!
The other most common thing people tell me is “Ha ha, we will see at your wedding. It will depend on what the guy wants. Surely, you can’t refuse or fight for this tiny little thing!”
Makes me go “arghh, why would I get along with someone who will not stand up to his family for my beliefs or does not agree with me on certain basic core principles of mine?”
I hear you. You can’t imagine how much I hate this “We’ll see when you are there” conversation used any time you express a different view.
Don’t they say that all the time? I will see when you get married/live with your in-laws/have children? Ha ha. But that makes me feel that opinion I am stating now is not valued and the listener thinks I am blabbering away things without even thinking.
I know people are skeptical coz I hear so many feminist statements & when it comes to their marriage, everything opposite happens.
I dont like binging in others’ weddings but when expenses go from my home I feel the same way 😛 LOL
JOkes apart. What u told is true. I protested to not have a lavish wedding even when I got married but mom dad had their way. Keep aside money social weddings are so tiresome .!
Anyway good thought. Is nablopomo all about writing ur heart out kind of theme ?
I sure am missing it
I get that ‘tiresome’ bit 🙂
NaBloPoMo is about blogging daily. Even a picture or a quote counts, just that you have to post daily. That is what the site says. They have prompts in case you’d like suggestions. Next time we will do this together, Afshan. 🙂
I meant I like binging in others weddings !
My office desktop hangs
sorry!
Boy oh boy do I ever agree with you. For our wedding it was a simple little affair only with family and our best friends. We had a little lunch back at our place (that I prepared entirely myself) and we got on with living. Perhaps, if we’re still alive, for our 50th we can really do a splash! 🙂
That’s so nice to hear! 🙂 Welcome to Shail’s Nest and thank you for your comment 🙂
So much of life is about conspicuous consumption… trying to mimic so-called celebrities. However you have managed to find celebrities worth mimicking!
My partner and I did not get married… people told us that we should because that would show we were committed to each other… now here we are 18 years later, still together, whilst many of our married friends have gone their separate ways. It’s about attitude, not a big ceremony, fancy clothes and over-indulgence.
Your last sentence sums it all up beautifully! Thank you.