Khaled Hosseini, in his book And The Mountains Echoed, writes this of one of his characters Idris, when he is back from a visit to Afghanistan and is on his way home from SFO. “It is strange now to guide the Lexus down the orderly, pothole-free southbound lanes of the 101, the always helpful freeway signs, everyone so polite, signalling, yielding.” Khaled Hosseini might have been writing about me, except that I had been in a Volkswagen and it was not me, but the First Born who was driving on my first ever visit (link) in 2010.
That is what zaps you at first, the order, the queues, the smooth roads, the clear signs and the politeness and the way rules are followed to the letter. I was A.M.A.Z.E.D that people actually STOPPED their cars wherever there is a STOP sign written on the road even when there is no other traffic anywhere around. And always the politeness, to let you go first, instead of fighting to be the one to forge ahead! When I mentioned this to someone, they said they actually enjoyed the chaos of Indian traffic. My take: The truth is some are so used to some of the things in their life that they are convinced that they are enjoying it (the familiarity breeds fondness concept), and so cannot ever accept that it would be a good thing for it to change for the better.
Another thing that I noticed was the personal space allowed in queues, apart from the queues themselves. Here in India, it is not really a queue unless you lean hard on the person in front of you that they can feel every contour of your body, and as a bonus, breathe down their neck as well. This applies to both males AND the females. I was at a wedding reception of a friend recently and there was this queue to go on the dais to give presents and wish the couple. You won’t believe how I was crushed by the people in all their gold, diamonds and silk bedecked finery. WTH. A lady behind me was pressing her bare potbelly and her well-endowed breasts on me that I cringed at such close contact. Annoyed I turned around glared at her. Sigh, but there were more behind her pushing as well. Why can’t people leave even an inch of space between you and them? Why act like impatient and unruly kids standing in queue for their share of ice-cream which might get over any time? This is not an isolated incident, but the norm at many receptions or functions where food is being served. One would think they were starving masses. We Indians literally have no concept of personal space AT ALL.
No prizes for guessing what else impressed me. Cleanliness. It astounded me actually that there was not a single piece of paper fluttering even around the dustbins in public places. Whenever I bring this topic up, my fellow countrymen are quick with their excuse, the poverty in India. Really?!! Give me a break. Have you been to the houses of these poor people you talk about? They are kept spic and span. My household help religiously washes, scrubs and cleans her whole house every Friday (she brings water from a river a bit away from her house), and on auspicious days too. THAT is more than I can say for myself with all facilities and piped water at my disposal. Poverty does not stop her or ANYONE from keeping their house clean.
What has poverty got to do with throwing rubbish in and around the dust bin and never into it? What has poverty to do with spitting anywhere and everywhere? Are these done only by poor people? Anything that the authorities do to make things better is gleefully torpedoed by the citizens themselves. Apathy is our sin. Rich or poor, we just don’t care about anything beyond our four walls. That is what makes us throw rubbish into the empty plot next door instead of paying the waste collector to have it removed daily. That is what makes us throw rubbish AROUND the dustbin and never inside it, that even those who want to comply are unable to reach it through the mess.
I know what they say, that California is not representative of the true America. Since I have only been here, the impressions outlined here are of only this one place. And, last but not the least, a timely warning in advance to those who hate anything being appreciated that is not Indian: Go take a hike. If I see what I like, be it anywhere, I WILL appreciate it. So don’t bother with your patriotic stuff.
Shail's Nest 
Same holds good here(dubai) as well I guess. But people here dont throw the waste more due to hefty fines and strict rules
Yes, I have noticed that in Dubai too!
When I went to Kingdom of Bahrain for the first time five years back, I too was bowled over by few things like — cleanliness, politeness and willingness to stop the car to let a pedestrian pass. Those one and a half year were amazing years of my life.
And yes you are right privacy is a concept not understood by average Indians where people will try to peep in and read what you are reading.
You know, some people open your wardrobes too!.
Shail tell me about it. Some of my neighbours find it as their birth right to open and show my wardrobe to anyone visiting my home for the first time 😡
What!?! I have gone into a deep uncontrollable shock.
Well tell me about it Shail! I experienced this situation after my marriage when my wardrobe was opened by MIL (Me and N shared a common wardrobe and her logic — that she used to open it before marriage also so what’s wrong in opening now) I have had my letters opened by them. So I know that privacy is not the word in most of the Indian’s dictionary.
What can I say? I am someone who jealously guards her privacy.
Privacy is for others not for parents is what the answer I got when I first used this word. To this date I don’t open any letter, parcel even if its in my hubby’s name. But then these are the things that are taught to you as a kid.
you’re right about the cleanliness and the courtesy here, Shail! And, even I have seen people stop at a signal even though there is no other car for miles around. That means, it is not for fear of cops or anything else that they follow the rules; it is just something deeply ingrained.
That deep ingraining is what we should aim for!
My thoughts were exactly the same on my first visit to SFO, Shail. This time I saw the seamier side too. The office was just about 10 minutes away from the Union Square and the heart of the Market Street, but totally littered and a street just across was actually stinking. The guys in office kept on saying apologetically that this was not the real SFO.
Saw a few rude drivers as well and was actually shocked at seeing them jumping the signal.
What makes it different though is that these are exceptions rather than rules.
Yes, these are exceptions. I feel in India the one who breaks the rule is actually envied. “Ha, he got away, while I am stuck here!”
Utterly true. Some of the very litterers and spitters and well … *others*… who go abroad are waxing poetic about the cleanliness there . My question, is the same, as yours is Shail! Why hide behind excuses and why not come back with a better acquired behaviour from those very places?
Unruly children in a queue? Bingo! Weddings, Movie theatres, Cash counters at supermarkets, temples (I could write an entire thesis on the temple wala episodes :/)
Gaaah!!!
Yes Usha, that can be a post in itself! The pushing and shoving in queues everywhere!
Whether or not California is representative of the true America is immaterial. The point is human beings can do things the way they should be done. All that’s needed is individual will and collective will.
Unfortunately, we pick up superficial things from the Americans: their accents, their slang, addressing people by first names, etc.. Somehow, we aren’t able to pick up their discipline, civic sense, etc.
Agree. Their discipline and civic sense is something we badly need.
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I do agree with everything you have written and I wrote my observations too and linked you up! 😉
Thanks and I loved reading it 🙂
Oh Shail, I so agree on the poverty has got nothing to do with cleanliness. My maid and her kids are the most pretty things and so goes for their house as well. And yes, I hesitantly agree to ‘familiarity breeds fondness’!! 🙂
Our love for familiar things makes us content to suffer inconveniences and find pleasure in them rather than accept a change for the better 🙂
I agree..when I saw London for the first time a couple of years ago, I was dumbstruck by the cleanliness there…and people there were complaining that London is not clean! can you believe that!
and yes, the queues, and the politeness and the need to be first in everything..sigh! Its in our blood isnt it!
We have a long way to go 😦
As someone who has never been to US – but to Japan – and that country is if anything even more fastidious – I can only Agree to what you say !
We are an unruly lot with an inflated sense of our self worth but in reality lack civic sense and discipline 😦
For some of us, rules are meant to be broken, litter is to spread around everywhere except in their homes and dustbins where waste is meant to be disposed off. And that one about the queues, it is really irritating. Worst case is when you are in queue to visit some temple like Guruvayur, where the men are ostensibly shirtless and they come and stick themselves on to our body. Oh gross! It makes me so pissed off!!
I remember that happening to me and I hated going to the temple when there was rush, festival seasons,or deeparadhana time.
I echo your thoughts.
Even I came away wondering what prevents us from emulating them.
I was particularly impressed by the garbage handling. Everyone segregates voluntarily. Kitchen wastes (organic wastes like vegetable peels, egg shells, and garden wastes like leaves, twigs etc) were put in a green bin. Plastics/paper/cardboard/and all recyclable stuff in a grey bin. The really nasty and obnoxious wastes like used diapers etc were put in a blue bin.
The bins were supplied by the local authorities and kept outside the houses on the pavement edges once a week. The garbage trucks would come lift them automatically and cart them away in closed containers. The handling of bins( and the emptying into the truck) was automated and I was really impressed with what I saw.
I can mail you a picture if you wish (to include in any future post)
There was no spillage on the streets and no foul odours.
I liked the way dogs were always on a leash. The owners carried plastic bags to collect their dog poop. Here in India, we encourage our pets to “do it” anywhere and everywhere as long as it outside our house!
I loved their honesty and fair practices in business. You could return what you bought if you were not satisfied for a “no questions asked” refund.
Compare this with printed disclaimer on bill here in India
“Goods once sold will not be taken back or exchanged”
The complete absence of petty corruption was another thing I noticed.
However high and mighty you may be, there was no escaping a ticket if you violated traffic rules.Hassles in daily living were almost absent.
Quality of life is something we in India may never have, even if we are rich.
Of course there is the other side of the coin too, to be discussed some other day perhaps.
Enjoy your stay while it lasts.
I am packing up for my next trip in a couple of months.
Regards
GV
You have added a lot more of relevant facts, GV. Thank you.
Correct point U have mentioned here. what does poverty have to do with civic sense. People who r trashy love trash around them. Thats all I can say and when ever we see cleanliness and politeness how we long for them here in our country 😦
Really, each visit to a new country makes me wonder WHAT is wrong with us! Not that they don’t have problems. But we lack in basic civic sense.
Perhaps population? If I can permit myself to find reasons I would say it is the fact that there are way too many people here and very less resources. I mean the number of people going to weddings is staggering. Maybe that is the case? I could be wrong though.
Richa
Well Richa, you try to explain how population can cause the points I outlined.:) Where does the question of less resources come up when people are waiting in line to wish a married couple? And these are people from the creamy layer of society! Even if there are too many of them at a party, HOW will pushing and shoving help anyone? And why is that so difficult for Indian brains to understand that? Are our brains deficient in any way? How many times have we seen people going the wrong way and causing traffic snarls.Do you really think it has anything to do with population or their innate sense of inflated self-worth? “I deserve to make my way and go first! The rest can rot!” Don’t you think even a little bit of “civic sense” would have gone a long way in preventing such snarls? The truth is, none of these people have anywhere urgent to go,they, just feel they are too important to be kept waiting. 🙂
I agree with everything you are saying in terms of emotions, but then Shail it is because as Indians we always see dearth of resources for oursleves. Its out of habit that we want to cut the chase. We have this need to go ahead and probably work things better faster because in life we have never really received that. Its population which makes us hungry in all aspects. And so much so even when there is no need for such a behavior we exhibit it only because its become natural to us. I very recently came across a book which had a theme around “Indians are better slaves than any other nation” and I went through excerpts which highlighted the same point. I can almost write a post on this because I somewhere have been saying for long now. Very recently Rahul Gandhi said at CII that we Indians can never have a simple or just one solution because of the diversity and also the immense population we have 🙂
Well, so Indians are mysteriously able to conform in countries where rules are enforced, in spite of being these ‘naturals’ for lack of civic sense in their own country?! Thank you for your comment. I will agree to disagree. 🙂 And I don’t exactly look to vote hungry politicians for words of wisdom 🙂
I agree with all the points you have narrated here, Shail! Our own people when they visit these clean places, carrefully fold and keep the dirty plastic plates or bags which they take for a picnic, back home or search for a dustbin to throw them away! The same people came out with us here and even though I carried a black waste paper bag with me, they threw ‘away’ the paper plates!
I visited some areas in New York where Indians have their shops and restaurants…the area was not cleas like other places! My shoes got dirty there!
Bingo. That’s what I mean. Keeping surroundings clean,if that area does not belong, seems to be an alien culture for us Indians. 😦
Cause for every problem in India is : population!
Really? Not putting the rubbish inside the dustbin is because of population? Pushing and shoving in queues is because of population? Going up the wrong way in one way lanes is because of population? Not stopping when the signal is red is because of population? Throwing garbage next door when there are appointed people collecting garbage is due to population? Parking in front of someone’s gate when there is place on both sides.. is that because of population? I can go on… but I will stop now 🙂
Not stopping when the signal is red: happens in US too.
Going up the wrong way in one way lanes: have seen it happen in US too.
I have seen people lose patience on highways and then drive rashly in US when there is lot of traffic.
Also there are more uneducated people in India. .Our main problem is population. Also it is the density of population that is the issue. Per sq km there are more people in India, compared to US.
Not trolling here, it is your blog. This is just my opinion.
It is not that it does not happen anywhere else, but that it is the norm here and justified! This attitude of ours of seeking excuses for our basic lack of civic sense is exactly our undoing.
Thanks for your opinion. I agree to disagree.
what you say is true to a large extent. I see Indians showing their lack of civic sense in US too sometimes. 😦
Pixie has written about that in her post.
Shail, what bothers me a lot is that the Indians who follow all those rules to the T in the US of A, make sure they dont follow even the easiest of rules, when they are in India…Why such double standards ???
Its time people follow rules, for hygiene, safety and on humanitarian grounds, wherever they are !!!
One guy who picked up the chips packet cover, which his son dropped at the Singapore airport, remembered to throw it on the grounds of the Chennai airport…such double standards never take us anywhere !!!
Well Uma, that some Indians differ in their behavior abroad and in India is certainly true. But tell me something. If the millions residing here don’t care enough to throw rubbish in the dustbin, why expect those who return to do so? Those residing here don’t care for their country but expect the ones returning to do that. I find that funny actually.
But let me clarify, my post is not about Indians here and abroad, but Indians versus people in other countries who have a better civic sense.
Agree on that totally Shail…its all been taught at the young impressionable age that to litter is wrong and bad and not good for health. But here the elders lead by spitting everywhere and littering everywhere and that chalta hai attitude that gets ingrained in childhood is what makes people err later…so does it all boil down to the one word which I always feel makes a person a human – Upbringing ???
I guess so! 🙂
hi Shail ,
imposing fines an educating people might make a little difference . and talking about why we put waste around the dustbin and not in the bin , the bins are so filthy , cannot even imagine our finger tips touching the bin .
Fines area good thing.But the problem is the corruption in our country. 😦 People will bribe their way out of paying fines. Well, bins are filthy because proper system in throwing waste is not being followed, isn’t it?
Are you telling us we can actually keep an inch distance from others in the cue. That’s not possible. We love to rub, push, smell, read texts, listen to phone conversations of our co cue people.
And I cant tell you enough how disgusted I feel when I see seemingly good – educated people throwing their trash on the roads or wherever they had their banana/chocolate/coffee/favors. What do they teach their children.
Sigh. When will we ever learn?! 😦
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Nice post.. people are so mushy mushy when you compare indian conditions with those abroad .. I m too in some respects 😉 .. I loved what you said,especially about the queue bit.. In outdoor queues like those for shared transports I feel blessed when it is sunny in the morning, because then I open my umbrella and rest it on my head .. so it lies at a comparatively lower height and the people behind me is obliged to keep space even though he or she touches the umbrella…My umbrella bears the burnt…