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I am glad I am not much of television watcher or the L & M (Lord & Master) who is, would not have had much of a television set left to watch his favorite programs. At times it is all I can do to restrain myself from picking up a chair and banging the idiot box, breaking it into smithereens. Not that that is going to do any good as the offending programs I detest so much would still be broadcast to millions of other homes, and idiots all over would be eagerly and gladly lapping it all up. No joke, this.

Most days I have lunch with Sheldon Cooper and his buddies of the Big Bang Theory fame. Maybe because of intense hunger, today I simply forgot to change channels and so ended up watching what can only be termed a ‘horror’ show. Initially I wasn’t paying much attention to what was happening on screen. But slowly, what was being said filtered into my head, and the lunch turned to sawdust in my mouth. I checked the name of the channel and show. It was Kiran TV airing something called ‘Love and Lost.’

It was one of those call-in shows. The host was a pretty young thing who with the panache of a well experienced counselor (she could be one of course, I definitely did not check her qualifications), was doling out what seemed to me utter nonsense, in the form of advice, to a woman caller. The caller had just finished pouring out her woes about her husband’s extra-marital affair when she had been pregnant. Now their child was three months old. The husband was supposedly remorseful and back with her. He told her that the affair had been a slip on his part, it meant nothing to him, she, the wife, was still and always would be the light of his life.

Okay, I admit I am making that up about the light of his life bit since I actually did not hear the husband. But the gist of what she said had been that he denounced the ‘other woman’ as a temporary distraction of his and reiterated that she (the wife) was the one and only that he loved.  Yawn. Isn’t that what they all say? Tell me something new. Things apparently were back to being hunky dory in their household. But obviously a thought nagged the caller, which is why she had called. What if it had happened the other way around, would her husband have forgiven her if she had been the transgressing party?

The PYT who runs the show instead of understanding the caller or validating her feelings, set about gently chiding her for the question. Your husband has already told you he loves you and not the other woman. He has apologized too. So forget about all that and go back and lead a happy life. Well, good advice I must say though she made it look like forgetting and forgiving was some sort of button that simply had to be switched on inside us. But, what she followed it up with is what made me literally gag over my food.

You cannot expect a man to forgive a woman who strays, especially if she is his wife. He just won’t be able to bear it. That is how men are made, the young woman stated authoritatively. But, she continued, spouting more wisdom, God made women different. He gave her the ability to forgive. Haven’t you noticed how women forgive children and husband as a matter of course in daily life? Even if they do something wrong, the women always say, “Anngh potte!” (Let it go) and get on with life. That’s how God has made women. You cannot expect man to do the same.

Now after listening to this drivel my TV was still intact. So you understand the levels of my iron self control. Actually I was struck by one thing that I forgot about destroying the idiot box. I felt sheer amazement that God had given the pretty young thing an audience, and also had confided operational secrets of creation to her. Now all you scientists out there, all you have to do is make straight for Kiran studio, collar this lady and ask her the details. Once you pin-point what the ingredient is that God uses to make women such forgiving wimps angels, start manufacturing it in huge quantities and injecting male babies at birth. Stands to reason that if there is a fault in God’s design of the human male, we should improve upon it, especially when we have TV presenters who seemed to have insider know-how about God’s workings.

I was so caught up with this thought that I almost missed what she came up with next. Another caller, another woe. And no prizes for guessing what the problem was. Yes, an errant husband of course. Yawn. They were a couple who married for love against parents’ wishes. But, just a couple of years into the marriage, the man was getting too close for comfort to another woman he conveniently described to his wife as just a friend. That she is not merely a friend is obvious from the messages that come and the calls she makes, said the wife to the PYT, over the phone.

The PYT promptly made her first judgement call. This is what is wrong with love marriages, she said sanctimoniously. I looked up to check the calender. I was in the year 2013 A.D. wasn’t I? Strike me pink if I wasn’t too. Had it been a love marriage you would have had the support of your family, she went on. Oh yes of course. The family would have come and sat around the woman commiserating and asking her to “adjust” with the husband because men are like that only. What a shit truck-load of help that would have been, right? And of course the support of parents is what adult human beings require in lieu of a marriage. Ha ha and ha.

It is not over. After lambasting ‘love marriages’ for a while, she next asked, do you know why men stray? Her revelation stunned me. It is because of us women. You nag the man who returns home tired and that is why he goes in search of another woman. Suppose you had been good to him, had been a perfect woman for him, would he have gone off in search of other women? Of course not. So what you should do is eat healthy, think positive and not nag your husband. Any man who has a good woman at home will always think, “When I have such a wonderful wife, why would I need another?” and he would never ever stray. INDEED! See, it is always the woman’s fault whether it be rape or straying husbands. Aww… poor babies, the men.

By this time I was so sick that I threw up the natholi curry, rice and beans thoran I had for lunch. I wanted so much to call her up and ask her if it was okay for a tired woman to go find someone nice (Okay I admit that is a very moot possibility) if the husband returned home only to berate and order her around. After all if the husband was good and spoke lovingly which wife would want to go find another man? But of course I knew the PYT was not too high up on Math. You see it always takes two to tango, a man who wants some fun and a woman who wants much the same. Besides she’d be quick to point out that God made women different.

That I am alive and kicking and have not committed murder or suicide is perhaps sign of my resilience to survive in a difficult and stupid world populated by a majority of morons. Please someone, just kill me. I don’t want to live in this dumb world any more. I thought things were getting better, that the foolishness and drawbacks that I saw in my era (and I am Ancient) was making way for better things. But here is a brand new generation speaking my grandparents’ language, or even my great-grandparents’. Shame on you. New generation, my foot.