There is this quote that I see quoted (much too often, if you ask me), doing the rounds on the net (and probably in real life too) from Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist.

“When you really want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”

If you think it is a newfangled thing, you are mistaken. Go back a few years and you will find Ralph Waldo Emerson has to say much the same thing:

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”

Really? I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y?!!

I bet if you go even further back you will find more who have already said the same thing. I am sorry to rain on your parade guys (and gals among them if any), beg your pardon and all that, but personally, I think you all are talking through your bally hats. This is nothing but gobbledygook being served (and lapped up) by a growing number of individuals. Universe conspires to make it happen, forsooth. I have never heard such dashed nonsense in my life. The next thing you know someone will be telling me that I conspired with the Universe to beget osteoporosis? Oh yeah just try telling me that and I swear on my calcium-starved bones that I will take a swing at you, brittle bones notwithstanding.

During the first trimester of my first pregnancy when I suffered from severe nausea and vomiting, the dear Mother-in-Law said that it (the discomfort I was experiencing) was all in my head. Yup, she did, in a single stroke negating all that childbearing women have gone through, are going through and are yet to go through.  One day she ‘caught’ me sitting (half-sitting would be right as I had rested only one bum on the cot, expecting her to drop in unannounced any moment and chide me) in my room between housework and wanted to know what I was up to shirking work? As soon as her large frame had swum into my ken, I had automatically risen with ingrained good manners (yeah, I am a well brought up obedient girl who jumps to her feet to this day when she sees elders) and was standing respectfully in a suitably servile manner expected of a DIL, in spite of the fact that I was feeling faint and nauseous. The naive girl that I was those days, I answered her in a very apologetic manner: I had felt dizzy and hence sat down for a while.

I don’t think my MIL has heard (or read) of Ralph Waldo Emerson or Paulo Coelho and what they have to say about the Universe that (sic) “makes things happen”. Yet, surprisingly enough, their conclusions seemed to coincide. She categorically stated to me that my uneasiness was brought upon myself by my own self. Something like, I wanted so badly (Pray, why?) to feel faint and nauseous, so the Universe had obliged by gifting the situation to me would say Messrs. Emerson and Coelho. Pardon me for repeating this; I haven’t heard such dashed nonsense in my life. The MIL developed her theme further and sagely advised me that if I got going with the housework and ‘stopped thinking’ (Isn’t that what most ALL want us to do? STOP THINKING) about nausea and dizziness, it would go away. According to her there is NO SUCH THING as discomfort or uneasiness  during the first trimester (for some it lasts the whole term) of pregnancy.  What made me raise my internal eyebrows to their highest and most ironic level was her observation that came next, that SHE had had severe nausea and vomiting during HER first trimester. Well, well, well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, well. Anyways, since this post is not about my MIL, I will stop here and go back to what I was saying.

The topic is Universe and its capacity to make things happen for you. Tripe. Baloney. Bunkum. Nothing but utter balderdash of the first order. You don’t really suppose that I wanted my arm (and that too the right one) to pain so god-awfully that I needed to go see the doc, do you? You don’t think I have some kind of fixation for popping calcium pills that I went and willed myself to get osteoporosis? What nonsense. The Universe conspires to make your wish come true, my foot! As if Universe is this benevolent force that specialises in making people happy by truly “listening” to them. If you ask me, if such a universal force exists at all, it is a diabolical one which cackles gleefully while denying people their greatest wishes.

Ahh I know what the ‘experts’ are going to say. The Universe knows what’s not good for you, that is why it has denied you. Well, really? You mean, R-E-A-L-L-Y?! Now YOU don’t talk to me through that bally hat that seems quite popular everywhere. Egad. WHAT is the Universe’s job, tell me once again? To make wishes come true or to pick and choose which are best suited for you and make it happen? Aww come on now, why don’t you just leave the Universe out of it and simply say, sometimes some things happen at other times they don’t. The Universe has NOTHING to do with it. It may at best show you something of value. Whether you take it up and make it happen depends ON YOU. The Universe is not going to lift even a tiny finger to do it for you.

As for me, the Universe has always been in on my thought processes. There have been no secrets, no dillydallying or vacillation on my part as to letting it know what I want or don’t want. And yet, the supposedly “listening” Universe decides to play the deaf adder. Indeed, one can say that it has gone out of its way to make sure none of those things ever materialised. My experiences have confirmed that this here is a sinister character who specialises in hokus-pokus to make sure wishes don’t come true. So you can say I was not exactly surprised when the doctor told me,

“Congratulations! You have got a tennis elbow without ever playing tennis.”

Much as I am proud to have my elbow associated by with the revered game of tennis (While a college student, I had posters of Bjorn Borg on the walls of my room which caused a minor furore at home, with my parents behaving as if I was planning to elope with the guy) even though it be by name only, I must say it came as a blow. How I wish I did not have to be so closely associated. Watching tennis players on television while they did their routines on the court was good enough for me. I did not yearn for any closer association than that. But did my wish have any bearing here? Nope, none at all. The mad-hatter Universe, who  in my opinion is wicked and delights in taking candy away from the hands of kids and making them cry, did not deem fit to give a thought to MY wish. Ha, told you so. Sadly enough, that does not mean that I was elated at being proved right (yet again) on hearing what the doc had to say. I would have been much more delighted to be proved wrong about the Universe. If only….

So at the end of that entire ramble (phew, it is so much fun to ramble aimlessly after that self-imposed abstinence from what goes for writing that I do) what I want to convey is, I am back. Not in perfect condition, but still back and in one piece still. I won’t be writing much. I would be commenting even less. So forgive me if your blogs miss my comment, or if I don’t answer your comments here, an activity I otherwise enjoy doing about which the spoilsport Universe came to know. So here is to more of them blogs!

Sorry if I have broken hearts with the stand I have taken. But look to the right and in my bio you will find something that talks about a tongue in a cheek. That should explain things. So cheer up. Universe just might be listening to YOU, though not to me. So go ahead, make that wish.