Once there was an old man and an old woman. They were neighbors. Probably they grew up playing together, went to the same school, shared raw mangoes with salt and red chilly powder sprinkled on it; he most definitely had pulled her hair at some point of time and she had scratched him in retaliation; both had been reprimanded equally for their misdemeanor by parents, and had stuck our their tongues when the parents’ backs were turned in a sudden show of solidarity… In short, you could say they were very good friends, who having lived a fruitful life, ended up being neighbors in the evening of their lives. But what happened in the mornings (every day without fail) of their dotage is what is more interesting to us. So here goes.
Kalyanikkutty Amma, for that was the old woman’s name was particular about her morning ritual of head bath. Yeah, we Mallu women are like that. And she being a stickler for time could be found at exactly 7 a.m. with oiled hair tied into a top knot, eencha and thorthu in hand, walking towards the bath house, which in those days used to be set a little away from the main house. On seeing her, Sankarankutty Nair, who was also addicted to his own routine and could be found relaxing in his favorite armchair waiting for his wife to inform him that she was free to oil his sparsely inhabited head, would give a semi-toothless (he had not lost all his teeth yet) grin and call out,
“Kalyanikkutty Amma kulikkan povaano?” (Kalyanaikutty Amma, are you going to have your bath?)
Sure enough, Kalyanikkutty Amma, all smiles, herself missing many from the original thirty-two, would answer her friend, shaking her head,
“Alla alla, Sankarankutty Naire, jnan kulikkan povaanu..” (No, no Sankarankutty Nair, I am going to have my bath.)
Sankarankutty Nair would nod his head in understanding and say,
“Ahhh, jnan vicharichu Kalyanikkutty Amma kulikkan povanennu” (Ahh, I thought you were going for your bath)
Funny and cute, isn’t it? Yeah you guessed, right. Both of them were deaf. Both.
Unfortunately, in life you come across some people with perfect hearing, yet behave as if they are stone deaf. You tell them something, and it is as if it their ears have temporarily failed them and something like the following happens:
One of them Able To Hear Perfectly Well But Will Not Admit To It types will tell you,
“Here, have some karela. It’s good for you.”
You tell them, No, thank you. I don’t like karela. I’ll have the lauki instead.
“Have some karela na? They are excellent. Everyone is having karela only!”
You smile and shake your head, I am allergic to it. I prefer the lauki.
“Nonsense! Nobody is allergic to karela. No, no-no-no-no, have some karela” and they dump some on your plate, insisting that it is good for you and eulogizing its benefits.
Now also imagine that this happens every single time you both meet in spite of the fact that you have very clearly mentioned (more than a couple of times) your views on karela and what it does to you.
By the way, there is a Mallu saying that goes, “Urangunnavane unartham, urangunnu ennu nadikkunnavane unarthan pattilla” (You can wake someone who is asleep, but you cannot wake someone who is pretending to be asleep). So it is, with those who pretend to be deaf. You can never make yourself be heard by them because they are pretending to be deaf. Well, tell me one thing. If people with pretty good hearing want to impress upon you by their behavior that they are hearing-impaired, what do you do other than call them deaf?
Let me digress a bit here and tell you the story of my two year old nephew. This must have been about 20 odd years back. In our eagerness to get him off the playground and into the ‘getting-ready’ mood we told him that he’d be getting an ice-cream after dinner out. From the playground, to the house, all through his bath and dressing, in the auto-rickshaw to the restaurant, in fact such time as the ice-cream was not finally in his hand (we had to get it for him before dinner) he kept wailing “Ice-cream!!! I want ice-cream!!!!!” He would scarce listen to us though we tried to distract him, give him repeated assurances. He simply was bent on wailing “Ice-cream!!!! I want ice-cream!!!!” insistently refusing to listen to reason.
That had been a two year old child, whose brain had not yet developed to its full maturity level. But what when fully grown adults behave in a similar manner? What when they spout drivel like this: You are avoiding karela because you want to appear young in the eyes of the world and are afraid that karela might age you. In a few years time they will even tell you that you are nothing but a miser, trying to hoard up whatever you can by skimping on karelas and only eating lauki. Are you supposed to laud them for their non-existent brains when they take so much pain to disguise its very existence?
Anyways, who am I to disappoint those who are so eager to camouflage their well-qualified brains from me? Who am I to insist otherwise, though I would very much love to? Yup, in my kindhearted way, I grant them their unspoken wish in the only way I know and refer to them as morons.
Pssssst! A general statement. The secret of reading my blogs (any of them) is never to think it is directed at you or the people in your life unless what I say fits perfectly. Then yes, of course it most definitely IS.
Updated to add: If anyone feels at sea reading this post please take a look here . From the comments I gather things aren’t clear. Karela and lauki here are mere representation of things (not necessarily food) that some people force on others.
You are too kind Shail! Moron is too light a word for such people. They annoy the hell out of me and for some reason are prevalent everywhere! More so with the so-called ‘well-wishers’. Gah! I remember so many people like this…no matter what you tell them, they will continue to pretend to be deaf. Like if you tell them you don’t care for sunbaking and enjoy it, they will still tell you how hard it will be to get a husband if you are dark. I could start a whole other rant!
@Psych Babbler,
They do annoy a lot! It is like the whole world should be their clones, in action and ideas! And they have never heard of live and let live. Oh yeah, I have heard the “karuthu karuvalichu poyi” (dark and sun-baked) observations being thrown around freely.
i dislike karelas.with passion. now i want icecream. your treat.
@hrishi, LOL 🙂
@indianhomemaker, Once when she was in town I offered to treat her with ice cream. She had a cookie instead. She has a photo
@Hrishi,
I don’t eat ice-creams any more 😀 Nobody believes me though. Jacob was skeptical when he heard. As for Salil, he and Ambika had ice-cream ready for me when I visited them, but I did not have any 😀
LOL Hrishi!! Good idea. Would you mind if I join you two?
@Rashmi, Sure, join in. I call dibs on chocolate
@hrishi,
I love karelas with a passion 😀 You will get ice-cream and tubfuls but first come here, will ya?! Grrr…..
This blog is directly directed towards my annoying aunts – the ones who insist on feeding me when I am trying to diet. So I shall be a moron and ignore the disclaimer 😉
Oh how they annoy me!
@phoenixritu,
Lol, I can guess how aunts try to feed when you are on a diet 😉
But I did not get that about you being a moron. *a little lost*
hahahah! You are right, Shail! The irony of it all. “You can wake someone who is asleep, but you cannot wake someone who is pretending to be asleep”. Same is true for those who are pretending to be deaf. They just want to pretend like one because they are avoiding something and deliberately ignore what has to be said to them. They do not know that the definition of “moron” is applicable to them already. NO! They would not accept that coz they “CANNOT HEAR” it! HAHAHAHA! ROFL! :))
@Richette,
Yeah you can’t do anything with those who choose to pretend 😦 Yeah, when they hear only selectively, how will they hear the “moron” part of it? 😛 😉
I loved that opening narrative and the example you gave. Being literally deaf and pretending to be so is totally different. I have an aunt who INSISTS no matter what, to dump food on my plate and feed me….even when I tell her EVERY TIME that I am not hungry and I’ve had enough. And she does this to ALL of her visitors. Until one day her brother-in-law just got up from where he was sitting and SHOUTED at her as to why she dumped more food on his plate. That scared her.
These days, when I say no, I catch hold of her hand, look at her in the eye and say ‘no means no’, do you want me to get ill?
And then she finally stops. She is otherwise a very sweet person though.
There is no other way to stop this but to be in-your-face.
@Ashwathy,
Sigh, I do know such people. In fact when I am invited somewhere (esp in our native place) I try to sit in a place where the ‘serving’ hostess cannot reach me 😛 preferably with the L & M to shield me literally and figuratively 😉 You know how male guests get all the attention anyways and I am saved 😛
But this post is not about food alone… that was only an analogy.
I am loving the post script more then original post.
😀
@Makk,
Lol, thank you 🙂
Oh you bet…all of us have similar relatives. But I will be happy if people just keep their pretended deafness to food and feeding people. My MIL is a perfect example. She will listen to everything patiently and with nods as if she is actually agreeing but in the end she will just repeat the same thing she said to you before you tried to reason her 😦 As if you were talking to walls.This attitude makes me pull my hair. And to the whole world she is one sweet person who never raisess her voice at her DIL 😦
@Neha,
Exactly Neha. If only it were confined to food! I find your MIL’s ways quite similar to that of my own MIL. She never ever heard anything she did not want to. 😛
They have met their match in you Shail 🙂 You really need a conversation like the two adorable deaf people you described. (Loved that conversation, by the way)
@indianhomemaker,
Hahaha! Yes, yes, I will also start talking like that. I mean they say something and I say something else. Going to be fun 😉
STUPID-IDIOT is the word not moron 🙂
I get that so many times , I being a hosteller have a long list of veggies that i dont eat I know Bad of me and for some reason its always one of those veggies that one will force you to eat .. I dont eat and leave it on the plate and Say “told you so”..
Bikram’s
@Bikram,
Is STUPID-IDIOT a stronger version of moron? 😉 Then I agree 😀
Good for you. When you say ‘No’ people should listen to you! I hate to be forced to eat.
Of course the use of food as example is only metaphorical here 🙂
How I hate people who do not understand a simple fact that I hate ‘SWEETS’.
No, I do not like the not-so-sweet sooji ka Halwa, and NO, I do not like the little sugar unniyappams also!
UGH!
@Aathira,
Yeah, people have this insane idea that we all are/should be the way they want us to be. They like unniappams, we should like it. They want us to eat sooji ka halwa we should oblige and make them happy! Gah.
LOL! Shailji, I love Kalyanikutty and Shankarankutty. Now, I wonder if you deliberately added the kutty’s to their names :P.
On trying to understand the other side and their seemingly deaf response, heres a theory I came up with. In days of YORE, we didnt live so close to each other as we do now and access to hotels, restaurants, restrooms etc wasnt like how it is now. So it made sense for the host to fawn over the guest until they eat and drink something when they visit. Now, its lost its relevance. But some people will never travel to the Edge of the earth cause they believe its FLAT ;).
@Rashmi,
Ooooh! How did I miss your comment?? *scratches head*
No-no-no. There are a lot many kutties in Kerala. Almost all of them had either a Kutty or an Amma to their name, sometimes both 😛
I like that about some people not travelling to the edge of the Earth 😛 Some people go overboard forcing food and drink on you. *shudder* It makes no sense eating and drinking to please others. But then my post is not about food alone, as I am sure you have guessed! 🙂
LOL, Shail! I wish I could send this post to all the morons I come across 🙂 Esp those who insist on giving me advice on how to ‘complete’ my family 🙂
@Smitha, good idea, Smithu! I think I should do the same :D. But in all likelihood, the morons that i come across might just come back to me and say,’ all that is fine, very good post, BUT you must still ‘complete’ your family’ 🙄 🙄 Some people, I tell you..they never learn!
Shail,
hahaha…….
Deaf people have inherent advantage over us as they refuse to see the reason .
@kirti,
I have used this quote from you (with due credits) 🙂
Shail ,
pleasure is all mine that you choose to use the phrase but I am quite uninitiated and curious as to where have you used the phrase?
@kirti,
On twitter.com 🙂
“(Figuratively) deaf people have inherent advantage over us as they refuse to see reason”
That’s how I put it linking it back to the post here 🙂
Many of us, Indians believe that over feeding a guest is the best way to show one’s hospitality.
Some carry it to absurd lengths and even take offense if you decline to eat.
When I am a guest at someone’s place and don’t feel like eating, I placate them by taking just a pinch of what they offer, much like accepting Prasaad, and tell them that this is for Shaastra’s sake and decline to eat firmly, even at the risk of offending them.
Once an over enthusiastic host, at a wedding feast served on banana leaves, went around personally supervising the server and insisting that everyone have a second/third/fourth helping of paayasam.
My pleas (I had already had two) were ignored and the server poured it right over my down-turned palm which I had placed inches over the leaf to block him.
I still remember the heat and burning that my skin suffered that day as the paayasam spilled over my hand on to the leaf. I just waited for them to move on, and got up and walked away to wash my hand. I skipped the customary Curd rice which finally tops the menu at these south Indian weddings.
The paayasam had spread all over the leaf and beyond it, and was flowing on the floor. It wasn’t a pretty sight. The wastage was shocking.
But with “morons” like this , what can you possibly do?
The Kalyanikutty Amma and Shankarankutty Nair anecdote was amusing.
I am getting close to that age myself.
Regards
GV
@G Vishwanath,
Whoa! Over the back of your hand?! Yes, I am aware too about how people force food on others in the name of hospitality. But in the blog, food was only an analogy. 🙂
Sometimes I feel, I am that moron. I insist that my hubby and my guests have stuff that I prepare so lovingly for them. Thanks for the wake up call.
@Anita Menon,
Whoa! I am your opposite. 😛 I bet guests who expect to be pampered will return hungry from my house. As regard my house, I don’t remember a single occasion when I have asked them to eat more. Of course if the kids did not finish the veggies they got an earful from me on the hungry children of the world 😉
Ha ha ha! I loved the conversation between Kalyanikuttiyamma and Shankarankutty Nair :lol:. I so do come across such morons who refuse to hear what I say and just parrot their theory at every given opportunity despite knowing about my disagreement with them..aaarrggh! 😀
@Deeps,
I can guess, especially after reading your post too 😉 Lol.
Ha ha..loved the bath conversation bit very much.
@BlueHornbill,
Thank you 😉 This happens in life between people with perfect hearing too. I have been witness to many such conversations. As a third party observer it is a very amusing thing to watch. 😉
You have so nicely conveyed such a deep message with humor and hilarious anecdotes. loved every bit of it. Looks like nosey parkers havent yet left you in peace:-(
I think i have read about a similar anecdote about the old man and woman in one of your previous posts. There i think you were referring to two old women instead:-) loved reading it:) You have such a natural talent for humor:-)
@Smriti,
Hey! You remembered. I wondered if anyone would point out that I had already said this story. Yep, in a few lines. It was a man and woman then too. 🙂 Sigh, I guess I am a born joker. The problem is sometimes what I say goes above people’s head and then I am done for 😉
This post is actually a reaction to the previous one 🙂
I remember them to be two women. I read this part of story in your post Understanding Misunderstandings. Their names Narayani Amma and Saraswathi Amma. Did I misunderstand anything?
PS:- Your posts are too memorable to be forgotten[:-)]. I love the rants and tongue in cheek humor, that I can say withou st a sense of exagguartion that I even remember some of the sentences from my favorite posts written by you verbatim[;-)].
I honestly mean it!
@Smriti,
What COINCIDENCE! I was just thinking, yes I used the example as a conversation between two women… and here comes your comment! 🙂 Yes you are right. Though the original story I heard (told ever so humorously by a classmate) when in school, I must have been 13 yrs old, had a man and woman. But in that post you mention, I converted it to two women. 🙂
And ohhh! Thank you for the compliment! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Pardon the typos. I need to get my keyboard fixed 😦
Finally. Phew! You have no idea how frustrating it has been for me to read, squint-eyed, the title and a few lines of this post, from my inbox, and then be refused the chance of reading the rest because ‘connection failed’. I so miss my computer, sitting up and browsing… :(. Finally. Phew! The post would be even more hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that it mirrors reality. Truly, hearing and listenting are poles apart. Such incomprehensible acts… Lol….of the pretence of hearing abound, each more annoying than the other. Why cant ppl just stop and LISTEN for a change! (please edit this comment if needed. Posting from mobile again. Multiple copies of lines / comment itself may be expected. I deny any hand in that 😛 :D)
@Usha,
Yep, the fact that it is real, takes away the hilarity of the situation. Very few ‘listen’ they only ‘hear’. It is so sad that that happens.
I deleted the multiple copies of your comment 😉
She’ll say it is not you I am writing about
to believe those innocent words you need to be a lout
and if you are, then you’ll be snared like a trout
and there won’t be anyone to bail you out.
🙂 🙂 🙂
@Govind,
Hahahaha!! Yeah, yeah, better be careful what you believe! 😉
😆
Brilliant Shail! 😀
Loved this post and the definition! 😀
@Pixie,
Thank you 😀
“You can wake someone who is asleep, but you cannot wake someone who is pretending to be asleep” – I agree
Some are deaf physically 😦 and others mentally….sadly these morons exist everywhere…….
@AT,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest. 🙂 Yes, sadly these morons do and won’t leave the rest alone 😦
To borrow a phrase from PG Wodehouse
” The nurse dropped me on my head
They put me on oxygen
Which was actually Boron
That’s what made me a moron.