Sigh! Breakages are an inevitable part of life with the Lord & Master. If something is breakable rest assured he will break it for you sooner than later. Okay, I do admit that is a slight exaggeration of facts. But writers or even bloggers, are allowed to deviate from the truth a wee bit to catch the attention of the public, aren’t they?? Umm…. Assuming that there has been a resounding chorus of ‘Yes!’ (down with the nay-sayers) and that attentions have been well ‘caught,’ I will now move on to matters breakable.

In the soon to be twenty-nine year long journey with the L & M, I have lost count of the number of cups and glasses that have regretfully met their sad demise at his hands. I am sure there are more of them awaiting their turn albeit a trifle nervously and resignedly. Not all the king’s horses, not all the king’s men can put them back together once the deed is done. Not that they, the king’s men and horses that is, have ever offered to, only to be proved wrong and having to retire all red-faced. Just that being the smart one that I am (Razia says so) I figured it out all by my lone self ages back.

Now wait a minute. WHAT are you thinking?! Stop right there and do not let that wild imagination of yours (its gotta be wild if it is anything like mine!) run amok and develop the ‘negative’ of an angry L & M throwing cups and glasses around, into a clear ‘photograph’ because nothing could be further from the truth.

For one, the L & M can easily be included in the baa-lamb category, someone who wouldn’t say ‘boo’ to a goose. Not of course that he gets to meet any of them socially. So the truth of the matter of whether he will or won’t say boo if a goose were to walk up to him remains unverified. But I certainly can vouchsafe for the fact that he does not say ‘boo’ to even Nibbles our kitten in spite of the fact that she is someone who begs to be boo-ed at being under the mistaken impression that human hands and feet have been specially created by her Maker solely for the chewing pleasure of kittens.

The second and more clinching evidence is that yours truly is as good a Miss Goody Two Shoes as any you have come across. Besides she is also Patience Personified and would scarce give the L & M reason to stomp around flinging cups and glasses in every direction. Of course it is entirely another matter that Miss Patience Personified herself, if provoked sufficiently and long enough, might switch to the Durga-Mode of Destruction without much ado.

Coming back to the topic at hand, my reaction to a cup or glass meeting its destined end at the hands of the L & M is above reproach. When it happens, I merely mutter under my breath, ‘So what’s new?’ and flashing him a smile (which has unfailingly captivated him for said twenty nine years) I convey to him the soothing message that all is not lost. He still can overcome this inborn ‘talent’ of breaking things frequently and move on to become someone who does so only infrequently. After all, being empathetic is second nature to me. Thereafter I quietly go about my business of sweeping up the debris. But, most of the time it is the chagrined L & M himself who does the gathering of splinters and depositing of them in the dustbin.

My exemplary behavior (ahem, ahem) is as far a cry as can be, from the way his mother, my esteemed mother in law, may her soul rest in peace, would have behaved  if the glass/cup-breaker happened to be her dear beloved daughter in law. Oh well, I admit I have gone a lot overboard there while describing myself in her eyes. Be that as it may be. Once it so happened that I upset a glass of water while laying the table. I still cringe (and have nightmares to this day) remembering the look of utter scorn she gave me, making me feel the Worst Worm Ever that crawled the Earth. If I could convert the look into the spoken word, it would have read something like: ‘Oh my long suffering soul! To think I have foisted this nincompoop on my darling boy!’ I had silently gone about the job of undoing the damage of a wet tablecloth and mopped up the water on the floor, even as I tried not to flinch from her unforgiving stare.

The results of the breaking-spirit of the L & M presented themselves as excellent opportunities for me to take revenge on the dear mother-in-law’s unforgiving ways. I mean look at the gall of the lady. She spawns a butter-fingered son, foists him on me and then glares at me for upsetting one measly glass of water! Ha! All I had to do from the beginning was copy her to perfection, put on a longer suffering face, sigh theatrically at the L & M and say, ‘There goes another one of my precious cups. Just my fate!’ But hells bells, what are a few broken cups and saucers or even glasses or whatever between husband and wife or even family members? Errr… especially when the L & M has to dig into his own pocket for buying new ones. Hyuk hyuk hyuk. And pray who minds getting new things? Not me, for sure! So, break on, I say! (Not exactly. But you know what I mean)

Everything said and done, I have not yet revealed how most of the breakages happen. Take a look at the picture below:

Note the perfect way the L & M has managed to keep his cup at the very edge of the table. It beats me how he can achieve such perfection in a very nonchalant manner. I mean, imagine how hard you and I would have to concentrate to get the same effect. But, not the L & M. He is past master at his art. It comes oh-so-naturally (I told you he had a natural talent) to him that once he is done (or at times even in between sips) with his tea or coffee or Bournvita (Yep, he is Borunvita Boy), he keeps his cup/mug in exactly this position.

I have devoted hours of thought in trying to understand the source of this ability of the L & M. Perhaps it is the yoga he does every morning. Where you and I would dump the cup/mug more to the centre of the table, afraid that it might fall and break, he casually places them as in the picture above. But of course it means that either he or some other innocent passerby comes along and sends it crashing to the ground. Though it increases the chances of having yet another broken cup on my hands, I am secretly proud of this talent of his and am amazed enough to ask him time and again: “HOW do you do it?” All I get in return is a mysterious smile …laced with a little sheepishness. Oh well.