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The meaning of the word ‘gay’ has undergone sea-change since the time the poet Wordsworth wrote, “A poet could not but be gay/ In such a jocund company” on seeing a host of golden daffodils fluttering and dancing in the breeze while lonely as a cloud he wandered. Indeed many other words of yore have undergone similar transformation. So when I found many of my fellow bloggers taking pains to deny being a feminist and prefacing their words with, ‘I am not a feminist, but…..” I was curious and wondered if unbeknownst to me, the same fate had befallen the word ‘feminist’ as well.
Feminism, the online dictionary tells me, is the belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. Hmmm, that just means a feminist is someone who believes in the movement organized around this belief (feminism). To put it more clearly, “a feminist by definition is someone who believes in the equality of the sexes, someone who subscribes to the different but equal status…’ as said by Careless Chronicles in one of her comments.
It is true that I have not yet tagged myself with this or that name for my own beliefs which run along similar lines, namely that we are all humans and in spite of biological differences, we all deserve the same opportunities in life. I am especially for women NOT being treated as if they were put in this world for the express purpose of serving men, which to tell you the truth, is a lesson that women have to learn first. To complement men, yes, but NEVER to serve men. By the token of the beliefs I hold, I can very well be called a feminist, which one of my readers once did anyways, but in a very un-complimentary and mocking way.
It surprised me greatly to find fellow bloggers who held similar beliefs disassociating themselves from the word ‘feminist’ as if it were the very plague. It seemed pretty curious an affair to me, to say the least. Since I definitely like to keep abreast of new developments and mine being the direct approach always, without much ado I asked one of them the reason.
Feminists, I was told, are synonymous with men-haters. (Errr…. so what happened to misandrists and misandry?? Confined to ignominy and banished and replaced with feminists and feminism respectively?? When, where and how??) as also the bra-burning kind and lesbians to boot. Since they, my fellow bloggers obviously weren’t men-haters and none of the others as well I presume, they perforce chose not to be known as feminists. Yep. Right for sure. No one likes to be known by epithets that do not describe them.
One interesting thing I have noticed is that, any talk on rights of women sooner or later veers to the bra-burning incidents of the 60s which I have since come to know is the result of someone’s overworked imagination, nothing but a myth perpetrated over the years (click here to read what snopes.com has to say). A cousin of mine took diabolical pleasure in informing me that women in 60s made a spectacle of themselves by ripping off their bras and burning them at squares, while the jeering crowd of onlookers enjoyed an eyeful of their bare chests thus paraded (which brings up other questions which I will speak of another day) in the name of women’s liberation, as if he had time-traveled back to the place when it happened. How typical of humans to make up scenarios from ill-informed sources when not so surprisingly perhaps, nothing of the sort EVER happened. So much for bra-burning.
Now we come to the accusation of feminists being lesbians. Errr…. so what?? Aren’t lesbians humans?? What if a friend turns out to be one, or your sister or daughter?? Do we disown them, distance ourselves?? And if some fools (men and women) around us assume or even accuse as being lesbians every one of those who espouse the cause of women, should we pay any heed to their blabbering??
The third one beats them all. If you are a feminist you are supposed to be men-hater. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. I wonder when it will ever stop??! Look at the skillful and subtle subverting of the topic of equality of the sexes to mean that such a demand by women translates to hatred of men. Oh really?!! Says who?? Someone obviously has said it and they have also succeeded in making women feel apologetic about their using the term feminist.
I love the men in my life. I have three of my own and n number of extended family some of them I admit, are a real pain in you-know-where, with their supercilious attitude. Apart from them, I have many male friends as well, of all shades and hues when it comes to understanding feminism or accepting women as equals. I would disagree with any of these men in my life any day if they spoke against gender equality. If/when I do that or insist on being treated as an equal among them, does it mean I hate them??! What nonsense.
Let us just suppose a woman does just that, insist on being treated as an equal and enjoy the same privileges as men. WHO is more wont to hate that happening, man or woman?? I would make a bet that it is the man whose heart would fill with hatred for having to abdicate that coveted superior-to-women post. And yet, we, the gullible women, are led to believe and be convinced that being a feminist and asking for our rights equates to hatred of men.
I am no bra-burner, lesbian or men-hater. I have not tagged myself with names till now. But as long as the word feminist means what it does in the present, I am willing to say I am a feminist, in spite of the wrong meanings ascribed to it by God knows who! I know I am here where I am because a lot of people before me did things that went against the grain during their times which I may or may not have the opportunity or even the courage to do during my own time. Each of them paved way for the future that is mine, in tiny ways. I certainly won’t disown them.
And come to think of it, if at all it is true that those women of oh-so-long ago burned their bras, aren’t they infinitely better than the hooligans, the scum, who burn buses, destroy public and private property and hold civilian life to ransom in one name or another as members of political parties??!! After all those women burned only their own undies not those of the public.
At last, a sensible, level-headed write-up on what ‘feminism’ stands for. The idea of feminist = frustrated man-hater has further been propogated by women with a certain type of profile – single, angry-at-everything, blame-everything-on-men types. Indeed, demanding equal rights, unbiased treatment for BOTH sexes IS NOT EQUAL TO hating men. Great one, Shail!
@Sumana,
Thanks. Yes, propagated by a few and unceremoniously dumped on all who demand to be treated equally. Just not fair or acceptable. Anyways it only shows what total ignoramuses some people are.
I feel overwhelmed. I have been wanting to say this but did not know how to and you expressed it so clearly!! The last two paragraphs sum up what I feel and I am sure many others too. Love these lines too, because all those who women who deny being feminists should read these lines,
“I know I am here where I am because a lot of people (FEMINISTS) before me did things that went against the grain during their times which I may or may not have the opportunity or even the courage to do during my own time. Each of them paved way for the future that is mine in tiny ways. I certainly won’t disown them.”
@Indian Homemaker,
Lol, you liked the last paras. I was told that I resorted to ‘comparison’ in the last para which is supposedly a minus for this post. I can’t help but laugh that someone reading this should harp on the comparison and not see the irony of it. 😛
Yes, I can never forget that I am here, even this at this moment, typing a comment to my blog on my own laptop because people somewhere sometime in the past worked hard to make things happen for those in the future.
Hats off to you Feminist!
@Maddy,
*takes a bow* Well, you and I are an example of different views at times, but still good friends. Aren’t we?? 🙂
Loved the punchline at the end.
When somebody labels me, ‘oh, so you are a feminist!’, then I say ‘yes I am, in the true sense of feminism!!’.
@BlueHornbill,
Thank you. Very few actually do, so I am gratified 🙂
And I love the answer you give! 🙂
Loved this one! Yes, being a feminist is taken as being a man hater – by people who violently oppose such blasphemous views like gender equality. And then they shut their ears and eyes to any argument. So I had gotten into the habit of saying I am not a feminist – but….. I would love to copy+paste this post and send it to certain people. Please say yes
@Phoenixritu,
The answer is of course, YES! 🙂 Go right ahead.
Going by this definition, I would be tempted to call myself a feminist as well.
However, I have never ever believed in men and women being equal (yes, I can see the red bricks gathering around me).
In a world increasingly valuing the physical and material over the meta-physical, non-material, this bound to be so. The male species is often seen as stronger and superior in a physical and material sense, while the strength of the female species is almost never understood or realized. Her value as the nurturer of culture and values, nay lives, of every denizen on earth, her value as the anchor of any family, her being the mentally strong person in a crisis, her superior intuitive faculties are not matters perceived as important by this world that sees woman as unequal and inferior in any way. Men as well as women are parties to the fostering and perpetration of this ‘belief’.
For one who understands the Truth, woman would be superior, and therefore also unequal.
I rest my case.
__
(While the He (as in Siva) represents the panchabhootas- the five material elements), the SHE (as in Shakti) represents the Energy within and operative forces for these very elements. They are not be equal, but complimentary)
@Sankaran Nampoothiri,
From what I read in wiki, feminists can be both men and women, because by definition, it only means anyone who believes in the social, political and economical equality of the sexes.
Whatever you say about the ‘value’ of women and her importance in various roles, in the ‘real’ world women are not treated as of worth, they are not given opportunities because of their gender. I am talking of things at that level.
Of what good is this superiority of women you talk of?? In reality what has it done for her except put her on a useless pedestal?? What practical application in life has it had?? She still remains a second class citizen, told to keep her place, without, for example even the freedom to spend her own money that she earns.
Being given equal opportunities and being treated as a human holds more value in the present compared to all the flattery that women have been hearing down the ages which really speaking has done nothing other than continue keeping her a second class citizen.
Congratulations for settling this bra burning myth for once and all. It was on DG’s agenda for post IWD post.
@Sankaran Nampoothiri,
You said: …Her value as the nurturer of culture…her superior intuitive faculties…
This again is a partial truth these feminine qualities are selectively appropriated by the patriarchal society to propegate a system that subjugates women by holding them as custodians of family values, culture and tradition etc.
Why should women be portraying strength and superior moral code of conduct 24/7? Plastering such adjectives on women is another way of subjugating them by binding them to these definitions of femininity. Some of us will prefer to be humans just as men are and be responsible only as much men are.
The concept of Shiva and Shakti in panchabhoot began with good intentions that have gone bad and real bad in a world where “shakti” is either considered destructive or only worthy of serving the male interests in any form be it creation of Mohini to save Shiva from Bhasmasur or demigods (devtas) from demons (asurs).
Peace,
Desi Girl
@girlsguidetosurvival,
I am waiting to read that post. Your blogs are a boon as they clearly state things that we sometimes struggle to express.
Ohhhhh so if this is what feminism is about, then please count me in 🙂
I remember we discussed this earlier, Shail, I think it was one of your comments on my blog, and I remember your thoughts on this. I even remember I was sceptical to call myself a feminist, because of the connotation being associated with male-bashing and hating all men! I am with you on this!! Feminism to me, only means standing up for my rights as a woman, and it could be AGAINST anybody, a man or a woman! Sadly though, I believe atleast in India, women’s biggest enemies are other women!!
@Writerzblock
…I believe atleast in India, women’s biggest enemies are other women!!
What applies to women India at this rate would also apply else where…
Guess you missed @IHM’s this post on why women are not women’s worst enemies.
http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2010/11/28/a-woman-is-not-a-womans-worst-enemy-patriarchy-is/
Peace,
Desi Girl
@girlsguidetosurvival,
I agree, though on the surface it might seem women are women’s worst enemies, a fact which the men are so eager to point out to us women reinforcing that sneaking doubts in our own hearts, patriarchy is the real culprit.
@Writerzblock,
I also saw your comment on Ritu’s post saying you weren’t a feminist. Others said the same thing. I have also been seeing it elsewhere of course. But coming from you and Ritu, it surprised me greatly.
I have no two thoughts about it though I have never thought much of it till now. But a few people’s misconception shouldn’t actually change our stance, I thought.
Just because a few people from (whichever) faith one belongs to, resort to violence, we never deny belonging to that faith and say, ‘I am not a of whatever faith)… but I believe in peace not violence’; instead we say, ‘I am of (whatever faith) but I believe in peace, not violence.’
So why should we say ‘I am not a feminist. I don’t hate men and believe in gender quality’ and not try saying, ‘I am a feminist but I don’t hate men, just believe in gender equality’
Thanks to you guys, for making me think and write this post 🙂
Yes Ma’m , and proud of it 🙂
@Kislay Chandra,
Ahh, that’s wonderful 🙂
Very scholarly exposition. You should do some more words that are misconstrued…for example “love”…might need a lot of space though.
@Vivek,
Thank you 🙂 I have already done that Vivek and it didn’t need much space. It is called Unconditional. I don’t know if I have anything more to say on the subject. 🙂
Excellent view on feminism – what this word means in the truest sense. Many these days are utilizing their colorful imagination or own twisted views to add various new meanings of this word. Or maybe some people just don’t want to reckon with feminism as a force or a concept. Whatever it is I think I can call myself a feminist too, and not like the bra-burning and man-hating ones. 🙂
@Samadrita,
That’s just it. There were no bra burning women except in the imagination of some people which more and more people have come to believe as fact! 🙂 Those who say feminists are men-haters are rather stupid. If so one should conclude that any person/persons anywhere asking or fighting for their rights are only doing so out of hatred, not because they feel they discriminated against. 🙂
Shailji, I enjoyed this write up for its clarity of thought. I agree with Your view. Though the definition is sensible the usage of the word Feminist has become insensible. I cannot hate either men or women in the past, cause both have worked so we can be where we are now.
While Labels work well for organizing an Office or Work, I dont think they work well when applied to human beings. I abhor labels, it gives me the feeling of confinement, a lack of freedom or choice, a separation from others. Which is why I balk at any word ending with an ISM. I would call myself Feminist by the Dictionary definition. But, Feminist is not ALL of me, just a Part of me.
Like Sankarji, I see complementary..not equal. Not superior or inferior, but Is what is. Its like comparing Water and Air and asking which one is Superior or Inferior. For me, equal is like Math.
Remember, we wrote about Feminism some 3 years ago?…(I will have to look through my site to find the blog)I stand by it: I will do RIGHT, no matter what the Gender. Fighting for a Right means that I perceive myself as Bound and Chained… I refuse to be so.
@Rashmi,
Spoken like a true Gemnian.
Btw, Sankaran also says ‘For one who understands the Truth, woman would be superior, and therefore also unequal’ 🙂 Now I have a problem with that cross of superiority we women are forced to carry.
But yes, as I have mentioned in my post, I stand by ‘men and women are complementary to each other’
The main thrust of my post is that I ‘will not balk at admitting’ I am a feminist (according to the definition given) merely because a few have got things mixed up in their confused heads that feminists are men haters and all the rest. If they have, too bad, it is their problem, not mine. 😛 If I disassociate myself from feminism it will certainly not be for this reason. 🙂
I remember that we wrote about Feminism (tag) 🙂
LOL, he did.. but I took it as an Opinion, not MY reality. Its a rule in life to not carry any cross that makes my walking laboured.
It is a problem with language that it can be mis-interpreted. Yes, it is their problem…which is why I agree with being called a Feminist by the dictionary meaning, not the present society interpreted one. If I disassociate myself from feminism it will be for the bra burning(its money they are burning):P…they could have left it in the compost pit if they didnt want to wear it, it would have provided some nutrition for plants.I am against burning anything that doesnt need to be creamated.
@Rashmi,
I wish women did not fall for all the flattery heaped on them and try so hard to live up to the near impossible picture of woman as the all-sacrificing always nurturing all-perfect Devi. And believe me that is from someone who learnt that the hard way.
But, hey burnt bra is also manure! 😉 😆 Or isn’t it?? *unsure*
Wrong observations about our selves by misinformed people would be the last thing that I’d base my actions in life on. I’d not care to label myself at all. But IF anyone tells me that my thoughts and opinions make me a feminist (in all the wrong ways of course 😛 ) in that mocking way of theirs, you can bet your bottom dollar that I’d take infinite pleasure in looking them in their eye and saying ‘Yes of course’ 😉
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My views on equality of the sexes is congruent with basic humanity. I don’t see why I have to label myself for that. I have written a post about feminism: http://bharathee.wordpress.com/2011/03/13/we-need-womans-lib-not-womens-lib/
@bharathee,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest and thank you for the comment.
Feminism as per the above definition, does not clash with basic humanity either. 😀
As for labels, people are free to label themselves or not as per their wish, which applies to me too. My point is that I won’t let a few muddle-heads decide that for me. 🙂
@Shail it certainly does not clash. It is congruent to it. That is why I say that we don’t need a term called “feminism”. There is flaw in the term itself. Plus, there are so many feminisms I don’t agree with. That’s why I’m not a feminist.
@bharathee,
You missed the point of this post, which is: I will not shy away from a term for fear of the ‘what people might think if I so label myself’ syndrome as long as I know what/who I am 🙂 Everything else is secondary to that 🙂
what a brilliant post !!! kudos
@Monika,
Thank you 🙂
Well, I never felt comfortable with the bra burning type of feminists. i want men to treat women as equals and regard them as valued ‘friend,philosopher and guide’ group. they should be treated the same way by women too. But they graph is skewed and women are normally preferred to be seen playing the role of sub – ordinates and/or mindless bimbos not only by men but women in their own family particularly after marriage.See the way the media projects them whether in ads or TV serials. I really get put off.
@Padma,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest and thank you for the comment.
The bra-burning incident has never occurred and is just a myth. 🙂 Yes, we men and women are humans and should be treated as such. I agree with you about the ads and soaps that only reinforce this stupid image of woman which sadly enough is lapped up by even more stupid women and horror of horrors, upheld!
My answer to your title query is an unabashed and unqualified YES! As an American who grew up in the era when discounted people of all sorts were demonstrating to insist that society change the laws and perceptions that made them second class citizens, I have no qualms about any word that proclaims the fact that I will stand up for the disenfranchised no matter who it is that will oppose me because they (probably rightly) feel they will find some gain in perpetuating oppression.
I marched for civil rights, for women’s rights , for farm worker’s rights, for student’s rights ,and against the Vietnam war. If we have the ability it is the right thing to do to stand up for others and for ourselves. The term feminist , no matter how it has been perverted, is less offensive to me than the old saw “separate but equal”, which is another hidden way of saying , “your skills are different than mine, therefore you must stay in your own separate place, and not intrude upon my sanctuary” (read, ”don’t take my job, live in my neighborhood , or insist that I actually listen to you ). Equal is equal…with no qualifiers needed.
I want to be perceived for who I AM , not for who you think I SHOULD be. Don’t get me wrong. I love doing things for my husband , but he also loves doing things for me. He likes to cook things I may not have eaten before, and he is without a doubt tidier than me. I like to cook for him , and though cleaning is not my favorite thing I actually enjoy scrubbing things because cleanliness makes him happy. I don’t like to be bound by jobs that are traditionally a woman’s domain, but neither do I oppose them when they are something I can do well. I have been a preschool teacher, a house painter, a recreational athlete, a chef and a massage therapist, though I have often been paid less than a man would be for the same work. I can change a tire and comfort a child, though I like children far more than I like cars.
Thank you Shail, for again posting a provocative and well written blog.I would have gone into a full-fledged essay here,but I’ve got laundry to do and dishes to wash.
@Sally Adebayo,
Thank you. There, I knew it in my heart what your views would be.
I don’t agree with those who are coy about the word especially for silly reasons like others would club them with the a crowd with the wrong sort of image. The point is what is more important to you, your own faith in yourself and what you believe in or a crowd of ignorant people who are talking through their collective hats??
I am nodding in agreement to your comment. Especially love the “I want to be perceived for who I AM , not for who you think I SHOULD be” also “I don’t like to be bound by jobs that are traditionally a woman’s domain, but neither do I oppose them when they are something I can do well” (Hear! Hear!)
Thank you for the lovely comment. And if you have more to say I hope you’ll be back once the laundry and dishes are done 🙂
I guess even I am a feminist, and agree with most of what you say here. Very well written, everything that you write seems to have solid thoughts behind it (an solid foundation)…
@Siddhartha Joshi,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest and thank you for the comment. Thank you especially for the ‘seems to have solid thoughts behind it (an solid foundation)’ I do like to think things out and reason it out with myself before I write 🙂
Interesting thoughts. My mom too used to call herself a feminist and be proud of it.
@The Fool,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest TF 🙂 Getting together after a long gap 🙂 Ahh your Mom is one too 🙂
Oh yes! I am and always have been proud to say I am a Feminist! 🙂
I loved your coherent post and thoughts! You have said it just perfectly! 🙂
@Pixie,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest. Your first time here?? I am glad that there are some who don’t hesitate saying so just because some others have attributed wrong meanings to the word.
And thank you 🙂
I am a feminist . . . .:D 😀
@ Suman
Am single ,29, angry -at -everything since birth . . .so wont tell everyone about my true feminist identity . Seems I ll give u all a bad name … 😦
@los,
Nice to see you after so long! And glad to know you do not reject the feminist tag. Hmm… we have got to be angry when the occasion demands. Not being angry enough has done us enough damage! 😉
🙂
@Hrishi,
Errr…. just a smile, bro?? 😛
A lot of things have been said by you and and commented by people above.. So just a smile. Besides you know where i stand
@Hrishi,
Okay 🙂 Of course I know where you stand, obviously on Earth! 😉 Errr… you are, aren’t you?? 😛
rendered me speechless on the track of effeminacy.
@Varun J,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest I am not sure I got what you meant by your comment 😦
@Shail, by effeminacy I meant the feeling of being woman(of-course not derogatory).
@Varun J,
Thanks 🙂
Finally. 🙂
And congrats Shail, for the clarity of expression, for the focus on the topic at hand, and for the amazingly neat way you espoused your conviction!
Brilliant. Judicious. Straightforward. I want to think of more, but I find myself at a loss to explain exactly what I mean.
If, as you say, Feminism means only “sthree-shakti” type of attitude, that is quite incomplete. On the other hand, it has nothing to do with putting another gender or thing, or activity down, unless of course it means putting women down! Responding to each of the comments was the conviction in you shining through. I have always loved the way you articulate, and never more than with this post! Take a bow! And thank you… 🙂
You asked me, if I was a feminist… 🙂 Yes, by your definition, and the one I hold for myself… which I think means the same: if you value life, be it a man’s or woman’s or a child’s, and its dignity, and would treat it as you would your own self, yes you are a darned feminist. Face it 🙂 🙂
@Usha,
*TAKES A BOW*
Thank you! And here I am always worrying myself silly over whether I am getting more and more muddleheaded! 😉
I am darned if what a few people ‘think’ makes me cringe from admitting anything. I have never found a need to label myself a feminist so far. But if there are people who ‘think’ things of those who are feminists, I will be the first to say, ‘Yes I am a feminist! Tchah to you and to what you think!’ 😆 The best part is, even if I am not one I’d be tempted to do that just to see their reaction!! 😉 😉 As if they can decide things for me with their disapproval! Why should the approval of misinformed people matter anyways?? 😀
Missed reading this one…so, came back to catch up with this one….Congrats to u on the Blogadda pick !!!!
WOW !!! Amazing post – its like hitting a nail on the forehead of all those crazy ppl, who try to change the meaning of the word “Feminist” !!!!
@UmaS,
Thank you! 🙂 Each one has their own version of what anything in this world is! And feminist is one of those words. 🙂 Like I told Usha, what makes me see red is this ‘what some people think’ feminism is. If I say I am a feminist and they conclude that I am a masculine looking, bra-burning men-hater, it won’t make me one, will it?? That confidence is what I want each of us to have. We know/should know who we are irrespective of what people think.
yeah…the term “feminist” used in my post referred to women who are essentially men-bashers. Wrong term used i guess..
@Uma,
🙂
Hi Shail
Stumbled on your blog recently..just wanted to say some of your posts kept me hooked…I am a lifelong student and observer on the gender relations debate,and a supporter of the gender transition movement, and would suggest you to read a few of Warren Farrell’s works,especially ‘The myth of male power’…It would definitely force anyone to take a long and hard look at some of the views and opinions on men and women,we take for granted.I used to be a ardent supporter of feminism,but now I realize there are a few thorny and ‘political correctness’ issue’s that need re examining.
@Aru,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest and thank you 🙂 I will definitely take a look at them. But let me remind you, as I have mentioned in a comment above too, the main emphasis on this post is on how some women are afraid to say they are feminists because….. some others “might think” they are the bra-burning, lesbian kind. Now that seemed outright funny to me. Hence this post. 🙂
I certainly don’t care for labels, but I care even less for the opinions of ill-informed people. And if for nothing else, I am cheeky enough to adopt the label to thumb my nose at the judgmental ones.
Now that apart, yes, I agree every movement has few thorns, or grows thorns later and has to be periodically re-examined and its course corrected. 🙂
congrats, Shail for the Blog adda award!
Thank you Sandhya. This was ‘picked’ same time last year. Blogadda tweeted it today and i re-tweeted it 🙂
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Beautifully written and expresses my views perfectly! A lot of misconceptions that need to be straightened out about feminism 😀 well done 😀
– Crazy girl
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