All ye sisters of mine (and you brothers, stay well out of this one!! Grrr….), lend me your ears or rather this being a blog and all that, your eyes please. I recently came across a ‘prescription’, and a mind-boggling-ly easy one to swallow …errrr I mean follow, for that ‘very liberating’ feeling we the sisters have always been on the look out for. The first thought that struck me after the initial reaction which rendered me speechless and immobile with shock on perusing it, was a jubilant
“Woweeeeee!!!! I gotta share this with the gals!”
Yessir, generous to a fault is what I am. Not for me, keeping such path-breaking finds all to myself. How can I, when I know that you my dear sisters are also badly in need of that feeling of liberation which has been eluding us women since centuries?! Just when we were about to throw up our hands in that final gesture of despair and defeat and withdraw dejectedly to yonder dark corner to lie down listless and ruminate on what exactly that ‘very liberating’ feeling is all about, along comes a Messiah in the garb of a psychologist (and sister psychologist at that!) and reveals all.
I know for a fact that the brothers are all ears (rather eyes) now and beside themselves with curiosity in spite of the fact that they know or should, what it did to the cat in the adage and also to the lizard in my house. They want to know the whys, hows and the wherefores of this ‘very liberating’ feeling that we are about to experience. But like hell we are going to divulge our mind-boggling-ly simple secret to them.
Besides do you really think, excuse me while I guffaw not in glee, but in amused derision at the thought of any of the brothers actually being able to swallow ….errrr follow this prescription (however ‘liberating’ the result) being given us gals by our esteemed sweet sister psychologist (and let me add, without our ever having asked her for it). Not only will the brothers find it too bitter a pill and spit it out pronto, believe me you my dear sisters, they will also chafe, roar in anger, break whatever comes in their way, scream blue murder, snatch a gun and shoot, go crazy with grief, drink themselves to death, go into a fit, foam at their mouths…. in short make a sorry spectacle of themselves.
Now, we are made of sterner stuff, aren’t we? Even though we are not born bitter-pill-swallow-ers as such, that is the role which has been expected of us down the ages and haven’t we risen admirably and taken the bait fulfilled the vocation? You see, we have neither been cosseted by society nor pampered silly like the brothers have been by fools among our very selves, may I add? So when one of us sisters, with not enough brains to know what is what, takes the time out to write a book to ‘enlighten’ us and asks of us what no man can ever think of doing and thereby become the recipients of that much coveted ‘liberating’ feeling, we have to strangle her (gulp, sorry) throw bricks at her… (errrrrr…. ummm… sorry again, the tap dancing on the keyboard fingers of mine seem to have a mind of their own right now) just do the needful.
Coming to the res of what the respected sister found from the dubious excellent study she seems to have made up has conducted, i throws light on facts hitherto obscure to us. Did you by any chance know what indicated that your marriage was a really healthy one? The extramarital affair of your Darling Husband is what proves conclusively that your marriage is alive and kicking. Aha! Bet you didn’t know that. Does he have a mistress stashed away whom he goes to meet clandestinely? You bet your bottom dollar that he loves you to distraction.
Don’t run after the philandering chappie with a knife, advises Miss Psychologist. And a good thing she adds that bit, for times have changed and women now resort to martial arts and use of lethal weapon when faced with such situations rather than the ancient method of shedding copious tears which only resulted in over-salted and watery curries due to the waterworks, puffy red eyes the morning after, not to mention the stuffed up nose and the swollen look which does no good to your self esteem when you peep into the mirror and recoil in horror seeing your own reflection which is as far as can be from that of the celluloid tragedy queen who manages to remain tantalizingly beautiful in spite of crying worse than the skies in Cherrapunji.
What misconceptions we labored under till she of the psychology fame came along to wake us up from our slumber of ignorance! We grew up believing that the man who stepped out of the marital home in search of a paramour was erring. Time to change such old fashioned ideas gals! When he goes for that secret rendezvous with his mistress all he is doing is trying it ‘improve’ your marriage. What do you mean if you as a wife can also contribute to the ‘improvement’ of the marriage by taking a lover?? A noble thought I admit this wanting to assist the DH in such a difficult endeavor but, the lesson we got to learn is that it is only when a man has an extra marital affair that a marriage becomes strong. It is such hard work and we don’t make the grade for such sanctions to come our way in spite of being made of stern stuff. Worse luck. *sob sob*
Everything said and done, spare a thought for the monogamous chap among the brothers, dear gals. Until now he thought of himself as the cat’s whiskers, the Devoted Husband to his Devoted Wife. But now poor fellow finds himself holding the shorter end of the stick, the sister psychologist having put him under the microscope and come up with unflattering conclusions. “Prisoners to an idealized image of a man of duty” is the verdict. From now on all those in the know-how will point at the (rare) Monogamous Man and sigh with sympathy at his “lack of suppleness.” The non-Monogamous Men and their proud womenfolk will whisper among themselves,
“There goes the poor sod, the Monogamous Man, the one whose father was physically or morally absent … during his childhood.”
Which Devoted Wife is going to like that my dear sisters? I can imagine her shedding profuse tears unmindful that it would wash away her carefully applied make-up because her man lacked what it takes to ‘strengthen’ their marriage. “You don’t have a mistress!!” she will say petulantly and when the Darling Husband, the much maligned Monogamous Man, tries to make himself scarce behind the ever useful newspaper of the day at this onslaught, the Devoted Wife, breaking into uncontrollable sobs at her predicament and the callousness on his part in neglecting to do the right thing by her, will add for good measure, “You don’t love me any more!!” making the DH aka MM feel a Worm of the Worst Order. In all probability he will be ordered by the DW to go find one and ensconce her in some secret place as ‘proof of love’ before he can enter her good books again.
‘Shail, you are a Blabber Blogger and you have been blabbing away to glory for pretty long now while we have on our part been Patience Personified. Hurry up woman, we don’t have all day! We have kids to see to, cooking to do, office work piling up…. and most importantly, other blogs to read and comment. Not to mention our own blogs to write! You beguile us, with cries of ‘all ye sisters of mine’ and promise us ‘liberating’ feelings. But pray WHERE is that promised ‘liberating’ feeling you assured us was coming, you silly woman??! You have spewed forth One Thousand Two Hundred Thirty Seven words of pure drivel without nary a glimpse of liberation anywhere in sight as yet!’ grumble disgruntled voices. I hear you gals and I say, Patience!! We are finally there, all ready to be liberated courtesy our sister psychologist.
The brothers need ‘breathing space’ says she to us. What do you mean they could have got an apartment with more carpet area? What do you mean you like fresh air too? I like the free open spaces too, for that matter. But this is not about us, remember? This is about the Darling Husbands and their need for breathing freely. If they don’t, they will go blue in the face and conk out. Now we cannot have that, can we, Devoted Wives that we are??! Besides the learned woman who needs her head examined has conducted the study tells us “infidelity is ‘essential’ (Now who is that who said ‘My Foot!!’? No disorder in the ranks please!) to the “psychic functioning” of certain men who are still very much in love” And isn’t life all about the ‘psychic functioning’ of man running on well-oiled wheels??!! How could you think otherwise??!! So now that we know what life is about let us see how we can feel ‘liberated’ in our airless cubby holes.
All we have to do is accept…. (OMG What an uproar! What do you mean why the word ‘accept’?? What is the objection you have to the word ‘accept’?? It is a nice English word that means…. What do you mean we sisters are always the ones being asked to ‘accept’?? What do you mean how about asking men to ‘accept’ something for a change?? Hell, ladies, do you want to enjoy the tingle of liberation or not??!!! I thought I was the harbinger of good news!! I am baffled and hurt by your reactions!!) Okay, let me start once again, when women (so says the all-knowing psychologist) accept the “pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural” for the man (Now don’t interrupt with cries of ‘Why not for the women??!’) who is still very much in love (with you the wifey, not the woman he trotted off to rendezvous with secretly) it can be a “very liberating” for women.
Well, that’s it sisters mine. I have done my duty and spread the word. Now if some of you feel they want to throw red bricks, in appreciation of course, at a particular sister psychologist and need someone to lead them, please…. Hell, no. I will send you messages privately. We don’t want the brothers to know. I have this sneaking suspicion, illogical though it may seem, that the brothers are not going to like our gesture of appreciation one wee bit and might even sabotage it. So shhh…. Not a word to them.
Response in jest (or is it?? …your guess is as good as mine 😉 ) to this.
What a load of crap this opinion is. I shall put this along side the ancient one about lying on your back and enjoying it when rape is inevitable.
Me: CRAP in capital Ritu and we know where that belongs!
Thank God, my wife hasn’t read this,hope she doesn’t! Else she might lose any iota of love respect she has (I hope) for me, and will look pitifully at me and say, “There goes the poor sod, the Monogamous Man, the one whose father was physically or morally absent … during his childhood.” *ROFL*
Me: My heart goes out to you Sankaran. I know you are a much troubled man now. I guess that’s life, adored as the coveted Monogamous Man one instant and pitied as ‘Poor Sod’ the next. Ahh well! But let me see. I guess this means you will join us in the Brick-Throwing (in appreciation) Mission of ours?? *ROTFL*
My thanks to you for bringing this ‘enlightening’ piece to my notice!
I read this article and being the not so liberated chump that I am, I fumed. But Shail, you have turned that fuming into this marvelous response.
Shall we take a moment of silence to honour that near extinct species, “that poor sod, the Monogamous Man”? Can’t spot him? There he is in the glass next to Cro magnon Man.
Me: I fumed then realised not only the futility of it Dreamer but saw the humor in the whole thing. WHAT exactly is the woman doing?? Just taking some old wine and sticking a new label and saying she made it!? This has been the same old song that has been sung from times immemorial by those who wanted to have their cake and eat it too. “I love you wifey dear, I cannot do without you, she (the other woman) means nothing to me (but of course I want her as side dish)! We men are like that you know!” And the wifey unable to do anything, beams, swallows her pride and deludes herself in the DH’s love-that-never-dies for her. But this
stupidlearned woman now says that the wife should accept and feel liberated!! :O The next thing we know she will say we should go on bended knees and kiss the floor that the DH walks on because that strengthens relationships even more. Sheeesh, we are moving backwards at a faster pace than we have ever moved forward!
Oh!I like what Maryse Vailant is trying to sell,
and what she is professing sounds so very swell,
they have awakened my fantasies from where they dwell.
Excuse me for a while,there is a call on my cell
Gotta go I have a rendezvous to show my wife I love her so well.
Me: Wow, one lucky wife I must say! 😉 😛 Lol.
This is even more insane a research / theory / psychology whatever you call it then the one that unravelled the mystery of the cotton found in male bellies every night !!!!!!!!
Me: OMG what’ that about cotton?? :O Insane and laughable too, don’t you think?? I mean who the hell can take this seriously, seriously speaking! Does she really think the world is full of fools/gullible people??!!! One of my friends said, studies such as these are done with a pre-conceived purpose.
As if we have nothing better to discover people want to legitimize infidelity and extra marital affairs? Is marriage supposed to be just a living arrangement? I guess this is where the world is heading to, with a lack of any good purpose.
You have expressed the thoughts very very effectively.
Me: Legitimize and go back to when kings and noblemen had umpteen wives perhaps??!!! All the collected women kept as trophies in various palaces as show pieces I suppose. Grrr… Even without her having gone to all the trouble of conductiong a study and writing a book, many men believed in this oh-so convenient theory. Now she chips in with her bit!!
I wonder how much this traitor was paid to come up with this theory?Or was she stagnating in her career and needed to come up with something outrageous to publicize her name? She would have been my hero if she had formulated this theory with us sisters in mind…
Anyway, crap, utter crap…
Me: Could be any of those reasons!! Hmm… nobody makes up any theory for the sisters!! 😦 Not anything like this anyway!! BTW, I was remindeed about the theory on pink and men you blogged about. 😆
What a satire ! but seriously we need to slam these type of reasearches which are done by perverse minds….tomorrow they may say that smoking a little is good as it increases stamina. What rubbiush they are taking about, once soem has a mistress, where is the matrriage left?
Me: These researches probably have a hidden agenda. Some years back we saw one in the papers that said beer was in every way better than milk. May be they wanted us to give children beer instead of milk!! 😆
Methinks, the psycho, I mean the psychologist, must be a man in the guise of a woman 😛
I fumed when I read Rev Sharpton’s comments on Tiger Woods Wandering Wonders but this takes the cake. Lurved your ranting 🙂
Me: Thanks Shalini 😛 Are you referring to the spoof doing the rounds??
I have only one objection to that theory…it works only one way…according to me it should apply to both men and women. Would be fun to see women having affairs to save their marriage.
Me: Well Vivek, NOW we are talking!! 😉 I am all for it. 😛 But will there be other men as brave as you ??!! Sadly not methinks! *shakes head sadly*
Happy Kitten said:
Loved your rant…..
if this “enlightened” sister really blvs what she wrote then let me offer all my sympathies to her…. she needs her head examined ASAP
Me: Thanks Happy Kitten. 🙂 I concur with you. ASAP is my opinion too! 😆
These are some of the “crazy by-products” of western liberalism.
A pathetic attempt by this “France’s most prominent female psychologist” to justify a shameful act.
Me: Welcome to my page Indian Pundit. Hmm… I wouldn’t go so far as to say that. Better clean our own backyard before pointing fingers. Why blame the West?? Just because someone ( a foreigner) spoke aloud trying to legitimize a fact that has been and is still going on here too?? Isn’t this something that the men here (East) have been taking as their right and the women asked to adjust to as their fate since ages??!! Is there such a lot of difference between the two??!!
Thanks for your reply.
Isn’t this something that the men here (East) have been taking as their right and the women asked to adjust to as their fate since ages??!
In India , its a part of general oppression of women.
But thats not the case in the west.
Also consider the fact that a “psychologist” is trying to justify it.Not some layman.
Read what she says….
“Once women accept that the “pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural”, and that infidelity is essential to the “psychic functioning” of certain men who are still very much in love, it can be a “very liberating” for women, she added.”
Complete rubbish. These people mix some pseudo-logic/pseudo-science and “over liberal” attitude and come up with bizarre conclusions that practically have no connection with reality.
Think about it. How can husband’s infidelity “be a “very liberating” for women”????
Me: Well, thank you. Wasn’t this blog born because of just what she said??! 😛 🙂 Its just that I didn’t think it was necessary to point fingers at the West in this matter. Its not as if what the psychologist said is going to be taken as vedavakyam (from the holy scriptures) and followed by all and sundry. It IS being ridiculed by most all people. I find our own attitude of acceptance of such things in practice, worse than that. In real life and reel life we have parents asking daughters to accept the extramarital affairs of the men, as ‘men will be men’. We have men declaring their love for their wives even as they are having extramarital affairs or in spite of it. I find all this more disgusting and damaging as this is not just inside the covers of a book, but being practiced in real life!! My opinion of course.
What was more interesting than the blog were the comments. ha ha! ROFL! Awesome blog btw!
Good luck with the indirank!
Me: Thanks Vinni. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed it!!
Like Sraboney says a very obvious attempt at getting publicity.
Or maybe she is trying to find solace in a relationship where the husband is having an affair and she doesn’t want to leave him, this theory then becomes a very logical-sounding (!!???!!) self-excuse to cling to him.
I am sure she is proud of her husbands’ infidelity, which is a compliment to her, and shows how much he loves, respects, values and cherishes her.
Me: Now that is one way of looking at it! 😆 I guess she feels totally liberated!!
Hmmm… I wonder who so badly wanted to justify their affairs and funded this study and book??
I quote my Friend’s Mother “Padichavan Muttall” That article goes to show that. On the other hand…I wish the said researcher would have had the courtesy to be fair. Imagine a society where every man and woman has a stepney tire on the side. How liberating the society would be to live in? Oh Yes, I would love that(sarcasm intended). I could be Pachali nay Dashali.
Me: Rashmi, I agree, how about fairness??! I mean the researcher insinuates that man is naturally non-monogamous which implies that women are. And how the hell are the men going to acquire a stepney each without the women going against their ‘natural’ (according to the researcher of course) monogamous nature??!! So once again we are asked to against our ‘natural (according to the researcher) nature to please the men and then ALSO feel liberated about it?????!!! 😆
Yeah Panchali and Dashali. Why not indeed??!! 😆
I think only Wodehouse fans and blog addicts (like moi) would have patiently read through this one..;p BUT not only did I read it, I also followed the link and had a good laugh at the articles posted there! Now , I know how to get more folks to my blog(hint taken from TOI not your post , so put the brick away )-Publish irritating rot!
Me: Anyone who reads me better be patient or they would never get through what I write! 😉 😛 Yep, irritating rot does have that advantage! 😛 😆
If it is result of any research, it is ridiculous. If they had reported it in bold, it’s more ridiculous. Just avoid TOI and the articles coming in it. Toilet paper has more value.
I agree with you, if this is research and reported as such, then toilet paper has more value! 🙂
Wait a minute, this book was published way back in January?? And if you think all the men in the world are your brothers, the husband can breathe easy.
Sadly most of my guy friends(no, not my brothers) on FB seem to agree with Ms Vaillant’s theory -quoting from one of their comments…Vaillant speaks absolute truth, a factual presentation, but few mortals have the courage to accept.
As expected the boys are rubbing their hands in glee.
Yeah, read it in Jan, when a friend posted the link at FB.
Now, men would agree with Ms Vaillant’s theory, won’t they?? I never thought otherwise! 😛 I don’t find anything surprising in that. My point is, WHAT THE HELL IS NEW ABOUT THIS?? After all, haven’t we been seeing the same thing packaged in different colored wrappers and presented to us in movies and literature since time immemorial?? Exactly WHAT is NEW about Ms Valliant’s research that it should even be called ‘research’??!!
Courage to accept??!! I like that. Isn’t that what women have been doing all this while?? What I’d like those boys rubbing their hands in glee is to show a little bit of that courage and accept with grace and the same very same enthusiasm that they now show, when they eventually discover that a coin has two bleddy sides to it 😛 😉 Do you think they will be up to it?? I have my doubts! 😆
You are on point with this. I was actually thinking today about modern/independent women vs. traditional women and I find out that regardless what you choose you will suffer either due to oppression or the shit storm you have to face by so called “society”. Never a win win situation, and it’s sad that the concept of “acceptance and tolerance” is never accepted.
Oh, and my dad announced the other day that he’s gonna “look for a boy” for me yesterday. Let the journey being….