One of the golden rules when someone opens their heart to you: Never ever tell them that the other person (of whom they are talking) probably has his/her version too.

But there are more who break the golden rule than follow it. Such people then add how the friend (debatable, that!) who is sharing should try and understand the other person’s point of view too.

Wow. So now they are speaking up for the other person?

Unbelievable how people can take on the role of advocate for the unknown person they know nothing about with such ease while the one they know is opening up to them. How about shutting up and not opening your mouth ever again? Believe me it annoys me no end when I see this happening.

Why is it so difficult for some to understand that listening is the only thing anyone needs from them? But no. It would seem from observation that the most difficult thing for anyone in this world is to hold their tongue when someone else is speaking/sharing/unburdening.

I knew a lady who always, but ALWAYS, finished my sentences for me. Every Single One Of Them. For example if I start a sentence ‘When I went to…’ she’d jump in and say, ‘To the temple, isn’t it ma’am?’ No, I’d have been to the library, or to the beach or whatever. You can imagine what a headache it was conversing with her for 99% of the time she got what I was going to say, wrong.

Jokes apart, it is exactly the same with people who act as the “lawyers for the opposition” when a friend is sharing with them. They put an act of impartiality, go all philosophical and say, ‘The other person probably has similar woes!’ when in reality they know zilch of the situation. I want to ask them, ‘And your saying it at this moment helps how?’ also ‘Whose woes are you trying to (or want to) mitigate?’

It helps no one, and mitigates nothing. That’s the truth. They only alienate (or at least cause heartache) to the one sharing, and in no way benefits the unknown other. So their pretence of being a rational judge, jury and what not is superfluous and totally unnecessary.

What most of us forget is that we are all adults here. Talking to another (if at all) is a way of working out our own problems. Or it’s simply an exercise in lightening the load by sharing. It is definitely not the occasion for the listeners to show off their (imagined) sense of fairness. In fact it would do well to remember that it is not about the listener at all, but the one speaking. So the ideal thing is to just shut up and listen or else… well, there is only one other option, shut up and listen.

©️ Shail Mohan 2025