There’s nothing like girl friends. But the world in general has a negative outlook on female friendships.
Women cannot be friends, not have lasting friendships anyway, they declare snidely. Also that women are women’s worst enemies, but I’ll come to that later. So yeah, we are talking about women not being able to be friends in the same vein as men. In my opinion that’s nothing but bullsh*t perpetuated by men and which is easily lapped up (and spread!) by women who are foot soldiers of patriarchy for the morsels of power thrown their way.
Let’s take the previous generation. Women mostly left their natal home to stay in their marital home, except for a very few whose customs differed. In their marital homes, if they were lucky, they were accepted and could make friends with the women of the household or those approved by them, which included the wives of their husband’s friends or colleagues.
Friendship basically was defined (or should I say confined?) by the family you married into, not to mention their whims and fancies.
It was like arranged marriage. One could choose but only from a pre-approved list. Even then, no all-girl outings or free time was allowed them, unless it was inside their homes. Don’t you dare tell me of the women only festivals and gatherings. They were (and are) at present-defined places AND for the long life of the husband, remember? So no, that was anything but women getting together based on friendship with each other. It was a show put on for who loved, more like served, the man in their life the best.
Basically women were homebound, and did not have the freedom to go out and find other women to be friends with in the same way as men who were free to step out of the confines of their home whenever they wished could do. And yet people had the temerity to put forward the argument that women cannot be friends the same way as men. I mean, how about tying up the hands and feet and then telling someone they cannot run?
And do you know what’s ridiculous? They continue repeating the same nonsense like a bally parrot. Women cannot be friends. They are catty and will claw each other’s eyes out in no time. Umm… you mean like the men who puff up their chest at nothing at all and start throwing out punches at other men?
By the way, tying somebody’s hands up and then comparing them to someone whose hands are free is not fair at all. If you remember (old timers will, I am sire) I wrote about the stupid claim tom-tommed by some males about how men can walk around with their shirt buttons open while women cannot. My answer to that serves the purpose here too.
Things have changed a lot. Working outside the home has paved the way for women to make friends outside their natal and marital home. Initially this was a luxury only available to the career women. The homemakers were still bound by different laws. Family members, husband’s colleagues and neighbours is as far as it went. All that has changed with the arrival of the internet and social media, and THE OPENING UP OF CLOSED MINDS.
Now to the women who say women are women’s worst enemies. No, they aren’t. Women who are stooges of men are the enemies and we don’t consider them real women, do we? Only as wolves in sheep’s clothing, if you know what I mean 😉
©️ Shail Mohan 2024
Shail's Nest 
This is a fascinating account, Shail. To my mind, women make excellent friends – not always the best colleagues – but the best of friends.
I am glad you think so.
Contentious!
I see your point but I’ll also raise an ‘other side’ view. Men (in my experience, such as it is) tend to mosey on along with each other for years or even decades without ever really getting deep or personal outside of agreed parameters. By that I mean, for instance, I have two friends I debate politics with, I have another we discuss literature with and another I’d discuss theology with. I would not mix those conversations up (at least not much)! We know what we discuss and we stick to that. We rarely discuss personal things.
Women, on the other hand, seem to know each other’s inside leg measurements and their entire history with hours of knowing each other and with that can often come a perceived ‘competition’ between them. I’ve often found the friendships with other women that females I’m close have are fraught with tension and danger that simply isn’t there with men! When it goes wrong with women, it is explosive! With men it tends to be quite outrage privately and gently, peacefully ‘lose contact’.
Perhaps there’s an element of men thinking ‘women can’t be friends’ that comes from this (if my experiences have any universality at all?). I’d hazard a guess most men are terrified of girlfriends having a fight!
Actually your comment rather proves my point.
The completion, the tension etc… why is it so? Is it only because men and women are biologically different? Or does the confining role women have been given have a part in it? I believe it does. Then it becomes quite unfair to evaluate/compare friendship between women based on that. No story/movie dares to show friendship between women as happens in real life. It just doesn’t sell. Women in competition over man, well, that’s a different story, is the theme that sells, and is deeply entrenched in the minds of men… and sadly enough, women too.
Life without my girl friends would be really dull. I have a number of excellent female friends and there has never been any cattiness from them. I have found men friends far nastier than women.
I still see the “women are women’s worst enemies” perception present in some situations, which I really think depends on the personality of the people in the scenario, especially within the desi communities and others in western countries, females (and boys too) tend to see each other as competition and always try to ‘one up’ each other in things like weddings, kids, house, car..etc. Status competition you can say.
However, the opposite is also true, where when the ‘female bond’ comes to fruition, it can be a rewarding experience to have. Having someone whom you can open up to without being judged, sharing the joys and sorrows, and just be a support system.
I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. My SIL likes being the center of attention and is not a fan when others have a chance to be in the spotlight. She seems to see me as a competiton and I guess a threat. It used to affect and irritate me, but with time, I learned to ignore it and keeping a good distance from her (husband also not a fan of his sister and her husband at times, so we limit them as much as we can).
However, on the other end, I do have a good group of girlfriends who are the opposite and fill the room with positive vibrations and love whenever we come in contact. Just visited them and miss them dearly.
I came across this quote recently and it 100% rings true:
“Women need other women in their lives who think they are a big deal. No competition, no backhanded comments, no jealousy, just: “I love you, I support you and there is no one on Earth like you” kinda energy.”
Society’s (read men and older women who are their cronies for the scraps of power that comes their way and which they desperately crave having lost their youth and/or relevance as they see it) rules for women push them into a competitive lot. If control on women and the many dos and don’ts imposed on them is eased, women will stop being women’s worst enemies. Power rests with men, and women want to keep their place. But if women become self sufficient, a lot of this will change by itself.
A HiFi to this, girl friend 🙌