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Did you hear about the religious nut, oops sorry, I meant luminary, who said a woman who cooks and feeds while menstruating will be reborn as a bitch in her next life? I don’t intend sharing the link here, but if you are interested, I am sure Google will oblige you with the original story. Anyways, ever since the news item appeared, I have been looking at Luci in amazement. With brand new eyes filled with admiration. From a woman to a bitch, she has managed the switch. Attagirl!

Hey! That rhymed. Why let a good thing go to waste? I’ll add a couple more lines to it:
From a woman to a bitch
She managed the switch
Without any hitch
The adorable witch!

There she is, happily rolling in the mud. When she is done, she will shake herself vigorously and happily pitter-patter in, all contented like, only to roll again on something conveniently available to rid herself of the remaining dirt still sticking to her. Then she’d gulp down some water (she’s already had her lunch) and stretch herself luxuriously under the ceiling fan for her afternoon nap.

Life is good.

She eats, sleeps and barks at the neighbor and/or any cats or birds who she thinks have trespassed. Whenever she needs some love and cuddling she walks in wagging her tail (the energy if harnessed could save the planet!) and seats herself close by, her eyes adoringly fixed on us. I am ready, she conveys wordlessly, let the loving begin. We, her mom and dad, mere putty in her paws, jump up to do her bidding falling over each other in the process, willingly, gladly.

It was while musing thus that I experienced an epiphany of sorts as I am sure has happened with many other women out there. That’s it. THEY do NOT want us human females to be reborn as bitches…. because otherwise 1) Who would THEY entrust the society’s honor to? Can’t very well ask a bitch to keep their *precious* honor safe between her legs, can they? 2) How would THEY show how macho THEY are with no women around to boss over and do their bidding while THEY did *important stuff* like making announcements about what can and cannot be done by menstruating women? 3) Who would cook and serve on other days?

You know what? THEY have inadvertently opened the gates to freedom from being born a woman ever again…. at least for some of the women. Hard as it may seem to understand there are those women who think they are dirty while menstruating and need to be confined. I am not speaking for them. But those others who know they aren’t *dirty*, are even now heaving a sigh of relief. Here was confirmation at last, albeit from a dubious source, religion, not the best of sources for information at any time, because religion always has had, and has, also will have, agendas up its sleeve.

So the happy conclusion: To escape human female form, and be reborn a bitch, all that the women have to do is cook while menstruating. Never mind that we were doing it already, the cooking I mean (and the cleaning and more), three hundred and sixty five days a year, and men were eating the food thus cooked, also three hundred and sixty five days a year. Now though, women can all do it with a purpose, a goal in mind. To be a born a bitch.

Note 1: Bitch here refers to a female dog, not the modern equivalent used in every other sentence by the ‘cool’ people.

Note 2: The nut also said that men who ate food cooked by *unclean* women will be born as oxen. They will have to do without cows though.

Note 3: My tongue is firmly lodged in my cheek.

© Shail Mohan 2020