This day, many years back, I met a friend of mine for the very first time and we became the best of friends. Or so I thought.
Perhaps I have written of this already in one of my old posts, but once more will not hurt. When it comes to friends it is like they say: Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink. I have friends everywhere, but not one to call my own (friend)’. Funny as that may sound, it is true.
Now, this is NO way the fault of the friends I do have, excellent human beings as they all are in their own ways, ready to help, lend a shoulder or merely give company, some even ready to accept being called ‘my own friend’. But, the blame for that not happening lies squarely with me. I am the cactus that Mysoul speaks of in her post, or perhaps a hedgehog with its quills out in a don’t-you-dare-come-any-closer stance. Sometimes I can be described as a tortoise who prefers to stay inside its hard shell refusing to communicate with anyone.
I have drawn this invisible circle around myself which none are allowed to cross. It is sort of like a flashing neon sign: You certainly can be friends with me (and I will be yours), but we can’t really be friends. Confusing, I know. But confusing as it sounds, its the truth too. I haven’t clearly understood it myself, so I won’t blame anyone if the mixed signals confound them and they keep their distance. After all, that is where I want them, at a safe distance. Now you know why I love the internet.
And yet, it was the same I, me, myself, accepting someone as a long lost friend, with so much ease on this day many years back. Here was someone I was able to talk to, share silliness or serious stuff with equal alacrity, someone I could go seeking solutions to problems, who wasn’t offended if I rejected those solutions right-away as not feasible for me. Also here was someone who didn’t judge me, well, not too much anyway.
None of the above was what really mattered the most to me, because there are many others with similar qualities too. What made it special to me was how I found someone with whom I felt utterly comfortable, like the old favorite tee you relax in at home. Don’t ask me why because I don’t have a clue, suffice to say it was just so.
One thing about friendship, or any other relationship is that, it is not always necessary that two people feel the same way. (If they do feel that way then it’s a life long thing) But many times it happens that one of them considers the friendship more special than the other. I might have felt, here at last is my best friend, but what if I was not thought of the same way? In that case, we inevitably drift apart.
So yea, this is kind of a tribute to the only best friend I have known. Today is the day. Here’s to the brief but happy days of yore.
© Shail Mohan 2019
Your willingness to be vulnerable here is appreciated.
Thank you 🙂
(Hugs) now if using arms to hug does make you get in the shell(like I do:P) then, air hugs. What you write here is how many of us feel but can’t voice… So thank you! for saying it…
Thanks for the air hugs, Mysoul 🙂
Hugs right back, Uma ❤
D K Powell said:
I thoroughly understand your attitude to friendship – I’m similarly paradoxical. I love meeting new people and see no difference between ‘internet friends’ and so-called ‘real friends’ but at the same time very few (almost none these days) get into my inner sanctuary. I used to be an open book but life has taught me there’s no point to that philosophy any longer…