There is a strange breed of humans I have met. Their behaviour baffles me considerably. They look like you and me, but could be aliens in disguise for all I know. Hmm… A sinister thought has suddenly occurred to me. I could be the alien here, right? And they the true earthlings which probably accounts for why their actions baffle me. Not the same wavelength and all that, you know. I agree I have said elsewhere that I am not from around here but from Planet Neptune [link]. But that’s more of wishful thinking on my part. Sigh, I so wish…! Anyways, let’s get back to the baffling behaviour I have encountered.
These ‘baffle-rs’ ask you questions. It could be how best to bake a fluffy chocolate cake, which diet plan you thought was the best one to follow, whether coconut oil was good for hair, if you knew how best to remove the stubborn stain from a white cotton shirt, whether running is a good exercise to reduce weight, the ingredients used in avial, which school would be the best for their child, what you think went wrong while making mysore-pak, how best to go about making the brass show-pieces shine, the best way to grow tomatoes. In short, the questions could be on just about anything. All pretty normal stuff so far. Eh?
When you hear the question, you are glad someone asked because you do know a thing or two about making chocolate cakes all fluffy as also moist. And stains on cotton shirts? Of course, you have been removing them all your life what with two boys of your own who thought if they didn’t come back home with muddied shirts Mom might feel offended. As for brass show-pieces, you have been rubbing them with Brasso for so long, it is a mystery that a genie has not popped out of one of them and given you three wishes. Hrrrmph. Lazy bums these genii are, sleeping their life off somewhere.
By the way, you leave the question about mysore-pak alone. You are no expert in making them, so you will never attempt to answer that question. Nor the one about reducing weight either. If there was one about gaining weight it would be another matter altogether. Suffice to say that you offer an answer only when you have one up your proverbial sleeve.
BUT. [Yet again a ‘but’ butts in. But, what else does ‘but’ know but to butt in? So here is but, butting in to tell you things aren’t so simple as they seem]
As soon as you start off on the secret of the fluffiness of chocolate cakes, or its moistness, before you can even go into the techniques of beating eggs or the importance of freshness of butter, you are rudely interrupted to be told yours is not the way. What follows is a lesson foisted upon you, on ‘how to bake the perfect chocolate cake’ starting from ‘Take two cups of all-purpose flour’ and ending at ‘cut it into slices and store in airtight containers’. You are left with your mouth half open.
Hello! Excuse me. I did NOT ask. I was asked. But what’s this? Your voice is not coming through. Someone has put it on mute. Now the same thing happens when it comes to stains on cotton shirts, and also making brass shine, minus the genii naturally since they are busy being lazy. You listen to detailed lectures, ‘how to’ lessons you don’t need. You are amazed. Annoyed. Grit your teeth. Resigned. Wondering why they do it.
So I have this request of such as them, who lure innocent people like me (are there others?) on by asking questions and then forcing answers upon us. The next time my dears, can you all please give me the script in advance? I will read through it during my spare time and give it back to you verbatim, just the way you want my answer to be for it to be acceptable to you when you pop the question (not to be confused with the other and more commonly known ‘pop the question’).
And you know what annoys me the most in all this? Not one word about the mysore-pak, I tell you. Not one word. Hrrmph.
©Shail Mohan 2016
Pooja Abhay said:
I have friends (read new mommies) around who give me unsolicited mommy advices even without asking them. And then, the comparison between baby milestones start. They are also aliens, no?
Yeah, lol. They too!
That was so relatable ..LOL
I guess we all have our fair share of them 😉
Starting off my day with a good laugh
Yes, these aliens do make one barf
Your request will fall on deaf ears
They won’t stay to wipe your tears
And mine, of laughter, are increasing by half!
Lol, glad to have made you laugh 😀
Is this the norm or is this an Asian thing?
I don’t know why but my mom and other people I know are adamant on doing things in one way only even though there are several ways to do a task? I mean for baking a fluffy cake, people can give ideas and share how to make it perfect but force a certain way onto others who do it differently is wrong. More ideas and ways shared, more ways one can approach something. Even when I help my mom in the kitchen or clean something, I get nagged that it’s not the way to do it (and also tries to scare me saying “Mother in law and family won’t like it” :/. Does it matter how something is done as long as it’s efficient and done descently?
The cake is just an example. It is this habit of asking you and then shutting you up to tell you how they do it. 🙂
I don’t understand why parents of daughters do this. Whose side are they on? Yup, you bet a blog is in the making, has been since long.
(Cant stand temptation) Mysore Pak, the last I heard, it changed its name to Mysore Halwa, in fear of being brought in on sedition Charges! 😉
Note to self: Bite your tongue when the words “Its not like that…..” comes to mind.
Haha. I wanted to include that in the post, then decided against it (didn’t have time to wander off).
Anonymously Disguised said:
Ha..what a delight, I mean coming back on WP to read a post full of butts. 😛
The kind of people you have mentioned seems to be way too many here in the Bay Area. 😦
Haha. You chose the right post to come back to, eh? 😉 And Bay Area too?! 😛
Congratulations! Your blog post was selected for Spicy Saturday Picks edition edition on Feb 27, 2016 at BlogAdda.
Please find it here:
What a surprise! Thank you, Team Blogadda 🙂
Sandhya Kumar said:
Congratulations, Shail! They are honoured! Laughed a lot!
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed 🙂
Shilpa Gupte said:
Congratulations, Shail, for the Spicy Saturday pick!
And, I hear ya! I get such characters often!
Fun read! 🙂
Thank you, Shilpa 🙂 I bet we all have similar experiences 😉
CONGRATULATIONS! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Thank you, Gul! ❤