A couple of years back, when I met some people I hadn’t seen in quite a while and talk veered to children and what they were up to, one of them asked me, “How much does your son earn? How much money does he send home to you?”
I blinked at the questions that came in succession with no time for even a breath in between.
To say that I was taken aback would be an understatement. To anyone looking at me right then I probably resembled a fish opening and shutting its mouth, but whereas the fish has a perfectly sound reason for the opening-shutting routine, in my case it was just a reflex action. Even while the unconscious fish impersonation on my part was happening, my mind was thinking *thoughts*.
Should I look at him askance or make a witty comeback (but which I instinctively knew would only sail right above his head and result in a rift in relations – which unfortunately happens rather a lot with me, sigh, more on it another day), pretend not to have heard it (which was difficult because the question was put directly to me) or ignore it altogether?
Something of the ‘I don’t believe you just asked me that question’ attitude of mine must have inadvertently revealed itself to the one who asked the question in spite of my fish-like stance. He quickly came back with a, “I have heard that kids working in the US send parents quite a packet, that’s why I asked.. Hehehe…”
I didn’t find it funny at all. Kids may or may not send parents money. Whether they do or not is between them. And ‘how much’?!! Really? How bad mannered is it to ask that! I really didn’t want to make him feel awkward so I simply smiled back, but remained pointedly silent. Soon the topic was changed to other more acceptable topics.
Nosiness is such an integral part of our society. It has no gender – though the male of the species like to feel, – wrongly so – that they are above it all. They are even more nosy than women, but loftily so, pretend otherwise. Education, money, class, nothing seems to have an impact on the nosiness quotient of individuals either, whether man or woman.
So, what’s your take? Yes or no?
©Shail Mohan 2015
Shail's Nest 
I so so so so get this! Once a colleague also said I make him send a nominal amount, what about you. My smile said it all. Like your very well articulated reasons, I too did not want to push the matter, for the consequences for each.
Sigh. Isn’t it enough that theirs do, or don’t? Why why why whyyyyyy bother others’ who may or may not?
I’m tempted to rant, but shall not.
How eager are these people to gather information about the lives of others! And compare notes perhaps? shudder
Oh yes, completely yes…
The most irritating one that I face is – how much is your package?
This too. I remember the sudden silence following a similar question from an ‘Uncle’ put to my younger son.
‘Never ask a woman her age or a man his wage’
Was proverbed by a very wise sage
You should’ve been a swordfish
To skewer him, i too’d wish
You (and Usha) were very polite not to rant and rage!
I must say under the circumstances we were indeed polite!
A family dentist in India once asked me how much my Dad saved and brought back after he returned to India from a long work stint abroad. I was too young and naive and just made up an amount which sounded big to me and told him. And his response was ‘That’s it??!’ LOL!! He is one really nosy dentist. He asks pointed questions to everyone, about each member of family. I am glad he is not my dentist anymore.
My FIL once asked me how much my husband and I make when we were visiting them in India. I was too taken aback, and I could sense other folks in the room perking up in anticipation of the scoop 🙂 I was much wiser and gave a combination of a sheepish smile and something to the effect of ‘It’s enough for us to live comfortably’. To which he too gave a sheepish grin and said something like ‘He doesn’t tell us anything, that’s why I thought I’d ask you’.
My MIL surprisingly is not nosy at all. She is more the ‘Live and let live’ types, at least with me, probably because I have been born and brought up in a metro city and they live in a small town. She has kind of accepted that my value system and way of living is not the same as theirs.
Welcome to Shail’s Nest. Lol, I could almost imagine the ears of those present ‘perking up in anticipation’! Your MIL sounds pretty sensible a person to have accepted the differences. And, what a nosy dentist!
Oh yeah…nosy ppl around Shail…sigh…
And I am very angered when they are nosy enough to pester when a newly married woman will become pregnant !! Thats the worst for me…there can be issues or there can be decisions – but isn’t it all between the partners ?? Its rather indecent even if the couple’s parents nose into it.
I agree with you totally on this. Nobody has any business asking such questions!
oh the noises. Tell me abt it. I dont know a way to muffle them and I totally agree with this —> They are even more nosy than women, but loftily so, pretend otherwise!
At office, in neighborhood, among friends – many r curious as to how much I and Imran together earn. I leave them to their creative brains to calculate the rough amount 😛
Good one Shail. U voiced many of us
Ahh, Good thing you leave them to their creativity and calculations! Thanks, Afshan 🙂
What nonsense! Don’t such people have any sense of propriety?!!!
That’s exactly what is totally lacking 😦
Yup yup, nosiness is part of our ‘culture’. I am guessing that there is nothing more fascinating than to bud into others business and gossip, and at times it will give them the chance to stomp on you if they don’t see you “fit”. Best thing to do is to ignore it and live your own life. I learned that in my own experiences and am trying to get my own mom to realize that it’s not worth the time and effort to pressure and please others, as she’s very sensitive to others’ comments and gossip.
Good of you to make your mom stronger. Not worth to be sensitive to what others say.
It’s a very Asian thing this I think. Western children simply wouldn’t dream of sending money back to their parents if they lived abroad – and their parents would be furious if they tried! So this kind of question just doesn’t come up. We have our own problems with nosiness however…
Yeah, I am sure.