I think my love for music is fairly well known in my circles as also the fact that when I do chores around the house my favorite tracks play in the background. What is a well kept secret (not from the neighbors, though) is the fact that most of the time I sing along to the music and sometimes even without music. While washing the rice, loading the dishwasher, folding clothes, stirring the vegetables either of these two things are happening.
There is of course a third option and that is songs made up on the spur of the moment whose lyrics talk of Luci, her antics, her toys (by name), her parents, how she is their darling. Once made up these are sung in a repetitive manner, fit to drive any human in the vicinity up the proverbial wall. But, not to worry. There is no danger of that ever happening since I sing ONLY when the house has emptied itself of human occupants. The canines/felines who come into my life have no choice and have to suck it up. After all the songs are about THEM! Ha.
Once upon a time, I used to be a prolific bathroom singer. But that sort of vanished altogether when I moved to my in-laws’ house after marriage. For one there was always someone around the house (Yeah, haven’t I told you how I HATE joint families?) and for another I was too nervous in my new surroundings, as most women end up being in a household which prides itself on calling the new entrant their ‘bahu’ but will not lift a finger to make her feel at home.
Anyways, made to feel at home anywhere or not, I have never been comfortable enough to sing in the presence of *others* whoever they may be, right from childhood. I should of course leave out that part of my childhood when I was about two years old and used to climb on top of a metal trunk (the heroine Vyjayanthimala stands on a rock at the beginning of the song and yes, I had been taken to watch the movie), hold the tip of my frock in one hand like the heroine her dupatta, and go ‘Aaja re pardesi…’. (you can watch the song here). Unfortunately I myself have no memories of those performances and am relying heavily on what my parents have passed on. Back then too I am sure, I had been performing for my own joy and they just happened to catch me at it.
One of my cousins once tried to persuade me to sing, and this was while I was in school. Tape recorders were still a novelty back then and he was trying out recording. But I refused to open my mouth and say a word that day, let alone sing, which made my mother exclaim, “Good God! Are you really my daughter?!”
In my first year in college after practice for the coming Onam celebrations, some of us assembled in a senior’s room. Someone suggested that we sing a song each, something like, ‘let’s find out who are the ones who can sing’. Much, to my own surprise, I agreed when it was my turn. When I finished, there was a rather surprised pause followed by appreciative comments, and I promtply burst into tears. True story. There are a few of them around to vouchsafe this. They thought it was the lyrics of the song that brought it on, but only I knew that I was overwhelmed by it all, the attention, the accolade. Anyway, right about then I decided: Never Again. Some people can and want to sing in front of others and be appreciated. Some others want only to sing. I belonged to the latter. So why try to be the former?
In the shower, the illusion that you are alone is heightened. So singing in the shower it was for me, until my children came along. Like most mothers, I sang for them. Lullabies came naturally. On their part, they insisted I sing them to sleep even if I had a sore throat. A mother’s croak also feels like music to a child’s ears I suppose. With time they outgrew lullabies, but I continued singing while working around a house devoid of humans.
The high point of my singing *career* came a few years back. My neighbor was vacating the apartment adjacent to mine. We had spent quite a few happy hours together. Our kitchen windows were only a few feet apart and almost every day in between cooking we snatched a few minutes to chat. Just before leaving, after the usual goodbyes said and promises to keep in touch were made, she paused and then said, “I have something to tell you.” I wondered what it could be. “You sing awfully well. In the one and a half year I have stayed here, I never mentioned it because I was afraid it would make you self-conscious and you’d stop singing with the same abandon. If that happened, I would have been the loser then, right? So, though I wanted many times to tell you, I refrained. Now that I am leaving, I feel it is okay. Keep singing, Chechi!”
She was much younger to me and I found that quite perceptive. I have known dear and near ones who have shut me up by teasing me in a good-natured way (and sometimes in not so good-natured way) if/when they have chanced upon me singing. But here was someone insightful enough to understand the person behind the singing, leave her alone and only listen and enjoy. Today I remembered her, and hence this post.
©Shail Mohan 2015
Now…I need to listen to your voice – singing 😀
Post a recording na…pls !
And total LOL at frock-holding Vaijayantimala pose 😀 😀
That part where the kids asked you to sing even when you had sore throat – hi 5 on that !! I’ve croaked lullabies too 😉
My voice is not bad…but my voice box is. So I refrain from singing. But, when we go on a drive, hubby asks me to sing, geetham and varnam from singing classes…feels good !
You will never, though, very sorry 😛 😉 😀 Even the recorder seems like a person! Good to know about you singing varnams and geethams and so sweet of your hubby! 😀 🙂
Sing to your phone…you can try once…come on Shail, for me 🙂 🙂
Luci…be my messenger – look at momma, with that cute little face and make her agree to this :*
Some people make their mark in our lives! She sounds to be a nice lady! Luci must be enjoying now!
I used to sing a lot when I was young. Singalong the radio is still there but not like before. I gasp in between.
Music lifts our moods up! Be like this always, Shail! Enjoy what you like!
I think the shortness of breath has something to do with the thyroid problem too. I too have the same problem 😦
Luci is happy to hear all the made up songs 🙂 🙂
I can totally relate to this, seeing I do pretty much the same – sing along to music while doing household chores (or math work!), and not singing unless I’m alone (I very rarely manage to sing when my immediate family is around, but the moment anyone else so much as appears, I clam up, even in mid-word! I once tried singing along with my mother during a power-cut, but felt extremely self-conscious…) My parents tell me I sing well – but that happens only when I’m not self-conscious – the moment I even think someone might hear me sing, it becomes all awkward…
I am not much of a fan of recording myself singing, and in some moments of recklessness, have let a few people listen to them – a decision I still regret at times. But, life goes on 🙂
I listen to music across genres and languages, and I have a compulsion to learn songs I like, and as quickly as possible. I end up listening to songs on a loop for days until I master the tune (and hopefully, the lyrics – at least, when I understand the meaning/language, for the rest there’s always a ra-ra-ra,la-la-la…)
May you keep singing and may music stay with you always…
P.S. : Sorry about the long comment, but I just had to… And this is the first time I’m commenting here – have read your comments on IHM and Manu’s blog 🙂 Please keep writing!
Welcome to Shail’s Nest. You sound so much like me! 🙂 And listening to music across genres and languages, I love that too. Not a fan of recording either!
Thank you for your comment. I am really happy to know someone feels the same way I do! 🙂
Shail sings singly
To Luci lovingly
To others shy
To kids lullaby
This post rememberingly!
That’s so wonderfully and succinctly put! 😀 Shabash!
Beautiful post. So you sing huh? and sing so well:).
Time to record your voice and post it online as anonymous, if you can. It is all virtual anyway, and hard to trace.
Like Musingmaiden says, no fan of recording, even that seems like a ‘other’ to be avoided! 🙂