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The usual routine for the evening when the L & M (Lord & Master, for the newbies) returns from the office is a scalding cup of tea/coffee/Bournvita for him and some chit-chat about the day’s happenings between us while the powerful Labradorian jaws of Luci provide background score as they steadily crush Marie biscuits to a pulp.
On this peaceful domestic scene regularly and without fail intrudes the ringing of the L & M’s cell phone. Well, when you are in charge of security, it is inevitable that you get calls from your subordinates, either reporting/updating or even asking for directions. During such interruptions while the L & M gets busy, I divert my attention to Luci darling, or in case my cell phone is downstairs (which it generally isn’t since I always forget and leave it upstairs), I check for any new updates or play word games. When the L & M is done with the call, we carry on from where we left off.
On some days though, when the call is done, he goes on to check messages on his phone and I continue with whatever I am up to, and there we’d be sitting in companionable silence, peering into our respective phones with Luci, who having crunched enough biscuits and also ‘fetched’ the ball thrown for her a few times (she not being a fitness freak, ‘a few times’ is all she is prepared to ‘fetch’!), stretched between us.
It is on one such evening that it struck me. What if a photographer had been around just then and clicked the three of us thus? I’ll answer that for you. The picture would have been circulated widely on the net, picked up and shared by those on social medias as well, perhaps even blogged about, as an example of how the cell phone has intruded into the lives of people and effectively put a stop to communication between husband and wife.
Look at this couple, it would go on to say oh-so-sanctimoniously, the chant taken up reverently by the ever ready to judge (and share) netizens, they are looking at their phones, not talking to each other. A neglected dog too. Oh the poor dear. Where has the golden (my foot!) past gone, they will lament, a time when human relations were paramount, with no technology allowed to intervene. Of course it is conveniently forgotten that with no technology to ease her workload, the wife used to spend all her time in the kitchen and in housework, and the husband used to come home and sit with his mother. One more cup of tea and some hot snacks for my son, daughter-in-law.
It will be conveniently given the go-by by the frenzied sharers that up till the moment the (hypothetical) picture was clicked, the couple were indeed talking (of course they would not be knowing that, but then should you opine about things you know nothing about?!) and would probably continue at their own time and pace a little later whenever they felt like it. All such possibilities are willfully ignored or not considered at all. You see, that denies one the the opportunity to cry over the way the world is going to the dogs due to “technology” and also for a wistful looking back at a perfect (my foot!) past which never ever existed the way it is portrayed. The self same people who will holler for the blood of the concerned service providers if their connection is lost for even a second talk as if they are these paragons who are prepared to spend a life time without the help of technology.
I came across some comments written in a holier-than-thou attitude by some about people they noticed at restaurants. The couple hardly talked, they were looking at their respective phones and eating in silence; the child was neglected yada, yada, yada, it went.
First things first. Hello! Weren’t you at the restaurant to enjoy time with whomsoever you went with? What were YOU doing keeping tabs on the couple/family at the next table? So you think staring at the phone is worse than staring at what other people are up to and judging them without a clue of what their life is about?
Secondly, and this one is the real mystery to me and not easily understandable, why would you expect any couple or family to behave a certain way? We are different people, introverts/extroverts in different degrees. We could be tired, moody, depressed, ill or even have had a fight and not speaking to each other for the duration the jobless someone(s) noticed us. Yup, it is allowed that couples have differences and have tiffs, not be on speaking terms and make up at their own discretion without the interfering noses of ‘judge-rs’ poked into their affairs and conclusions reached.
There are other reasons. It could be that the couple have talked to each other enough through the day or have nothing to say to each other right then. May be they are not the ‘chatting’ type. Or may be they are there ONLY for the food and who are you to say that should not be so? As for ‘neglected’ kids, are you kidding me? As if children never ever were neglected by parents before cell phones appeared! Give me a break. Lastly, perhaps they DO find their phones more interesting than each other. That is NOT a crime-against-humanity kind of thing, you know. And unless one of them complains to you, it is no business of others.
We are, as said earlier, different people, and couples/families are the result of different permutations and combinations of those different people coming together. Some couples/families are all over each other all the time, others not so in different degrees. What you enjoy won’t work for me and the way I lead my life may not, nay, will not be, your cup of tea. So let others be. If you don’t want to look at your phone, by all means, don’t. Just leave those who love their phones alone. Not that I am going to stop looking at MY phone because of what anyone else thinks. Ha.
Pssst. I still hate phone-calls and talking over the phone.
©Shail Mohan 2014
this is one of your “what if” posts 😀 ..good one
Thanks, Saya 🙂
I just so loved your evening ritual of a hot mug of this and that ,a companionable silence and the lovable background score given by innocent Luci .
‘Holier than thou’….you get them in all sizes, ages and are omnipresent. All they need is people around and they are there to pass judgments. Just any people and guess what ?it needs no skill and brain to pass it.
The best part of the day, evening. In fact I miss it on weekends, as it is never the same. 😀 Agree totally with your views on the Holier-than-thou-Brigade 🙂
We were doing this, checking our mobile, while in the US also, as soon as we came back from our outing! After checking messages, I was playing games and husband was checking twitter and posting messages there. We were not even switching on the TV! No kitchen work for me…so, we were in peace and happy!
It happens. Well, like I said, it is no crime, but people like to talk of using the phone as some lowly activity! 🙂
I don’t understand people who believe they need an “holier than art thou” attitude or need egos to put others down to make themselves standout. I also hate when people judge others on their personality or lifestyles w/o knowing the reality. I mean, does standing there staring at your phone mean something? People would say maybe they ‘lack’ family bonding/neglect the child. But it could mean other things. In my apartment, I had a few roommates who spent most of the in their rooms, and they were judged for being “not sociable” when in reality they just don’t have the time to relax when they have work/school to commit too. Sometimes I feel I need to shake those who judge and say “think before you speak !”.
I also don’t get why everyone has to be the “same”..?? Is it because they will be shunned by society if they don’t follow the norm? (heard this one a lot of times), or be left out. Maybe why peer pressure among the youth is so common to just “fit in”? I have felt peer pressure at times when younger, but now I feel it’s better to be just yourself and there’s no sense to follow the crowd to please others. I find it’s good to be different and have different interests compared to others, plus your horizons broaden when you interact with people who are different and you’ll discover a lot of things. Therefore it creates diversity.
I personally don’t judge people on their lifestyle, preferences, what they desire in life. But I do have a problem with arrogance and superiority complex !
I so understand the plight of your friends. Judged without knowing true facts. It is always better to be oneself. if we see that growing up, if we are taught that instead of conforming, we’ll start on it sooner.
Agree with each word. Loved reading this Shail.
Thank you, Indy 😀
You make good points the most important one being that we should not judge people or situations we know nothing about.
A few years ago I was doing a course at a community college where as it happened I was the oldest person in the class. The majority of the students were in their late teens and early twenties while I was in my early fifties. In one class we sometimes worked in small groups and my fellow students would often receive text messages during our sessions which they would reply to immediately. Others would sometimes wear their music players. Personally I found this a bit annoying as I felt that our work should be their main focus. However, I then remembered how many years earlier my mother could not understand how I could do my school home work while listening the the radio. I decided to be tolerant of the young ones as maybe they were able to concentrate on their phones and their work at the same time even though I could not.
“However, I then remembered how many years earlier my mother could not understand how I could do my school home work while listening the the radio.”
Bingo. All of us have such memories, but most of us prefer to conveniently forget it. You are so right. the next generation is able to do things that we cannot, but very few of us accept or acknowledge the fact.
Thank you for the lovely comment and welcome to Shail’s Nest 🙂