– a story
Her cheeks were wet with tears. She stood silently looking at her mother’s face contorted in anger, now blurring as her eyes filled with fresh tears. She had not yet understood how to solve the math problem and her mother was clearly annoyed, chastising her in loud tones. She felt hemmed in by the harsh tones of her mother’s voice. She looked down at her note book to take another look and huge drops of tears fell wetting the page and smudging what was written. She hastily wiped the tears off with the edge of her frock.
She tried to concentrate once again on the equation, the squiggly x’s and y’s and all those brackets, with pluses and minuses and equals. Her brain refused to co-operate. Nothing seemed to register. Her brows wrinkled, she tried to make sense of them, wiping the tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand. Her mother started explaining again. She tried to follow what was being said. But when her mother asked her a question a few seconds later, she could only stare back blankly, unable to give an answer. She tried hard to process the information in her already confused brain and tentatively gave one. It was wrong.
She tried to blink away her tears in frustration as her mother’s voice rose again in anger. The reprimands rang louder this time and she shrank within herself. Tell me how you arrived at that answer. With one finger moving left to right on the equation written in her notebook, she tried hesitantly to come up with the reasoning. After a few moments of indecision, in diffident tones she began. She flinched as her mother slapped. It was followed by an infuriated outburst at her lack of interest in studies, her refusal to concentrate. The tirade continued for some time.
The father, who had been listening impatiently, now decided to step in and take matters into his hand. Her heart sank as he lowered himself into the seat vacated by her mother. He imperiously proceeded to explain the math problem to her in his way. She listened nervously, anxiety muddling her up even further. His question came next, like a bullet from a gun, sharp. So how would you arrive at the answer?? She stood uncertain and tense. She had no clear picture as yet. She did not really know as yet what the equation was all about. What little she knew had evaporated in her nervousness.
Her timid stance increased the father’s ire. In a voice that barely concealed his anger, he demanded an answer. In faltering tones, she gave one. He dismissed it midway with a curt gesture, clearly furious with her. His tone had now gone deceptively quiet as he asked her once again. What is the answer?? Sensitive as she was the suppressed anger in his tone got to her making her cringe within. She stood helplessly, fresh tears coursing down her cheeks, fear filling her heart. Trembling, she blurted out the first answer that came to her befuddled mind. He hit her then, taking a hard swipe on her shoulder with his adult hand.
She was pushed forward involuntarily by the force of the blow. She hastily straightened herself, whimpering. Give me the answer, he shouted at her. The house had suddenly gone silent. All eyes were now on her, she knew. Pain and humiliation brought more tears to her eyes. If this is so and this is so, what’s the answer, he asked her through gritted teeth. She stood there totally confused. If it was not this one then the answer must be the other one, she thought. So she gave the alternative answer. As soon as the answer was out of her mouth, he hit her. Is it?? he asked. She quickly corrected herself and gave the earlier answer. Oh is it back to the earlier one now?? He hit her again and then again.
Now she was totally demoralized, in pain and cowering. She sobbed unashamedly as her siblings and mother watched from the sidelines. Her father walked away in throwing up his hands in exasperation. She was no good. She was never going to be either. What are we going to do with her?? he asked her mother. She dragged her feet to the dining table when her mother called. She sat at the table not looking at any one, eyes downcast. She could feel her siblings’ eyes on her. But within a few minutes they had forgotten her and were talking among themselves and also to mother. She felt so alone, lonely and unwanted.
The food on her plate remained untouched. Eat, her mother said. Was that sympathy she heard in that one word?? The next moment her doubts were dispelled as her mother who had been smiling and talking to her siblings turned and tersely told her to stop fussing and start eating. She retreated fully into her shell, completely cutting herself off from her surroundings. She ate a little to satisfy her mother, washed her mouth and went straight to her bed. She lay there remembering more such incidents and sobbing silently, involuntarily. Sleep eluded her.
Gradually the household settled down for the night. She could hear the gentle breathing of her siblings beside her, as she lay with her back to them. Soon, the lights in her parents’ room were also switched off. All was silent, save for the night noises. It was quite dark too. Strangely, today neither the noises nor the darkness scared her. She got up noiselessly. Without a sound, she tip-toed out of the room and entered the front room. Holding her breath, as silently a she could, she pulled the wooden stool her father used to put up his feet while reading the morning paper. Standing on it, as gently as she could she eased the top latch of the front door. She slowly opened the door, its slight creak making her heart flutter in apprehension. Then, without a backward glance she walked through the open door, out into the dark, the unknown. She was only nine.
It keep happening all the time
child abuse is such a crime
scarring them in their prime
such parents are akin to grime.
Me: ‘Scarring them in their prime” and forever leaving a mark….
My heart weeps with the child and the umpteen children of her kind. Such parents are not fit to be called parents. In this era, the parents get shocked if their child studying in LKG, does not get the first rank. Their false prestige makes them think that it is the end of the world. Are they not living in a fool’s paradise? In life, the academic brilliance is good, but not essential to shine in any job.
You have written the words brilliantly….Cheers!!!
Me: “In life, the academic brilliance is good, but not essential to shine in any job.” That’s exactly it. But how many people understand that?? I remember a teacher telling me that the marks my son scored in his UKG were not enough. He had got above 90 in everything. ‘There are children who got 100/100’ she told me. I looked at her, smiled, went home and forgot all about it. I mean, if this isn’t crazy tell me what is??! 90+ is not enough.
“My heart weeps with the child and the umpteen children of her kind.” So does mine. Thank you Unnichetta.
Tears down a dam, damn it. It’s all about equations, mathematical or otherwise. It wells up to the brim and stays there, a thin film like lens, refracting…..neither love nor hate…that’s the heartbreak. So moving, this one , and I want to thank you:)
Me: “Its all about equations” “Neither love nor hate” Hmmm… I agree. And why the thanks Sasichetta?? 🙂
Oh! That is so heart wrenching! And true, in most households during exam time. I for one am guilty of having walked away exasperated after trying to explain maths to my son. I cannot even imagine physical abuse though. I think every parent should read this. Its wonderful how you have explained this through a child’s eyes. Wonderful, touching words.
Me: Thank you Dreamer. I think most of us are guilty of the walking away exasperated bit though not the physical abuse itself or the ostracism after that. The best part is when we teach other children, then we don’t walk away exasperated. I learnt the truth that it is better to leave the teaching to others if you cannot be the same person you are while teaching children other than your own.
My story was something like this but I was never abused untill I got fed up.In comparision to my sibling ,I was dumb at math.
Me: Thanks Lahari. Actually there are quite a number of children who are sometimes good in a subject but are put off it either due to some teachers and their ways of teaching or by parents who put too much pressure. But yeah some simply don’t like a subject enough to excel in it.
Reading a blog after such a looooooong time… (It’s 3.04am here) My b’day just got ended! lol sheesh I got into the memory lane once again! I sometimes hesitate to read your blogs in fear that I might burst out those tears that I’ve been holding back since long!
Me: Bubbly, hope you had a lovely day. Sorry it had to end with a trip down memory lane with this post. Cheer up, make sure your kids never feel that way. that is all we can do.
I am crying after reading this story. You have narrated the cruel reality of this world so vividly! This earth is beautiful and livable just because of those lovely cute creatures called children. But sadly, they are the most abused, in many of the cases like this, by their own parents. Most of the parents want to impose their own dreams and thinking on their kids which is totally wrong as every kid is different and special.
Me:“…every kid is different and special” How true that is. Thank you Basanta. Abused children only grow up to be maladjusted individuals. Its sad really, this vicious circle.
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Touching story…
Child abuse is something that prevails in every nook and corner of society yet unnoticed by majority of people…I am happy that your story would spread awareness about that…
Me: Welcome Amit. I agree, child abuse is widespread and exists in many forms. If my story helps in making people aware, I’d be gratified. Thank you.
Someday,these incidents will become only fiction….hope floats.
Me: Welcome Gyanban. Hopefully they will become fiction.
This is such a true account that flows beautifully. It took me down memory lane. Its a fantastic reminder for what we do in our unawareness. This is a reality in many homes. I wish it wasnt so. My Nemesis was College Math…
Me: Unawareness… hmm right. I wonder when we get the awareness and how, …unless we try. Thanks Rashmi for dropping by.
Congratulations Shail 😀
Me: Thank you Dreamer! We share the same week eh?? Congrats to you too. 😀
Sadly there are thousands like her in real life. I don’t know how you can teach with abuse, she may not be bright in this field but that doesn’t mean she is not bright in other things. These are the type of parents who don’t deserve a child.
Me: Yes Krishnan, I agree, many more like her out there who are being abused if not for one then for another reason. You are right, she may be good in something else.. but this sort of treatment you can be sure will dim that brightness too, leaving her in darkness.
This was such a heartrending post.
Some children are differently abled and gifted. I have been witness to something that could have turned out like how it did in your post, but didnt. It takes a huge understanding, and its very difficult for people to realize that there is a life away from maths and science and it is wonderful. It changes a child life.
I just wonder where the child in your post is, today……
Me: Welcome to my page Ugich Konitari and thank you for leaving a comment. Indeed it takes a huge understanding and unfortunately when that is missing the child suffers. I wonder too where she is… and many like her for that matter.
That was heart wrenching, and sadly the story of so many little children! I so wish the parents understood the effect their criticism and expectations had on the psyche of the child. Wonderfully thought provoking story.
And congratulations on the Blogadda pick!
Me: Thank you Smitha. Yeah you find so many little ones all around facing the same situation. Many parents openly play favorites that the neglected one is left wondering if she/he indeed was born to them. Sometimes it is just a matter of color. I know of an educated man who loved the fairer one of his twin boys, who found place on his lap and could accompany him on outings, not the other darker one. Do such people deserve children??! And I would surely hit anyone if they tell me its the other child’s karma or whatever. That attitude really annoys me.
I feel like crying, Shail. You are too good a narrator. This happens in many households. If one child in intelligent and the other one is less intelligent (taare zamin par), the abuses are more.
What will that child do outside her house, in this bad bad world?
Me: Thank you Sandhya. Yes, it is like some parents think children have been made in a factory line, that they are the same! If one is accomplished according to the current requirements of society the other who is not, is penalized. Besides some parents are themselves accomplished in some field and if the child is not then also the child suffers. If the child did not inherit that quality (like singing or so) can we blame the child?? I mean was it in her/his hands to enter the world with the talents the parents possessed?? Even outsiders, relatives etc compare the children unfavorably with their parents in such cases.
Congrats for the bigadda award, Shail! This post of yours deserves it.
Me: Thank you Sandhya 🙂
Hey!
This was really nice. And very touching.
Parents need to be really tactful with children, it’s a reflection of how children are forced into a rat race at such a tender age, it plays with their emotions.
Me: Welcome Niveditha and thank you. Empathy and open communication lines would I think help and also the realization that children are all not the same. Most parents liberally use, “When I was your age… bla blah blah” What the parents did or did not do at at that age, how good or bad they were has absolutely no place in the upbringing of a child.
I’m literally shaking here,Shail.Its so jolting! The girl in the story,sadly is someone we get to see or hear about in many a household. You’ve raised a pertinent issue like child abuse in the most most appropriate way- by weaving a story which all of us relate to.
Its sad how parents dont realize how their sky-rocketing expectations of their children are harming them more than benefitting.
Me: Yes, we do see them around us all the time. I remember talking to a little girl of 12 whose mother asked me for help, requested me to talk to the girl; when I did it was like she was behind a wall. Just the thought how lonely she must be behind it made me want to cry. She needed counseling I felt and I wasn’t competent… but her parents wouldn’t understand. That’s the sad part.
Shail,hearty congratulations on the blogadda pick. That was well deserved 🙂
Me: Thanks Deeps.
Shail, It hurt. Just the thought that so many kids get abused everyday for various reasons by this “mature” world.
I couldn’t guess the age as I thought she picked the stool to hang herself. I was numb when I realized the ending.
Your fiction is always so close to truth.
Me: Thanks Soli. I feel very passionately about the way children are treated by parents. (and also the way some parents are treated by older children, but that is another story) Parents and grown-ups in general don’t really understand the deep wounds they inflict on the psyche of kids.
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Very truthful depiction of such a common story, very moving Shail. I have felt sorry for so many of my friends and couple of my close cousins in such situations. Have seen them tremble with fear of their parents. Hope these touching depictions of truth manage to open the eyes of all parents.
Me: Welcome to Shail’s Nest Lakshmi. I hope any who has read this will remember it for always. Thanks for the comment.
This happens to children all the time, and even if the child is most keen to learn she forgets everything under such stress, fear and violence. Your narration broke my heart… the talk through gritted teeth, the impatience… and the way she hoped there was tenderness in her mother’s voice.. this shouldn’t happen to any child. GM also wrote about DV against children, both verbal and physical, we don’t even acknowledge it 😦
I am glad Blogadda picked this post – it should be read by all. Congratulations Shail.
Me: This shouldn’t happen to any child. I read GM’s post and left a comment too. Sad isn’t it that this is rarely acknowledged?? Thanks for the congratulations.
Congratulations on the award, well deserved.
You’re narration is beautiful in its simplicity. It’s heart breaking that this happens in every household. Beating is equated so wrongly with teaching. I know I’ve had my share of hitting but luckily my parents never resorted to slapping.
Me: Thank you Post Script. I guess when it comes to teaching and making a child understand something, beating is absolutely useless. A flustered. emotionally upset and physically pained child is not going to absorb a single thing you are trying to teach. I agree.
Makes it sound almost like it is happening in front of ur eyes. Very beautifully described (written). Had tears in my eyes by the end !
Parents can very rarely understand children these days, pressed for time that they are. Children on the other hand are pressurised into performing better than their parents ever did, by their teachers parents and peers. It all adds up to very “unhealthy” situation. For a girl child it becomes all the more “painful”. U hv narrated it all in this simple blog just superbly
Me: Welcome to my page and thank you for the comment Aroop. Well, I think very few parents understand children and I wouldn’t confine it to ‘these days’ at all. Yes, pressures of life combines to add up to ‘unhealthy’ situations. So aptly put. Thanks once again.
Oh my God, the pain does not go away does it? Reminded me of things best left forgotten. Heart wrenching and so possible….. It is more common than we would like to believe
Me: I guess it does not. And yes it is more common than we like to believe! Thank you Ritu.
Hello Shail
Excellent post. Discovered your blog on Blog Adda.
You have narrated it so well that it looks like if everything was happening before me only.
Learnt a lesson never ever loose my composure while teaching my kid. Kids are very-2 sensitive these days. They have lots of self respect and do not hesitate for a nao second even while taking any strong step.
Regards
Me: Thank you for stopping to leave a comment. Kids have always been sensitive, it is not just about these days. Sometimes it is better to leave the teaching to a thrid party if keeping composure is a problem and we as parents can do the finishing touches, the ‘garnishing’ of teaching.
What do i say after so many comments above!!
ITs just awesome! 🙂
Me: Thank you so much Sakhi. 🙂
This broke my heart, not only because of the cruelty imposed on this child in your blog, but because many years ago my wife and I expected so very much of our oldest son and in “demanding and insisting” that he “he jump through our education hoops,” I can now see years later how we impacted on his chance to develop academically.
He became a high school dropout and has no interests in reading, learning, nothing beyond watching television. Yet I realize now that he had then and has now a “native” intelligence that we got in the way of him cultivating. And of course there seems to be no turning back the clock, so the damage seems permanent.
We changed our style with sons two and three. One got his Associate of Arts degree (two years in college) in architectural drafting and the youngest son is about to complete his basic requirements for an Associate of Arts degree in general studies, both while holding jobs. Neither of them wants to go on for a bachelor’s degree now, but both could if they decide to later.
And just tonight Chris was working with Jimi on some school work and he is such a smart four year old. And there was a time when our eldest son was as smart and full of potential as Jimi. And as first time parents we (mostly me; my wife was a trained teacher) muddled Jeff’s progress so that each year he cared less and less about school.
I feel tears in my heart for the girl in your writing and for my son. My regret cannot undo the damage I wrought on his self-esteem and potential love of learning and academic achivement thwarted.
Thanks for getting this nail right on the head, the absurdity of treating our children so tyrannically when they are just in many situations running into the equivalent of “mild speeding bumps” in the highway of learning.
I did not take to school right away, but eventually my parents communicated a love and enjoyment of learning that took root in my thick skull finally.
Excellent and superlative, tremendous and extremely well-written, in other words, results that you consistently achieve, Shail. Thank you for sharing and congrats on the well deserved award.
An admiring fan and friend,
Bob
Me: Thank you for the superlative words of appreciation Bob. It always comes in handy while attempting a new post! 🙂
What do I say about your comment?? You have told me about this before. Most parents falter at one time or other in the upbringing of their children. But we soon correct ourselves. But of course if the damage is high then undoing it is not easy… its’ impossible in some cases. A sad truth. But we can always try and make amends, whatever we can. My heart goes out to Jeff and also to you Bob… I know it hurts when you realise you could have done better.
so poignantly expressed shail…i just wish many more would read this, for this is a fault many a parent commits…times when they actually need a time out for themselves…times when they lose control. just goes to show that being a parent is not just a biological thing, you got to learn to become one…and that’s a super tough task, not meant for all…but who cares? get married, have kids…is the order of things, who cares about competency?
Me: This is definitely a mistake many parents commit! Who does indeed care about competency?? “Get married, time to see those kunjillaal” Oh yeah kunjikkaal (tiny feet) is in demand big time, not your competency to bring up those kunjikkaal!
Thanks Ganga.
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what a wonderful post!! am speechless!
Me: Welcome to my page How do we know. Thanks very much for the appreciation.
This post has been Nominated more than once in The AGB Awards – and totally deserves it.
Me: Thanks IHM. I have been too busy to make nominations myself as I was short of time to dig into posts by friends! 😦
This post took me in past….I shuddered remembering the fear – not knowing how to answer, what to answer.
“She looked down at her note book to take another look and huge drops of tears fell wetting the page and smudging what was written. She hastily wiped the tears off with the edge of her frock.” – have lost count of how many times that happened 😦
Now, I try never to let that happen to my children.
Me: Welcome to my blog-space 2Bs mommy. That’ what we can do, never let it happen to our children.
The lady on the 2nd floor in the building opposite ours, does this to her daughter. Very harsh that sometimes I shudder when she screams, “How many times have I told you? How many times??”. We’ve been around since about 4 years now. Have seen her grow up from a 3 yr old, to a 7 yr old. Now she gets back at her Mom in her own ways.. Like when her Dad is waiting outside n calling out to her Mom to get ready and come out soon while revving the car engine, this kid sneaks out to the balcony and screams “Papa… Mummy lipstick lagaa rahi hai” n the mother comes out to scream at her for lying. Mummy wasn’t wearing lipstick.
Sad, it all is.. really sad.
I just read about her in one of your posts. Imagine the child is getting back at the mother in her own way! The kids react to harshness from parents in different ways! It IS really sad!
Shail, Came here through IHM’s blog. Things like this leave a deep scar in a child’s heart. And it is very difficult to convince majority of the parents here that abuse leaves scars…..Children never forget…
I agree. Children never forget. Sorry for the late reply. I don’t know how I missed these last few comments 🙂
A very sad, haunting story, so realistic too – this is definitely going to stay with me every time I sit with my daughter for her studies! I think I will just have to work on myself to not lose my cool and know that she will learn at her own pace. I can imagine the rejection bit can be so isolating and damaging to a kid, it is not fair to subject them to demands of conditional love.
I agree. If this stays with even one parent, I will be grateful. Thanks Chattywren. And sorry for the late reply.
You captured her emotions and her turmoil so brilliantly! I like to visually see the story on the page, but this time, I feared if I did that I would start bawling. It broke my heart, and I was certainly cheering for her as she walked out, though the fear of what would happen to her next came soon after. You ended at a very bad spot! 😛
This reminded me of Taare Zameen Par, especially the song “Maa”. I cry every time that song plays, long before it actually starts.
I relate to what you say about cheering for her as she walks out, but fearing for what will happen to her. The Taare Zameen Par song makes my eyes misty too. Thank you Starlitwishes for dropping by and apologies for the late reply.
🙂 Not a problem! You’re welcome.
This is one of the finest articles I have ever read. I could see some part of myself being in that hopeless situation. I am glad I am an adult now and would never want my kids to go thru the torture. Parents need to fill their child’s bucket of self esteem so high that no one can poke a hole to drain it dry.
I agree with you RK. I would never want any child to go through this. Sorry for the late reply to your comment. Thanks for dropping in and for the appreciation.
*sigh* I’ve seen so many of my friends being treated that way. At least in terms of studies, I’m so glad that I never had to endure that.
Such a moving piece, Shail!
Thanks, Roshni. 🙂
Wow…just wow! Your story-telling is amazing Shail…
Thank you and welcome to Shail’s Nest 🙂
Shail, it reminded me of my childhood and the mother seems exactly like my mom, I was and still dumb at maths and both my parents and brother had been toppers so they never understood why I couldn’t grasp simple (according to them) logics.
I remember one incident clearly, I was in class I and my mom was teaching us I was doing greater smaller equations and I always used to get confused between these signs. My mom without realising that I have done it right slapped me hard as soon as she glanced and then when she saw it properly she said I am sorry you have done it right. but I guess the damage was done.
I think it happens to a lot of children who are different (and have different interests) from their parents and siblings, unless the parents are mature, open, understanding, patient, empathetic. But where marriage is seen as a social necessity and children are born because that’s what everyone else is doing, I don’t think the majority of parents have the necessary qualifications to parent.
Yes I guess you are right! When I became mom four years back one thing I promised myself was that I will not make my child ever feel unwanted and unloved no matter what he does. Because I think a child needs the love of parents most when he does not deserves it. Thank you for your post and then your reply it acted as catharsis for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Oh God ! this is heart wrenching.
Gosh, this one is so moving.
I am all tears…indeed getting beaten up in presence of others is humiliation beyond words. A child is highly delicate, sensitive and emotional and even a small act does make a huge impact on his/her mind. This was too emotional with the latest cases of child abuse in Kerala and Karnataka…even Falak. Tolerance levels in humans is reducing day by day and it pains to see that small kids too bear the brunt.
This is so sad.. so so sad really 😦
I had a classmate in school who used to get beaten up for getting less marks in English 😦
Once, he showed me his back and it was crossed with ribbon marks! 😦
I used to tutor him in English in 10th std so that his dad stops beating him…