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This is not what you think it is. I certainly do not have an identity crisis. Oh no siree, not at all. But someone else seems to have a ‘crisis’ of gargantuan proportion about my ‘identity’! Now if that isn’t weird besides being funny of course, tell me what is! Not that it should matter anyways. As long as I know who I am, why should it? The day I start doubting who I am and unable to stand the pressure of the question, crumble and start sticking straws in my hair, when the doctors at the nearest asylum start rubbing their hands in glee sensing business coming their way and lose no time in rolling out the welcome carpet for me to sashay into that padded cell would be the time to start worrying. As of now, nothing of the sort has happened and all I want to do is roll on the floor laughing at this poor misguided soul or souls who is/are being taken for a royal ride by another someone or someones about my true identity or lack of it.

Ahem… time for some history. Bear with me while I look back in time. I started blogging way back in 2006 in the by now extinct platform of Yahoo 360 under the name of ‘Shail’ which is but a shortened version of my real name. I agree I did not think much of my name while growing up (What’s in a name??). But *sob sob* that is the only name I have and I have stuck to it like a leech wherever I have blogged or am blogging. Besides, I really love I, me and myself, all three of them in fact. I have never ever wanted to change or morph the I, me, myself into someone else. Sadly enough, I don’t even have role models on pedestals to model myself on, like many of you out there.

I am not only happy and content being I, me and myself, but also comfortable enough to tell the world about that I, me and myself without editing or hiding behind masks or avatars. Hence be it any social networking site or blog site, you will find me using my own boring moniker and my own boring picture too. I know it IS rather boring, but there it is, that’s the way I am, a staid and boring uninteresting a person with not enough imagination to change my name or blog anonymously under assumed names.

Of course it is no crime to blog anonymously or hide your identity, what with the world being what it is with those wanting to be ‘friands’ going Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and others wanting to ‘instant massage’ you! It is simply a personal choice. To each his/her own is my way of looking at it. Anyways, this someone seems to have been taken for a royal ride by someone else into thinking that I, me, myself and some anonymous blogger are one and the same. Of course it should not be any problem to me what someone thinks and why. After all it is not my head smoking about whether I am one person or two rolled into one. But someone or someones is being very mean minded about it and hurling accusations at me via the comments section. Tch tch tch… not cricket at all this, my dear someone or someones.

Now when any one has any doubts about anything, it is better to be open and forthright about it. “Hello Shail. Who are you??” would have been a nice way to start off the proceedings, followed by,

Are you the so-and-so blogger, blogging at x,y or z platform anonymously?

Oh no siree. Someone it seems does not want anything to do with the direct approach, and has chosen to be coy and hide behind anonymity, fake e-mail ids and cryptic spam comments which go so far as to accuse me of not being able to dance because, hold your breath people, because I am handicapped. Hmmm… Correct me if I am wrong, but being handicapped or not knowing to dance is no crime in India or in any other country as far as I know. Of course I could be wrong. Being from Neptune and all that am not all familiar with how you humans go about these things. I can solemnly assure you though that it is not a crime in Neptune, my home planet. Non-dancers and disabled are accepted as equals.

By the way, I am still puzzled as to why humans think it is necessary to prove to some stranger who will not even identify himself/herself and who one doesn’t know from Adam or Eve whether one can or cannot dance or whether one has or does not have a disability. Sigh! What is this world coming to if bloggers have to prove their dancing capabilities and the state of their limbs to their readers?? I thought blogging was all about writing skills. Just goes to show how much more learning is left for me to do to understand humans.

Of course it is none of my business what someone, or anyone for that matter, chooses to delude themselves with. I mean there are people selling non-existent oil shares and there are those who buy those shares too. So if someone wishes to be delusional that I am some other anonymous blogger and cannot twirl and swirl because of some handicap is it any of my business? Hmmm… but can I really blame the poor someone? I have been naive myself and believed there existed praying goats. So how can I point fingers at others for being gullible? I do sympathize with this someone who has been royally fooled (methinks) into believing there are not two but only one in two different forms. But since this someone is choosing to spam me with cryptic and rude comments due to said gullibility, methinks, I need make it  my business after all.

Hello! You poor soul, you don’t have to spend sleepless nights speculating who I am or am not. Search and ye shall find. That is all there is to it. But you have to look where it matters. Check the records; they are all publicly available for anyone for scrutiny. I own a passport, ration card, driving license, PAN card, voters ID card et al, all under the same name and what’s more, you will find my grinning picture on all of them.

If that doesn’t give the needed satisfaction and you still toss and turn in your bed counting sheep, please write to me using a ‘real’ e-mail id to which I (or my representatives) can give a suitable reply. I mean of what use is it sitting in another country and accusing me via spam comments that I cannot dance and I am disabled?! Let us get together and thrash this thing out. Since it seems to be giving you so much of stress, enough in fact to give your life the go by and instead spend valuable time throwing accusations at total strangers (come on there is more to life than sitting in front of the PC writing comments accusing people on the net)

I thought I will condescend to let you out of your misery. In fact I will even ask my family and friends to tag along so that they can vouchsafe for me. And if I am in the mood I will even do a jig or two (to prove I can dance) and walk a few steps (to show I can walk in spite of the sciatica) and I don’t even ask anything of you in return. So shall we fix that appointment to meet at the nearest police station?

© Shail Mohan 2009