Tags
My sister-in-law said she cried while reading it. As for me I went through a whole range of emotions while going through Khaled Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns’ (Thank you Maddy for the gift). At one point I was even laughing myself silly, in total disbelief too, where the religious leaders find the ‘bare’ long legs of the flamingos in a painting to be obscene. They want the painter (who is jailed for his crime of painting it) to cover up its legs decently. I mean what the heck! I thought the Creator would be spared by such people. But here even the Creator is being questioned for his wisdom in creating birds with long uncovered legs!!
Though I laughed and felt like crying too, the emotion that surfaced throughout while following the lives of Mariam, Laila and little Aziza (Yes, I think Aziza deserves mention too. For me the three are inseparable) through thirty years of Afghan history, was predominantly of rage. Rage at the way women are treated. How can anyone do this to fellow humans?? And for what, for being a woman?? Is that the crime, being born a woman??!!
I am so much better off, I thought. I have freedom. Freedom is what I value most. Here in India, I can comport myself the way I like. I can dress the way I like. I can eat and drink what I like. I can speak to whosoever I like. I can go out with a man friend. I can laugh out loud. I can disagree openly with my father/brother/husband or son if I differ in my views. I can choose a profession I like. I can come home late if I so wish. I can dance. Aren’t I lucky??
Or so I thought till I heard of the culture-vultures, the goons who wanted to take control of women’s lives. No skimpy clothes, they say. No drinking, they say. No dancing or men-friends either. Western culture spoiling youth, they say. And then, to get their point across they beat up women and then publicly (and proudly) claim responsibility. What b***** culture is that we are speaking of here that the West has to take the trouble of spoiling it, I ask. In fact I would ask the West to protect itself from this ‘great’ culture of ours.
Do we want them also to worship women in temples as Goddesses and then ogle and grope her in crowded buses, roads, fairs, temples (yes even in temples where the ‘traditionally’ attired women the devis are praying for their men!!) and anywhere and everywhere??!! A culture that does not have the guts to stand up to the real ills of the society but finds soft targets to beat up like girls in a pub??!! A culture that endorses the attack on the girls saying this is teaching them a lesson??!! A culture that will not give equal rights to women to lead their own lives in the manner they wish??!!
I am simply amazed that my countrymen cannot look within themselves and see the illness that pervades. Sad that they don’t understand that ‘culture is not something that is static. What we call our culture is an amalgamation. It has embraced with open arms from those cultures it has come in contact with along the way while giving of itself too. So which ‘culture’ are these ‘hooligans’ speaking of?? A shame, that they don’t understand its dynamic nature. A pity that they cannot accept that inevitable thing called CHANGE! Angry, that the cowards that they are, they resort to violence against women to ‘preserve’ culture. What they don’t realize, ‘You cannot ‘preserve’ culture even if you pickle it.’
I wonder that I thought myself free at all. Am I really?? Can I go out in a dress I find comfortable wearing?? Can I choose a drink of my choice without looking over my shoulder for goons ready to pounce on me?? Can I go where I like (be it a pub or bar, who are you to question??), without the self-styled moralists beating me up and molesting me for being there?? Can I talk to a male friend in the comfort of a home or restaurant without culture vultures questioning my morality?? Is it my choice be the choice right or wrong?? And what the hell makes them think that they have the right to make the choices for me??! Is it my life at all??
In my mind’s eye I see a crowd of Mariams, Lailas and Azizas that they are bent on creating. Inexorable rage fills me.
Shail's Nest 
YEs rage fills my heart too.
Imagine people not even having freedom to wear or drink. some people want to govern that too… not by preaching but by beating us up !!
and best is no one wants to protect us, no one wants to take action against these hooligans… who will want to get dirt on their hands.
We have been left helpless and at the mercy of Sena’s….
disgusting !
Yes Dhiren, not going out and trying to convince others of their view point or even being an example, but beating up and that too girls. Will they have the courage to beat up bad guys I wonder?? It IS disgusting.
I guess its time we took our protection in our own hands… when a mob attacks dont run. Get together and hit back !! nothing else will save you ordinary citizen !
Shail- It is natural to be filled with rage at incidents like this. And the so-called protectors of our culture who participated in them are nothings but goons.
But even more guilty are the Netas like RT who exhort them to do the atrocious acts. The MNS and SS leaders have to get the larger part of the blame.
Today the ordinary people on the street are losing their jobs and in this recession situation feel as if things are beyond their control. I think that exerting their power over women (because, being physically and socially stronger, they can) gives them an illusion of control.
This feeling is exploited by leaders like RT.
Of course, this does not in any way excuse the men actually involved, and they should be punished.
Re: the recent incident, the State BJP govt. should ensure swift justice. This is all the more necessary because the goons involved regard the BJP govt. as ‘their’ govt.
Manju, I agree, they are nothing but goons. I am more angry about the regressive reactions from some of our fellow citizens. I hope justice is ensured, I really hope. But the hope is faint! 😦
In fact I would ask the West to protect itself from this ‘great’ culture of ours.
I really liked that!!! 🙂
Bubbly, I really mean it. I hate people who go on and on about the ‘greatness’ of our ‘culture’! One just has to be a woman and walk on the road (fully clothed) and they will understand in a jiffy what is so ‘great’ about our culture!! Eve-teasing, molesting, groping, lewd commenting and now they have started hitting as well. Great, simply great indeed.
Please pick your award 🙂
Oh wow, not another one!! Sure will hop over! Thanks Nimmy!
Shail: You write well. Impressed! Let’s hope that the goons who are now booked are not let off in a few days and return as heroes in their own “make-believe” world. Let’s hope they get atleast 2-3 years of jail term. They should be banned and stripped of the freedom to resume politics and instead should be given the job of bouncers and security guards and car parkers in the very pub they created a problem. This should be the punishment! Keep Blogging!
Hey, welcome Biju and thanks for the kind words. Yo, I agree with you on that, let’s hope indeed.
I seriously don’t know what culture are we talking about. As you mentioned in mine, do they want women in flimsy white sarees without blouse having live-in relation with 5 men?
They have no clue about our culture or epics and interpret the way they want to get some political mileage. Who better target than women?
I remember an incident in school when Sushma Swaraj asked all women to wear our Indian dress preferably salwar-kameez and sarees and then there was an interview going on at her house and her daughter walked in wearing jeans.
Solilo, I cannot but help laugh out after reading that bit about Sushma Swaraj and her advice to girls. Remember how the language chauvinists incite people and then send their own kids to English medium schools?? Something similar. All these preachings are for others, to get votes.
Search me what this culture is they are speaking of. Do they want us to accept the minimal clothes the old timers wore?? Surely they don’t mean we should wear tree barks and leaves?? Isn’t that what we all wore originally before cloth was invented?? Isn’t that our original and ‘real’ tradition?? Or should we go even backwards….?? You bet they don’t have a clue! Women are the soft targets on whom they can hit (pun intended) for political mileage!
Shail this really disturbed (A HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT) me.
I find this much worse than even the terrorists attack. That was an attack by by an enemy. This was by our own countrymen. And … this man is shamessly justifying his act!
Now if these men are not severely punished soon we will have senas like this every town… literally anybody who can afford will start keeping their own senas for protection!
Or for attacking.
YOu can say that for me too IHM. This IS disturbing to say the least. What angers me is that trying to justify these atrocities and the laymen, men and women who nod their heads sagely, “aahhhh isn’t our culture going down the drain and be saved”?? And what better way than to go in mobs (look at that!) and beat up a few girls!!
You are right, this is a dangerous trend of ‘sena control’ and has to stop.
Expressed excellently, with passion, truth, and abundant relevance,
Regarding the concept of being pro-woman, totally supportive of the female gender, I offer a personal story. As I was growing up, my parternal grandmother, Mary Kathleen (White) Hoff often told us that our family was related to a famous Kansas journalist/editor/newspaper owner by the name of William Allen White, 1868 – 1944.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Allen_White
He won two Pulitzer prizes (1923 for an editorial and posthumously in 1947 for his Autobiography) In the early 1900s, he received much national attention when, grief-stricken, he wrote about his 16 year-old daughter Mary who was knocked off her horse by a tree limb and killed.
His Mother, Mrs. Mary White, and Father, Dr. Allen White, were both pro-women’s suffrage, and twice had the famous women’s rights advocate, Susan B. Anthony, visit the Wite family in their home.
Both his parents were also in favor of the prohibition of alcohol and Mary was in favor of rights for Blacks. These values the parents passed on to their son William Allen White. In fact, in 1924, William Allen ran as an Independent for the the governorship of Kansas on an anti-Klu Klux Klan “plank” (the hooded bigots who rode in groups to harass, tar and feather, and even lynch or shoot minorities to intimidat them in the “Land of the Free.”)
William Allen White ran because no one other Governor candidate was taking a stand against the Klu Klux Klan. Unfortunately, in the 1924 campaign in Kansas he lost his bid for election.
My point is that the many of the “creeps and bullies and no values people” in scocieties all over the world, I think, inherit much of their stupidity and ignorance from their parents (unless other negative “mind” factors figure in; who inherited from you know who). And conversely, good-thinking parents educate their children not to be “creeps and bullies and no “values” people. I know that is very simplistic, but why else would any sane person teat women so badly as they are treated all over the world?
I have spent many hours recently reading and on line trying to track down how my grandmother was related to William Allen White. I assume she was, but maybe she was mistaken, although she lived in some of the places he did.
As you know, I enjoyed Hosseini’s “The Kite Runner.”Sounds like his sequel will just make me mad. Should i read or forget it?
Again, I am reading so much about William Allen Whie. He apparently used to tell his writers (when he owned “The Emporia Gazette” for 50 years), “Make your words dance.” He believe in straight forward “no frills” writing. He came to be known as “The Sage of Emporia,” so he must have known how to reach his audiences, no?
Your words attract. Do you see them as “dancing?:
Take care. 🙂
You know Bob, regarding “…many of the “creeps and bullies and no values people” in scocieties all over the world, I think, inherit much of their stupidity and ignorance from their parents (unless other negative “mind” factors figure in; who inherited from you know who)” We all have to take responsibility for our actions at some point of time, when we grow up to be adults. Our family environment definitely molds us. But what is our own brain doing?? Lot many of my friends tell me that their parents have dinned this into their heads, dinned that. Well and good. But don’t we do a lot of things in life in spite of their dinning not to do so?? Even in India where the educational system, family set up are all geared towards never letting us think for ourselves!! Teachers gives us notes, parents decide everything from college to who your spouse i s going to be to even how many children you need have. (Ok ok, I don’t belong in that category, you well know that and if anyone comes advising me including my parents, they are going to have their head bitten off 😛 )
You find children of the same set of parents brought up in the same environment growing up differently. So I don’t set much store by this family thing. Of course it does influence a lot, but one can always think for oneself and not toe the family line. BTW at this point let me tell you my mother would probably be even now shaking her head at the way these girls were in the pub. She does not think widows should wear colored dress and dress themselves up. Perhaps you can guess the fireworks when we do meet??
But your point is a valid one. I have seen modern young men, the young generation still talking of ‘virgin’ brides for themselves and looking for ones who would wear ‘Indian clothes’. They are just parroting generations of family “wisdom” The sad part is that wisdom is not for them, only the girls!! I heard from a smart girl that she agreed to switch to totally traditional wear if the boy would also follow suit. BTW, this is a reply I have always given to people who talk of women sticking to traditional dress. Everyone accept all sorts of new things, the latest in technology that money can buy. But their minds are still closed. What do we do if each generation teaches the same to the next?? Who will break the cycle?? What is education doing??
Have I rambled?? Did you get what I was saying?? Right now I am hungry and want lunch. If this doesn’t make sense to you, I will write a comment again.
BTW thanks for the dancing words bit. It was great reading about your ‘White’ connection. Catch ya later Bob! 🙂
Please do not notice where I said “teat a woman” o “scocieties”My spell checker has the day off. 🙂 One other mistake (at least) for you to find.
🙂
Ha ha Bob, my friend, you are too generous with your spell checker always giving it an off! 😉
Hello Bob,
You said it right that “creeps and bullies” acquire most of fustrations from broken homes and obscure families. Reading your comment, I was suddenly reminded of a book named, “To kill a mocking bird.” Have a good day!
Inexorable rage — O yes indeed! The larger issue is also that a certain section of d media did knew that that was abt to happen — they were all ready with the camera and were waiting for the action to happen!
Rhett, cheap publicity and easy targets. Isn’t this what it is about?? Recently there was an incident at CCD here. It was supposedly a rally (Kerala has rallies by the millions) passing by CCD when some youngster supposedly made cat call enraging the protestors. Within no time CCD’s customers were being roughed up, including the girls. And of course the ever present media with their cameras faithfully recorded the whole thing. Do you see a pattern here?? Create a ruckus, hit a few girls, record the event live, news channels broadcast the live action, people glued to the TV sets mesmerized by the atrocity and watching with bated breath or cursing, TRP ratings soaring….
I didn’t see this one…Once again a coincidence that we seem to have transversed similar paths. I love the way you have woven the The Thousand Splendid Sons into our present tragedies. And may I suggest you also read Bapsi Sidwa’s Pakistani Bride & Water. Both these books made a huge impression on me.
I had a chat with a friend of mine this morning and quite predictably, the conversation turned to Mangalore. We were so amazed at the double standards of the modern day perception of culture. Look at the shining examples of manhood Hinduism presents before us – Gods who abandoned wives against their better judgement [Rama] or were bigamists/polygamists [Krishna] or even worse, indulged in incest!. And the epitome of womanhood – the all suffering Sita, Sati, Sheelavathy and Savitri who were known more for their devotion to their husbands than their individualities or any value additions to culture.
We do not speak of Kunti who called upon four different deities to provide her with sons or Draupadi who had 5 husbands or matsyagandhi who produced Bheeshma out of wedlock or the queens of vichitravirya who produced heirs with a man who was not their legally wedded husband. We do not speak of a Durga or a Kali, do we? Well, in Bengal we do. But not elsewhere.
And what ever the deeper explanations are which are offered for the deeds Hindu Gods and their spouses, the fact is not everyone knows of these ‘higher’ reasons. The stories which are mindlessly repeated are exactly what is being passed on and used as the foundations for random acts of aggression against women.
People forget that there was a time – the early vedic period- where women were treated with respect…People forget the philosophies of Swami Vivekananda & Raja Ram Mohan Roy…And as you said Shail, people forget that culture is dynamic…
It is scary to see the passive attitudes of the masses. Sometimes I wonder where this will end….Expressions of anger are no longer sufficent because such acts of vandalism continue…We need to act…I think women need to put their heads together and figure out how best to protect their dignity from such attacks.
Rekha, yeah once again we write about the same topic! Once a couple of years back I commented on a blog where a discussion was going on about the agnipareeksha Sita had to go through and Rama’s eventual desertion of her in spite. I mentioned there that these stories are supposed to convey higher meanings and also that if I were asked by my own husband to go through an aginipareekhsa, I’d probably tell him ‘Get going!’ One senior man took exception to my comment saying that I should learn more about the deeper meanings in our epics rather than give flippant remarks. With due respect, the gist of my reply was, “When women are told to be like Sita no one is talking of any ‘higher’ meaning. All they are telling women is obey your husband blindly whatever he does (of course even Sita refused to return to Rama in the end but returned to Mother Earth). So the story of Ramayana or any other story from Puranas is used as an example to illustrate how a woman should always be subservient and obedient to men, even the meanest of them totally unworthy of such devotion. And that to me, is NOT acceptable. Its inner or deeper meaning is NOT what makes the society tell us be like Sita, Savitri et al. And in that sense, as a story whose characters I am asked to emulate, I reject it totally. I am not going to be the dumb woman who takes kindly to being asked to prove her purity. (As an aside: Purity my foot!) And if it is some inner, higher lofty meaning that begs discussion then it is up to people like him who know the meaning to tell us who are ignorant of it, not pontificate!”
What you wrote about everyone not knowing the deeper meaning reminded me of this incident. The deeper meaning is not the concern at all. Of course all those fine example of manhood is there for one half of the society to justify their own actions, ‘Men will be men’ But Kunti, Ambalika and Ambika, Draupadi are all not spoken of in the same breath as Sita and Savitri. I don’t profess to know much about all these things. But I am damned if the stories are used to try and make me something akin to a female version of Hollywood ‘Yes Sir’ man!!
The onus of preserving culture does not rest with women alone. Women are as much individuals as men are and should be allowed to lead a life of their own liking. Of course what happened has a political motive behind it. But it has revealed the cave-man like beliefs dormant within the men AND WOMEN! And that reaction is the more scary one: that among ordinary people like you and me there still are a considerable number of pre-historic monsters who support these goons! 😦
Psst! Moreover, How can anyone ask me to be like Sita unless he is ready to be Rama?? If you are no Satyavan how can you expect the devotion of a Savitri?? Besides do you think either of these men would have raised their hands against women?? Did Rama hit Sita when she refused to take agnipareeksha a second time?? How many of these rampaging goons speak to their wives with the same respect as Rama does to Sita?? I mean just look at the high hopes the society (read men and women) has of women!! They do take us for suckers. They don’t give us Rama, they don’t give us Satyavan. Duryodhans and Dusshasans roam around and still women have to be Sita and Savitri?? Fat chance!
Totally with you on this one, Shail. Have been raging about it myself, glad to hear your voice added to the rising discontent.
Thanks OJ. Makes my blood boil whenever I hear of these mob attacks. I mean how brave is it, ganging up and attacking girls?!
Oh, and P.S.: Finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns a few weeks ago and my thoughts echoed yours there too. 🙂
🙂
I’m just about to start Kite Runner 🙂 I have heard much about this book you have spoken about, but not with the kind of connection one can now make with the incidents of Mangalore, and several other parts of India, where parties across the lines, to woo the “traditional” earthworm visioned masses are speaking of condemning while at the same time diluting the intensity that it should come with!
How close are we to regression now? How far from progress if we are slipping into the dark ages of the mind, intolerant, strait jacketed, and entirely inhuman, having forgone humaneness and humanity along the way. I must, here, mention that it is the “women” being human and an entity as much as they are that they choose to ignore!!!
Rage is what its best summed up in! Beautifully articulated, all of what we feel today!
We are closer to regression than we care to admit. Some of the darker minds among us are now revealing themselves and that is the scary part. Yes, women are also humans and entities and it would serve well for all to remember that. Thanks Usha! And Oh, you will love the book. And read this one too.
These goons who went on a rampage do not understamd culture or its ramifications. These men are just puppets on a chain of a wider sinister plot.
Frustration born either out of poverty, oppression or their own failures drives these misguided youths to be manipulated.
My anger is more towards the systemic failure of the beaurocrats in seats of action who act as mute spectators to the architects of these manipulators who now dorn the seats of the ministry in that part of the state.
Kannan, I agree with you. These are misguided youth (They HAVE to be if this is the way they act), though poverty and oppression I am doubtful about, seeing the way some of them were dressed. And most probably they were paid and were lured by the chance of touching up girls. Anyway that’s not the point. What I am more angry about is the reaction to it that I see all around me from ordinary folk like you and me. ‘Of course nice girls don’t drink or go to pub.’ Does that mean a mob can go beat them up??!! This comes from people, men and WOMEN, from educated and reasonably well off families. Whether they were ‘nice’ women according to today’s standards or ‘bad’ is not the point. Why don’t these people see THAT?? When will their brains expand enough to accommodate the fact that each one has the right to lead the life he/she likes to and that freedom and rights are not for the ‘he’ alone??!!
So, when is your next trip hereabouts?? PP is going to be here from next month. Got a job here! 😀
Since u started the post talking about ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’, I think u should read the PRINCESS series… a real life story of Princess Sultanaa from the Middle East country.
It was really hard for me to believe the atrocious treatment that the women from even the ROYAL family go thru everyday.
Shree, welcome to my space. Hmm… looks like a book I will want to read. Can you give me more details?? Who is the author?? It is a fact that woman in every strata of society undergo atrocious treatment. It is not the lower class women alone who suffer. In fact some of them give back as good as they get.
Shail, came back to add this:
There’s a joint statement being released against the assault. I cannot vouch for its ultimate efficacy, but for what it’s worth, will sign. If you wish to do the same and share the link with your friends, here’s where it’s at:
http://youngfeminists.wordpress.com/2009/01/30/another-statement-you-can-add-your-names/
Thanks OJ. Just hopped over and added mine.
Shail,like Michael Crichton in ‘Disclosure’ says “sexual harassment is not about sex,it is about power” As long as people believe that they become powerful by these acts,there will be harasmment at home,office and society. We are scared as individuals to oppose them. Only this encourages the goons.
PRG, I agree it IS about power. Well I agree with your whole comment.
the most safest place in india in my opinion is bombay ( please don’t throw brick bats at me for saying that but you can disagree) –
i have come home at 2:00 at night and never followed. when men act funny on buses or crowded places turn around and give them a slap and the other men will come and beat them up – i have seen this happening at dadar,thane station and buses. but in other parts of india they will say that something is wrong with a women if her pallu is not straightened up every second.
oh yes in hydi ( almost 12 years ago )people would even stare at you if you wear a sleevless or a skirt – so does one have to change all your clothese because some guy stare at you?
well, here too man act funny if they want, but they dare not. because women fight 100 times back. eve teasing is just not there and boys don’t howl at a girl wearing a tank top. of course he will say that “she is hot”. of course women as creature has to be alert a million times and will be touched if she will not stop it. Men think they are entitled!( part of the power ego ) but if the women make a noise and – SPEAK UP any man can become powerless.
the problem is women are shamed to say they are not harrased. the truth is men should feel ashamed of harassing women. women have to understand that they are more powerful than men and things will turn around – i guess that is what happened in this country.
but let me stop here
anrosh
on another note -most of the times i come to your blog i find a link which says username and password needed !
One of the ‘other’ parts of India where people will find fault with the woman and not the harasser is where I live too!! Imagine the other men have the gall to simper suggestively, tell you to not make an issue and to let it go.
I agree with you. Woman should be taught NOT to feel ashamed when they are harassed. Why the hell should they be?? It is the harasser who should be ashamed. But the society (wah re wah society!) and the humans who constitute said society bring up women the victim to feel shame while the aggressor, the perpetrator of the crime, lifts his head high and walks among them!! Thanks Anrosh for stopping by and welcome to my space.
Hmmm… about the user name and password: if you use this url http://shailsnest.com I don’t think it will happen. Will you tell me if it does?? I will have to check it then.
the first sentence in the last para should be read as –
the problem is women are ashamed to say they are harrased.
shail, when i click on your link from my blog i have always reached the locked destination. last time i came to your link via manju’s blog via the comment that you left there. however, when i clicked on this link it went through. will keep that in mind.
i read bob hoff’s comment and must agree.
Conditioning by parents is an influential factor. but if one stands up against the stupidity, one will be an outcast. it is a personal decision than to be an outcast or fit in. and sadly even people who have done ph.d ‘s can be as closed as a snail.
the problem lies with the schooling system too – where we have to obey teachers, and not to question. analysis is absent but rote learning ( learning to accept as the authors have written and reproduced for exams is emphasised) all these factors influence the mental make up of a human being which then promotes “atrocities” and double standards in society..
anrosh.
Anrosh, I guessed what the problem was. That link in your page is from my account while I was logged in. I had experienced the same thing with others’ link in my page. Next time it happens with some other blog, just delete the characters that come after the .com and access again. You will sail through.
Parents, schooling all have their influence. In our land ‘thinking’ for oneself is not encouraged at all. It is always conformity and herd mentality. Analysis is absolutely absent. Can you imagine, Engineering college students get notes from the teachers to study!! I am thankful that in my days we were free to make our own notes since PUC stage. Not that it has done much good to many of my peers!:P
My often repeated sentence to my children (which I wish I could say to some others and not in the kind tones I use for my children): “What is this for?? ( going tap-tap-tap on head) It was given to us for a reason. Use it and think for yourself. Never believe blindly, not even what your mother says. Reason things out and do what you believe in.” And I really meant it and still do.