I am not the go-out-and-change-the-world kind of person., rather more of the be-the-change-you-want-to-be kind. It means being an example through actions is more my forte than trying to persuade others through words. This has its consequences though as I am quick to give up and move away from people who are regressive, too set in their ways, toxic… you name it.

I was not always like this, you know. There was a more idealistic youth when I tried, poorly by the results it gave, of me trying to be vocal in expressions to change the world for a better place. But someone who goes against the flow is not always welcome. They are either mocked (most common way of dealing with them) or looked at with suspicion and kept out of closed circles of the herds.

Over the years this was brought home to me repeatedly, and I simply gave up trying, instead found it so much more easier to keep my thoughts to myself (until the blog happened). Of course I slipped up at times. Like the time I was holding forth on the institution of marriage with someone very closely related to me. I was stopped in my tracks by a sharp retort which made it abundantly clear that they were nowhere on the same page as me.

Oh well. I guess these things happen. Sometimes you make wrong assumptions about people. Just the fact that you grew up with them makes you believe they share the same ideals as you. One fine day you are jolted awake by a rebuke to realise what a fool you have been.

There’s a saying in Malayalam that goes, ‘Ente thalekoodi vandi odunno?” It literally translates to, ‘Is there a train running on/through my head?’ What it implies is ‘why should I take an interest on (whatever), it is not as if it affects me’ In short, no train is thundering on through my head for me to go to all the trouble to convince people of anything.

Over the years, I have became the poster child for the above saying. I remind myself, ‘Ente thalekoodi vandi odunnilla’ (No train is running on/through my head). That is not to say what goes on around me did/does not affect me. It did/does, and how! What most people do not know about me is that injustice and unfairness anywhere in the world, even as far as Timbuktu, affects me physically. I feel sick to the core of my being. Exactly the reason why I try to shut it all out and pretend to be that ostrich with its head in the sand.

So yes, things around me, far and near, affects me extremely. And though I want to (figuratively speaking) punch the noses out of shape of a variety of people, also break some teeth and bones if possible, I purposefully desist. Does that affect my health? Yes, it does, but far less than what would happen if I got into the fray, I’d like to believe.

I tell myself, I have earned the right to ignore everything for the sake of being kind to my body and mind. After all my first commitment is to my own self and its well-being. I am told this repeatedly by new age lifestyle guides and their loyal followers who parrot these lines. But in my heart I know it is not actually a right, but a luxury. One that I can afford while many others cannot even dream.

Now that makes me feel guilty. There are those who are battling extreme adversities on a daily basis, we all know. Some are doing it for themselves, for survival, and there are others fighting on behalf of those less fortunate, especially those who cannot fight for themselves. None of them can take refuge in this luxury called ‘ignore’ and go on with life as usual as I do.

So, you will never see me condemn those who raise their voice against injustices of any kind. You will never see me belittling them with, ‘Ivarkkonnum vere paniyille?’ (‘Don’’t they have anything better to do?’). From the deepest recesses of my heart, I applaud those who are brave enough to stand up, battle adversities on their own as also on behalf of others. Their fight against wrongdoing may be ever so small, or a huge one, I am and will be on their side. Always.

©️ Shail Mohan 2025