The fourth session of the BlankSpace Writers Club last Saturday had randomly assigned partners trying to write a story in collaboration. Believe me people, it is not as easy as one would think, and yet Staffi and I managed to do it (as did the other pairs in our club). The topic we chose out of the two given was ‘someone who accidentally buys a fish that can talk, and it isn’t exactly polite.’ The added instructions were that the story must contain components of horror, comedy, emotion, science fiction/fantasy, mystery, romance. Phew. Quite a package or what? Here’s the result of our effort.

Red roses in a vase. Check. Scented candles. Check. Soft instrumental music. Check. Dimmed lights check. Food, keeping warm in the oven. Check.

I smiled in satisfaction. The girl I loved would be here soon. The only thing left to do was get her gift ready and place it in a strategic position so I could surprise her.

Before I could walk to the kitchen where I had deposited it, I was stopped in my tracks by a strange gurgling sort of sound. What the hell was that? Tap tap tap. I almost jumped out of my skin hearing the tapping sound. Who was knocking when they could as easily ring the bell?

I walked down the dark corridor to the front door. There was no one outside. Tap tap tap. There it was again. I realised immediately that the sound was coming from inside my house, from the kitchen in fact. But there was no one there either. Strange! A mouse? A lizard? Whatever. I’d get to that later.

For now, I’d get the gift ready. My girlfriend’s gold fish had died and she was heartbroken. So I got her a new one as a surprise. Opening the plastic container in which I had brought it, I tipped the contents, water and fish, into a glass jar decorated with a red ribbon and all.

“Finally!” said the fish and I almost dropped the bowl.

What the heck was that?! Had the fish really spoken?

“You watchammacallit son of a whatnot! What do you mean putting me in a cramped container like that?”

I was definitely dreaming. This just couldn’t be real. A talking fish? But fish don’t talk. Oh my God. Am I going crazy? I must be.

“Not that this pea-sized bowl is any way better.” It’s the fish again. “Oh crap! I sure am going to get nauseous going round and round in this. Oh for the open seas!”

I stared speechless still from the shock. My hair was standing on end and I felt a chill run up my spine as a thought struck me. Was it a ghost of some dead and gone person in the body of a fish?

“Stop staring at me with your mouth hanging open, you dimwit. Say something!”

“Okay” I croaked. “I have never seen a talking fish, so…”

“You humans are so self-centred, how can you expect to hear other species when you are so full of yourselves?”

“….”

“And anyway, I am not from your age, but from an era when fish could talk.”

“Fish could talk once?” I was amazed.

“Of course, Dumbo. So could birds and animals!’

“If you are from a different era,” I asked, logic having taken over, “how are you here now?”

“There is this mad scientist. Totally cuckoo, mind you. He made some contraption to go back in time and get some historical figure back here so he could get some facts straight. Or that’s what I could gather from the gibberish he kept on mumbling.”

“Are you a historical fish.. sorry, I meant figure, in fish form?”

“What are you? Three? Though I doubt even three year olds would ask such dumb questions. I am a fish. Duh! And I’d rather be dead than be a human. Ugh!”

“But you said something about a… Nevermind, you continue your story.”

My head was spinning.

“Like I said, this mad fella sent this contraption, time trap or travel or something of the sort, and guess what, he got me in lieu of the historical chap he was looking for… Gosh. You should have seen his face!”

The fish cackled in glee, and it wasn’t a pleasant sound.

“But how did you end up in an aquarium? I mean, I found you there!”

“Crazy scientist didn’t want anything to do with me, didn’t even know I could talk! He was about to throw me in the dustbin. Dustbin, the #@!&!#*#!!!”

“Please stop swearing!”

“Yeah. Humans are so decent, right?” The fish rolled its eyes.

“And?” This was intriguing stuff.

“So, there was this kid, his niece. She took me out and put me in the fish tank in the aquarium next door when no one was looking.”

“So humans are not all bad..” I mused.

“Well, just one of them. You could be villainous for all I know. You are serving fish today, aren’t you?”

Omg. I had forgotten all about the dinner date. My girlfriend would be here soon.

“Please, can you stop talking?” I said in a pleading tone. “My girlfriend will be here soon and I don’t want her to faint in fear!”

“Ahh… someone’s in love alright.”

“You sound bitter”

“And why wouldn’t I be? One of your kind caught and killed my spouse.”

“When was that?”

“Treta yuga maybe. Could be Dwapara yuga too.”

“That long ago?”

“Have you heard of King Dushyanta?”

“Yes..”

“It was during his time. My spouse was caught by a fisherman. From the pier gossip I came to know that he, the fisherman, found a ring with the King’s seal when he gutted my spouse.” Here the fish’s voice broke and I felt sad for it.

“And before you ask,” the fish continued, “my spouse wasn’t a goldfish. It was an interracial marriage, you see.”

I simply nodded, having nothing to say.

“Anyway, not only did my spouse die,” the fish continued, “the fisherman was also arrested by the King’s men. What a waste of space you humans are! You go around destroying others and each other!”

“But, but… something good did come out of your spouse’s death.. sorry, I mean it was a noble sacrifice considering the result!”

“Stop blabbering, you deplorable human. Don’t try to do the soap-lathering you shameless species is famous for!”

“No, no!” I protested. “I am telling you the truth. Because of him, your spouse I mean, the couple got united.”

“What couple, you dithering fool? We got separated by you lot!”

“Calm down fish. Not talking about you. I am referring to King Dushyanta and Shakuntala who were separated due to a curse. But seeing the ring brought by the courtiers who arrested the fisherman, the King’s memory was activated and he immediately went in search of his love, Shakuntala.”

“Oh really? All this is news for me. Did he find her?” The fish seemed to hold its breath.

“Yes, eventually. He was united with his wife and son.”

“Oh that’s so gratifying to hear” The fish wiped a tear with its fin. Useless considering it was in the water, I wanted to point out, but wisely kept my mouth shut.

“So my spouse did not die in vain. Imagine that. He played cupid in death. Who’d have thunk?” Both of us were lost in our thoughts when the doorbell rang making me jump. I could see the fish trying to hide a smile. I smiled too. Suddenly it felt like we were buddies.

“Psst!” I whispered to the fish before turning to go open the door, “please, can you hold your tongue? I don’t want to scare my girl on our date?”

The fish waved its tail to show it understood. I walked to the door whistling.