Recently someone remarked on how alike we sisters looked. That’s not something new; we both do hear a lot of it from absolute strangers. Anyways, this particular gentleman after saying how the nose, lips, eyes, forehead, cheeks and also everything (now here is where I register a formal protest and insist that said gentleman visit an optometrist at the earliest) seemed ‘cast in a single mold’ went on to suggest that what would clinch the thing would be if I wore the same type of glasses like hers and also if I ‘gave a break to the hair dye’.
Whoa!
Give a break to the hair dye?
WHAT THE HELL.
Until unless he was the one who applied dye on my hair I don’t see how he can make the assertion. And believe me, he has NOT. So what makes him, a COMPLETE stranger at that, an authority on MY head of hair? Is it the fact that my sister has gray hair or that people of my age group mostly have dyed their hair black?
Ha, don’t I know the fixed belief we have: people in a certain age group ought to behave in such and such a manner, have only particular interests (You should have seen how an older cousin of mine by marriage indiscreetly laughed seeing me with a camera, and that was only a point and shoot one too; yup it seems interest in photography is ‘funny business’ for someone of ‘my age’ and especially ‘gender’ which he made clear when he said photography as a hobby would have been fine for a man, not for me), wear “age-appropriate” clothes, speak and carry yourself in a manner handed down to us via some stupid preconceived notions, cluck like hens around grown up children, have no life and not let others live…
And of course have gray hair suitably dyed black.
Like, really?!
What puzzles me is how people can ASSUME that my hair has been dyed black and matter-of-factly state so without knowing facts. Not that I have ANYTHING against people who dye their hair. YOUR hair, do with it as YOU please, is my live-and-let-live policy. Though it seems a remote possibility as of now, I myself might take to applying dye at some future date if I so fancy it. BUT I resent it when total strangers (and sometimes relatives and friends too) make ASSUMPTIONS here and now.
Some years back my sister introduced me to someone she knew. We were meeting for the first time. This is my elder sis, she told him. The man’s jaw dropped, but recovering quickly he said, “Oh she dyes her hair!” with the pleased look of someone who in the nick of time had easily cracked a difficult one.
Soon, I also realized that some among the general public were also unduly interested in my hair and its color. The hair on my temples has always been brown. I had to endure a lot of, “Oh your hair has started graying!” said with glee skilfully sugar-coated with concern. Well, to use a phrase that I happened to hear recently in a different context, I am no spring chicken. I recognize obvious glee even if it comes packaged as concern. What they did not know was that I have special ears to hear what goes unsaid, “Gotcha there. You Madamji, are coloring your hair to cover your grays and you thought we wouldn’t know!” A few times I tried to correct such people; I have always had this brown bunch of hair on either side of my head.
Why did I even bother, some of you might be thinking. No reason other than my inherent love for accuracy and nature of making things factually clear. But I gave up doing that. Some glints in some eyes can NEVER be erased whatever the truth may be. It is a fact of life that MOST people believe what they want to. It takes courage to get out of that scene. Tell me, how many have that courage?
Just a decade back, a pompous cousin of mine declared that it was impossible to believe that my hair was naturally black when my sister had begun graying. I wonder why he was addressing the question to me and not taking the matter up with his Maker. I mean, I am not the one who made the rules of graying or even the one who turned them topsy—turvy. Right? If not the Maker, he should have sought the help of science at least. Being still the goody-goody girl back then I did not give him any suitable reply. More’s the pity.
What took the cake was what came next. Some of the (female) residents of the colony started sounding the girl who came by to oil my hair and also apply mehendi. “Does she really have no gray hair at all?” they asked her referring to me. Yup, they had caught the right person to ask the question. I couldn’t hide my gray hair from someone who oiled my hair even if I so wished, could I? Indeed it was news to me that there existed ladies in my colony interested in getting insider-info regarding the color status of my hair. I mean what the heck is it to them anyway? Isn’t it enough that they pay attention to their own crowning glory and dye it in whichever shade they prefer it to be? How does my hair, gray or black, or multi-colored, affect them in anyway? Come to think of it, I have never once checked on whether they had dyed hair or naturally black hair. Why would I even want to know? We were certainly not competing for first place in any Who Has The Naturally Blackest Hair Of Them All event, were we?
Anyways, I have started feeling that now I should begin putting up bulletins on the status of my hair. So for the benefit of those whom curiosity is killing: Rejoice, though it may not be so evident as such, yes, I have started graying at the temples. As of now, at a conservative estimate, the salt is at approximately 5% as compared to 95% of pepper. It will not be long before they exchange places, but you gotta be patient till such time as they do. I certainly am not going to hurry things up. You can put in your efforts if you so wish. Just make sure I don’t turn the tables on you.
And now to the most important question of all: NO, I have NOT started using dye as yet. Rest assured when I do I will certainly send out a circulars, emails, post blogs on it, tweet and facebook it, publish the fact in the gazette and also take out ads in all the national dailies so everyone knows. May be I will also book a slot on TV to be aired midway through the dreadful soaps. Hmm… Or better still, I will go the old fashioned way, simply hire a mike and go cycling around the countryside announcing the fact to each and everyone. But till then kindly hold in your horses.
Null Pointer said:
Rather hairy situations you seem to get tossed into Shail. Yet another breed of biology experts and their unsolicited opinions. It’s a wonder you have un-pulled hairs of any color left on your head after being subjected to such characters. I say, wouldn’t it be fun to concoct your own “secrets” to your prized black mane? Like applying a mixture of egg yolk and finely ground coffee to one’s hair overnight or eating only raw bitter gourd for breakfast on weekends.
shail said:
Lol, I guess I get my fair share of them. I must try that, concoct stories, I mean. But sigh, I guess I do better at stories on my blog page. My nose might twitch or something, giving me away, if I try fiction in real life. 😐
Usha Pisharody said:
Atta gurl! I so so so loved this rant 😀
Well, what IS it to others what one does with one’s hair, clothes, nose etc?
Recently, just before my younger son got married, a week before, to be precise (yeah, me too, I like that accuracy 😛 ), I got my nose pierced. Lol. What utter chaos that created. Here I was, Mother of the Groom, doing stuff like that 😀 😀
But then who the heck cares two hoots? Two long ones at that!
Pssst…. I envy you your gorgeous mane… 🙂 🙂
Well, rant or not, this isn’t the last you’ve heard of it, from ‘well-meaning’ ‘fraaands’ and relatives 😛
shail said:
I can imagine the chaos, lol. The horror, the groom’s mother too. Hahaha. I hope you enjoyed the chaos 😉
Of course this is not going to be the last. You are right about that. And thank you 🙂
Santulan said:
Might as well get a tattoo Ushu
Usha Pisharody said:
Hrishi, don’t do don’t do… I just might 😀
Gulshan said:
Dear Usha Pisharody
‘Bout those parkers-nosey
Thumb yours at them
Snort out that phlegm
Why can’t mothers-in-law be naughty?!
shail said:
Indeed, why not be naughty? 😀 Naughty MILs Zindabad! 😉
pixie said:
oh boy!! People simply can not mind their own business can they?! I loved your rant! People should seriously mind their own business!! 😛
Here too, some ladies lie about colouring their hair! Whats the big deal anyway?
And one lady kept tossing her not-very-long tresses at a recent party so that folks could notice her hair colour! 😛 LOL!
this reminds me – I need to colour my hair! 😉
And yes, you have beautiful hair! 🙂
shail said:
Nope they cannot, and if you are not sticking to the “approved pattern” the noses get really pokey. 😛
Sonali Basu said:
Keep shining with your crowning glory Shail…there will be no END to people’s speculations and guessing games.Loved your witty writing as always!
shail said:
Welcome to Shail’s Nest, Sonali. After a long, long time eh? 🙂 Of course, there is never an end, but good old blogging always helps 🙂
Indian Homemaker said:
About the women in the colony: When women believe their worth lies in the blackness, (also softness, length, volume, gloss, twists, twirls, bounce etc) of their hair; and the whiteness of their skin; and the size, colour, shape etc of their eyes, mouth, nose, feet, fingers… etc – mostly not selected and chosen by them, then one of the things they do is monitor other women and compare.
shail said:
Absolutely with you there, IHM.
Santulan said:
People feel jealous.. Although how the application of (or lack of) hair color makes them want to think any less or more of them , I fail to understand
shail said:
I fail to understand why you have to prove something or other about someone else to feel good about your own self. That means you are not okay with your own self in the first place. Isn’t it?
Santulan said:
Indeed
R's Mom said:
Bah! I just popped in to say I am very very jealous of you 🙂 and your goregous hair :):) Muah 🙂
shail said:
Awww… hugs and muah back 😀
Rachna said:
What a bunch of idiots! Yes women in the colony bit — I completely understand it. Most of these people are overtly enthusiastic in knowing details about you. Some of them even ask your maids. They really have nothing better to do. Sigh!
shail said:
Oh yes, some are so jobless that way. I mean even if they have work to do, their heads are always bothered about what’s cooking (in more ways than one) in the neighborhood houses. Okay, now THAT reminds me I have not yet written about a really nosy neighbor of mine. 😉
Jay said:
And at my workplace, there’s this one which gives me a once-over and makes unnecessary comments such as, ‘your eyebrows are not balanced’, ‘your blouse is tight’ etc etc
Ruchira said:
Ah .. a true Shail style rant .. so enjoyed reading it and could relate to it so much .. My mom only started greying in her late 60s .. And I have endured a decade of more of inquisitive neighbours and relatives who wanted to know if she dyed her hair 🙂 .
Now that she is greying ,, they want to knwo why she stopped using dye 🙂
And don’t get me started on the questions I get on my marital status or the lack of it 😛
shail said:
I imagine the same will be happening to me soon, “Have you stopped using dye?” *eyeroll*
Lol, and I can only guess about the grilling regarding your marital status.
kirti said:
hahaha! Only one thing that would have kept these nosy parkers satisfied was that you dyed your hair white ,a lil bit here and there.
why didn’t you Shail ,Oh! why didn’t you?
shail said:
Lol, maybe I should have done that, eh Kirti? 😉
HansHB said:
Well said!
shail said:
Thank you 🙂
Smitha said:
Goodness! How nosy can people get! And if you do go grey ‘before your time’ as some people say :), then you would have people asking you if there is something worrying in your life 🙂 I’ve had that 🙂 I’ve got loads of grey, which is visible whenever I am too lazy to get my hair coloured, and I have people asking me that 🙂
shail said:
I can relate to that Smitha. I used to weigh way less years back and people used to drop hints that said something must be wrong with my married life. *eyeroll* That I had malarial attacks and was weak seemed of no significance in their thinking.
Gulshan said:
Ebony and ivory
P(rov)oked controversy
All nosey parkers
Are basically starkers
Have had my share, being colorlessly!
shail said:
Brilliant limerick as always, Gulshan 🙂
seena said:
“Kuch to log kahenge, Logon ka kaam hai kehna” .. My FIL who is 60+, has thick and naturally black hair, not a single grey hair, in his head, but grey hairs in his moustache and people always comment ” while you are dying your head , why don’t you also dye your moustache too ?” Now he started dying his moustache so that people don’t irritate him with the question. He says ” let them assume am dying both hair and moustache and keep quite about it. Their assumptions wouldn’t whiten my hair “
shail said:
I can so relate to how your FIL must be feeling. These Jumpers-to-Erroneous-Conclusions are a real pain you-know-where. 😛
Swati Nitin Gupta said:
good one Shail! Yes we all have to fight stereotypes at every point in our life.
shail said:
Indeed! 🙂
Prabod Kumar said:
hahahahah I was waiting for this particular blog..lemme post the link to one unsuspecting soul!!!!
shail said:
😛 😛
Sakshi Nanda said:
I stood guilty, once. When it’s your own mother, you don’t think you are taking liberties. Once, over college break (and exposure to all things latest in terms of hair colour options), I saw her washing off her mehendi from her hair and commented nonchalantly – ‘That’s a shock of orange on your head. Why don’t you try some of the newer kind of hair colours?’ She smiled and said – ‘My hair. When your greys sprout, apply what you want.’ I had regretted saying what I said, because in the ‘shock of orange’ was the implication that she is getting older every passing vacation of mine, which I did not see, but childishly went about commenting over her choice of hair colour. She must have been hurt.
Anyone making comments about another’s physicality is preposterous and stemming, perhaps, from a deep-rooted sense of self – either elevated or in danger of reaching newer lows of confidence.
I hear you, from both sides of the fence. And I agree.
shail said:
I appreciate the fact that you took time to introspect over what you said. Among my children, one still expresses views now and then on what I should wear/not wear. I try to smile it off, but you bet I am not happy about it 😉
Thank you for your lovely comment, Sakshi and welcome to Shail’s Nest! Apologies for my late response.
Pingback: Fifty-five | Shail's Nest