Staying off books and the net for more than 72 hours is not something easy. But wonder of wonders, it apparently is something that can be done I found out much to my amazement, with a little (or a lot of?) persuasion in the form of splitting headaches. So the laptop and the book remained shut while I wondered what to do next, not that one can do much with a nose that insists on running other than run after it as fast as you can, theoretically of course. All that running inevitably makes one weak and I was forced to take a much needed rest. That rest happened to be in front of the television. And whaddya know, I ended up watching more television in the next 72 hours than I have ever watched in the last 72 months. Apparently the eyes did not tell tales to higher-ups about my tv-watching activity and so the higher-ups, none-the-wiser, left me alone, as far as headaches went.
So there I was surfing the channels, now here, now there, when I saw an old black & white movie being telecast and stopped to watch it. Watching black & white movies is always a winner; they either have you glued to the set in awe or else have you rolling on the floor in uncontrolled mirth. Either way it is entertainment and I found that by choosing to watch this one, I had in fact hit pay dirt.
I stepped in at the scene where the guy (hero) had just fished out a photograph from his notebook and asked the girl (heroine) to autograph it for him. The sombre expression on the guy’s face told the whole story rather clearly. He was in love with the girl. It was obvious (to the meanest intelligence and hence to the hero too) that the girl did not have a clue about it and was in some dream world of her own which must have been the reason why the guy wasn’t even then laying bare his heart. He merely apologizes to her for being the usual obnoxious Indian film hero in the initial reels of the movie (that I missed) and she on her part, graciously lets it go, signing the picture for him as a sign of goodwill. Her high spirits seems to bite him where it hurts most for his face already long by standards of lovelorn-ness grows even longer by the minute. Goodbye, he tells her in a voice that simply had to be from the cold tomb itself; it had that sort of finality to it. But of course the filmmaker is fooling us. It is an indication to the audience that it is anything but, more like a hello actually.
That day it seems had been the last day of college. The next scene has the guy heading home with his buddy in tow who also happens to be the comic relief for the movie. The guy’s German Shepherd and mother receive him at home, in that order. As is characteristic of Indian mothers, she promptly starts feeding the son and his friend. The next on the agenda for her is the son’s wedding. But her fond suggestions are thwarted by the guy who instead puts in a request to study in a college faaaar away. Your wish, the mother says magnanimously. The friend smells a rat, not the one killed by the German Shepherd off stage, but one of the metaphorical kind, and tries to get more out of his friend in private: Has this got anything to do with a girl back in college? No, no, I just want a change of scene, insists the guy as he fondly embraces friend and bids him farewell.
Cut to the next scene. The guy is painting a picture of the girl, a bigger version of the smaller photograph he had got autographed by her. In walks mother dear. The guy, guilt written all over his face, snatches the photograph off the table and tries vainly to hide it. Anyway it is a totally wasted action considering that on the easel is the huger version of the smaller photograph. If he had any sense he’d have splattered some paint on it and tried again later on. The mother wants to know who the girl is. Guy hems and haws and answers: she is just a fellow student. To this the mother replies,
“Is this the reason why these girls come to college in the name of studies? Shameless hussies!”
Hello! You found your son moping and painting a picture of an unknown girl, a total stranger of whom you know NOTHING and you have the gall to suggest that the girl had come to college in the guise of studies to do…. errr… ummm…. to do what exactly are you trying to suggest? And even if she did, so what? How about asking YOUR son what exactly HE was doing in college instead of studying?
Cut to another day. The guy’s German Shepherd is barking at the postman. The guy chides the dog, accepts the post. On opening the cover and perusing contents on card, his face grows longer, if that is humanly possible, in sorrow. He walks dejectedly to mother, who is podding peas and hands over the card in question. Eh? What? Whose wedding? the mother asks. The dejected guy with the longest of faces answers in a voice full of emotion,
“You don’t have to worry anymore mother. This is the wedding invitation of the girl who you were asking about the other day… the one I was painting.”
Now listen closely to what mother says:
“Huh! She is getting married? You mean there are people in this world ready to marry such girls too!”
Such girls. SUCH girls. What SUCH girl would that be? The one who happened to be born a woman and had roused the interest of a man? The one who happened to go to the same class as the guy and minded her own business? What was her mistake to be condemned in this manner?
At this point I switched off the TV. I had to think. It all seemed so familiar, this mudslinging and blaming people you know NOTHING about for NO REASON AT ALL. Of course if a man falls for a girl it HAD to be her fault. I mean if the girl hadn’t existed the man wouldn’t have fallen in love, right? Such simple minds have all the solution, isn’t it? Ahhh… But I know what some of you will say. It is just a movie. It is reel, not real. Nothing of the sort happens in real life. Wrong. This is exactly how it happens in real life too except to a lucky few, if there are any.
People heap insults on unknown others without knowing a thing about them. Even bloggers do so, on social networking sites/blogs about other bloggers of whom they know NOTHING. You have anonymous commentators making assumptions about people and situations they know NOTHING about. They condemn not for what’s written by the blogger, but what they THINK is how/who the blogger is from what little they have gathered. There are bloggers who accuse yet other bloggers of laptop-activism (when they write of social issues) without knowing them from either Adam or Eve. To be fair this is a free country and being laptop activist is not yet deemed a crime (neither criticizing them, to be honest). How do the accusers explain their penchant for making assumptions about people they hardly know? I find they too have the same deplorable trait as the mother in the black & white movie I happened to watch, of censuring people they know NOTHING about.
Shail's Nest 
Oh Shail, I have been in this mood too for the past 2 days thinking about why people profess to know all about someone or blame someone for everything without knowing anything about them! Its as if they’re clearly saying – either agree with me or your opinion is stupid! Your post is such a sad reminder of such things – lately a lot in the blogging world, I don’t remember it being this serious and on-each-others-throats before. But then, why am I surprised, we seem to see this all around us. Its almost like saying – You’re a human, hence you assume or vice versa. Which movie was this LOL? 🙂
The ‘real’ world has caught up with the blogging world methinks, finally and wholly.
This was an old Malayalam movie. I did not catch the name of the movie though. 🙂
Shail,
What you saw in the movie is one of the many examples of how Indians have been systematically brainwashed by our cinema from decades. Had that woman repremanded her son for making the painting and had the son taken a stand and proved his mother wrong, the outlook might have changed.
It’s in human blood to jump to conclusions. We all do it at times, mostly subconciously. The point is to realise that it is wrong and avoid it. Difficult but doable.
//What you saw in the movie is one of the many examples of how Indians have been systematically brainwashed by our cinema from decades.// I agree.
Exactly IHM. If no one thought anything was amiss listening to it then, just imagine the level of brainwashing. Women are to blame if the men are attracted to them. What a wonderful lesson.
Like Amit above has said, the mother did not think of reprimanding son, “Is this why YOU go to college?” (not that falling in love is a crime, I am no KHAP) and neither did the son stop her from badmouthing his classmate. Perfect pair, replicated many times over in real life too. 😦
Systematic brainwashing it has been/is.
I was talking about this to the L & M, telling him that I could not imagine we all had sat through such dialogues without ever thinking there was anything absurd/wrong about it. It is not even about the times. Here was something very wrong being done (a stranger woman was being unjustly blamed merely for existence) and still it never struck anyone? How could we have sat through them, is still a wonder to me. How much of it must have been internalised by the audience? How many of them must have already had the belief that is how life is and hence saw nothing wrong in what was happening on the screen or what happened to them in life?
I am so glad I woke up somewhere along the way!
Of course it is not jumping to conclusions is doable. And once you become aware of the tendency in us to assume, you become alert to the possibility and are able to avoid it.
I agree with Amit above. It is in our nature to be judgmental, bloggers especially. That is why we give our opinion on everything. Black and white movies propagated morals from another era that seem quite stupid to people like us. And, of course we criticize and make digs all the time. But now these are in the public domain thanks to our profiles and blogs. I feel hurt too when someone makes angry accusations about me without knowing a damn thing. But that is the danger of social networking and blogging. People read one post or status update, judge it in their minds and process it based on their own biases and experiences and then hit back if somewhere they perceive it to be offensive. Look at people in the social space. Don’t we freely criticize celebs, film stars, cricketers, sometimes making nasty comments. I guess one has to develop thick skin and learn to ignore. Hope you are doing better now.
This movie did not even have a moral Rachna. I am sure even in the old days it was understood that you cannot blame innocent people. The assumption that the woman is responsible for the man’s actions, yeah, that’s an old belief that is still being touted in the present 😦
People do judge us on social networking sites, blogs etc from what we write. That’s acceptable. I am cheeky, irreverent in my writings. So I know where some remarks are coming from. I am least bothered 😉 But when people come along and tell me my MIL was a wonderful woman who I have wronged, then that person needs a padded cell because they are hallucinating. Yes, ignoring is the best. But of course not till I have had my share of fun 😉
And I have always admired your spirit, Shail! I am totally for giving it back when someone encroaches on my private domain or rubs me the wrong way 🙂
🙂
Dear Shail, Sorry to hear about your health – please get well soon.. considering a couple of days of watching TV would have given you bigger headaches.. I happen to thank heavens that you did not land up watching the regressive and deplorable saas-bahu serials.. 🙂
Nevertheless… the points you raise are correct and yeh prathaa toh saalon se – no sadiyon se chali aa rahi hai.. since this was one of the olden days’ movies.
I also come from a background, where I was asked not to make friends with “such” girls and “such” boys… so I ended up having a lonely life without friends until college. So yes… hear world.. this is how it happens.. it is not only reel but also REAL.
This is exactly how it happens – and only gets worse.
TC, Punam
Strangely enough watching TV did not give me headaches, though the contents of some programs made me mad 😉
I can relate. We were also not allowed to make friends with people our folks thought weren’t suitable. Books and music were my only friends. Yes, reel and real are not all that much different.
And in that movie probably the girl would fall in love with the hero and in the end ‘win over’ the mother in law by touching her feet, wearing a sari, cooking and being obedient [etc].
Loved this post.
I feel my one rare prejudice is against Prejudices and biggest intolerance is against Intolerance.
A lot of times reactions that seem to convey prejudices could indicate lack of logical and objective points to criticise.
I did not watch it to the end. But it had the makings of a first class tragedy. The girl was getting married to another guy (arranged by parents) and the hero was going to mope over her, mother would blame her, probably the husband would get suspicious and she would cry buckets of tears, hero might drink, everyone again blames the girl for his plight…. or maybe she’d come home to touch this “Devi” MIL’s feet, the one who had been badmouthing her all along and RESPECT her.
I simply loved the “I feel my one rare prejudice is against Prejudices and biggest intolerance is against Intolerance.” Yes, yes, yes!
Very incisive post Shaila. We are very judgemental and if that is not enough we choose to pass judgement without verifying facts. It is our favorite pastime.
See even I am afflicted. I just passed judgement ha ha
It is indeed our favorite pastime. Why is that I wonder! 🙂 Any answers, Vivek?
Hmm I do have explanations if not answers.
Maybe you can write them as a blog? 🙂
Assumptions are odious
Presumptions devious
Takes a big heart
To ken the other part
Bottom line: nobody’s niveous!
Thanks for teaching me a new word today Gulshan! Niveous. No wonder you always beat me at scrabble. Nobody is niveous indeed. (Pssst… my spell-check does not recognize the word. Poor poor thing!)
Judgement is a trait that is necessary. We have survived so far because we constantly judged depending on the clues we got about the weather, the animals routes, the quality of soil, water, place, people in our tribe or other tribes…I guess in a way we were mature at that beginning of evolution, cause we didnt blame(I am assuming here) other things when it didnt go according to our wishes. As we evolved, we have begun to go backward in the department of blaming. We have made it a sport that we take to such Challenging levels(you have to read the US Republican Party’s definition and qualification of Rape, When Life Begins and Women’s Health, to know what I am talking of.)
Now, I dont fault the Mother for Judging, but I do fault her reasoning for the judgment and I am doubly pissed at the “Hero” for not telling the mother that he is at fault not the girl…Come On! you are in love, not devoid of a logical brain to critically think or for that matter take what is for the way it is. Oh wait!! the hero only did what the director asked him to…oh wait!! The director only portrayed what the Writer wrote…Its the writers fault….:)
There I go- judging, hanging and quatering 😛 the Hero, the story writer and the director for such inanity.
It is a sport taken to challenging levels indeed.
Well to tell you the truth, I did not find any reasoning in the mother’s approach at all. All she had with her was cinematic license 😛 But some real life mothers think they are in reel life and in possession of the same license too.
The hero/story writer/director,… they will all put the blame on the moviegoers, we give them what they want (which is actually, we only make what makes us richer), they will say. Sigh.
so very true about being judgmental without knowing anything or much of the whole story!! It is so easy, especially nowadays to make a decision about a person based on a few sentences that has been written by him/her!! It is so surprising that people get away with it and rally support too!
Absolutely! People give support without verifying facts too. I noticed that when a recent issue about plagiarism came up.