(Contd from here)
My mother in law was a wonderful woman; a very capable lady. She could single-handedly rustle up a meal for a dozen or more people in no time. As for the dishes she cooked, they were lip smacking tasty. Everyone was welcome in her home. They were most often invited to stay over for lunch or dinner as the case may be. She was loved and respected and in turn showered love on those around her. There were exceptions though.
She loved me too. In fact I distinctly remember her calling me ‘moley’ once about thirty years back. Moley incidentally is Malayalam for daughter if called by elders, an endearment if done by the spouse or lover, and is a mocking epithet when used by roadside Romeos of which we in God’s own country have aplenty. Yup, we Mallus are versatile that way with words. Anyways that’s just interesting trivia and not germane to the issue. At the time I was maha thrilled to think that she considered me her daughter. Such foolish and optimistic beings we are in the ‘newly married’ stage. The moment she discovered that I was not the goose who would lay golden eggs for her, she struck me off her good books. What? And no money tree in the backyard of your parental home either?
Nope, there was no such tree in the rented house I stayed with my parents. I am the daughter of an upright and principled government servant. There may be, in fact there are, quite a few things I feel my father has done wrong or not done at all. But I am extremely proud of the fact that he leads an honest man’s life in this corrupt world. It is not easy doing that and on top of that, one never gets rich enough to satisfy the avarice of in-laws.That never bothered me. I did NOT want that my father buy me a groom. Too innocent and not worldly-wise in many ways perhaps, but of one thing I was certain: I did not want to step into a family that had calculated the worth of bringing up their son and wanted repayment for it.
My MIL worshipped money. One of her fav description for someone was, “They are verrry rich!” She said it with so much longing that I pitied her her unsatisfied desire for what she felt was enough money. Well but I really don’t have issues with that, people love what they will. And as I take pains to repeat quite often, each to his/her own. The problem occurs when such people want to appear non materialistic saints in front of the world. Oh we want only the girl as bride for the son, not what she brings, goes the melodious bhajan-like pious song they sing. And when the wedding is over, the song is more like a disco dance tune, with lots of aggressive drum beats. Now THAT is unfair.
I wouldn’t say her treatment of me was unique. She treated all of us DILs with the same disdain but for different reasons which she never failed to announce to the public when she chose. Yes, MILs have/think they have, the God-given right to loudly enumerate the supposed faults of the DILs to anyone who would care to listen or even those who would not. The world to her was a perfect place but for us DILs. But she did treat me with more contempt. I was docile and obedient and did her bidding, the Bollywood lessons having kicked in quite early on in life. That is a red flag to such MILs. The minute they realise you are ‘good’ they classify you as ‘doormat material’ and start giving you the third degree. Besides, in her eyes, I was a poor bahu who hadn’t paid up for her having borne and brought up a son.
Now you know why I want to gouge the eyes out of people when they tell me that with two sons of my own I belong to the lenewale (takers) group. Like hell I need payment for bringing up my sons. They were born for my happiness, because I wanted them, not for what I could wring out of parents of future DILs, parents just like me.
Enough about me. Let me introduce you to two of the evil mothers-in-law who have been in my radar since long.
The first of them was a diminutive woman, gray haired, simple looking, not educated beyond school level. Looking at her, you wouldn’t dream she was anything other than a sweet old lady. She and her husband came to stay with the son and wife at their work place. The couple must have been married for just over a year. Their house used to be a hub where friends dropped in and were entertained as they were were friendly and outgoing. All that stopped once the MIL and the FIL made their appearance. A bahu to them meant a human robot to serve in-laws and stay unobtrusively out of the way. So my friend went to work, came home and did in-law service. And I dare any of you to tell me such things don’t happen in the present. Get out of your bubble and look around you.
The MIL would be ready and waiting for the son when he returned from office. She would make him sit in fron of her, massage his head lovingly, as made famous by almost ALL movies made in India. A mother simply HAD to massage the head of sons. Daughters? No way, they were not entitled to such displays of affection. Show me a movie that glorifies that. And DILs? You must be joking, right?! Anyway much cuddling, kissing of cheeks and forehead and questions about the day followed. I bet you my bottom rupee that her own husband hadn’t received half as much attention from her in their life together that she showered on her married son. Probably the son never got as much before he got married either for all we know. The DIL of course served tea and snacks.
Now, was the woman satisfied with appropriating her son’s time in this manner? I am sure she spent sleepless nights thinking up her next ploy. In a two bedroom flat, the in-laws occupied one bedroom, the son and the DIL the other. One day the MIL hit upon the perfect plan. She complained that her room was too warm. The cool room in the house was, you guessed it, the son’s. She started sleeping in the cool room with the son and DIL. I kid you NOT. And no thankfully MIL did not ask the DIL to move to the room where the FIL was. And poor fellow, the FIL, nobody asked him where he wanted to sleep either. So he continued alone in his room while his wife made a cosy threesome with the son and DIL. I repeat, I kid you NOT. Of course Indian sons are not supposed to say anything to the mother WHATEVER she does. It should always be “Yes Mummyji. Haanji Mummyji”
Now you know why I taught my sons that they have the right to talk to me as an equal. In my way of thinking, if my sons said yes to me all the time, it would reflect poorly on me as a parent. It says I have turned perfect human babies into zombies. Is that anything to be proud of? Getting back, so while the FIL slept all alone in the too warm room and the MIL made her bed with the son and his wife in the ‘cooler’ room, the question arises, why didn’t the concerned people just exchange rooms? Good question albeit silly. You and I know what the MIL’s problem was. Since i don’t think the Govt of India had appointed her as the Personal Population Control Officer for her son and DIL, her motive had to be pure jealousy that the DIL spent even those few hours alone with her son. If you can tell me of another better reason, please do so. I’d be glad to know.
This lady who made life hell for the daughter in law as long as she stayed, in later years was taken care of by the same DIL, who asked for and got a transfer to the place they stayed in, for just that reason. I wonder if the woman felt any remorse during her last days. Or did she still feel that she was only getting what she was entitled?
Now comes another MIL, of much more recent times. She got her son married to the daughter of a well to do household under false pretences. The girl is a graduate, beautiful, accomplished. The husband is lazy and a no good fellow. The only degree he has is what his mother verbally has conferred on him. Well, whaddya know, who needs Universities and exams when they have mothers like her? He is jobless, but miraculously became a job holder in the tales that Momma dear weaved. Things came to light AFTER the marriage. Of course anyone who hears of it blames the DIL’s family. They hadn’t made the right enquiries and got fooled. Victim blaming is our national pastime.
The educated DIL is not “allowed” to work. How will expenses be met? No problem, get the money from your parents, she is told categorically. Even dowries don’t last forever. Talk about parasites! The sense of entitlement that the mothers of sons have makes them absolutely shameless about living off others. Verbal abuse is the order of the day. Can you imagine, this MIL is such a monster that she makes special dishes, fries fish etc AFTER her grandchildren have gone to bed because she does not want them to have it. And is the DIL “allowed” to make choice dishes for her sons (yes they are grandSONS too and one would have thought that would give this DIL some respite) and that too with the money her parents have poured into that family? )
With the hard work and lack of proper food, the DIL started getting weaker and losing weight. Her horrified parents took her away with them, along with the two tiny tots. The spineless husband started visiting (without his Momma dear’s knowledge) and begging to have his wife back. Finally they sent them back on condition that their daughter and kids be treated well, and he clean up his act, find a job as soon as possible. They helped him get a reasonably good job in the Gulf.
The night before the man was to leave, the DIL went upstairs after dinner as was her habit. She started ironing some of the shirts that the husband had to take. She waited for her husband to come and fell asleep waiting. He never came. His mother had made him sleep in her room downstairs. Her reason? She wanted to wake him up on time for the early morning flight, if not he might oversleep and miss it. Awww… ain’t that oh so cute? The least he could have done was inform her that he was sleeping with Mummyji. Neither of them thought it was necessary to do so.
Now don’t you all understand why so much of pain is taken to condition girl children? They want us to grow up weak and unable to fight injustice. Where will such no-good men and their families find women willing to step into such families if we women are not conditioned to be submissive, voiceless with no self respect whatsoever? How do they get free glorified maids? But the utterly amazing thing here is how the parents of girl children have been brainwashed. That’s the high point of the “success” of monster society. They have been conditioned into giving up their daughters along with their life savings to such callous villains and sit back blaming Fate if the daughters suffer.
It is not over. The next day early morning the son left for the Gulf. The MIL was heard triumphantly telling the maid, not telling, gloating would be the better word, “I did NOT let them sleep together last night!” Well? Do I have to add anything more to that?
It is not as if all such EVIL MILs are evil by nature, it is as if the title somehow confers them a right to be evil. They do have tender feelings for everyone in society except the DIL. They feel for their sons; their own daughters who are on visit and complain about their in-laws are sympathized with and even advised on how to deal with the MILs. What is shocking is how some of those who have gone through the grind transform themselves into perfectly evil specimens when the time comes to ascend the throne of MIL-hood I am seeing it happening right in front of my eyes, those who walked the same path of suffering are now mothers-in-law and revelling in doling out the same treatment to their daughters-in-law. What makes people such sadists? Why do they lack the will or the courage or the empathy, the goodness of heart to break the cycle? Many do of course, like Roshni’s MIL who decided the nonsense would stop with her. Here is to more MILs like Roshni’s.
This could continue of course. But for the time being, I am stopping it here.
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wanderlustathome said:
I totally agree with you on the ‘good’ DILs being taken for a doormat. And I do believe each word that you have written here.
Then there are those who are so sweet to the DILs in front of their sons and the moment he is out of the house, their alter ego turns on. These are the worst in my opinion, no one would beileve what they are capable of.
shail said:
Ahh yes, It is a tactic employed by many MILs! In front of their sons they are angels and out of their sight they become a different person altogether. Sigh, I have been at the receiving end, I should know 😦
thedreamyygirl said:
That reminds me of the Hindi tv serial kuch rang pyaar ke aise bhi…the difference was that the DIL decided to speak up, she was always a bold and independent woman and as a result it caused even more issues as the son would not hear a word against his mother whereas he could say anything to his in laws and the female lead lost it. I’m glad she stood up for herself because her husband never did. And her family was also super supportive, especially her father who always tried to make the guy understand the situation.
shail said:
It is good to hear of shows were women speak up and have supportive families!
Mysoul said:
OMG!!!! I have seen and heard of such MIL’s before I got married(one of the pros of getting married late) and I made an oath(very much like the oath that I made when I saw men beat their wives) that the first sign of manipulation/control by my in-laws will be thwarted “shamelessly” by me. And subsequent attempts by them will result in me giving my husband a choice, either we leave together and make our own home or or we annul the marriage so I can leave alone. So far it worked out well, cause my fears were unfounded, my MIL is a really Nice person and I am blessed.
shail said:
That is an oath of self respect that every woman should be encouraged to take before marriage! Instead we teach them to take an oath to suffer all sorts of indignities and not make a whimper. 😦
Smriti said:
Applaud you for this post, Shail!I am filled with wild rage as I read about one evil MIL after another.
My MIL is so much more similar to you in terms of telling my husband that I am his equal and not his slave. She has been a long-suffering victim MIL, being treated like a door-mat despite her high educational qualifications and a well paid job. The couple were not supposed to share the same bedroom for 6 months as it was a ‘tradition’. She started working right after 3 days of her wedding both at home and her office. She was supposed to cook breakfast and lunch before she would go to work for 6 other people, most of whom were relatively free for the whole day. She would travel from 30 kms, come home tired only to hear how bad the dishes she prepared were. Few of them even went to the extent of smashing the food plate on the wall to show their heroism :X She fell really ill after going through this hell for a few months and she went to her parents place to take rest. When she called them to inform she is ill, they accused her of faking it and threatened her to come back immediately!
Despite going through this hell, she is not seeing me as her punch-bag. On the other hand she tells both me and my husband that we should share all the responsibilities equally and there are is no hierarchy between the two of us. I am blessed by God to have such a rational MIL. I am so happy for your future DILs for having a MIL like you.
shail said:
And I am so happy to read of an MIL like yours who has the ability to think and has the courage to break the cycle instead of perpetuating it mindlessly! 🙂
Punam J R said:
True, very few MILs break the vicious circle and shield their DILs from the same hurt and pain.
Shilpa Garg said:
OMG!! What outrageous, shocking and disgusting behavior by these evil MILs!!
The worst part is when the victims become the perpetrators of the same treatment to their own DILs later!! 😐
shail said:
Yes, victims taking on the mantle of oppressors is deplorable.
Psych Babbler said:
Y’know what’s sad…that none of the stories you mentioned shocked me. It does happen and it’s pathetic. And yes, some MILs do seem to think they are entitled to treat their DILs like shit. I also couldn’t help but think that Freud would have had a great time in India exploring this mother-son relationships.
shail said:
True. I am shocked at people who are shocked. You only have to look around to see for yourself what’s happening. Freud would have been dancing with glee, You can bet on that.
ashreyamom said:
i think all MILs are same, expect for the Degree of MILism shown.. did i coin a new word?? will the relation btn DIL and MIL ever change?? may be its all b’cas we are tuned to this by our society.. does nuclear families stop this problem?? is till know MIL controlling son’s house through phone. is it just the passiveness or lack of acceptance? hope i dont fall in this category by chance i have a son.. 😦
shail said:
You just did. I suppose like everything else this (MILism) too has various levels. Yes, they do control long distance, through phone and mails. And don’t just ‘hope’, make sure you never fall into the category when/if you have a son! 🙂 I am sure you will 🙂
ashreyamom said:
thank god i have a daughter.. no plans for second child.. 🙂
Vivek said:
“It is not as if all such EVIL MILs are evil by nature, it is as if the title somehow confers them a right to be evil. They do have tender feelings for everyone in society except the DIL.” You have raised a very valid point here. Why should a person who is so good with others cannot be good with her DIL. Of course this could be said about the daughter in law too who is good with everyone except the MIL. Such illogical behavior should be investigated and analysed thoroughly. The common denominator here is the husband who is also the son and majority of cases of dil/mil abuse would be stopped at the inception itself if the ‘Man in the middle/muddle’ behaves in a firm and impartial manner. The operative word here is impartial. Why don’t men be impartial? Is it because in most cases the impartial person is cursed by both sides?
Is the MIL-DIL relationship basically confrontational? Something like a stepmother? Personally I do not think so but the evidence suggests otherwise. Have we as a nation and society made a hash of it and created a relationship that is burdensome to both parties involved? Is the mil under pressure to act the way she does, and is it in every case that dil’s suffer from the persecution complex?
So many question marks in my comment Shaila but the subject is such that it is a big question mark on our capacity to be a civilized society and I am hopeful that at least some answers will be found and not just subjective allegations made.
shail said:
Vivek, I will ignore that bit about the ‘DIL too’ who is good with everyone except the MIL. Like I said, this blog is exclusively about evil MILs. 🙂 Besides, DIL is the lowest in the pecking order, no title is conferred on her or sanctions given to her by society to ill-treat the MIL. So I believe that they are not at par to be compared.
“Subjective allegation”. Hmmm… Subjective meaning “based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinion” Yes, we should all avoid that.
//”the subject is such that it is a big question mark on our capacity to be a civilized society and I am hopeful that at least some answers will be found”//
I second that.
Personally, I don’t find the ‘men being impartial’ (or taking sides) a favorable solution. I have to get that clearer in my head before I express why. Maybe I will write about it one day when it is. 🙂
biwo said:
I think the reason the DIL-MIL relationship is so confrontational in Indian society is because women’s worth is judged based on their relationship to men.
A woman is only valued and respected if she produces a son, and said son gets married and brings home a dutiful, obedient DIL. So a mother-in-law’s perception of herself is based on how well she succeeds in raising an obedient son who brings home an obedient wife.
Her sense of achievement is tied to controlling the behavior and lives of her son and DIL. If she doesn’t do so, she is seen as a failure.
Women’s self-esteem is tied to how successfully they fit into narrow roles that society has defined for them.
It takes a lot of self-assurance and self-knowledge to break free of such deeply ingrained conditioning, provided you are aware that it exists, to begin with.
Few people realise how harmful such relational patterns are because they have no conception of a DIL-MIL relationship that is not based on power grabbing, distrust and mutual suspicion.
It will take many generations before Indian women can rid themselves of the need to measure their self-worth in terms of their relationship to men, as a mother, as a wife and as a MIL or a DIL
shail said:
I agree with you @Biwo.
kenthinksaloud said:
This is a wonderful, wonderful post Shail. I’m not in the slightest surprised because it is exactly the same in Bangladesh (and I suspect it is the same in Pakistan too). I have a very close friend here that is going through just these kinds of problems with her MIL. It is horrible to watch and be powerless to do anything about it. She is not alone. Every day the paper is full of DILs who have injured, tortured and even killed through the actions or will of the MIL. Can the situation ever really change though? I hope so. I would like to reblog this post if I have your permission?
shail said:
Sure, you may Ken. Thanks.
kenthinksaloud said:
That’s terrific, thanks! I will write up a post around it as soon as this Typhoid lets me!
shail said:
Ohh… So sorry to hear that. Get well soon Ken!
Ash said:
What kind of petty women are these evil mothers-in-law??? Do they think sons are their own surrogate husbands??
shail said:
That IS the problem a lot of times. 😦
Punam J R said:
“And I dare any of you to tell me such things don’t happen in the present. Get out of your bubble and look around you.” Well-said, Shail..
I just can’t believe it.. even though witnessing such harrowing time in a similar situation, I am unable to digest the two MILs you introduced us to – who would be so heartless as to cook after the grandchildren slept, or to NOT let the son and DIL sleep together – the heights of sadism..
I can tell you of another MIL I know of – a classic one. The son refused to accept the wife on the first day of the marriage – citing a pretty lame reason that his parents forced him to marry. First, my question for him is, “Are you a 5-year old goat, ur parents have tied a rope onto your neck, and have made you take the saat phere.. am I right?” That said, the DIL goes to the MIL and begs her to make her son understand that he can not reject the girl he has married.. in front of a community full of lame-heads.. Can you guess what the MIL says Shail?? “Even my daughter has faced a lot of problems in her marriage. It is very normal. It happens everywhere. Adjust.” So fate did a tricky turn on the MIL’s daughter.. so the DIL has to pay for it.
That is one. Another classic statements Moms make – “Oh all men get angry. You should learn to adjust. Don’t do anything that angers him.” Hello? A crease on a shirt angers him. Switching on the light when he is asleep angers him… and when he gets angered, things start flying, fingers are pointed in threats and the neighbors get a live audio telecast. But hey, according to MILs, all men do that. Do they, Shail?
shail said:
No they don’t Punam. People who try to convince us that ‘men are like that’ are not only making women suffer, but are doing a disservice to men too. In fact it is people like them with their tacit approval of domestic violence who create monsters out of their sons.
It does not matter that a,b, or c have faced problems in marriage. No one can hold up examples for us to continue in oppressive relationships. “She has suffered so much, I have suffered so much. So you suffer too.” What rubbish! It is like people who have fallen into a deep dark well trying to convince others that its quite okay being in the dark well without enough oxygen or light; one just has to get used to it and be happy too… so come, jump down, join us! Lets all be happily miserable in there. They don’t know or want to climb out, instead they try their level best to make life difficult for those who want to climb out of the misery and make a life in the fresh air.
Roshni said:
Thanks so much, Shail, for mentioning my MIL!! I am truly grateful, after reading your stories, to have her!! I am just aghast at your latest tales!! It is so unbelievable to think how much mental torture these poor girls have to undergo!! The MIL sleeping with her son and DIL!! OMG!! Ahem…how does she expect to have grandkids (because that is the next step of nagging, right?!). And the other one who doesn’t even care for her own grandkids!! I am just stunned by that! If only the sons would stand up to their mothers, but that would just be too much to ask!!
shail said:
Parents create jelly-spined sons through their upbringing and are actually proud of such offspring. 😦
Indian Homemaker said:
I think it works like any other abuse, the abuse victim sees it as the only way of doing things. Also, patriarchy thrives on rewarding mothers-of-sons (and controlling a son’s life is seen as empowering/a reward, in Patriarchal societies) by making them insecure – many mils seem to feel they have to choose between manipulating their sons’ family lives or ‘losing their sons’ to their spouse (and a life, family, happiness, choices etc of their own).
shail said:
I guess in patriarchal societies the only reward a woman gets is the power she enjoys as mother of sons, a MIL to DILs and she makes full (mis)use of it soon as she dons the mantle.
Bhagi said:
Shail, in patriarchal societies a woman gets to wield power over the younger members of the family when she gets old and has lost her husband and older in laws who can no longer bully her. When she tastes power for the first time, she can’t let go of it. It is like a man eater tasting blood for the first time. Power corrupts. Someone has to make a beginning and stop the abuse.
Nirvana said:
Good Lord! And to think your had actually called you ‘Moley’ ……. I think the whole problem is the glorification of the ‘Mother’ … Come on, we all have kids, and we have them because we WANT them. And we enjoy motherhood – we aren’t doing anyone a favor! Anyone who thinks ‘pathu maasam choamnnu’ (in the womb for 10 months) is a big deal, should just go adopt – and do everyone a favor!
Once a woman becomes a mother, she is glorified – especially if its a male child. And the moment that son gets married, it is like the woman has lost the very essence of her glory! Come to think of it her husband too, was just the way to meet the ultimate ends of getting a child…. twisted soceity we live in!
Oh BTW ….. loved the honest take on the whole thing! And yes, I want to maul anyone who thinks having sons is a future source of income, too! How is this different from pimping, I wonder!
shail said:
I agree, we unnecessarily glorify ‘Mother’ I wrote my thoughts on that, here: https://shailsnest.com/2009/07/06/what-does-it-mean-to-be-a-mother/
The glorification is so many times more when the child is male. Crazy.
Amit said:
What I do not understand is that why to get your son married when you cannot bear the presence of another woman in his life? Secondly, why do such sons get married when they do not have a spine?
Sometimes I wonder what makes people cling to their sons like survivors of a seawreck clinging to rafts of wood? It is not that dramatic, is it?
shail said:
Precisely the questions on my mind and those I have asked too. But I guess, they do want caretakers whom they can boss. And who’d pass up all that cash and goodies and the chance to act snooty?
Lol @like survivors of a sea-wreck.
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Nakib said:
haha. This was one hilarious post. Having been brought up in Bangladesh, I can clearly relate to this amazing post. I have witnessed the same conjugated family traditions of passing down evil mothers-in-law from generation to generation. What’s amazing is that, like you mentioned, the same DILs who get mentally abused by their evil MILs themselves become evil MILs in the future. I have a doting mother too, who suffered badly under the tyranny of her MIL, who is good to everyone except her DILs and my mom in particular because she does her bidding and is severely loyal to her. I wonder whether my mom would become a similar MIL too… 😀
shail said:
Nakib, Welcome to Shail’s Nest and thank you. I am glad you noticed the humor too. The DILs who are obedient and loyal are especially targeted. No wonder there is some psychology behind it. Let’s hope your Mom will break the cycle 🙂 You can lend her a helping hand to not fall into the same rut. I used to literally threaten my mother with dire consequences if she were to resort to MILism before my brother ever got married. 😉
gooseyanne said:
……coughing – I read this post and the comments with interest Shail. I was drawn to it by the fact that I have been a MIL (twice over) for over 25 years. When my sons married I made a vow to myself (a) that I would not interfere in their lives unless asked so to do and (b) I would love and accept their choices – probably because I realised that any other course of action would only lead to a conflict that I could not hope to win!
In England our family units have fractured in the main – there is very little support for the elders or respect for their views and needs. I should add that I am not speaking from personal experience here – perhaps I am fortunate.
You may be amused to learn that, in my first married, I escaped the MIL entirely because I married my step-brother and my own mother became my MIL!!!!!
shail said:
Those are two lovely points that every mother/MIL, nay all parents, should remember. I guess following these points will only strengthen your relationship with the youngsters, rather than drive them away.
I am totally amused that your mother became your MIL. What an ‘escape’ for you! 😀
Rinth said:
They should be called monster-in-laws! I tried to find more to write but all has already been said. Going to check out more of your blog now. Hi by the way!
shail said:
Rinth, Welcome to Shail’s Nest. Thank you and Hi! 🙂 Indeed some of them are Monsters-in-law in the true sense!
Random Musings by Swati said:
Hi Shail,
This is the topic I had wanted to write on but never have the courage lest anyone from the family reads it and then hell will break loose. In my case my MIL is a double-edged knife and my husband wears blinkers. Twice we have tried to live on our own and twice she had played her motherly trick and brought us back to live with them in a small flat where six adults, one preschooler and soon to be coming infant are living.
I don’t mind living in a joint family but my only grudge is that she doesn’t allow any freedom. If my husband calls she will ask me what did he say or why did he call so many times a day. One day my son told me that daadi was checking your mobile when you were in the washroom.
Anyway I am just asking one question why moms are so unsecured? Moms always have special place in the hearts of children so then why play an evil card and spread poison in each other’s life. Will DIL ever forget the treatment meted out to her by the EVIL MIL? NEVER!
Its been ten years since we married and over the years she has lost my respect and whatever it is just out of DUTY. I am wrong in that? Am I wrong if I have only bitterness for her in my heart and mind?
I am glad you handled the situation maturely and never bothered about her stings or did you? Because all the stings that my MIL makes with the honey-coated voice strike through my heart like a sharp arrow.
Sorry for my ramblings. Just needed a much-awaited let out. Anyway good post. Loved your simple writing style.
shail said:
I am extremely sorry for not replying to this comment earlier. Of course i was just as naive as anyone else and hurt really bad. If I am what I am today it is because of the way I was pushed into a corner by everyone concerned that I had no option but to think things over and arrive at my own conclusions. I didn’t have the support of my family either. It is amazing how a young girl is isolated by everyone around and expected to be a doormat cum maid and be cheerful and grateful for it. What does it say about our society?!!
I hope things turn out well for you. Fight your battles. Don’t give up. Hugs.
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Anshuman said:
Sad – very sad. Yet I know it must be true, for I have seen many such cases in my own family.
shail said:
Thank you for your comment. Apologies for the late response.
Saritha said:
Oh my god all m-laws have same dna. How much ever I want to ignore few incidents…they keep coming back to me.
The incident you mentioned about husband going to gulf is mine too but a slight a change. My mother told m-law not to sleep in my bedroom but sleep in my moms bedroom ( my mom used to live with me) because my need need a company. Most of the time she behaves very innocently and with sugar coated words make son feel that my mother doesn’t know anything. If she doesn’t know anything how did she had three sons?
shail said:
Yes, they seem to have the same qualities! Behaving innocently in front of their sons is their trick.