Picture from here

Tigers of India threaten to commit suicide en-masse over a demeaning reference to them by a man whose identity is not yet known.

The reference to tigers is part of a comment made in response to the news coverage by TOI of a Minister’s senseless statement on how much skin women can show which we infer is only as much as does not provoke the scum among men.

The comment is addressed to women and the pertinent part reads as the following:

“How many people go into a tigers den? Just because the world has changed does not mean you can expect the tiger to play with you.”

The ‘tiger ‘in the above statement is a metaphorical  reference to males of the human species who apparently do not and can never ever have (according to the unknown commentator) control over their baser instincts. Men, the man implies, will be men, i.e. they will harass, kill and devour the females who show skin.

The reference to them in the comment has sent shock waves through the tiger community. “We are a proud race. To use our hallowed name to illustrate and justify the actions of depraved men is to hit the nadir of existence.” the spokes-tigress stated at a press conference.  “We unanimously condemn the reference and seek immediate apology from the humans of this country, failing which we will be forced to take suitable action.”

The senior members of the tiger community could be seen pacifying tigers and tigresses roaring in anger at the humiliation. Tiger leaders were repeatedly requesting the more violently inclined of the members to please exercise self-control and that they would most definitely give a fitting reply to humans which they, the humans, would never forget in their lifetime.

This caused a more than mild flutter of anxiety among the reporters and camera-men, especially when some of the more ferocious of the lot were seen snarling at them. The more violently inclined among the tiger community had to be restrained physically by tiger-police even as they threatened to rush at reporters (and camera-men) threatening to maul them to death on the spot. It was a harrowing experience and a narrow escape for media personnel.

“It is all very well for humans to holler ‘Save the Tiger’ at the drop of a hat, form FB groups and write blogs on the topic…“ said the spokes-tigress in sarcastic tones. “When you cannot stop such cheap humans from humiliating the tiger community as a whole it is time for us to take revenge.”

“National animal indeed Ha!” a few of them were heard shouting. “And we get compared to scum of the earth!” “Yeah, let us see you have a National Animal after today!” “Humans are hypocrites!” were some of the things hurled accompanied with blood-curdling roars at the ready-to-pee-in-their pants reporters (and camera-men). It was a spectacular show of strength and solidarity.

Hurried discussions are on between human representatives and senior tiger leaders to avoid the imminent calamity of a country devoid of its pride, the regal tigers. The picture of a National Animal-less country is not one that the leaders of the country are prepared to face.

“We will be the laughing stock of the world,” an unnamed source in the government is quoted as having said.

A small elite group of human males were heard sympathizing with the tigers, “What else did you expect? Besides we know just how they feel. We undergo much more humiliation because we as men get clubbed with depraved criminals and their vociferous (and dumb) male and female supporters.” Readers will remember that there had been a recent news about women being advocated (by a woman) to wear long-sleeved blouses with their saris to earn respectability. Unconfirmed reports have been doing the rounds that the person is in the pay of the global clothes mafia that wants to increase sales of clothing at all costs.

Watch this space for further developments and more news on the tiger threat.