It was a four kilometer trek and the Lord and Master, protective as ever, felt I wouldn’t be able to do it. My age and the fact that I suffer from Plantar Fasciitis were perhaps the reasons he had in mind. It is simply amazing how all my life I have had to hear from my near and dear ones that I cannot or will not be able to do something or other.  It has made me doubtful of my own capabilities always and resulted in my being extra cautious. Of course there have been occasions when I have rebelled, insisted on doing certain things; but mostly I have never ventured so to speak, giving up even before making an attempt all because my sensitive self recoiled from hearing the I told you so-s freely thrown at me, if/when I failed.

I have always wanted to go on treks, but that is something that has remained in the realms of fantasy as far as I am concerned. So, I had set my heart on this opportunity of an ever so small one of a four kilometers walk at the Bannerghatta Nature Camp. In preparation for it, in spite of being a pill-popping-avoider-par-excellence that I am, I saw the doctor and popped pills like nobody’s business just so that Plantar Fasciitis would leave me alone for the duration. But then I had another hurdle to cross in the form of the over-protective L & M.

It is all very well to be envied by the general population of females for miles around for the way I am looked after. Indeed it IS wonderful to be treated like a Queen. But it does rankle, especially with a free spirit like the one I have, to be told, I am not up to doing this or that. My kids think (rightly so) that their father has spoilt me. It is another matter that I think he would have spoilt them rotten but for their Hitler Mom. Anyway, I sometimes grumble that the way things are, very soon I would forget how to even cross a street. In fact I do know for sure that, if I didn’t put my foot down now and then and insisted on doing things on my own, I might really end up doing that.

So there was the L & M at his discouraging best whenever the topic of the walk at the Nature Camp came up. Giving him loads of reproachful looks, willing him to say otherwise, did no good. I brooded darkly and left things at that. Finally there we were at Bannerghatta. The walk was scheduled at 7 a.m. in the morning. Seeing my smiling face, the previous night when the plans for the next day were outlined, L & M said, ‘Many of the other guests staying at the camp have opted out of it. Do you really want to go??’

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

He wrinkled his brows. ‘Will you be able to walk?? You will end up delaying the others too if you are slow’ he said. ‘Won’t they send the vehicle if I have problem??’ I asked him. ‘Yeah they will, but what if you are on a kuccha track somewhere where the vehicle won’t reach you??’ was his reply, ‘It would then take time and still hold up the rest.’

Ahhh, how tough it is to come out of one’s own fears of inadequacy. Will I be able to?? Would I become a liability to others if I went ahead and joined them?? What if I couldn’t walk the whole distance as the L & M believed?? What if I spoiled the fun for the others by holding them up, slowing them down?? It would be tougher to insist on doing anything if this failed. This example would be held up and forever come back to haunt me. I simply hate I-told-you-so-s. Was it worth?? Wasn’t it better to just let things be, not go and avoid all this?? I was totally undecided as I went to sleep that night. I had almost decided I wasn’t going.

When the morning dawned bright and clear, when I saw the junior son and the L & M getting ready, my spirits were at their lowest. Suddenly, I remembered something. Someone had once asked me, ‘What is more important for you?? Fear of having to hear negative remarks or doing what you want to??’

I made my decision. I would go. If I failed and had to hear about it, it would at least be after having tried to do what I desired. And if I succeeded, there would be nothing like it.

“I am coming.” I said much to the surprise of the L & M and joy of the junior son.

Yes I did it, I did it, I did it!!

I walked the four kilometers in spite of my age, my weight and my Plantar Fasciitis. A small thing for you all perhaps, but for me it was a giant leap away from my usual habit of letting others (read L & M) decide.

On getting back to the camp to a lovely and well deserved breakfast, the junior son told me, “Good that you decided to come, Amma. Or you would have forever regretted it.”

I nodded my head in agreement and added, “I would never have known what I missed if I hadn’t come along and also would have been left wondering ‘could I have done it or not??’ all my life and never really known the answer.”

I told him the story of how a certain someone once made me look at things as a choice between my dislike/dread (of I told you so-s) and my desire (to do whatever I wanted to or in some cases, had to).  I hope the junior found a useful lesson in it for future reference.

As for you Someone, all I can say is, my legs ached a lot in subsequent days and I am not sure what the doc is going to say either (he forbade me any sort of exercise), but who cares?? I am so happy I made my choice, thank you so much.