At last the day has come. Everything is packed and I am raring to go. Fond of travel?? You bet I am!!
Get down from the Omni walk up the steps of the railway station. Scores of eyes watching, following your every move. Nothing unusual. That’s the way things are where I live. You don’t have to be a celebrity, you just have to be a woman to have this honor conferred on you. Wait by the main gate, while the Lord and Master goes to get the platform ticket. What?? Oh no, he is not coming. He is still working. Moi has retired. Moi is a free bird now.
A few days back while out driving on one of our various errands, I remarked to the L & M,
“Hey listen… I have taken voluntary retirement…” *smug smile*
A pause while the L & M digests the new information thrown at him out of the blue by his wife with the missing circuits. No preceding intro to the subject. The poor man tries to figure out things. But no worries. Actually he is used to having these ideas/views/ opinions or remarks thrown at him with no prior explanation and knows they are the continuation of thoughts which had been brewing in his wife’s over active brain.
Let me tell you what the thoughts had been at that particular point. The sons (yeah the monkeys) having all grown up and moved away from home (Yaaaaay!!) my time is my own now. Of course I do put aside a major portion of it for the L & M and my gal Goofy. A cousin of mine suggested I work with him. He probably thought I’d welcome the chance to be ‘occupied’ little realizing that I am forever busy even when it appears that I am sitting still staring into space. The L & M too thought it was a wonderful idea. He probably thought that would mean less of ‘Let’s go visit some place or other’ from moi. On my part, I was horror struck. OMG. I had been so looking forward to the sons sprouting wings and flying away so as to relax and do my own thing and here were people (and the L & M in the gang too Grrrr…..) thinking I would want to take up WORK, as in work done by a career woman. No way. I was done with working. I wanted retirement. Ahh, you think homemaker’s don’t need retirement, only those working outside do?? Think again!! I decided I better let the L & M know, that I was planning on taking VRS. That’s when I said,
“Hey listen… I have taken voluntary retirement…” *smug smile*
The L & M cleared his throat.
“Okay..” he said and paused dramatically before continuing. “There is one thing though…”
I looked at him questioningly.
“You better tell me what all those duties are from which you are taking voluntary retirement. I have got to find a replacement, put an ad in the local paper for a temporary one and then decide whether to make the appointment permanent you know…..” he said trying to keep a straight face.
“Hahahahaha!!” I went. “Sure I will tell you!” *faltering smile*
So don’t ye all be surprised if you see an ad in the newspaper asking for a replacement for moi. *gulp*
Now lets get back to the free bird off on a holiday by herself. The L & M who is yet to retire as he WANTS to work unlike moi, is at the railway station to see off his wife like any dutiful husband would. Soon, the L & M comes back, the platform ticket duly purchased and we walk to the platform to board the train. Eyes following your every move. You look left, right, ahead or behind, you will catch at least a pair of them on you.
In the train and off. Brother, sister, here I come. Good company. All from God’s own country. No eyes at close quarters. Wow!! Nice, isn’t it??
Rajkot. Sister in law at the station to receive moi. Drive home. Lots of yak yak yakkety yak. Go for walks, shopping, a trip to the Rotary Dolls Museum. Where are the eyes?? Why no eyes?? OMG. Is something wrong with me?? Perhaps I am no longer young enough for the eyes. Oh no, I have grown old!! Nobody is even looking at me now!! Sniff sniff.
Baroda. Sister at the railway station. More shopping, outings and visits. No eyes following your every move. I have really grown old and ugly. Sob sob. Rushing off to buy a cake in the New Year Eve rush. The roads are full of celebrating crowds. Involuntarily and out of sheer habit, I watch my back (and front) taking care of all sensitive spots of interest to unscrupulous elements in the crowd. OMG, nobody is even trying to brush against me. Is this for real?? Totally demoralized now. I really really am old. Sigh. You can forget about eyes from now on, I tell myself. You really are a free bird in every sense. No need to worry about eyes (or hands or even feet)!! I forget all about eyes (hands and feet too!) relax and enjoy myself in my new found freedom.
Time is up. Holiday over. The day for the Return of the Wandering Light arrives. Good company again in the train. All from Jaipur, wanting to know of Kerala, its cuisine, coconut trees, chutney, dosa, iddli et al.
Early morn, the train pulls into Ernakulam South railway station. Wonder of wonders, the train is before time. The L & M is waiting as I alight. Now what’s that niggly strange sort of feeling I am getting?? Oops, the EYES are back!! Hmm… and its only 4-30 a.m.!!
Catch the next train to the capital city. Once again the all familiar feeling. Gosh, the eyes are back with a vengeance!! New discovery: Hey, I am not old, nor am I ugly!! Alight at Trivandrum Central, join the milling crowd all trying to make it to the exit in good time though at a crawl. Trying to keep up with the L & M’s long strides. More eyes that stare and stare…. A hand brushing too close for comfort. A body pushing closer. A shoulder that rams into you for no apparent reason. When you look up a knowing smile. If you concentrate you can almost see the tongue hanging out and hear the panting and see the dripping saliva too. Wolves in human clothing. Realization hits in a flash as self esteem soars (sic!)
Welcome back. You are now in Kerala. God’s own country and hey, I am desirable after all!!
* * *
This is not to say that ‘wolves in human clothing do not exist at other places. They do of course. But as someone who has moved all over India and stayed in various places, I find this syndrome of ‘having nothing to do but stare at women not even bothering to disguise the lust in their eyes’ is special to my own state. It is the rule, not the exception. You have to live here to know the difference. When you move out to other places, you really get a complex and start wondering if something is wrong with yourself.
* * *
I had another welcome awaiting me. She was sleeping lost to doggie dreams and didn’t even hear me tip-toe up to her (BTW my cousin and family have been taking care of her for the past week, bless them!). I stroked her gently on her tummy and she lifted her head sleepily, got a whiff of Mommy scent and quickly pulled herself up (she is getting old at 12 years of age, sigh) wagging her tail and licking me. But all her more vociferous show of affection and the choicest of yelps were reserved exclusively for the L & M. Grrrr…..
Aww, but she is still my baby!!
Shail's Nest 
I know, I know, I know … God’s Own Country! Sadly host to the max no. of lech.s also :*sigh*
Been living with it for a long time here as well… and this is another area where people [lech’s] say age no bar… for the L and the viewee!!! Seriously!
I loved this for ever so many reasons: The retirement 🙂 [Waiting for my turn, when the Younger Offspring sprouts wings, lol,] and for the lovely visits you had! Also for the fact that Goofy got mamma back, and vice versa 🙂
Happy New Year, Shail. God Bless you and yours 🙂
I agree, age no bar for L and viewee!! And gosh, I second that max number!!
Actually, my younger one is still studying, but away from home, same I guess like your younger one. Yeah, Goofy has got Momma back and she is as is her wont, doing chamchagiri to Pops!! Grrr… Happy New year to you and yours Usha. Can we meet sometime in the future?? Would love to.
Of all the things mentioned my favorite was your reunion with Goofy. If L&M did not holiday with you, Goofy could have stayed at home with him, couldn’t she?
About the eyes, I have horse-blinds on when I go out. I don’t even recognize friends most of the time…that is a disease though 🙂
Roopa, L & M works at Kochi. That was why Goofy had to be put up in a hostel. I know about the horse-blinds. I have this same habit of not recognizing friends too! Lol. But the ‘eyes’ here, you feel them, even if you are blind!!
Hahahaha, I have a theory – one hates men leching at oneself, i.e. unless they pay no attention to oneself and then go overboard when a PYT comes into view. That is when the “I am a has been” feeling hits you.
Glad to know you are still desirable in your neighborhood.
Ritu, even the ‘has-been’ feeling is preferable to the insolent stares. Refer Usha’s comment above and Sid’s comment below. I’d rather not be desirable and would rejoice in it rather than be subjected to the way women are ‘inspected’ not merely viewed appreciatively, mind you. And if you know the language you can hear some choicest comments too, sometimes from 14-15 year-olds too not to mention the doddering oldies at the other end of the scale and those in between. Yeah and if someone like me goes on and on about how it is in other places, they say, maybe they don’t have real men out there as if it is the sign of manhood to openly salivate! What thrill it is isn’t it, to be a woman!!
Truly ashamed of hearing about my uncouth countrymen. I guess a lot of it is to do with our pseudo moral code and lack of a job that requires hard work. Overall it was an interesting read except about the men, that was disgusting but true.
Sid, you are from the same place, so you know. This place needs a lot of change in attitude towards women (and also other things), in spite of being the so-called 100% literate state. You are right about the pseudo moral code and lack of jobs requiring hard work. Thanks for dropping by.
loved the idea of voluntary retirement! and the eyes! and feeling good about it! and the reunion snap!
Ganga, yep, I have retired!! 😉 I am on the look out for the ad the L & M says he is going to place in the dailies for a replacement for me!! 😛 You don’t think I felt really good about the eyes, did you?? That was meant to be sarcastic.
Yep Goofy and me are having a wonderful time back together!
this is strange…
Why would women in kerala be observed so keenly ???
m i missing something ??
Dhiren, well that’s the way things are. Maybe they don’t have enough to do, more time on their hands!! It is something I haven’t understood fully. But it is a fact that when outside Kerala I do feel the difference and enjoy the freedom of not being an object to be stared at so much. Maybe someone should teach the men here that ‘staring’ is not ‘good manners’!!
God’s Own Country of course gets you a lot of unwanted attention and stares, another place- actually much worse is the NCR. You will never forget what color you are wearing because somebody will call you – most uncreatively, using the colour you are wearing, as in Oye Gulabee or Jamneeee or some such comments. And try asking them for any help, they will take it as am invitation to stare even while listening or talking.
The guys in Mumbai and Pune are gentlemen, they don’t stare and if you need directions they will cheerfully help. One country and so much difference in basic attitudes!
Hmmm… IHM, looks like a different variety of the same species! Underline that and highlight it, one country and so much difference in basic attitude!
Just cudn’t stop smiling all through the narration…..And, loved the reunion snap…. 🙂 🙂
Thanks Rekha. Glad I had you smiling! 😛
nice writeup thr..loved it..
some uncomfortable truths and some delightful experiences..
Thanks Praveen. Hope these ‘uncomfortable truths’ change for the better in the future.
Hahaha, I have heard of this “eyes following you, fingers brushing like overgrown tentacles, shoulders and bodies invading your space”. But you have written about it with such coolness. Kudos. Glad to have you back… I am not admitting I missed ya. 😉
I assure you ‘cool’ is not the way you feel when you are out there facing it. I can go so far as to say that I might tolerate the eyes, even the words though why I (or any woman for that matter), should beats me. But if I had my way, I would chop off the hands or any other body part that invade in this crude manner. When will people learn not to intrude another human beings space in this shameless manner??
Ok so you didn’t miss me eh Rashmi?! *sob sob* I didn’t miss you either!! 😛
ya, the instinctive drawing up of ur self, to brace against the imaginary ‘something’, the margin / ‘touching’ space you draw around urself tends to be a broad one…all this you realise, when you sense, the absense of this extra sensory perception you tend to have hold on to, that hovers around you forever, back home. its true of my hometown too! sigh! 😦
Onlooker, when you are in a place where you don’t have to be on your guard forever, it feels liberating. I don’t think that’s asking for too much. Our body is our own and not something to be poked and prodded at will by sick people! Thanks for dropping by.
Grrr how do non Keralite males dare to not look at you. The way you say it, is in alarming proportions, didnt know it was so bad, and so uncomfortable. I could feel as if the looks were sticking onto your skin, and needing some detergent to be washed away. Privacy is a delicate thing and intrusion a fine line not to be crossed. Good topic for discussion, on civic living. The same individuals will waste no time in assuming a high moral ground and accuse all and sundry of immorality.
Haha Jacob, the gallant man.
It IS bad and the ‘alarming proportion’ can be gauged by the fact how one feels when moving to other places. Every place has anti-social elements. But here we have most all ‘drooling’ as if they have never seen a woman in their lives!! I am with you about the same individuals accusing all and sundry about immorality. Remember the hue and cry over ‘men’ visitors to an apartment occupied by a single lady, an executive in some company?? The moral custodians of the block would have it that a single lady cannot have men visitors. Oh yeah??? What disgusting behavior!! Just because she opted to be single she cannot have men-friends over??!! And the same people would be I am sure, ogling every woman in sight and brazenly mentally undressing them. That is allowed of course since (they think) no one knows about it!! Grrr…..
hello…back after a long time. after reading ur post..i realised i missed reading it. the idea of vrs rocks..n u shud go for vacationing more often. people in kerala do stare…i am a victim myself 😦
hope to b back soon reading more of ur posts 🙂
Hey Amrita, nice to see you. Anyone who has been to Kerala knows the feeling! 😦
Hope to see you back soon! And yeah, vacations rock!
‘A hand brushing too close for comfort. A body pushing closer. A shoulder that rams into you for no apparent reason. When you look up a knowing smile. If you concentrate you can almost see the tongue hanging out and hear the panting and see the dripping saliva too.’
Bha… this is one thing that I am scared of India. The thing that I never experience here!
‘Ahh, you think homemaker’s don’t need retirement, only those working outside do?? Think again!!’
hehe ask me about it 😀 How I wish some 15 more yrs run faster (for me) 😛
Good that you don’t experience it over there. And Bubbly, your VRS taking day is quite far off hehe…, with Jia and Pranav being in ‘kid zone’!! 🙂
Speaking of travelling to other places I beg to submit a man’s observation. I feel that in Kerala ladies never look at me, in the face nor do I look dem in the face, hahaha no evil intended but honestly, outside Kerala ladies look at me in the face and I in theirs and sometimes we even smile at each other. I would welcome observations.
Ahhh Jacob, you have touched upon a pet peeve of mine. I have always wanted to write about this. Maybe I will in a future post. You are absolutely right. Here people don’t look at your face and smile openly or talk naturally to the opposite sex (common among all ages) It irritates me a lot. If someone comes to visit my husband and finds he is out on some errand, he would wait outside in the sun for an hour and a half but would not come in and wait for him in the drawing room even when invited to, all because I am alone at home!! As for the other side, when you visit people, the women folk would not sit in the drawing room, but stand at the door and talk, (half-hidden behind the curtain or door) with men visitors.I tell you, such behavior makes me mad. Mind you I am talking of average educated middle-class people. And if at all there is a mixed group sitting, the men have to make stupid jokes ( a carry over from college days) a la Mallu movie style. We can never talk or discuss anything in an easy manner. If women try they are ridiculed, again la Mallu movie style. (Do the movies reflect the attitude here or do the people learn from the movies??)
I have seen that even youngsters in our state follow the same pattern. I have also seen that youngsters from other states are more open and forthright and as a rule able to converse easily to you.
This is the place where if a 17-year old boy sits next to a 60-year old woman in a bus she is highly offended. *rolls eyes theatrically* I tell you, better not get me started!! 😛
Mmmmmm I think its worse towards south Kerala. The people of Malabar are generally more open and friendly. Trivandrum being the worst, or maybe the Christian heartland of erstwhile central Travancore is worse. I think that the word “Love” has a range of meanings from pure possessiveness, ownership and control, to the heights of caring sharing and respectfulness. “Sex” too has a whole range of meaning from the crass lust and flesh which is displayed in some of our movies to the sacred act between two consenting adults as a culmination of their love. Etiquette has a whole range of meaning from an outward show of formality according to tradition to a meaningful and real show of caring patience and concern for fellow humans the more for the weak.
I often tell my students that Kerala culture is not Mohiniattom, Kathakali and kalari Payat. IT is the way Keralites behave and the concern they have for other beings. This is a topic of great interest to me and there is nothing I would like more than having a more open loving and caring humanity, giving individual space to each other. Once one lady from Karnataka asked me why Keralites are so impolite? I told her that it is because Kerala is a hotch potch of races all of whom have come here for the sole purpose of making money on the spice trade. Dunno how far its true but thats the answer I got then.
Interesting Jacob and now I recall the conversation, a continuation of this, we had while we all met. I think we should continue the topic when we meet next and perhaps Swathi can make her contribution too. 🙂
Delightful story. Yes, take that early-as-you-can-retirement.
Of course you deserve it.
You have raised two boys, kept a L & M in the comfort and circumstances he feels necessary for his life, and taken care of pets. Also you have been a great traveler to your relatives and a charming, informative, enthusiatic, and fun-filled and human (and humor) promoting blogger for many blogger friends like moi (one of your favorite words). And you continue to write great accounts of your world as YOU SEE IT.
I would be more than happy to provide you with my personally written reference, recommending you for early and permanent retirement, unless you change your mind, as humans sometimes do.
In this reference I will also second your current conclusions that you are not old or ugly, and matter of fact, aren’t even moving in such directions. That’s what I think, HRP.
Oh Bob, you are such a dear! Psst! Keep those written references ready. Ok?? One never knows when one might need them! 😛 😉 🙂
its mostly because almost ALL people have nothing at all to do . If at all there is something to do , it is attend marriages, 60th bday celeberations , etc etc and
carry news of who is marrying or carrying .