Every week, there is a mad scramble, a veritable race between dog and woman, to see who gets to greet the Lord and Master first as he arrives home for the weekend. This is about one such weekend…. |
The Wife, as is usual, is sitting in front of the computer, brows knit, a thoughtful look on face, chewing lower lip while putting the final touches to her blog. She wants to post it before The Husband arrives and be done with it. The Husband is expected any moment.
Tang!
That’s the sound of the gate! The Wife jumps up and transforms her expression from the thoughtful, knit-browed one to that of welcoming-husband-home look.
The Wife then opens the door. There is her Lord and Master standing at the gate. She rushes over, wide grin in place, the sunlight glinting off her silver capped pre-molars. True, it is that she is in her late forties. Yet she knows not how to walk at a sedate pace.
Errr….would you mind folks? Try not to look or overhear. The Husband is greeting The Wife. Good manners and all you see.
Ok….You can open your ears and eyes now!
Suddenly something strikes (not physically) the Wife and she exclaims,
“Where is The Dog?!”
The Dog is not around.
The Wife is ecstatic!
It is not everyday that The Wife gets to be the first to greet The Husband. The Dog is always on the scene much before her, prancing, yelping and fawning, while The Wife has to wait patiently for her turn. Don’t be silly, she doesn’t prance, yelp or fawn (err…maybe fawn). She has to await her turn for that greeting from the better half, the hug with a few darlings and other sweet nothings thrown in.
The Wife feels it is all unfair. The Dog can sit all day out in the sun at the gate awaiting The Master. The Wife cannot. Apart from her household duties The Wife has her dewy complexion to think of. She cannot have The Husband come home and find that she, The Wife of the Flawless Complexion Fame now resembles a Tomato that has had Close Encounters of the Fire Kind with disastrous results.
Yet, today unbelievably, she is the one first on the scene!
The Wife bunches her fingers and brings her arm down and goes “Yes! Yes! Yesssss!”
The Husband raises his eyebrows to indicate there are neighbors around. The Wife’s voice does tend to raise an octave or two when excited. But is The Wife bothered? Never has been, with such things mundane. When The Wife is happy she is happy and the neighbors are welcome to know of it. She is not coy about hiding her joy.
Still no Dog on the scene!
The Wife does a few steps of what can be loosely termed dance steps though it looks more like she has got the shivers of the ague.
The Husband rolls his eyes.
Lost on the Wife of course.
She does a few more jiggles, steps from the latest trend in dance forms.
“Let’s go inside” says The Husband optimistically trying to steer The Wife in.
Right then, out through the front door, like a bullet from a gun, rushes out The Missing Dog. She makes straight for her Master, covering up her tardiness with yelps and welcoming barks. The Dog, not being as young as she used to be, had been asleep somewhere inside and had failed to notice that her Master had arrived. The Dog tries to hide her remorse by being extra earnest in trying to climb up The Master’s leg to lick his face. A difficult proposition to say the least, considering that the said face is somewhere six feet above ground level. Unable to make it to The Master’s face The Dog confines itself to prancing around at ground level, yelping and fawning some more.
The Wife does not let the occasion pass without a reminder to The Dog.
“I am first! I am first!!!!! Yaaaay!!!!!!!” says she and does a few more of those dance steps.
“Shhhh…” says The Husband, glancing to his left and right.
The Dog prances, yelps and fawns over The Master even more, pretending not to hear the ‘I-am-firsts’.
“Shari! Shari!” (Okay!Okay!) says The Master.
“You are late! I was here first!” taunts The Wife in a sing song voice, jiggling.
The Dog does her impersonation of a deaf dog (most likely taking a leaf out of the proverbial deaf adder’s book) to perfection. It runs to the gate and looks to see if any Innocent Passer By is walking outside so as to vent steam on him/her.
No luck. The road is empty of Innocent Passers By.
Still, The Dog puts in a few barks for good measure and rushes back to her jump, try-to-lick-The-Master’s-face routine.
“I am first!” sings The Wife, jiggling away.
The Husband has now given up on The Wife. Technically he has given up on her long back, he being of the opinion that The Wife has a few circuits missing. But the optimist that The Husband is, he still hopes that The Wife will grow up some day. Hope, you see, burns eternal in people’s hearts.
The Dog runs to the wall separating the house with the next door neighbor’s and barks trying to provoke The Labrador on the other side. The neighbor’s dog takes the bait. The Dog now vents her fury on The Labrador next door. She runs from this end to that end barking madly as if everything that happened had been The Labrador’s fault all along. The Husband and The Wife watch in amusement for some time and then before all the “I am first!” routine can start, The Husband skillfully leads The Wife inside.
Coffee time. The Husband is at the dining table sipping straight-from-the-stove hot, coffee when The Dog rushes back inside. Enough of spewing venom at The Labrador for her. She sits next to The Master looking at him adoringly. The Dog lifts one paw.
“Can I have some Coffee?” is the unasked question on her face.
“No!” frowns The Wife.
“Awww….!” says The Husband.
He pours some coffee for The Dog. She laps it up, (but after waiting for it to cool some, coz can anyone drink coffee as hot as The Husband?) and goes back to ‘you-are-my-hero’ look.
The Husband has had a long day, his work having started in the wee hours of the morning. He needs some sleep, some rest. He lays down for his well deserved rest. The Dog, follows him to the bedroom, sighs and settles herself underneath his cot. The Wife gently closes the door behind her and…
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…what do you think?!
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Do you even have to ask?!
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She is writing this blog post!
Doesn’t The Wife have to document the events of this All Important Day when she could beat The Dog and be The One To Greet The Husband First?
lahari said:
What is the wife can yelp n fawn? The dog would become more jealous I think
Shail said:
Lahari: Hahaha!! That is an excellent suggestion!! 😛
Venu Gopal Unnikrishnan said:
Looks like you have to take the bitch seat in the family car and the dog has given you a bitch slap. Let’s not bitch about the dog too much, anyways.
Samvit said:
Wow!! What a joyful post 🙂 Wasn’t reading your blogs since a long time. Time constraints 😦 . Have to start reading regularly again.
Technically he has given up on her long back, he being of the opinion that The Wife has a few circuits missing.
Thats good, let them be missing for ever 😛
Bob Hoff said:
Your triumph over your dog is very well documented. The keen conflict between you and the dog is sharply drawn. The picture of you jiggling away to glory is well focused and difficult to stop thinking about.
L&M has it all: wife and dog frenzy upon his return. Some wives and dogs don’t even look up when the head of the house returns.
Thanks for writing about this subject in a PGW-like way. Good job.
Bushu said:
Hi Shail, This is an adorable blog. I am so charmed by your brains and attitude. Age is just a number and you are a classy proof. I have friends in late twenties who are not even half as young as you are:-)
Swathi said:
luuurrrved it!
Rekha said:
You have my sympathies!!!
The exact same scene unfolds in my house evening after evening…The only difference being that here the wife and cat compete to reach the “lord & master” first!!!
Shail said:
Venu: Phew! What was that all about?? *confused* 😉
Samvit: Glad you found time to be here. So you are glad a few circuits are missing?? 😛
Bob: *taking note to inform Chris that she should jiggle away to glory when Bob comes home from the bookstore* 😉
Bushu: *blushing beetroot red at he compliments* I agree with you though that I find some in their twenties who seem, amazingly so :O, older to me by far!!
Swathi: 😀
Rekha: A kindred spirit!!
indianhomemaker said:
I hate to discourage you, but stop even trying to compete with the dog, they always beat us at greeting the L&Ms! (By the way, nice name you’ve given him, I am still looking for one!)
I like the description of doing jigs and celebrating the (brief)victory, I am quite capable of the same sort of thing 🙂
shail said:
IHM, you are right. That’s why I just had to document my spectacular and unprecedented victory on that particular day!! 😉
BTW hope you come up with a name soon. 🙂
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Stupidosaur said:
ermm…does “Every dog has its day” apply here? 😉
Me: Welcome to Shail’s Nest Stupidosaur. Hehe, …or the wife her day?? 😆 😛
Bob Hoff said:
I read this almost a year ago and still love it.
Request extra pix in post–perhaps dance steps of author?
🙂
Shail said:
Bob, glad you like it as much on re-reading. 🙂 No pictures of the author dancing have been captured as yet! 😉
Rajlakshmi said:
lolzzz that was such a lovely post 😀 hehehe you must be really happy to beat the dog… and it must be hatching plans to beat you again 😛
wonderfull read 😀
Shail said:
Thanks Rajlakshmi. Yeah, but she wins all the time. 😦 She waits patiently by the gate for The master to come home while I will be at the computer, oblivious to the world till the bell rings!! 😛 😉
Phoenixritu said:
Oh my goodness, this one is sheer bliss! Thanks for putting it on buzz today. Sheer awesomeness!
Shail said:
Thanks Ritu 🙂
Lazy Pineapple said:
hahahha…omg I can totally relate to this…..Dogs can be so possessive…congrats for being the first to greet ur hubby….good luck for tomorrow.
Shail said:
Welcome to Shail’s Nest Lazy Pineapple and thanks 🙂
Gyanban said:
You know we make multiple transitions in life. dog to human and human to dog. We exchange behavior patterns as well.So if one day the dog gets more attention than the wife, i guess it should be tolerated. !
I think there is an underlying philosophy in your post – is that by design or by chance?
Shail said:
If there is a philosophy its by chance Gyan! 🙂 My dog always used to win the race. I only came a poor second except on this one rare occasion.
Pooja said:
Must read, brought a smile on my face, must say the Husband would have to be a darling, to justify receiving this ceremonious welcome on a daily basis.
Shail said:
Welcome to Shail’s Nest Pooja. Lol, yeah The Husband used to be fought over by The Dog and I. I use the past tense because my dog is no more now. 😦
Vikram Karve said:
Well, Shail, every “dog” has its day…!!!
Well written…enjoyed it thoroughly.
Shail said:
Welcome to Shail’s Nest Vikram and thank you. 🙂 Indeed every ‘dog’ has it’s day!! 🙂
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ddeepa said:
LOL you just made my day! I don’t have a dog, and honestly, am not a pet person either, but visualizing the whole race was hilarious! And just like Bob Hoff above, I would have loved to see some pictures of the dance steps! 🙂
shail said:
Glad you liked it Deepa. 🙂 Unfortunately no pictures exist of the dance steps 😉
cheerfultornado said:
I’m SO glad you’re not coy! 😀
Loved every bit of this. Excellent, hilarious stuff. I can totally imagine you doing the little dance-steps 😀 😀
shail said:
Lol, and now that we have met do you still think the same? 😉 😀
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Sandhya Kumar said:
Read the whole post with a BIG grin on my face! I can imagine the scenario frame by frame!
shail said:
😀 😀
Indyeah said:
Just pure luck Shail!:just pure luck! You cannot win. And look at that face. She of the super cute and butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth face. Goofy is adorable. Lots of love to the baby. (hugs)
I assume now Luci muci has taken over the task?:)
shail said:
Sigh, I know Indy, just luck! 😦 I don’t even attempt to race Luci. She will topple me down. And in her excitement she jumps on me too. I got quite a two legged punch in my tummy that I now steer clear of all welcomes 😛 Except my own of course. 😀 😀