- We, that is the L & M, the FB and I lived in Secunderabad for close to two years.
- My sister and brother-in-law bought a house in Kochi and settled down there with parents (mine and the sis’)
- My mother ate a big fat custard apple and threw the seeds in the backyard of the house (or so she claims) for a custard apple tree to grow.
These are three distinct and seemingly unconnected events. But they have ended up having a connection. Mother claims that she took to my sister’s home (in Kochi) some big fat juicy custard apples when she returned from a visit to my place in Secunderabad. She further states she then scattered the seeds around sister’s house in the hope that the seeds might germinate and a tree would grow, to give the same fruits. Perfectly possible, of course, except that I know what an imaginative mind she has. Personally, I disbelieve anything she says as a matter of principle, and proceed promptly to separate wheat from the chaff in my mind. Only when I am clear that facts indeed verify her claims do I accept her word for anything.
After a few months or a year or whatever time it takes for a custard apple seed to grow into a sapling and then a lanky as yet awkward tree, mother one day asked sis,
“Remember those big juicy custard apples I brought down from your Chechi’s (elder sis, that’s me) place at Secunderabad?” She then pointed to a young tree outside, “This tree is from the seed I planted from those fruits!”
My sister gave her a noncommittal look wondering how to break it to mother. I mean one never wants to pour cold water over apparent enthusiasm. I admit, here I am merely guessing because I wasn’t present. But knowing her and being a writer of fiction I am at liberty to make up a few things. The sis being a wizard at Math and blessed with stupendous memory to boot replied,
“How can that be? We bought this house AFTER Chechi left Secunderabad and arrived at Trivandrum!”
Elementary, my dear Watson.
Anyone would have felt deflated at their (baseless) assumptions meeting with such solid (and provable) facts and disintegrating into nothing. Anyone other than our mother, that is. She listened and there upon went about repeating the same story to all and sundry, the proof that sis presented notwithstanding. She told those at home, which at the time consisted of father, BIL, his mother too must have got to hear it, I am not sure about that, and of course the little grandson and granddaughter. This was followed by the household help, the neighbors, friends and relatives of all descriptions that dropped in or she met on her many forays outside the home.
Eventually the news reached me, who was staying a few hours journey away at the time, at Trivandrum. I snorted and thought, how like her! If anyone had cared to ask I would have told them, ‘What did I tell you?’ I am familiar with mother and her imagination that has no reins (The matter of ethics does not enter the picture at all) whatsoever since a long, long time. In fact whatever my siblings (might) say, I have known this trait of hers the longest.
So when finally when it was my turn to hear about the ‘the custard apple tree that has grown from the seed of the fruit I brought from your place at Secunderabad’ I said in my no-nonsense voice,
“What nonsense!”
Yup, I am direct that way. I hate nonsense. Period. She of course went wide-eyed innocence on me (for a change, usually she sulks) trying to convince me that I had a poor memory. Well, I am not my sis, but I have a reasonably good memory too. The L & M has many a time taken off his imaginary hat in honor of my excellent memory. Be that as it may. I replied, still in my non-nonsense voice, that I had been back in Trivandrum in 1989. The sis and BIL had bought their house a good two years after that. So which custard apple was she talking about?! Anyone else would have been flustered. She, unfazed, came back to me with a puzzled,
“Appol pinne athethu custard applinte kuru ayirikkaam?” (So then which custard apple’s seed could that be then)
Search me. How would I know? It could be any one of those you must have got from the market, I suggested. And one would think by her innocent air that I was the first one telling her about the clash of dates. I rolled my mental eyes. Anyways, that settled matters for the time being. Yup, you heard that right, for time being only.
Years down the line, she regularly brought up the matter as if for the first time and told us (also the brother and sister-in-law) and any visitor, the story about the custard apple that had journeyed to Kochi from Secunderabad and now had an offspring in the tree that stood in the backyard of the sister’s home. We children corrected her when she told us the story, but a few months later she would tell us the very same thing.
If any of this gives the impression that mother is senile or has Alzheimer’s or anything of the sort, please refrain from taking that route. Even now at a sprightly seventy plus, she takes classes (spiritual/music), sings, gives speeches, is learning Sanskrit, writes articles for religious magazines, travels with her group for singing bhajans, is an active member in the executive committee of her residents’ association and what’s more, walks more briskly than the lot of us of the next generation or the next. She is as sharp as they come. But she still thinks the custard apple tree is of Secunderabad-ian origin. Nothing could dislodge that thought that had somehow taken firm root in her brain. No amount of chiding, reminding, biting her head off, explaining, could correct her misconception. The next time we met, she would say the same thing.
Just the other week I happened to be in Kochi and she told me,
“You remember the juicy custard apple that I brought from your house?” I knew what was coming. She pointed outside the window and said, “That tree right there grew from its seed!”
I was gobsmacked. Twenty goddamn years later she was repeating the very same thing that we children had time and again PROVED to her as false. Her (believed) story was so deeply entrenched in her psyche that nothing we had said over the years seemed to have made even a tiny dent. I was too amazed to use my no nonsense voice. I simply replied in a tired voice,
“How can that be when this house was not even bought until much later?”
Without missing a beat she answered (I told you she is smart) “Oh then was it from Delhi that I got it, from where your brother stays?”
I did not bother to answer. At the time she mentions, my brother had been nowhere near Delhi.
Let’s leave the story of the custard apple tree right here and go on to the reason why I recounted it here in the first place. I have always been amazed and extremely saddened by people who believe a story that their mind has conjured up from their own experiences in life (perhaps) or their imagination. You try to point them the right way, show them facts to disprove their assumptions. Yes, it might sway them for the moment into believing you. But at a later date, they will once again go back to their own made up story and serve it back to you forgetting whatever had happened in the intervening time that had busted their story truly and surely.
Isn’t it sad that so many people have such ‘custard apple trees’ growing out of nowhere in their minds? Growing up with someone like mother I have had quite a few ‘custard apple trees’ thrown at me. Many of the populace have them growing as well. Some carry veritable orchards inside. The saddest part is when those closest to you have even a single ‘custard apple tree’ sprouting in their minds. It comes back to haunt you time and again. Nothing outsiders do will change a thing. Those that have the ‘custard apple trees’ in the shadows of their minds should be ready to ruthlessly question its origins and throw out the theories that don’t fit on their own. But will they? That’s the proverbial million dollar question.
The British Asian Blog said:
Imagine if you mother was a creative writer, she would have had a brilliant career and fantastic pieces of work. Put up a picture of the tree it seems to be very interesting.
shail said:
That’s a big ‘if’:) I stay far or else I could have clicked a picture. And I had no idea I would be writing this when I was there last!
Rahmath said:
“Custard apple tree” – a new idiom to use.
It was a hilarious read. enjoyed reading this very much.
shail said:
Thank you, for seeing the humor especially 🙂
Santulan said:
i read some where taht some minds are like concrete,difficult to change once they set
Santulan said:
Also, I wish to ask.. Are these custard apples any good?
shail said:
Hmm… come to think of it, I haven’t eaten any! :O
shail said:
I don’t doubt it one bit. I simply cannot fathom how she holds on to the same wrong info after 20 years!
Arpna said:
hmmmm… how should I put it. . .
I won’t mind having Custard apple trees if they are bringing joy to someone’s heart. I don’t feel the need of an ‘Authentic’ stamp on a story like the one your mom shares 🙂 Its a story of creation, creation of a tree, which is going to stand in that backyard for a duration that will be longer than that of your story 🙂 And even if the story has not to support it, so what? Don’t we have zillions of fictional stories out there that we can’t enter another one in the list 🙂 Long after I’m gone I will be a story too without any proof or whatsoever…. 😉 Its all a matter of changing frames of mind 🙂 A story is a story, be it real or fiction.
Am I making sense? LOL 😀 (see I’m free in the office and have all the time in the world to blabber 😛 😀 )
shail said:
You may have had plenty of time on your hands. But I know from your comment that you missed reading the last two paras of the post and so missed the res of my post. “A story is a story.” Really? So we are at liberty to make up stories about others that may not be true and spread them all around? We can make baseless accusations based on our own fertile imagination? Is that what you are saying? 🙂
bhagwad said:
Secunderabad huh? I have some…interesting memories of that place. Used to go there as a kid to visit relatives and later kept visiting as I did my MBA in Hyderabad.
Questioning your deepest beliefs requires a lot of courage. A person whose entire value system depends on religion for example may not be willing to face the shattering truth of the non existence of god…and really who can blame them? Many times I myself have wished that I had the comfort of knowing that a god exists who’s aware of our existence. Imagine a person whose very well being depends on it?
Other more harmful beliefs exist also of course. Beliefs like the god given right of men to have more freedom and rights than women. It’s only when those beliefs are harmful that they need to be dragged into the sunlight and killed.
shail said:
I relate so much to what you say. Questioning needs courage and then that wish for the comfort that’s lost haunts you at times.
I had been to Secunderabad recently too. It has changed a lot, But the army area, not so much. 🙂
priya said:
Loved this comment from Bhagwad – his analogy about God/religion is a good one. Bhagwad, do you realize what your name means:) Just kidding.
Shail, I like your blog and your thoughts. Very refreshing. Came here via IHM’s blog. Keep up the good work.
– priya
shail said:
Thank you, Priya. Keep visiting 🙂
Mysoul said:
I have noticed that memories are weird things…I have had stunning experiences of how the same event, I and the others were present at, comes out in different narration that was completely unrelated to the event…There was a time when I thought I didnt remember right, but on careful observation realized it wasnt like I didnt remember right, its just that everyone interprets the event in association to what is relevant to their personal memory-scape and sometimes the Link to the association is wrong. So, I listen and think, maybe we should make a movie called – The Memories of Groundhog Day, 😛
shail said:
Tell me about it! I am stunned too at the totally different versions of the same event. I am even more astounded how the recounting changes with the passage of time. Personally, I am the ‘stick to facts’ type in real life, inspite of being a writer of fiction. You will not find a change in my narration of an event after years and years, except maybe something I had forgotten. Lol, maybe I’d make a good witness 😉 No making up or adding frills, slight understating of things perhaps.
I like that about link to the association being wrong. Yeah, when we have the wrong link a totally unconnected page opens up! 😉
shail said:
My thanks to you too for getting what I wrote. 🙂
Usha Pisharody said:
I love custard apples. Not those stories. Sadly, the custard apple syndrome (now see what a lovely condition you’ve helped to name :D) is one that is alive, well, and flourishing, as that one, growing in the backyard!
shail said:
Same pinch, Usha. I love custard apples too, but not the syndrome. It is very sad that it exists.
shail said:
My special thanks to you, Usha,for understanding what I wrote 🙂
pixie said:
thats a nice phrase to use from now on – “she’s got custard apple trees growing in her mind”!
and are these custard apples any good? I wonder if I’ve ever eaten any?!
I could have and I’m hopeless in remembering names…
shail said:
Haha and those who hear it for the first time will wonder what it is all about! 😀
WHAT? You have not tasted custard apples? Sitaphal? Take a look here, Pixie: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Custard_Apple.jpg
hitchy said:
I seriously wish your Mom had a blog too and we could read her as well ! 😀 It would have been boom bastic I tell you ! 😀
shail said:
I think too that it would have been boombastic 😐
R's Mom said:
heheheeh 🙂 your Mom is super cute na 🙂
I have really bad memory! cant remember birthdays, cant remember names..gah!
shail said:
Thank you R’s Mom 🙂 Nowadays I have this habit of opening my mouth to say something and then gulping like a goldfish. I would have forgotten what I was about to say 😦 It is very embarrassing, I tell you.
Sandhya Kumar said:
I love your mom! She is harmless…let her enjoy! I like the expression ‘custard apple memory’! I love custard apples!
The way you have expressed about the ‘custard apple memory’ is very interesting! We might become like her one day! Should warn our children!
shail said:
People may lose memory in old age. That’s different.
I love custard apples too. 🙂
metherebel said:
I wish your mother too had a blog 🙂 I too have come across people who have their own theory of custard apple tree.
shail said:
Yeah people with custard apple trees growing abound. Thanks. 🙂
varsha tiwary said:
ha-ha Custard Apples growing in the mind : Interesting Read !!
I think as long as it is just a harmless and juicy custard apple : it is fine :maybe it gives a secret joy or a sense of fulfillment to her ,much more precious than the actual facts of the event ?
Of course when custard Apples transmogrify into Cacti or Lantana then it gets worrisome.
shail said:
That a wrong foundation has been laid and strengthened by mere repetition of word over the years is not worrisome? What if the same tactic is used in more important matters of lives of those around? 🙂
Swapan Kumar Das said:
Interesting read! But don’t know how to put it! You are taking this harmless Custard Apple story of your mom as an important issue considering it could have incurred impact in relations or other things had the story been something else involving people other then Custard Apple. If such stories are harmless (and esp. comes from elders), we still could bear with it suppressing our irritations. But if things are not like “Custard Apple”, and are serious we should have our say boldly against it.
Anyways was amused to read and was wondering how irritating it would have been for you people to listen this story repeatedly. Just wondering it would’ve been more amusing if it would have been your MOTHER-IN-LAW instead of your mom narrating this “Custard Apple” story to you!
shail said:
What can I say Swapan but that you have missed the point of the post. It is not about the custard apple tree or its story, but what a sad situation similar behavior can lead to in other matters. Please read the last two paras again and some of my comment replies above. Sometimes stories are used to illustrate points, Whether the story itself is harmless/harmful or is told by elders/kids has no relevance.
If MIL says a similar story, most DILs, at least of my generation would have smiled and said “Haanji Maaji”. because when in laws want us to treat them like mothers, what they mean is only in taking care of them, nothing else. 🙂
Nirvana said:
I just HAVE to split my comment into two parts 🙂 :
PART 1 : I loved that story – instantly took me right back to my mom’s favorite piece “Ethu ninde frock aayirunnu…. Ippo itha ninde mol ittondu nadakkuva – njan soookshichu vechhadukondu.” Which was absolute rubbish – an aunt had brought it over for another cousin. (Extended families = TOTAL confusion 🙂 )…….. Looooooved that bit!
PART 2 : So damn right about people sticking to their Custard apples – frustrating at that! Fantastic post, Shail!
shail said:
That’s funny about the frock! I can so imagine that 😀
Thank you, Nirvana 🙂
Vivek said:
It was a well known tenet of the Nazis propounded by Goebbels, of the Gestapo. “Any falsehood repeated thousands of times becomes the truth” (Not the exact words but I am sure someone can look up Wikipedia for them.)
OMG! Did I call your mom a N….err ummm..sorry that was not the intention.
shail said:
I am keeping a judicious silence, Vivek 😐
Smitha said:
I’ve had a few custard apple trees thrown at me too:) And the funniest bit is, as you say, the refusal to accept reality or anything apart from their version of the truth.
shail said:
I hear you loud and clear, Smitha!
roshniaamom said:
hehehehh!! Throughout the post, I was thinking what would have happened if the sapling that your mom proclaimed was her custard apple creation turned out to be another type of tree!! 😀
shail said:
Haha. In that case she would have modified her story and insisted that she had all along said it was (whatever) tree and it was one among us (she will choose the name of the one who is absent) who had said it was custard apple. 😀 We don’t stand a chance.
seena said:
Oh, I missed this post earlier. Don’t know how. Enjoyed reading it.:)
BTW Shail, were you talking about my Ammamma ,Amma, FIL and MIL? Custard apple trees grow in their minds like anything and are deep rooted esp. my Ammamma and MIL. 🙂
shail said:
I will add to that some extended family, some friends too 😉
Makk said:
tussi great ho ji…. what a thought and of course what a painfully (you know what I mean) hilarious story
shail said:
Lol. Thank you Makk 🙂
Swapan Kumar Das said:
So, finally did we arrived at a solution?! Or Custard apples will continue to grow…
shail said:
It is not my job to give solutions, but I have already given my ‘conclusions’ in the last para 🙂
Rekha said:
Lovely read it was…I guess all mothers are alike in some way or the other. I have a somewhat similar one back home. 🙂
shail said:
Haha! I can guess how it must be 😉
blogwatig said:
Oh my dear Lord! I knew there was a reason I am not a fruit person. But this post along with your tale and the tales that others’ carry, so brilliantly woven…..compelled me to comment! Shail, one of your best posts I’ve read till date. Bookmarking it, just in case I ever go on a fruit diet.
shail said:
Thank you 🙂 And you on a fruit diet? You are someone who keeps everyone grounded, including yourself, with your witty quips! 🙂
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