Some months back as part of a game, a lot was picked and a question asked of a small gathering of women ‘Who here knows classical dancing?’ Bharatanatyam, Kathak, Kuchipudi, Odissi, Kathakali, Manipuri, Mohiniattam are all classical dance forms of India.

Out of these (and a few more not mentioned here), I have learnt both Kuchipudi and Bharatanatyam when I was a young school going kid. Believe me, I’d very much have liked to carry on learning in the coming years too, but my parents had other plans.

Anyways…

On hearing the query, I raised my hand. I was then asked to do a couple of steps (probably for proof or merely fun?) for the gathering, and I obliged. There were friendly hoots of approval from the women friends. But what stood out was the amazement writ large on many faces.

We never knew this side of yours, some of them exclaimed.

‘Ahh. You assumed, from my crew cut hair and non-traditional dressing style. that I knew nothing of the traditional arts. eh?’ I asked cheekily.

It is the truth, isn’t it?

You see a person’s outer form and in a heart beat assume everything about them, not just their present, but their past as well. Just because my outlook is modern, and dressing contemporary, it is assumed that I have no knowledge of the traditional.

This is not the first time as far as I am concerned. I remember the time I had moved to a new neighbourhood. The women there were genuinely surprised when I spoke to them in Malayalam. ‘Malayalam ariyo?’ (Do you know Malayalam) they asked me in awe.

People start giving me detailed instructions to make traditional dishes even when I haven’t asked them. They assume I haven’t ever tried making them at home, or worse, haven’t heard of it ever. When I tell them I do make it at home, they look at me skeptically.

There are those who assume I am a late riser. Apparently ‘modern’ women sleep in late, only women in traditional wear and hair-style wake up early enough to take care of the family and their needs. I am thought to be ignorant of the scriptures, rituals, festivals et al. They think I haven’t heard of the epics, Ramayana and the Mahabharata.

Once a lady had the audacity to tell me, ‘Oh you must have just got up, right?’ when she walked into my house some years back, to invite me for a wedding. The time was 8-30 a.m. I had by then swept and mopped the rooms clean, made breakfast, fed the dog, done lunch prep too, and was waiting for my children to wake up, it being a holiday. In their world, only the traditional women can manage a feat like this.

How many times have we been told, or rather how many times have we heard and/read, ‘Do not judge a book by its cover’? Most people just blindly jump to erroneous conclusions about the contents of the book ONLY by its cover. It takes strength not to be swayed by the outer. Not many have the required strength, or PATIENCE, to wait before forming an opinion about others.

It goes without saying, it annoys me no end.

©️ Shail Mohan 2025