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Have you heard about the man who is suing his parents for creating him without his consent? At first I thought it was spoof. Apparently, not. He is quite serious. He claims his relationship with his parents is quite cordial and warm. But as a committed antinatalist, it is more the principle of the thing with him. His construct is that he did not ask to be born, his parents had him for their own pleasure and have ended up making him live a life of drudgery in this world …of school, finding a job, the whole rat race called life, none of which he had signed up for in so many words. Or so he says.

Hmmm…. If only I knew of this long back, when I was a kid, I’d have had a go at it myself. Ahh, missed opportunities! As I envision it now though, it wouldn’t have been all that smooth. The conversation would have gone something like this:

Father: (angrily)Why are you loitering here? Don’t you have anything to study?
Mother: (scornfully) Ask her how much she scored in her test.
Me: (lip quivering) You brought me into this world without my express consent! And now I have to study, do homework and come first in class. Wait till I sue you both. See you in court.
Father: (still angry) What nonsense is this? I told you this girl was trouble. (Kicks the chair and follows it up with a few bangs on the table)
Mother: (angry now) Shut up, you moron! You scored only 24.5 out of 25 in your last test. And you are going sue us? We’ll sue you!
Me: (caught off guard, runs to her room to cry buckets)

And that would have been that. But, now I have something else to think (worry?) about. What if…? How long before…?!

Me: Hello!
First Born: Hello Mom! How are you?
Me: I am good, son. How are you?
First Born: I am going to sue you, Mom.
Me: Eh? What? Why?
First Born: Please, don’t mind, Mom. It’s not that I don’t love you. But you didn’t take my permission before bringing me to this world.
Me: 😮
First Born: Mom? Mom? Are you there? I’ll come by for lunch afterwards, Mom. Make fish curry.
Me: Okay. (rings off)
Phone rings again.
Me: Hello!
Second Born: Hello, Mom. How are you?
Me: You want to sue me too, son?
Second Born: Er… yes. How did you know? Did brother call you first? I told him I’d call first!
Me: Never mind.
Second Born: After court can I come over for lunch? Make fish fry for me, Mom. And I love you, Mom.
Me: I know. Pick me up on the way to court. (ambles off to make fish curry, fish fry and rice).

Gawd! The trouble this one man has put us all in! As if the world did not have enough problems already. I am keeping my fingers crossed. 😉

© Shail Mohan 2019

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