I despair of children who prey on parents in their old age. Parasites, no less.
The old lady working for me is seventy-two or so she told me on the second day of starting work for me. Honestly, I did not know she was past seventy when I employed her. When I did come to know I was horrified. But I let her stay on as it meant she could lead a life of self-sufficiency with some dignity. [Read an earlier post about her, here] At present, she works in two houses in our locality and manages to make ends meet. Just about. That is when her children are not trying to take away her hard earned money on one pretext or another.
Last week when she got her salary, out of the goodness of her heart, she gave five hundred rupees from it to the son with whom she is staying. Do you know what his response was? A surly “What can one do with a mere five hundred?!” I wanted right then itself walk to his place and clobber him for saying that to his old mother. This is the same son of hers who took all her money, as temporary loan, promising to return it in monthly installments and then decided conveniently to forget. Now he has the nerve to talk about five hundred being a measly sum, and that when he owed her.
Her four other children are no better. The other day, her eldest daughter called her up. Naturally it was no coincidence that it was soon after the mother got her salary. She, the daughter started crying, saying her husband’s pension was delayed and they were starving, surviving on rice gruel. For all I know, it could be true. But why badger her old mother when she has her own husband and two grown up children (married) to turn to? Especially when she can’t be bothered to help the mother in return?
Sometimes I want to tick her off and tell her to be firm with her children, not let them use her. But I know for a fact that though she grumbles about them ‘sponging off on their old mother’, she would end up buying whatever ration or gifts they request. Sigh. Years of playing the submissive, generous and loving mother cannot be wiped off. Moreover, I am pretty sure she is secretly enjoying (like many of her ilk) the role of a sacrificing mother that society has dinned into their heads is how mothers should be. Double sigh. On second thoughts make that a triple.
©Shail Mohan 2016
Shail's Nest 
Sigh! I wonder if I can ever be a sacrificing mother, not that I would want to be one. Whereas my mom belongs to the ilk of sacrificing mothers, though she has toned down a bit now, thankfully, and I am the only daughter. Some mothers never learn. 😀
Yeah, some don’t. But good that your mother has toned down. 😀
Oh yeah…I despise those parasites too !!
And also those children, who take their parents to baby sit their own children – I despise them more…imagine old aged people who have lived their whole life in a place like Chennai and who don’t agree with the cold climates of US of A are being forced to stay with their children to take care of their little ones. If they want to have children, then one of them should stay at home or arrange the children to go to a creche. There is no justice is forcing the parents to do such things !
OOPS…I just ranted 😀
Totally agree with you on this, Uma. I have also seen this happening a lot.
Agree with this too, Uma! Too many people I know too, are doing this!
Generously, I’ve been advised to do the same once I’ve retired.
OMG !! I bet those ppl are waiting to watch what you do after retirement !!
So sad and so true. I believe moms of the older generation enjoy this Nirupa Roy kind of sacrificial thing for their kids. My mother wasn’t one of them and I surely won’t be one.
Till the time children aren’t old enough to fend for themselves it is ok to let him live off you, but beyond a certain age you simply cannot allow them take you for a ride. That too with absolutely no regard or respect for you and your age.
Agree, till a certain age and no more. I am glad to know your Mom is different. Here’s to you both. May there be more like you. Btw, I am one too 🙂
Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment.
I’m happy you are one. Honestly, the line between loving your children and compromising your self-respect is kind of blurred. We need to find some balance.
I’ve been reading your blog but commented for the first time here. 🙂
Yes, balance is the key. Thanks for de-lurking 🙂
Am so glad to hear this….! There are more who agrees with me….
And I am glad too, to find more who think so 🙂
I think this is completely unfair on the parents 😦 I don’t understand this. I mean, why get married and have kids if you cannot support yourself? I am in awe of the women who make ends meet at an advanced age. That shows they are resilient and capable of doing things on their own. As for the kids, the less said the better.
Agree, Shailaja. I am really in awe of her. I am ashamed to mention any of my aches and pains in her hearing. 😐
That’s wrong on so many levels. Once the kids are able to support themselves…they shouldn’t be dependent on their parents to give them money, in fact I think they should be helping the parents. That poor woman should have the money for herself and enjoy her elder years !
I try telling her that, but I think the role of a sacrificing mother is too deeply ingrained in her. 😦
Very pertinent post, Shail! Cannot say this enough. The notion that parents are around for YOU to depend on, take advantage of, even after you CAN be self sufficient is what needs to be changed.
But yes, some of them parents like to do the self sacrificing, and talk of it to all and sundry.
That last sentence is so true too! I see a lot of those kind around 😦
I have said this many times over and I repeat. Human beings are the only animals that dont push their children out of the nest. Somehow having a bigger brain made us clingy to our children or rather allow the children to cling onto us.
Reminds me of cling film!
sigh!
Most older parents have this self sacrificing view. Maybe it makes them feel important. I got the looks when my kids were young and i kept them in day-care when my parents visited. not to mention the stuff my parents said to me . i do trust them it’s just that they are not here to babysit and i couldn’t make it more clear than letting me kids stay in daycare. uggh you can never win though.
Absolutely right. That feeling of importance is there in my help’s attitude too.
And I so agree with you that parents are not here for babysitting. Try telling parents that and they feel offended!
Parasites plague parents perpetually
And those who don’t, respectfully
Keep their spatial distance
Fund their own sustenance
Perhaps your maid finds power — financially?!
I am sure the sacrifice she is making gives her satisfaction even though it means she loses out on a major portion of her salary. 😦
This is not the situation in just lower class but in all other classes also. Children always think that parents live just to ‘help’ them, not vice versa. It is not going to change.
It will change when parents decide to change their attitude. 🙂