Today I have a shailism in the form of a question:
On the one hand you are told both joy and sorrow are part of life, and on the other are asked to ALWAYS smile and think positive. Excuse me. Does anyone else notice the contradiction here? #shailism
I certainly do.
How come we are not taught to accept and deal with them both instead of being asked to ‘always think positive’ thereby negating and invalidating feelings of sorrow? If sorrow is indeed an inevitable part of life like joy, why give it the Royal Ignore, why the repeated suggestions of quick whitewashing of it with layers of ‘positive thoughts’ as if sorrow is something shameful, almost akin to Indian parents proudly flaunting the fairer of the twins to visitors but pretending the darker one standing right beside them does not exist? To me it looks suspiciously like ‘lessons on how to lead a life of pretense’.
My personal theory: I feel I MUST allow myself to be sad just as I allow myself to be happy. [From here]
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©Shail Mohan 2014
Shail's Nest 
Shail, That is such a fabulous shailism!
Danke, danke 😀
I feel our emotions is so complex. I wonder whether we know the real self!
Sorrow and joy are not complex. 🙂 Do you find it difficult to know when you are happy or sad?
By all mean, be sad
Sorrow ain’t all that bad
But when depression
Overcomes comprehension
One gently needs nudging to be gratefully glad!
Not me, Gulshan, not me, if you want to avoid a violent reaction 😉 😀
I really like this post. Very True. Suppressing our feelings ( even when we are sad ) is never good for emotional and physical health.
I agree. Living in denial is never good for you.
I couldn’t agree more. It feels like these days we’re always looking for the easy fix, and sorrow, as real and as integral a part of existence as it is, makes people too uncomfortable.
Inundated by ‘positive thoughts and quotes’ I started wondering if anyone knew how or even wanted to face their unhappiness and deal with it.
Thank you for the comment.
I had a sad day today. Nothing major, just a time to reflect on some difficult experiences. I feel so much better for taking a while to cry. I think allowing the sadness freedom lets it go, so tomorrow can be happier.
I so agree. Rather than let it weigh you down, it is better to allow a meeting and give it a hearing too, so to speak. 🙂
Shail no wonder you remind me of my mom! She is always telling me this accept sorrow and allow yourself to be as sad as you allow yourself to be happy. Guess all Army wives think alike or is it all moms think alike! Can’t decide!! 😛
I am glad to hear your Mom thinks so too. Here’s to her! 🙂
🙂 Mom is also reading your blogs though she doesn’t comment on them because she says that she can’t articulate her thoughts as well as rest of the people who leave their feedback do!
Right you are! And even then, it is this thinking, ingrained in us from Time Immemorial, that we show only a happy face, that still ru(l)es the day, most often.
That desperation, that pain of suffering, those tears… we need to show them too. That is real honesty.
On a different track – do you know your blog has been picked for an “independent” survey? I wasn’t sure I was being click”jacked”, so did not attempt it 😛
When I clicked on the comment box, another tab opened and I was asked if I wanted to take a 30 second survey, of 5 questions on your blog 🙂 🙂
On the other hand when it comes to a loss like death, we in India, do go to the other extreme, don’t we? So much so that those who don’t are looked down upon (as someone who never loved the deceased). This just struck me. Yes, grief also needs its slot in our lives, not forced, but definitely allowed to enter freely.
I am glad you did not take the survey though. Phew.
loved the shailism … 🙂
Thank you 🙂
Shailism rocks! 🙂
❤ 😀
nice point…now that I think about it, sadness and pain actually helps us more, strengths us, makes us more mature as a person, I think. It shouldn’t be ignored..
Yes, that’s my point. 🙂
something similar to what you have written…. http://sayadpoet.wordpress.com/2014/09/08/pain-and-me/
Yes, yes and yes! Agree 100 %. Every emotion has its place and by not feeling it, we deny its existence. Acceptance is the first step to a healthy life. God, I must sound like a fortune cookie 😉 But I really believe in this. As long as you don’t let sadness overwhelm you, it is fine to feel gloomy once in a while 🙂
http://momdiary.blogspot.in/2014/11/relish-moment-microblogmondays.html
Haha. No fortune cookie that, but fact. Acceptance is indeed that much necessary step that needs to be taken.
Agree 100%.
I process my sadness.. give it the time it needs .. acceptance is very important because that helps process whatever emotions one might be feeling.
Bingo. Just the thing to do 🙂
I’m with you. It’s not that I want to feel badly, but I also don’t want the pressure to always be striving for happiness. Sometimes you need to just deal with what is.
You said it, Mel. Thank you. 🙂
I believe in the same. Sorrow needs to be expressed. Felt. Given vent to. These are our greatest moments of catharsis. There is something macabre and beautiful about sorrow.
“…greatest moments of catharsis” Yes! Love your comment, Indy 🙂
I totally agree with you.. I think confronting and accepting the things that make us unhappy is very important in life to understand our behavior and to learn to deal with the upsetting situations in life…
You put it rather well. I agree, absolutely. Thank you. 🙂