The other day I was relaxing with some people when one of them remarked,
“The poor are really arrogant these days.”
The observation jarred on my nerves and I turned to look at the speaker for an explanation.
“Imagine. They want to use gas stoves for cooking!”
“And why shouldn’t they?” I put in, mildly.
Well, truly speaking I was aghast and annoyed, but I always prefer to hear people out before blowing my top, that is, in case I absolutely needed to do the blowing up part. So I decided to listen. By the way, this is a matter that has always bothered me, the way some elements of our society think that the goods and appliances in the market that entertain, or ease our life, are meant for themselves and not for certain others.
Take for example the cell phone. How many times have you and I heard people exclaiming ‘kanda andanum adangodanum (Mallu slang for every damn commoner, sort of) has a cell phone these days’? In that half-joking half irritated observations about the fish-sellers, the nukkadwalas, household helps, auto-rickshaw drivers, bus conductors, the coconut tree climbers, the workers at construction sites, the peons et al having mobiles glued to their ears as they go about their work, is reflected strong disapproval for their owning the same. It of course does not matter that the people who make the observations do the very same, gluing eyes and ears to the phone, day in and day out.
Some years back it was the mixer-grinders that the lesser privileged dared to own that got similar reactions. “They are getting above themselves,” said the securely placed who employed the ‘they’ in question here. “Why cannot they grind masalas the traditional way on stones?” and “They have become too lazy” were other remarks thrown around freely.Televisions and/or ‘cable’ connections also have traveled through similar paths. That access to entertainment had trickled down to the masses was not taken to kindly.
What exactly is the complaint here? Not the money, because people buy goods with their own money. It ought not to be the wastage of time, because even those who criticize waste a lot of the employer’s time surfing the net or talking over the phone to friends while at work. Methinks the *real* problem here is the loss of exclusivity of theirs to those in the lower strata of society that is the main culprit. How can ‘they’ use the same things that I do? Instead of appreciating that the ‘benefits’ are percolating down to even those less fortunately placed, some people give in to resentment. How bizarre.
Getting back to the conversation that started off this trail of thought, the speaker explained that the poor had less money and ‘should utilize it wisely’. Yes, just like us, isn’t it, especially when we take huge loans to buy things we can ill afford and then spend our lifetime trying to repay it all, in installments. Then, why shouldn’t ‘they’?
All of us have the same aspirations: things that make life easier and better for ourselves. So why be resentful and/or critical of the economically backward sections of society wanting to do the same? Is comfort and convenience something only the well off among us are allowed to seek? Are desires and dreams only ours? Besides, and most importantly, it is their life, their money. How they allocate their resources, what they decide to do with the funds in their hands is entirely up to them. I said as much to the speaker.
“I know,” I added, “it is the way we have been brought up, to think of ourselves as superior and more entitled to things than those who serve us, but when such thoughts come, we should try to consciously put them aside as unworthy of us.”
There was a pause as the speaker assimilated what I said, and then she replied justifying her earlier remark,
“What I meant was why use cooking gas when there is so much free fuel source available. Coconut trees are plenty here, and it is a crime wasting all that firewood that is naturally available…..”
My patience was running thin and I cut in,
“So why don’t YOU give up using cooking gas and start using these, let me see, freely available coconut leaves and branches, for making YOUR meals?!”
The only reply I got was a stony silence. Someone won’t be inviting me to their house for a long, long time. But who cares anyways?!
©Shail Mohan 2014
bhagwad said:
Ouch. I feel embarrassed just listening to this conversation secondhand!
shail said:
I so relate to that. I still cannot get over that first remark.
Bikramjit said:
oooops 🙂 well you cook nice I know so why go to theirs to eat , I will come over to yours and EAT he he he he 🙂
why bother about such things mam..
shail said:
I hope you are kidding. I do care when people make such insensitive remarks. 🙂
Bikramjit said:
yeah i know ..
but lets talk of FOOD now 🙂 so what you cooking on the cooking gas.. 🙂
shail said:
I had chana for lunch 🙂
Bikramjit said:
Hope you left some for me now .. 🙂
mahabore said:
If only more people believed and lived the saying ‘to each his own’ we would’ve been privy to fewer conversations with these jokers.
Although I have to say, I loved the fact that you put this person in his/her place with that last sentence of yours 🙂
shail said:
True. And oh, I am so glad I gave that timely reply or else I would have lost sleep over it!
simple girl said:
you are so correct.. the exclusivity is gone ..
shail said:
Yes, one sees no other valid reason for such remarks.
vishalbheeroo said:
Such mentality sucks when some in the upper strata think that they have an exclusivity right over others. It’s easy blaming the poor but lil do we realize that the very rich have been as the core cause of misery in society. Glad you wrote bout it to show such attitude where only a category of people have the right to a good life. A reflection of the society in which we live.
shail said:
It sucks big time and I simply hate having to listen to such rubbish.
sraboneyghose said:
Oh, I’ve heard many similar comments…I get troubled by such insensitive remarks but try to ignore them…No point picking a fight…I guess I am getting old…
shail said:
Most of the time that’s what happens, we keep quiet.
Shailaja/ The Moving Quill said:
I am glad you spoke your mind, Shail. I probably would have done the same in your place. 🙂
shail said:
Glad to hear that 🙂
Love, Life & Whatever said:
Absolutely relate to each word you say….especially when few days back I heard from someone nearest about my maid look at her how she pins up her saree and always neatly put as if….my reaction was the same why shouldn’t she being a human….somewhere the people who comment like that cease to become human only for that moment I guess….love your honest confessions….
shail said:
“somewhere the people who comment like that cease to become human only for that moment I guess…”
I agree with that! That’s how it seems to me too.
And welcome to Shail’s Nest. Thank you for the comment. 🙂
Love, Life & Whatever said:
I like your spirit…..let’s be in touch…
shail said:
Sure 🙂
Sandhya Kumar said:
We should be happy to see that they are also ‘reading’ in cell phone and ‘using’ it properly. And cooking gas too. This is called ‘ego’!
Hahah..you will not be invited to their gatherings hereafter!
shail said:
We should be happy, You said it, Sandhya.
Lol, no invites for me, yes 😛
Found In Folsom said:
I wouldn’t worry if ‘they’ used cell phones or wet grinders. Everyone deserves to have the basics luxuries in life. But, there was a time when I went awwww, ohhh… because once cell phones were very expensive and affordable only by only few classes. I went awww because not everyone could afford to buy a color TV or a friz for that matter….and that was long long time ago. But on using their resources, who are we to say? their money, their life.
Malyaj said:
There is another aspect to the whole thing.
Somebody I know was content with a basic phone but upon a close encounter with a person ,who would be considered of having much lower socio-economic standing ,having the same phone made him consider buying a more expensive one. He was not mad at “them” but just felt embarrassed.
Perhaps the ‘anger’ is partly due to the perceived social pressure of having to upgrade themselves(which could be financially straining as well). And as you pointed out, it meddles with the exclusivity too.
Of course it’s not a justification of their behavior.
Smitha said:
I don’t get that attitude either. It is definitely that exclusivity that people want. And I think in a society like India’s, people want to keep that hierarchy. They want to be in that ‘exclusive’ group, to be the only ones with the fancy gadgets. It is amazing how things like smart phones are changing the lives of people. It opens up so many opportunities for every section of society. why grudge others things which they buy with their own money, is beyond me.
www.wordssetmefreee.wordpress.com said:
Yes, it’s so weird when people think some people don’t “deserve” to enjoy or relax or make their lives easier. We’ve treated domestic help as slaves for so many generations that it shows in such remarks. This is not only wrong because it’s unfair, it’s also illogical – isn’t it overall good for our country if the standard of living is rising across the board?
Swati Nitin Gupta said:
Well like you have said already it’s their life who are we to judge and comment, especially when we (or some of us) are guilty of doing the same thing.
Boiling said:
We all like feel we are special or “chosen ones”. I feel all of us should have access to clean continuos water + electricity + buses + roads and all basic amenities irrespective of class.
Cynthia Rodrigues Manchekar said:
I’ve heard a lot of such insensitive remarks, in the context of mobile phones and mixers/grinders. I agree with each one of the comments you have made here. The poor have as much a right to chase their dreams and aspirations as we do. After all, they are using their own resources to do it, not stealing others’.
I must also commend you on the image you designed for this post, with that pithy comment: “We all get our guavas from the same tree.”
Lovely post, Shail.
And so happy to be back on your blog.
Aturma said:
I visit your blog on and off, but leaving a comment for the very first time.. Just to tell you that I am your fan.
And I am glad you called out this classist woman for what she is 🙂
shail said:
Welcome to Shail’s Nest, rather the comments section 🙂
And thank you! I have done that a few times before too, but sigh, nothing seems to work.
radha said:
My neighbor had a similar comment, a few yrs ago she remarked that the cab/auto guys had cell ph and why on earth would they need one. I didn’t believe her, here she is sitting at home, with a cook, maid and bhaji seller coming ot her doorstep, doesn’t leave home except with her hubby ,had a land line for her use yet she never questions her need for a cell ph, where as she questions the cab/auto driver who runs his business and goes where called, he doesn’t need one???? strange folks.
Shilpa Gupte said:
I really wonder why people can’t mind their own business! It sure the best thing to do to give her a piece of your mind!
Shail, I am quite a new blogger and have read some of your blogs and liked them for the smooth flow of language and ideas…and that is the reason I have nominated you for the Quintet of Radiance Award.To read more about it do visit me at the link given below…
http://shilpaview-ideas2.blogspot.in/2014/07/my-second-blogging-awardthe-quintet-of.html
Roshni said:
Seriously, such bizarre logic! You’re right in your explanation! It won’t do for the privileged to see the poor using the same cell phone that they are, na!