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I have been hearing this for quite some time now, from my own childhood in fact, and THAT means it has been around quite a long, long time indeed. The boys those days used to ask, in between sniggering (and they have the nerve to criticize giggling), what that one thing was that they could do that the girls could not. Banish the thought. No, it is not what you think, namely the Indian pastime of spraying roadside walls whenever the bladder needs emptying, much like the canines. At least, that would have been a fairly intelligent response. But unfortunately, the answer that they came up with (without fail) to their own juvenile question (of which they are, unthinkably so, inordinately proud) was stuff that proved conclusively to me what a good job we as a society are doing in creating imbeciles out of our male children. Not that we are doing anything spectacular to create intelligent beings out of female children. But that is for another day.
Anyways, here is the idiotic brilliant answer: Men can take off their shirt, but women cannot. And THAT is supposed to make men (hold your breath) superior to women.
Here we go round the mulberry bush,
The mulberry bush,
The mulberry bush.
Here we go round the mulberry bush
So early in the morning. (Make that, all day and night)
Sorry, I couldn’t help singing that little ditty. I mean, how could I not when four decades later I start turning grey and wrinkled only to find the next wave of the supposedly superior beings m.e.n. are at the very same (how boring, yawn!) juvenile game (link), trying to prove their mettle by sticking to prototype. Here we go round the mulberry bush, round and round and round… never daring to stop and ask, “WHY THE HELL? Let me use my rusty brain!” Such hopes we have for the future, all dashed to the ground.
Since the same broken record is still playing, here is my answer (which being a non-blogger I could not give all those years ago, but which I am able to now) to the morons superior beings out there in case any of them happen to come across my blog. Whaddya know Empty-heads Full-Heads (and kind-hearted that I am, I am not mentioning what it is full of), I am a woman and remove my shirt daily, at bath time, bed time and any time I feel like, and so do countless other women all over the world. In fact ALL of them take off their shirts, trousers, skirts, undergarments and all. What the hell did you think? That we women lived in the same stinky, soiled clothes day in and day out? Or did you think our brains are so addled that we did not have the dexterity to undo buttons, straps and such? Like, really?! Give me a break.
Ahhh… I see it now. You crafty devils have all along been suggesting that women cannot saunter bare-chested in the public, while the oh-so-powerful men can. Right? Seriously, it beats me how walking bare-chested translates to superiority anywhere other than in the heads of those ‘dropped on their heads as babies’ (Thank you, Wodehouse). But if you superior beings who run the world say so, I am willing to give it some thought.
My thought is it is all that water that is the root cause. I know water is essential to humans, but when it accumulates at the wrong place, inside heads for example, the result is such spectacularly unhinged thinking (link) that is articulated with obvious pride. This also happens when you have a lot of hollow areas within and hot air inadvertently fills the vacant spaces. To counter brilliant expositions that pop out as a result, one needs an example in the league of equations from Einstein himself. So here is one such. Do pay close attention, or you might miss the nub.
Tell a man, to step forward. Now with a rope, tie both his legs together at the ankles, very, very tightly. Lift him upon your shoulder, carry him over and dump him at the starting point (yes we are running a race here). Fire a gun indicating that the race has begun. Alongside him will be running the ace runner of yesteryear, P.T. Usha. Hmmm… On second thoughts, we won’t bother our national pride with such silly experiments and simply opt for an undernourished girl-child of three, from the local slum.
Okay. There she goes running, the cute little thing, and wins the race too. How sweet! Now it has been proved fairly and squarely that girl children are superior to even grown men. Do you dumbos clever dodos agree? No????!!! Why ever not? The man did not run when asked to, the little girl ran. Where is the problem? All above board, if you ask me. Unfair? What do you mean it was an unfair race? The man’s feet were tied, yes. So what?!!! Isn’t it very similar to how fair it is when when society restricts women from going topless and then men remove their shirts and crow that they win? I know this is rocket science for you and not so easy to grasp. Try draining some of that water off your brains, things will then be clearer.
Bindu said:
can’t stop laughing 😀
shail said:
😉
Jay said:
Shail, the response I once gave was, ‘Can you remove your pants & underwear too?’ The much older, ‘mature’ man made an about turn and left the place. He doesn’t talk to me till todate. A distant, older relative he is.
Jazz said:
Wow, that is awesome Jay.. 😀
shail said:
Haha! That must have been quite a shocker for the person!
Amit said:
Haha! I guess this makes animals superior to us. We need to cover them with layers of clothes to snatch our superiority back. This is not acceptable.
shail said:
You have a point, Amit. Think of the dog or cat who rolls on its back.and lies there with four feet up. No human is superior enough to do that in public 😛
hitchy said:
That has to be the driest, wittiest post ever! 😀 ROFL
shail said:
Glad you found it so, Hitchy 🙂
phoenixritu said:
Brilliant post. OMG you made my morning! Such sarcasm and used to well!
shail said:
Danke, danke. 😀
pixie said:
😆
I would hate to turn up on your wrong side!!! 😉
What a response I say! 😛
shail said:
Hahaha! Pixie, I have quite a few in the waiting list who have done just that 😉 😛
Rachna said:
Wow, you went full on with the sarcasm. I thought that idiotic bragging was a thing of the past.
shail said:
Ironically, some things seem to resurface!
Smitha said:
That was brilliant, Shail! Can’t stop laughing!
shail said:
Making fun of them is the best I can do 😐
dhwanis said:
This post made my morning!! 🙂 Do accept my standing ovation!
shail said:
Oh, thank you!! 😀 *takes a bow*
UmaS said:
Brilliant Shail…laughing out loud…enjoyed reading a post after a really long time 🙂
shail said:
Thank you,Uma. Good to see you here after a long time 🙂
UmaS said:
Just found some time to peek into your space 😀
shail said:
🙂
Wanderer said:
Apparently some humans have stopped evolving or have been living under a rock. Removing shirts? seriously? I’d like to see someone saying that to my face.
shail said:
Oh yeah.I would too, for that matter, would like to see someone say that to me!
Vivek said:
Funny. You know more than half the male population in India (including me) can’t remove our shirts because of our pot bellies 😦
shail said:
Look who is here, and harping on the (with due apologies for mentioning it) pot-belly. 🙂 🙂
sos said:
lol. Who says women cant walk shirtless?
http://boilingwok.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/reblog-moira-johnston/
This shirtless dialogue – does it not come in some kamal hassan movie – vikram i believe?
shail said:
I loved that. The shirtless dialogue predates Vikram’s entry into movies.I am talking of MY childhood. 🙂
Moonbeam said:
had a good laugh!
shail said:
🙂
rainbowhues23 said:
Whoa! You’re on a roll there… but what a thought… I wish men could equal just that much of the confinement that even a 3 year old faces….. applause! !
shail said:
Really! They would go bonkers.
Thank you.
Carvaka said:
Big round of applause! Nothing like a bit of logic and analogy to bring the point home. Excellently written!
shail said:
Thank you Carvaka. What my children say about me: “Mom has an analogy for everything!” 🙂
1hundredworks said:
Note to self: Never piss Shail off. And never take your shirt off within 200 meters of her, even if it soaking wet or on smoking fire.
Akhil. http://1hw.in
shail said:
Hahaha. Oh yeah, you better not! 😉
janu said:
LOL…this is cute.
shail said:
😀
vishalbheeroo said:
being a man, I’m peeved at such macho argument coming from men. It sucks to see so many assert their masculinity in such a manner. I couldn’t stop laughing at this damn gud post:)
shail said:
I can guess how you might feel hearing such dunderheads! Laugh away. It is the best medicine::D
vishalbheeroo said:
Yeah! I loathe such mentality among my folks. I’ve seen it and when I disagree, i am subjected to a snigger:(
shail said:
I can guess! 😦
Shilpa Garg said:
LOL 😀 Cant stop laughing at this brilliant sarcy post! 😀
shail said:
Glad you enjoyed it, Shilpa 😀
Winnie the Poohi said:
I never got a chance to respond to this! I’d have said lets do this together ( in public of course) and be done with it. Only women can make a statement out of going naked. ( remember godiva ? ) Men are just gross 😛
shail said:
Haha. Love your comment 😉
Random Musings by Swati said:
Sarcasm at its best and what an awesome post. I just got a comment from a man saying that I am a MIL hater — why because I did a post on Arranged marriages are all about control (Another valuable lesson learnt) And the dumb-head posted the comment on the wrong post. I am writing a post as a reply to the jackass.
shail said:
Yeah, we get a lot of those,don’t we? I had one idiot commenting on a story, a STORY, imagine! As if stories also should be written according to their preconceived notions.
I am waiting to read your post.
urbanindianwoman said:
“Or did you think our brains are so addled that we did not have the dexterity to undo buttons, straps and such?”
Hehehehehehehe…
shail said:
😉 😀
Leo said:
I agree… with Vivek 😛 😉 Hehe. So you wouldn’t catch me telling that line.
(Come to think of it, I don’t like emptying my bladder on roadsides either.)
Humorous post!
shail said:
Ahh one who exercises bladder control, eh? Just kidding. But glad to hear that all the same.:)
Deepti Thomas (@Deesnitch) said:
Hilarious 😀
shail said:
Glad you found it so 🙂
Susan Deborah said:
Somebody is sure angry and is spitting venom . . . Brilliant venom and quite pungent as well. Ufff, seems like a heavy burden off my chest 😉
Joy always,
Susan
shail said:
Lol. Venom!!!!! Such a strong word. I wonder where you saw venom in my writing?! Phew. I suppose it is true what they say about perspectives differing. They certainly differ here. You see anger where I intend sarcasm and humor. 😉
cheerfultornado said:
Words fail, but oh, how I love it. You said it, and how!
I remember watching in a Sallu movie when Sallu takes his shirt off and the heroine couldn’t thus displaying his non-existent macho-ism. Yawn!
shail said:
See, it is still an oft repeated theme in movies and real life. How idiotic!
Thanks for the comment, Nandana 🙂
chsuresh63 said:
You mean there are still people around who think of superiority in terms of public undressing? Hmmm! Forgive the poor chaps and exchange your anger for pity. After all, the poor wee mites have nothing else to boast about 🙂
shail said:
Apparently there are, it seems. Oh don’t worry about my anger. It is too precious to squander on fools.
Btw, welcome to Shail’s Nest 🙂
suku07 said:
hahahahaha loved it 😀 😀 what a superb reply…
shail said:
😉 Glad you enjoyed it.
Kathy said:
I am laughing my fool head off. I almost soaked my panties I laughed so hard. Not sure what brought this on, but I loved it! Bravo!!!! This is priceless and should be written in gold.
Kathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com
shail said:
Glad you found it funny. 🙂 Thanks Kathy.
Sfurti Juztamom said:
Haaahh love the satire and the candor. I feel quite gratified!!!
shail said:
Thank you, Sfurti 🙂 And I am gratified you liked it 🙂
simple girl said:
OMG.. love the post.. laughing sitting in my office .. perhaps the best of your posts that I have read as I am a newcomer yet.. Love the analogies…
shail said:
Glad to have made you laugh, Simple Girl 😉 🙂
And thank you.
Poornima said:
You took the point and let off your steam on that one. Superbly written with dripping sarcasm. Enjoyed it and now I know a few answers to that stupid question but, would prefer to ignore those poor souls!
Seeta said:
Hehehe good one! I tend to agree with Suresh, I doubt those clowns who do it have anything else to preen about, so nonsensical things like these is what their insecurities end up surfacing.
Btw while reading this post, I was reminded of this hindi movie “Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam”, I distinctly remember Salman Khan delivery a dialogue on the same lines.. in a society that is ruled by Bollywood, what more can we expect? 😐
Seeta said:
Sorry, an old URL got typed in against my profile.. this is the right one!