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Somewhere in the corner of my mind I knew that the world was populated with a variety of beautiful butterflies having seen pictures in books and magazines, though I myself hardly got to see any in real life, other than a few plain-Janes (Any Janes around please don’t take offense. Personally I think we all are unique in our own ways), tiny white ones, and yellow, flitting around merrily. I have seen some really colorful ones at Butterfly Parks. But that they populated my part of the world too, as exquisite ones as ever, I had no idea at all. I mean, how would I? I have spent most of my childhood indoors with my nose buried in books. In those days, girls were not encouraged to go out and explore. They were strictly told to be indoors, help the elders and at the most, were grudgingly allowed to read under their watchful eyes. Not that I find things have changed all that much in the present for the majority of them. Girls are always shooed indoors, boys go to the playground and have a ball. Okay I will keep THAT rant for another day. Today I have better, happier things to talk about.
So there I was living happily ignorant, going about thinking pretty butterflies lived in exotic lands far away. It took Luci to come home to change all that. Did I just hear someone new ask, ‘Who is Luci?’ Don’t you worry newbies. With one whole month of blogging ahead, you will definitely get to hear more about Luci the Labrador (link). Tiny pup that she was at the time, she needed to be chaperoned while she went out to do her ‘business’. Having nothing better to do, I lugged my camera along to click pictures of the flowers as Luci nosed around taking her own sweet time. Well I (sheepishly) admit as her fond mother, that I ended up taking more pictures of her than anything else on these excursions.
It is on these outings with Luci that I started noticing the butterflies. Such pretty ones and varied too. What a fool I had been sitting indoors while a world lay unexplored right outside in my garden! Blogging and Facebook and friends were all alright, but butterflies were something else (In the days to come I was to discover the same thing about birds). My interest so far had been confined to trees and gazing at them. I love trees. Someone said it seems that they are poems written on Earth. I have no doubts about that, they indeed are!
Well, soon, I started loving butterflies too, and chasing them with my camera (initially a point-and-shoot one and then a DSLR). The very observant Luci noticed the extra attention the flowers and butterflies were getting from her Mom. She promptly started chewing up the flowers (link) that I focused the camera on, and chased the butterflies away by bounding over to them, just the very moment I was to click. So most of the time I ended up with a blurry picture of Luci rather than a pretty butterfly. That’s when I changed strategy and started being stealthy about there I was focusing the camera. The games one has to play in life! Funny, eh?
Now that Luci is grown up, she is not too bothered about the flowers and butterflies taking so much of my attention. She has equally interesting things to do: dig, chase cats and crows, bark at the next-door dogs, all in my vicinity, of course. And THAT I feel tells us something. When we have our own interests in life, we don’t grudge others’ their life. This is something more of the parents, especially the mothers in our culture need to learn. We find they are totally (and unnaturally) focused (and encouraged to be proud of it), on their children to the exclusion of everything else, that they become such clingy, guilt-inducing, nosy, cranky, fault-finding people. No prizes for guessing who bears the brunt, yes, the daughter-in-law of course.
(Well, to tell you the truth, that came as a surprise to me as well, to start a post on butterflies and end it with daughters-in-law! Next time I will have to grit my teeth and not let my post ‘write itself’!)
This post is part of Ultimate Blog Challenge.
Ritu Lalit said:
It is amazing isn’t it, how everything, every experience in life teaches us a profound truth, only if we let it. Oh please let your posts write themselves. They have their own way of telling us things
shail said:
Indeed it does, and even I didn’t know that until I reached that part in my writing 🙂 Well, I guess there is something for letting my posts write themselves! Thanks Ritu 🙂
Santulan said:
err.. why won’t you let your post write itself? it flows uninhibited na.
shail said:
At the end of it all I realised I had not written anything ‘about’ butterflies like I had planned in my mind last night 😛
Santulan said:
AAhh..
liveonimpulse said:
Wow love the analogy Shail, this is so true. If you have a life and interests of your own you wouldn’t begrudge what others have. This unhealthy single minded focus destroys our own and our children’s lives.
shail said:
I feel that is the basis of the problem, not letting women have a life outside their home, husband and children.
pixie said:
I liked the post. It’s just right 🙂
And all those butterflies are beautiful.
shail said:
Thank you, Pixie 🙂
Smita said:
Hmmmm what you are saying is so right. My FIL (he stays with us) used to spend a dull day with not having much to do but from last month he has taken to driving, they pick n drop the sonny boy to school. And u can see such a change in him, he has brightened up and says that he feels he has found something to do in life. So I feel that keeping yourself busy does give u a peace of mind and a breather to others as well!
And yes those butterflies are beautiful!!! And please let your posts flow like a butterfly 🙂
shail said:
That sure must have made a positive change to your FILs outlook to life in general..
Thank you, Smita 🙂
Rekha said:
Lovely post of the very deserving butterflies. But I likes the last part the most.
“When we have our own interests in life, we don’t grudge others’ their life.”
So true it is. Everyone must chase their dreams and interests, so that others can live peacefully too.
shail said:
Thanks Rekha 🙂 Yes, with something to interest, there won’t be need to control, interfere in other lives 🙂
Madhu said:
Oh I totally ‘get’ the analogy. And I do believe that our generation (and yours!) will make much better mothers in law for the reasons you state. Wish I had a son to prove it 😀 The butterflies are gorgeous!
shail said:
Thanks Madhu 🙂 Btw, I had always longed for a daughter to prove I could bring her up, without hindering her at every step.
the little princess said:
to link the butterfly to the DIL seems so appropriate..and yes, having our interests definitely makes us less likely to grudge!
btw, lovely butterflies!
shail said:
But I have no idea what route took me form butterfly to Daughter-in-law 😉 😀 Thank you for the comment 🙂
Indian Homemaker said:
Wise words, awesome butterflies (as usual).
shail said:
Thanks, IHM 🙂
Usha Pisharody said:
Apt and succinct too… underscore IHM’s words 🙂
shail said:
🙂 Thank you, Usha 🙂
Corinne Rodrigues said:
Oh! The stuff we learn from our dogs! I loved the ending – I would love to print it up in bold letters and give it to parents (including mine – they’re cool with their daughter-in-law – it’s their only daughter who’s too outspoken!). 🙂
shail said:
Dogs are great teachers! Haha, so next time you wave a printed poster of these words 😉
subzeroricha said:
No you don’t’ have to do this! You please allow your pen to wander because it has brought out such a beautiful point about human behavior. Mothers everywhere need to understand this perhaps some in large doses and some in marginal but the post is needed by them all 🙂
shail said:
Aww.. thanks Richa 🙂 Yes indeed, mothers need to take note of this point.
Mona said:
Beautiful shots…………
shail said:
Thank you, Mona 🙂
Bhavya said:
Wisely said.. and please let those words flow 🙂
shail said:
Thank you, Bhavya. I will 😀
Cynthia Rodrigues Manchekar said:
These are the best posts. The ones that write themselves.
shail said:
Thank you, Cynthia 🙂
vishalbheeroo said:
This is amazing:)
shail said:
Thank you, Vishal 🙂
Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said:
In my experience, I find that anybody (of whatever age /status/ gender) who doesn’t have interests and pastimes of his own, becomes all that you said above (clingy, guilt-inducing, nosy, cranky, fault-finding)
Kids who aren’t allowed to go out and play, and have nothing to do at home either, start showing their crankiness to their moms. Retired men often become so fussy in the house that their own family members find it difficult to live with them under the same roof. Mothers, who are not MILs, target their clingy-ness on their kids, and MILs of course have DILs to annoy.
Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said:
Oh forgot to add… those butterflies are beautiful! Love them all! 😀
shail said:
You are absolutely right, Chicky 🙂 And thank you 🙂
Roshni said:
Well, I love how brilliantly you weaved some sage advice into the stories of the meandering Luci and butterflies!!
shail said:
Aww… thank you, Roshni 😀
rainbowhues23 said:
All the pictures look lovely and the post too…. Personally why I love reading your stuff is only because they have a way of their own, flowing from the mind as the thoughts flow. I loved it!
shail said:
Gee… thanks! What a compliment that is! 😀
dcriptmeDeesnitch said:
Shail..U should digress..cuz ur mind exactly knows what it wants to communicate even though we feel we know what we are doing all along..Ask Me..the Champion of Attention Deficit Disorder..Randomness makes sense in the end 😀
That was such a beautiful Post ..From Luci to butterflies to Mom in Laws… Though I am partial to Cats..I liked Luci..Cute she is..and I like the way you discovered yourself through the world of butterflies..I am grateful to all of you for shaping me up in my journey of life.. Love and Hugs ^~^
shail said:
You a cat-lover? I love cats too. Just check out my cat (she is no more) here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pepper-the-Kitteh/176589442391618
Thank you for your very lovely comment! 🙂
Mystic said:
Loved how your post meandered to a philosophical conclusion. Those butterfly pics are amazing 🙂
shail said:
Thank you on both counts 🙂
suku07 said:
The first ever butterfly garden I visited was in Stockholm and I am telling you the sight I saw there I will never forget.. I never knew they were so beautiful until I stopped and looked at them 🙂 🙂
shail said:
Oooh! It must have been a lovely experience! 🙂
Random Musings by Swati said:
Hahaha!I loved the post as usual and I agree with Ritu let your posts write themselves. Your post flows from beginning to end like a cascading waterfall only to stop for a second at the river below and then again commencing its peaceful journey. Awesome.
shail said:
Aww… thanks for the kind words of appreciation! 🙂
Random Musings by Swati said:
Yes you are right that DIL bear the brunt because I am bearing that brunt everyday day in day out. My MIL in fact both my in-laws have concentrated only on bringing up the two kids that they have forgotten to live their own lives and especially my MIL. Her situation is so severe that she doesn’t step out of the home and doesn’t pursue any hobby (she says she doesn’t have any hobby) and keep breathing down our necks. After reading your posts and few comments here I just hope that I don’t become such mother in law.
shail said:
That’s a conscious decision you should take, of never following those footsteps. Iam sure you will succeed in breaking the pattern.:)
Random Musings by Swati said:
I hope too break the pattern, as both me and my sister-in-law doesn’t want to end up like her. Because I feel that life becomes really bitter after certain age if you don’t have your hobbies or anything to occupy your mind.
menons129 said:
Hello Shail. Your post is amazing. You write so well that it appesrs the words are flowing. The analogy is unique. I am also a Mother-in-law, but I have diverse interests. I love to write and play games on FB. I can spend hours in front of my computer.
The pictures are very illustrative and lively. Your Luci is cute.
shail said:
Great to know how you occupy your time. It is important to have interests 🙂
Thank you for visiting and the lovely comment.
onehonestwriter said:
Now I understand how your posts write themselves. I was surprised at the ending considering from where it all started, what a co relation and gyanwardhak at that 🙂 Can’t agree more to this – When we have our own interests in life, we don’t grudge others’ their life.
Loved it. And the beautiful pictures, I am still in denial that all those beautiful flies live around us and not in some far exotic land like you mentioned at the beginning of the post.
shail said:
Thank you. Gyanwardhak, eh? 🙂 Beauty does lie all around us. We only have to look 🙂
shilpakgarg said:
Beautiful butterflies, wise words and lots to soak and absorb! 🙂
shail said:
Thank you, Shilpa 🙂
Bhagi said:
Shail, I loved reading this blog. Do let your posts write themselves.
So true..when one has a life and interests of their own, why will they bother about what others do? They would not have the time or the inclination to do that. In fact they would start valuing their “me” time and get away from their restricted spaces.
Wish someone could take up this task of weaning away MILs from home and make everyone’s lives happy.
The pictures are very beautiful.
We have to thank Luci for this blog.
shail said:
Luci is the inspiration for a lot of posts and also for me reconnecting with nature 😀
Thank you,Bhagi 🙂
simple girl said:
wonderful post shail.. The analogy about DILs is common one but can happen in other cases as well… I chanced upon it at a right time when I am having all grudges about someone other’s life.. I am bitter about certain things in my life and it is making me so bitter and inconsiderate about other’s life..I am in my mid twenties .. I am worried a lot.. I am trying to let things go and concentrate in my interests but it is hard.. 😦 .. god I never ever wish to turn up like the one who doesn’t have anything to do bugs other people down.. loved the post as always…