I have not written a word about you, though you have been in my mind, refusing to go away. I have been numbed into silence since the time I heard what happened to you. I don’t know much about you as a person. All I know is you boarded a bus and monsters ganged up to rip you apart. It could have been any of us, anywhere.
It burned me when I heard a woman sitting in the cosy confines of her abode, a woman like you and me, say: “What was she doing boarding a bus at 9-30 p.m. with a male friend?” Apparently, no woman does that from where she comes from. I know it is nothing new, this shifting of blame on to the wrong shoulders. This is what almost EVERYONE thinks though many of them tactfully do not voice it in the present times. “What if it had been you and your husband in that bus?” I wanted to scream at her, but she was too far to hear me. Did the stupid woman think the sindoor and her mangalsutr would protect her and her husband from inhuman monsters if they had been the ones on the fateful bus?
I have been hearing people say that it is good that you died, since your injuries were so very severe and incapacitating that living would have been tough for you. “But she wanted to live!” I said aggrieved, which was summarily brushed aside with a, “It is better to leave when you want to live.” I was so upset I could have burst into tears then and there. You fought so hard to live, I heard and these COWARDS feel it is for the best that you died. It was all I could do to not scream at them to shut up, to not kill a brave heart again, with their thoughtless words.
From the day we are born, we live in fear of just something like this happening to us. Everyone and everything send covert and overt messages to us on how it might happen to us if we do not comport ourselves in such a manner as to avoid such a calamity. But the BRAINLESS IDIOTS have NEVER thought of the easiest solution to it all. So it is that, when a boy puts his hand up a girl’s skirt they immediately rule girls will henceforth have to wear salwar kameez. Hide your things girls and cover up the access points or else boys may stake claim. Nobody has the WISDOM or the GUTS to teach the boys/men to keep their hands to themselves or that the body of a girl belongs to her and her only.
Another fall out of what has happened to you is how some elements of the society have taken this to be a sort of timely warning to the rest of the women on how to conduct themselves in society. A taxi driver supposedly told his fare that ‘this will teach women how to lead their lives from now on.’ I’d bet ANYTHING that there are many more among EVERY strata of society who have the EXACTLY THE SAME THOUGHTS as this taxi driver. They are just not expressing it. Don’t go by the masks.
Then there are those who ask why you alone deserve so much of attention. There have been rapes happening to lesser privileged people in the remotest corners of the country. Nobody raised a hue and cry about them, they snort. The logic beats me, but it seems that, if we have not done anything about gruesome crimes that happened in the past we are not to get all worked up about those that happen in the present. But unlike them, I am so happy that there has been a hue and cry in the present. I am grateful to all those who have braved the Delhi winter and faced the water cannons, the tear gas and lathis. They may be accused of lacking proper agenda or leadership, but they were there to raise the message, ‘enough is enough.’
Each time I think of you, my heart whispers to me, it could have been you, the day I walked home a little late, the day I took an auto by myself, the day I was at home all alone, the day I found myself in a train compartment travelling with just my tiny tots. The thought sends a chill through me. Yes, it could have been me, but it wasn’t. It was you. It will be me or someone else another time. It won’t stop. No it won’t, till our sons are brought up right, till our girls are brought up with self esteem (you need girls with self esteem to grow up into women who do not pander to every whim of father. brothers and sons), NOTHING will change.
They call it the Black Saturday. Its dark shadow makes this year end on a dark note for me.
Shail's Nest 
It would be easier for me to give a comment in german. It is a dark note for me and many german women too.
It is for all of us, Magdalene.
You totally echo my thoughts, my anger and sadness here, Di. I actually had someone tell me what was she doing so late in the night! As if it was her fault… breaks my heart, breaks my trust in humanity to see someone go through such an ordeal. I am going to read again and again and cry for her, for the dying humanity.
So angry to hear people still voicing such thoughts. The anger inside is too much and the sadness too 😦
I am speechless other than I wish I was born not a man.. it is shameful to be a man in our nation
Don’t be shameful that you are a man in this nation. Be proud that you are not a man like them
Right Hrishi!
Exactly what I wanted to say. Thank you for saying it.
I have the same thing to say as Hrishi. Be proud that you are not one like them.
Well said, Shail! Agree with all the points you’ve raised. I am particularly tired- as I suppose most of us are- of hearing that this was the victm’s fault………..
A lot, lot tired, Manju.
same here shail , How many times , this thought has been crossing my mind from the day I heard this news . It could have been anyone of us ! No , RIP ‘s can make her rest in peace .
She wanted to live, Anupama. Just the thought makes me sad that her life was snuffed out by barbarians still living their worthless lives.
Wonderful post Shail – I must admit I was puzzled by your silence. I too have been grieving for that poor girl. I have been surprised by the attitude I have encountered thus far ie `This is India … corruption .. nothing will change`. Today`s news is encouraging and it would seem that people power may work – let us hope so. Today`s Daily Mail carried a piece , and I quote `Rape cases in India rose by nearly 17 per cent between 2007 and 2011, according to official figures. Yet the 600 cases reported in Delhi this year have led to only one conviction`. I was thinking of contacting Sankaran (the wise one) to get his views.
Anger and grief over the incident as well as poor health, reasons for my being absent here, Anne.
I guessed your anger and grief but am saddened to hear of your poor health – get well soon Super-Blogger – you are missed. Goosey sends you a Get Well Feather. 🙂
Do thank Goosey and tell her it actually worked! 😉
Thank you Anne. Super Blogger. Wow 🙂
First of all, the description of the torture she went through killed me, and after that, the outrageous comments by our leaders and so-called educated people killed me again!! “She should have submitted”…..wow!! I too am numb after all this!
Now we have a spiritual guru, no less, telling us that it was all her fault she was raped, for not having called the rapists “bhaiyya” and begged them to leave her alone. Oh yes, we get to hear such stunning new theories on a daily basis. 😦
All I can say now Shail is the battle has at least begun now and I hope it will last and sustain till it attains its victory
Same here, Sridevi.
When you go to my blog and look at the most resent pictures, I have shot them on her day of death. On the behalve of my spirituell thinking I`d say it was a good bye present from her. I will never delete those pictures. (Thx to my husband, he translated your´s and my)
Such a lovely thought. Will check out the pictures.
I mean the red sky in the afternoon. I have never seen this before. Every day we are following the news in TV. She is a hero and an angel.
She was a brave girl. I admire her fighting spirit.
Shail, your blog echoed my every thought. I’ve heard people say “but it could have been prevented”. When I ask “how”, the answer is “if she had not sat in the bus”. It could have been prevented if the criminals had been thrashed to pulp whenever they misbehaved as kids. They would not have turned into such monsters if they had been brought up in a better manner and had a better environment where both sexes were treated equally and encouraged to be sensitive to each other. Education begins at home.
It could have been prevented if the rapists did not rape. But that never occurs to people. Strange 😦 Education indeed begins at home.
I think it is this fear that it could have been any of us that has resulted in such massive protests. And I am optimistic that the debates and discussions that we are hearing now will make some of these victim blamers think a little logically about what they are saying…
This perhaps was that last straw on the camel’s back, IHM.I don’t know why no one thought that it could have been them, in all these years till now. At least this is a beginning.
certainly a black Saturday.. you r right shail. it could have been any of us.. Men need to change, not the women dressing..
Yes, they need to. The mentality of MOST men are stuck somewhere int he medieval ages. Some women think encouraging it to be stuck there is beneficial to them. Such women are also fools, digging their own grave and that of others. 😦
You are right Shail, it could have been you or me!!! No wonder we are all up in arms against this inhuman and brutal attack. I do hope we see change now. And I hope we all have just that little bit of courage now, to raise our voice against such abuse!
I hope so too, Pal, really and truly hope so!
The Delhi bureaucracy and apathetic political leadership will let it die down! That is the talk doing rounds in our city! It might stay for a month or two or three months! But after that she will be forgotten! The government is still arm twisting situations for its favour! The morning funeral, is one such example, which could have happened before sunrise as against the rules of a respectable funeral, had the priest not took a strong stand! Even though I can’t vouch for the fact that she got a funeral after the sunrise! I had a brush with a similar incident in my graduations days! Even though some miracle saved me, dont know what! My mom’s prayers I guess! I am praying and taking care of myself and being more careful! Dad’s into political bureaucracy, he says this will be a fable soon!
I have my qualms too, They will try their best to make people forget and get back to their usual existence.If that happens, it will be a big blow to all of us. 😦
Usually such men/criminals don’t feel the pangs because they know a great deal of their womenfolk will support them by blaming the victim. They are trying to be virtuous – “We are pathivrithas who never do such ‘licentious’ deeds like going out after nightfall, wearing modern clothes, talking with men….”
We can only ask them, “Save such remarks to be mouthed after your turn.”
It is not the dress, the looks or the attitude, but just the fact that it is a woman – in a vulnerable situation.
Otherwise here burqas would have made our lives comfortable.
Happy New Year!
Just the point. Such women don’t realise how they are bringing about their own downfall and along with it those of others. Their ‘holier than thou’ attitude makes my blood boil listening to them.
Shail, Well said. Something has to change and it will. No one who seems quiet is actually untouched by her ordeal. It is a nightmare -one I wish had never happened but like you I do not agree with the view that it was better that she is dead. A hit on the head with an iron rod for all those who think that. They are alive and she should be dead?? You said everything that has been troubling me.. I hope it keeps troubling everyone and the dust never settles over her grave till we have a better set of human beings rather than mis- guided pativratas and protective patis with big brotherly attitudes.
I hope so too. The dust should never settles till things get better.
Shail,
If we get a few strict laws out of this, we will be lucky. Beyond that, some people might have a change of heart although I am not very optimistic about it. Girls will now have more restrictions on them from parents. Delhi might get more stringent and few of a major cities too but the rest of India will go on as usual.
Read the survey done by HT today. You will be sick.
I hear you, Amit 😦 Read the comment below, from Bindu. I will translate it for you. A guy has written on FB, “This is nothing that she has got here. What she has to get (deserves), she will get in Delhi”. And why was he saying it? This TV anchor, a girl, was doing just her role on stage. I watched the video to see why anyone would wish a Delhi like incident on her. There was NOTHING, just some entertaining banter between another artiste and her which probably was stage managed as most programs are! Why be vicious to her for that? Most ALL male commentators were being so offensive and saying, “Good reply! She deserved what she got!” These people don’t even understand a humor show and punch line?!!!
I too vouch your take on this issue. Really nothing will change unless we change our mentality, and this change is equally required among the men and women in India. I’ve seen ladies ,yes all graduates (along with gentlemen) who blames parents for allowing “poor” “vulgar” dressing of their girls. I just wonder boys and men in our country enjoys and allowed so much free hand while girls and women have to follow all the so-called men made “rules”.
Shail, very well said:
“Nobody has the WISDOM or the GUTS to teach the boys/men to keep their hands to themselves or that the body of a girl belongs to her and her only.”
“EVERY strata of society who have the EXACTLY THE SAME THOUGHTS as this taxi driver. They are just not expressing it. Don’t go by the masks.”
“Then there are those who ask why you alone deserve so much of attention. There have been rapes happening to lesser privileged people in the remotest corners of the country. Nobody raised a hue and cry about them, they snort.”
Regards,
Swapan Das
http://placentrex.blogspot.com/
Thank you Swapan. I wonder WHY it never enters some heads that we are all humans, one male the other female of the same species, and both deserve the same rights, the same freedom.
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/01/02/opinion/the-unspeakable-truth-about-rape-in-india.xml Shared by IHM… One of the lines in this echoes your sentiments:
“But while she remains nameless, she did not remain faceless. To see her face, women had only to look in the mirror. The full measure of their vulnerability was finally understood.”
Yes it can still happen to anyone… and inspite of it all people would still rather blame the victim than the guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants.. We have a long battle to go
That sentence is so true! We each of us have only to look in the mirror to know who she is.
A long battle ahead, a long way to go 😦
I stood outside our building at 6 am yesterday morning waiting for my husband to get the car out to take us to church. I was ‘dressed up’ – and got looked at strangely. Perhaps people thought I was just back from a New Year’s party. Who cares what they thought, but I sure got looks that made me feel a bit creepy, Shail. I think for the first time we as a country have realized that it could be us, it could be our sisters, mothers, daughters…and the madness has got to stop. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s the simplest, least educated people that show the most sensitivity and value for human emotions.
I agree too that for the first time, something struck somewhere for us as a country. Till now it was a few voices here and there. I hope that voice grows stronger and drowns the other holier than thou types.
Just thinking about what she went through filled me with deep pain. I do look at people with much more skepticism and cynicism. My heart cries for what has been lost. I am not too sure how swift mindsets will change. But hopefully better laws and swifter justice can be better deterrents.
You speak for me. I am hoping too.
It is sad that it takes incidents like these to make people aware of the deteriorating law and order situation and raising crime in our country. Just hoping that her sacrifice was not in vain and we do see some change in this country.
Yes, it is sad, terribly so, that a life has to be thus lost for people to wake up to facts. But have all of them woken up or are still in their own victim blaming/shaming world? 😦
I have been wanting to write this too. *It could have been you or me*. The words kept swirling in my mind. Couldn’t bring myself to write it.
I myself took a long time. I just could not find the right words.
Yes, it gives me the shudders too – it could’ve been me !!!
It is a painful and scary thought. And also one that angers.
“No it won’t, till our sons are brought up right, till our girls are brought up with self esteem (you need girls with self esteem to grow up into women who do not pander to every whim of father. brothers and sons), NOTHING will change.” Absolutely!
These conversations are hard to have and a take a lot out of one, but I guess it is our job to keep trying as often as we can to force these issues into the forefront of people’s thoughts.
I agree. It takes a lot out of one, but still we keep trying, have to keep trying to change mindsets..
Welcome to Shail’s Nest.
great read. we have to take up responsbility to raise good boys. teach our sons not to rape than teach our daughters not to get raped. it could have been any of us. god bless our country.
Thank you and you are right. Welcome to Shail’s Nest, Nandini.
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you mirror my thoughts exactly!
Thank you and welcome to Shail’s Nest.
In cases like sexual abuse it somehow ends up victimizing the victim more.
It is because the victim was dressed in a certain way, it is because the victim was out at the wrong time, it was because the victim wanted it, it is because the victim is too bold for her own good, etc etc.
It is sad that even women don’t understand this. Women need to unite our voices if we want to stop this from repeating over and over again.
Exactly. It has been repeated long enough. It is time to pout a stop to it now!
“eee pany onnum ivalkoru pani allallow……ivalkolla pany ennu paraayunnathu.delhheee kittum…….. ” This is how someone who claims to be an engineer commented on a Ranjini Haridas video.
I am so angry reading this and also the other comments. to the video! i mean WTH way is that to talk?!
Hypocrites… our society is filled with them..men and women alike! My freedom is not defined by my wardrobe yet…..They just seek an excuse to wash it away and for once, this time, i hope this tide does not spare them….if rapists are criminals so are they who indirectly shift the focus of this ‘peril’ to something so very meaningless!
Welcome to Shail’s Nest Akila. Agree with you. I hope this time there is some change of a positive nature. But, I do have my misgivings 😦
till our sons are brought up right, till our girls are brought up with self esteem (you need girls with self esteem to grow up into women who do not pander to every whim of father. brothers and sons), ….
All I can say is Amen to this!
Yes indeed, Usha.
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