16 Tuesday Nov 2010
Posted in 55-er
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– a 55-word story
He smiled when he heard her humming.
She had been silent and brooding since weeks.
His queries only got monosyllabic answers.
Work pressures, he consoled himself.
He tried to make up by being extra helpful around the house.
The next day he found the note. His smile vanished.
The song had not been for him….
Submitted to Bluebell Short Story Slam Week 20: Love in Creativity Project.
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Shail's Nest 
Ooh excellent!!! What a twist!
@Writerzblock,
Thanks Pal 🙂
How can anybody hope?
to be able to cope
that the wife has decided to elope
and he’s probably down with syncope.
Shail beautifully written. To be able to compress a whole gamut of a relationship in a 55-er is simply awesome.
@Govind,
Well, at one point I was going to give up and make it flash fiction instead, but I managed! 🙂 Thank you.
Excellent and loved the twist at the end..but wasnt she cruel??
@Lavanya,
Welcome to Shail’s Nest 🙂 Yeah I suppose you can say that 🙂 But I won’t judge my characters! 😉
Ahh what a comedown !
@Ruchira,
🙂 Yup, you can say that 🙂
Big things in small packages… coulddn’t be better..
@suchismita,
Thank you. 😉
LOL !!! mannum chaarininnavan pennine kondupoyadaaano? 😀 😀 😀
@vimmuuu,
Mannu chaari ninno ennariyilla, pakshe, definitely penninem kondu poyi! 😆
Lovely 55-er, Shail. Even more special ‘coz you’ve written it from the perspective of the man. Not always very easy for a woman 🙂
@Aniket,
Thank you. It is not easy, I know 🙂 Here is another one I wrote ‘The dancing eyes‘
Nice ‘Twist in the tale’!
@manju,
Yes, kahani mein twist! 😀 Thanks Manju.
Ouch!!! Poor fella. 😦
@Dreamer,
Sigh, agree 😦
Interesting twist 🙂
Enjoyed it!
@Kunal,
Long time Kunal 🙂 Congrats on the book. …and thank you.
oops!! poor guy! :)if at all they are perceptive the perceptions are wrong!! 😉
(switch of name from onlooker!)
@vaidegi j,
Lol, I wondered when I saw the name of your blog page! 🙂
I agree one hundred percent. (So called) perceptions are so far off many times 😉
Came back to say this was fantastic Shail!
Thank you Pal. And have you submitted an entry as well??
This was so well done and made me want to cry for this poor fellow. How sad to think that the person you love is finally coming out of their sad slump and feeling so joyful for this reason and then discovering that this person doesn’t even love you anymore. How terribly sad, but I must say you did a wonderful job by making us feel all these emotions. Great job! Be blessed.
http://elizena-lovingmycreator.blogspot.com/2012/02/soul-song.html
Welcome to Shail’s Nest, Elizena. Yes it is indeed a sad situation to discover someone does not love you anymore. Thank you very much for the wonderful comment 🙂
boohoohoo! this doesnt fall in my category of nice romantic happy endings 😦
how could you write so much in just 55 words…I need to get some precise writing lessons from you 🙂
Yup its sorta sad story. 😦
Btw, I was very very bad at precise writing in school and college. Sach mein. But here in the blog world I became adept at it and that too after I started being teased for writing loooooooooooong blogs 😉
Ah heart break ! that was so cold !
🙂
Excellent and in just 55-words!!! Yes this could have been converted to a great story…but now we have already read the climax. “The song had not been for him…” – very painful but very realistic approach..can happen any time….any day….any where. So, you are reaching out to wider audience….congratulations!
Thank you Swapan 🙂 I hope the ‘wider audience’ is indeed reached 🙂