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Blogadda has started it all by asking a simple and seemingly innocent question of the blogosphere. What do women want?? With blogs mushrooming overnight and by the day too for that matter churning out answers, adding to the already humongous pile of information one would think, this tricky question has now been taken care of. Nothing could be farther from the truth. There is still no answer in sight that at least a moderate majority agrees upon.
Come to think of it, is there anything new about that?? It seems none at all, to me and not for the reasons you think either. From time immemorial men have been trying to figure out what women want and though Blogadda is not offering prizes (not as yet anyway) for answering the question on the other side of the coin, women too have wondered what it is that men want… errrr I mean apart from you know what which they make all too obvious in their rather very ‘subtle’ ways.
Personally speaking, none of the answers or theories of the past or the present impress or appeal to me in the least. All stuff and nonsense methinks. I have my own idea on the topic and right now I am going to inflict them on you, the unsuspecting public, courtesy Blogadda. And what’s more, as a bonus you are going to find the answer to the question what do men want lurking somewhere among my babbling too.
My theory starts with the statement: In spite of the fact that I have spent fifty golden years on the Planet Earth, I don’t know what women want. Ahhh…. Do I see smirks and knowing looks on the faces of the men and the women who have just read this?? What did I tell you-s and I knew it all along-s are popping up unrestrained in your brains, right?? I bet if one took a survey, the general consensus that would emerge at this point would be: Of course, women don’t know their own bally minds. Pardon me Messieurs and Mesdames, it is not good to jump to conclusions you know. Tsk tsk... Conclusions are pretty dangerous things when jumped to hastily.
I know this question may seem out of the blue and totally unrelated to the issue, but humor me: Have you noticed cattle?? All they seem to want is water, food and shelter; every single one of them, uniformly. And yet if you were to speak to their owners they will tell you interesting tales of how Ammini the cow would refuse to eat the delicious freshly cut green grass because Chellappan Nair did not have time to go and speak to her the last couple of days. At the same time next to her will be Paru nonchalantly chewing the green delicacy and least bothered about whether Chellappan Nair was around or not. If you had time for garrulous Thankamma Chechi she would fill your ears with how Vasanthi wanted her mush served just so, how Ponni wouldn’t let anyone but Kittu milk her. Oh wow, even cattle differ. And sadly enough foolish humans try to find answers to questions like what ‘women‘ want.
Before asking the question ‘what women want’ has anyone tried finding two women who are exactly alike?? In fact show me two men who are exactly alike in wants and needs. Unlike what the character Anupam Kher played in some totally forgettable movie tells his son, ‘choose from any one of the girls, son!’ because according to him ‘whether Sita, Gita or Rita they are all the same!!’ (at which the male population in the movie hall erupted in gleeful laughter of approval forgetting that much the same could be said of Ram, Lakhan and Johnny), what I feel is women (as well as men) are individuals and pretty different from each other. Our looks, wants, personality, preferences… in fact everything differs. And yet amazingly so, we try and look for common answers that fit all.
Some women want a bungalow others a cottage. One would go hungry for the sake of love; another would prefer riches to love. Some women are quiet by nature and love to be spoken to, another loves to talk and wants some one to listen. Some want to be lawyers others movie stars. One wants to sit quietly by the riverside with the love of her life, another to paint the town red with hers. Some want to teach, another to go trek or climb mountains. Some want to be famous others want to remain incognito. Some want to be homemakers, others career women and still others both. You get the drift?? I have only touched the tip of the iceberg of the variety out there. The permutations and combination are infinite. The needs and wants are not only infinite BUT individual specific too.
The world looks askance at women and asks in exasperation, disdain, mockery, bewilderment and a lot of other emotions: What do women want?? Ask not ye what women want, ladies and gentlemen, ask ye what a woman wants. The secret is not to look at women collectively as you do at cattle. When Ammini the cow can have a personality and preferences, do you think the more evolved developed humans have any less?? And yet over time, women have been treated exactly like cattle. They are treated as one entity and branded as having the same desires, same wants and also expected to do the same things the same way. Preposterous!
The basic need for humans, women and men may be the same; food shelter, clothing (if you don’t belong to the nudist colony that is), love and affection, acceptance et al. Beyond that each of us are different. So don’t ever ask ‘What do women want??’ Look at the woman in your life, the mother, the sister, the daughter, the wife, the aunt, the cousin, the friend, the classmate, the colleague, the stranger on the street… see the individual persons. Ask what does this woman want??
Like I admitted above, I don’t know what women want. But I certainly know what I as a woman want. So if you pause and ask the woman in your life, she may just tell you what she wants. It is up to you whether you have the time and the inclination.
This is my hurried response to Blogadda’s weekly contest: What women want in partnership with pringoo.com
Updated to add what I feel are the worthy posts on the topic from:
Bob Hoff said:
(You said) “Like I admitted above, I don’t know what women want. But I certainly know what I as a woman want. So if you pause and ask the woman in your life, she may just tell you what she wants. It is up to you whether you have the time and the inclination.”
Excellent advice and summary for not getting trapped into being prejudiced about other individuals (or situations in general).
Asking people what THEY THINK and THEN LISTENING CAREFULLY is a great compliment to them
Good job, Shail. Thanks for sharing.
P.S.
We will be flying to LA on 7/9/10 to pick up Jimi for the 7/17/10 wedding that he will be serving as a ringbearer at. We plan to return to New Mexico 7/13/10, so we will visit LA for just over a weekend.
Shail said:
Bob, good to see you back in action. ‘Not getting trapped into being prejudiced’ is the key to success in any relationship, I feel. But sadly enough, the heads of women and men are filled to capacity before they embark on one. Only a handful are adult enough to not let prejudices rule.
Glad to know you will be seeing Jimi soon. I am sure you are dancing (if not literally at least in your mind) at the prospect. 😀
Govind said:
Bob ,it is good to see you back. It has a being a while now. 🙂
Rama Karthikeyan said:
Had fun reading. Good luck for the contest.
Heres my entry – http://bale-blog-ia.blogspot.com/2010/06/kyunki-lakshmi-wants-something-too-my.html
Shail said:
Welcome to Shail’s Nest Rama. Thanks you and good luck to you too. I read about what Lakshmi wanted. And yes, why not?? Each one of us wants different things 🙂
Indian Homemaker said:
Brilliant. You must also read what Richa has written, same thing basically. And if I write, it would be the same thing. Tweeting both your responses…
Shail said:
Thank you IHM. I will surely look up what Richa has written. Is the link in the blogadda page??
UmaS said:
Lovely explanation Shail !! 🙂 The cattle is treated with more individuality than women !! Yes, thats the situation which needs change.
Now, I’ve to finish my post on the same. 😉
Shail said:
Thanks Uma. Yeah I feel the cattle in your house and its preference is given more attention than wants of humans. I blame women among us who repeat ‘We women are like this’ just as those men who say ‘We men are like this’.
I have read your post and commented too 🙂 Good luck. 🙂
Vivek said:
Excellent. Although we know each is a unique individual, we still try to find comfort in generalisations.
Shail said:
Thank you Vivek. Absolutely right. The uniqueness actually makes the generalizations meaningless and yet we go on ad nauseam about what ‘women and ‘men’ want.
Deeps said:
Excellent article, Shail. You hit the nail on the head. Every woman has different needs and wants. No one woman canhave the same likes as the other. And it holds true to every person ,not just a woman.
Shail said:
Thanks Deeps. Yeah that’s what I mean too. It annoys me greatly when I hear women say ‘We women cannot do this’ ‘We women are like that’ instead of ‘I cannot do this’ or ‘I am like that’. Why assume the whole of the female population is like them?? And then they apply the same logic to men as well.
Priya said:
Very well written Shail!
Loved this line ‘When Ammini the cow can have a personality and preferences, do you think the more evolved developed humans have any less??’
Shail said:
Thank you Priya. True, isn’t it?? We do accept the individual traits of the cattle we own.
manju said:
Lovely post, Shail! I totally agree!
Why are women treated as one homogenous mass of individuals?!?
Shail said:
Thank you Manju. Glad you do. Homogeneous mass is not what we are, either women or men. 🙂
Nimmy said:
Heartfelt one…
Yes,it differs on what you and me as women need… But we are generally generalized …
Shail said:
Lol, I liked that ‘We are generally generalized’ 🙂 Thanks Nimmy and nice to see you.
Smitha said:
That was brilliant, Shail!
‘When Ammini the cow can have a personality and preferences, do you think the more evolved developed humans have any less?? And yet over time, women have been treated exactly like cattle.’ – This is so true! Loved this post!
Shail said:
Thank you Smitha. The question ‘What do women want??’ makes it sound like we are, as Manju put it in her comment above, ‘a homogeneous mass’ 🙂
Monika said:
“I don’t know what women want. But I certainly know what I as a woman want. So if you pause and ask the woman in your life, she may just tell you what she wants. It is up to you whether you have the time and the inclination.”
beautifully said… couldnt have been said better
Shail said:
Thank you Monika. 🙂 I wish people would notice the individual and not see a woman as ‘part’ of a uniform ‘whole’.
Phoenixritu said:
Totally agree, as for me I want to go travel to a planet far far away. Space travel any one?
Shail said:
Me me me!!! Just give a holler Ritu.
g said:
I’ll take the liberty to speak for all women here – This woman really is something!!
Couldn’t have said it better 🙂
Shail said:
Aww Gauri, now you have me tongue-tied. Thank you! 😉 😀
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starry eyed said:
Exactly! Why the hell are we classified as a uniformly thinking, desiring, obeying group of automatons?!! Loved the post!
Shail said:
Welcome to Shail’s Nest Starry. Thank you. 🙂 Yeah why this bundling women together as one homogeneous entity??!
Rashmi said:
I just enjoyed this read…I get really annoyed at the question or the statement “I can never understand what a woman wants”. I wonder why the questioners cant understand the simple rule – “Each of us is different and will want differently, hence LISTEN,(not judge, preconceive stereotypes, presume you know best) to the other so you know what they want.”
Shail said:
Bingo! Each of us is different. And all this talk of ‘I can never understand what women want’ by men is a simple way of wriggling out of situations. Isn’t it the easiest way to pretend women are tough to understand and dismiss the whole issue rather than make the effort to understand the woman in your life?? 🙂
Lovely comment Rashmi. 🙂
Unmana said:
Hey, thanks for the link! And nice post! 🙂
Shail said:
You are welcome Unmana and thank you! 🙂
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Krishnaleela said:
I get ready with my comment and on my way to the box I see all of them have already been posted 😦
Woman shouldn’t be treated as cattle . What a way to link things 😀 Was this posted before Sasi Tharoor ?
Shail said:
@Krishnaleela,
Lol, no… my post came after his faux pas. But I assure you it never crossed my mind 😛
Krishnaleela said:
I think like in Robin cook novels men should be implanted with micro chips on their head with lines ‘ women shouldn’t be treated as cattle and every woman is unique ‘ !!!
And may be they can get a positive stimulus when they think it is true . Like we train guinea pigs and rats 😀 😀 I like the idea 😛
I forgot the name of the novel 😛 In the novel men are given a positive stimulus when they see specific brands of medicine and negative stimulus when they prescribe another . :0 Some way to promote brands !!!
Shail said:
@Krishnaleela,
Haha! I love your idea. 😉
dreamzandclouds said:
Yes! each of us is different. and I totally agree with you when you say, “I certainly know what I as a woman want. So if you pause and ask the woman in your life, she may just tell you what she wants. It is up to you whether you have the time and the inclination”. great post…loved it! 😀
shail said:
Thank you (a belated response from me!) 🙂
dreamzandclouds said:
better late than never 🙂
Boiling said:
Awesome!! Loved this.
shail said:
Thank you.