– a story of heartbreak.
I have lost the last chance I took.
They have taken over.
I am powerless.
They tell me what I should do.
I have to obey.
They tell me I have to seal my heart shut.
How can I??
I told them it was impossible.
They tell me I am a fool.
Perhaps I am.
They tell me I must not get in deeper.
I want to wade in deeper much deeper.
They tell me I will drown.
I know I will.
I tell them that is what I want.
They tell me I will lose.
I laugh at them.
I tell them I am happy.
They ask me, ‘Then, why are you crying??’
I touch my cheeks.
I look at my hands in wonder.
My hands are wet.
They ask, ‘Are they tears of Happiness??’
I shake my head in the negative.
They ask, ‘Are they tears of Anger??’
I stare at them silently.
The answer is still ‘No’
They ask, ‘Are they…’
I don’t want to hear any more. I turn away.
I know they will ultimately reach the right question.
I cannot answer them.
They know I cannot answer them.
I feel the frost of fear cover me in its chilling mantle.
They are right.
I should listen to them.
They are only trying to protect me.
They are trying to help the fool that I am.
Only they can save me.
I have to do what they say.
They know I cannot go back.
I look at them mutely.
They tell me what I should do to save myself.
‘Lock up now or else you will be hurt.’
They are always right.
They know me only too well.
Yet it is so hard and I don’t want to obey.
They call in Pride.
They tie my hands with the strong silken ropes of Pride for my own good.
I want to free myself. I try hard.
I must grow up, be a big girl.
But they know the sad truth.
They know I love the smooth feel of the silken ropes of Pride.
They know I love the cocoon of its safety.
They know the fetters of Pride will keep me silent.
They know I will never grow up and be a big girl if I live to be a hundred.
They know this is the only way.
They know something you don’t, my love.
They know this heart and its secret longings.
Unlike you, they also know the reason why.
Show-cased post from shail-mohan blogs @sulekha.com