– a short story.
Delusions. Beliefs based upon a misinterpretation of reality. I live in my world of delusions. Delusions of timeless and eternal love. A love I feel across time across space. You tell me you love me. Do you?? I tell you, I love you. Do I?? Is it all a delusion, your love for me and my love for you?? Did you even tell me so?? Did I?? Am I living in a world of fantasy??
Do you exist?? How do I know?? You could be a figment of my imagination, the one I created, just a mirage in the desert that is my mind. A dream I created to rest awhile tired from traversing the hot sands of that desert. Your love feels like a cool breeze on my burning brow. I feel it like something tangible. Is it real?? The love I have for you, the all-consuming feeling of longing to be in your arms. Is that real??
Or is it delusion all?? A false judgement or conclusion.
Have you written to me?? Are the letters I read real?? I feel the paper. It feels smooth. Or does it?? My eyes skim across the contents. Are the words that join together and form meaningful sentences real?? What if you have written, ‘I hate you’ and I read it as, ‘I love you’?? Have I made it all up from the secret longings of my heart??
Did you call me?? I heard a voice say, ‘I miss you.’ Or did I imagine it?? Have I made up all the conversations between you and me from a fevered imagination?? Did some long felt need of mine propel me to do so??
I look at myself in the mirror. Is that me, the image that stares back?? Does the mirror really reflect the one standing in front of it?? What if it doesn’t?? Am I seeing what I want to see, an image I would like to be?? What if I am an ugly harridan reflected as a beautiful woman?? But, what is beauty?? Is ‘ugly’ ugly??
A lone kingfisher alights on the branch of the leafy tree outside my window. But is there a tree outside my window?? How can a kingfisher alight on it if there isn’t?? What if they were all things I have imagined?? Maybe right now I am lying beneath a shady tree beside a gently flowing river. I can almost hear the lap of water against the banks. The green canopy above and the flowing river. So soothing. But is there a river?? Do rivers exist?? Is there a green tree?? Perhaps they are just images of my longing heart.
Maybe I am lying on hot sand with the sun beating mercilessly down at me. My body is ridden with blisters. The vultures are gathering. Vultures are patient birds. They are waiting for me and I for them. Vultures mean certain death. Let this be real at least. The hot sand, the blisters and the gathering vultures. Let the vultures peck and tear and release me forever….
How can the vultures release me?? I am in a barren cell, locked away for life. Cement floors and bars on the locked door. But I like it here. I can lie here on the cold floor and dream all I want. I can create and recreate everything, deluding myself all I want. Of love eternal, yours and mine. I can be with you forever and you will be mine forever too. Nothing can change it, not even you. Isn’t that funny?? Yes, not even you can change the way I want you to feel about me. I am safe in my world of delusions. Why do they scare you??
I hear footsteps. It is the guard coming to look in on me. Don’t they have to check to see if the unmoving form lying on the cold cement floor has life still in it?? But, what if there is no guard, no cement floor or even locked doors with bars on it…..
Showcased post from shail-mohan blogs @ sulekha.com