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Women cannot read maps, they say, and men do not ask for directions. I cannot vouchsafe for the veracity of the first part of this statement, the opportunity of testing it having not risen in this two score and odd years of my life on Planet Earth. I am willing to admit though that perhaps I am not a map reader par excellence. I can of course assure you, that the other half of the statement which deals with the Martians, speaks the truth and nothing but the truth. On second thoughts, being a fair-minded woman and all that, let me not slap this accusation on the whole lot of them Martians out there. Pssst! Do I want a rebellion of sorts on my hand and have them Martians coming at me in droves screaming, ‘Off with her head!’? No Siree! I am willing to concede there exist those rare exceptions out there who do stop and ask for directions when lost. Do drop me a postcard though when you find one. I’d be honored to meet the specimen in person.
Sunday morning, bright and sunny. We, that’s the Lord and Master and yours truly have been in to see the mother in law, mine not his, and are on our way to look around for a microwave oven, the previous one having breathed its last after a few spectacular fireworks induced by an inquisitive lizard who poked its nose where no noses should have been poked. Curiosity doesn’t stop at killing cats as in the adage. It goes on and vanquishes anything else that comes a begging, in this case a lizard. The unfortunate and err… curious lizard learnt the hard way how dispassionate ‘curiosity’ is when it comes to claiming its victims. The result? A charred lizard and a disappointed yours truly minus a functioning microwave.
So there we were on the trail so to speak of a microwave oven so as the Lord and Master could have his food piping hot, the only way he likes to have it. We cross the Patoor junction headed towards Pattom to the QRS showroom with all the latest in household gadgets and more. Lord and Master being a local there is no need for me to keep an eye on where he is going. Neither do I relish the role of a backseat driver. So I give myself up to thought. Plenty of things to think about and I have given my brain a free hand to do just that, letting it be at its whirring best when I hear L & M say conversationally,
“I am not sure where exactly this road leads, but it should get us there…”
Eeeps!! Whats this now?!
My emergency antennae are up as warning bells ring. Not good, not good at all, when the L & M loses his way! I look around to see if I can spot anything familiar. Ahhhh, Trivandrum for you with its twists and turns and houses and buildings coming up on a daily basis!! If you haven’t been that way for a couple of days it’s probable that you will lose the way unless you know the place pretty well which I don’t anyway. Nothing looks familiar to me. So I sit silent, keenly watching. Up ahead comes a fork in the road and L & M promptly takes one of them saying,
“This should get us there!”
Should?? Should?!!! Why not ask someone if you are unsure? I want to ask him why he did not go the usual way! Gentle soul that I am, I don’t of course. Moreover I believe people must be allowed to make their own mistakes and then learn from them. It’s another matter that I have been holding this belief since pretty long with not many lessons being learnt that I could see.
The road curves a little further on
“Ahhh..” he says, “this must be it!”
And on he drives. The curve is a just hairpin bend and we are almost heading back from the direction we had came from. I tell him this. I suggest we ask someone.
“Wait!” he says.
I sigh and relapse into silence. The road further on is not tarred. There are huge potholes filled with rainwater in which probably a whale could frisk around. I see a lady with a child in tow walking ahead carefully avoiding said pothole.
“Lets ask her where this road leads to” I tell him brightly, hoping my cheerful face would do the trick. You see I am an optimist.
“Wait!! I know!! This road has to go that way!”
I roll my eyes.
He skirts huge swimming pools in the middle of the road provided free of cost by the Municipal Corporation of Trivandrum for those who might take a sudden fancy for a swim while driving along. The car has to go in and out of most all of them and our backs are taking a beating. More pot holes follow. This time mercifully they are free of water and so the depth can be gauged giving our rattled bones some respite. Ahead is another curve. Aaargh. The number of curves this place has! I see some sort of huge gate coming up to the right and a man standing outside. L& M stares puzzled trying to guess which building it could be. I look at him hopefully. No go! He drives on without asking for directions. Talk about stubbornness. And you are right at this point to surmise that he doesn’t read what I write. So there!
“What?!” he exclaims when he does not see the light at the end of the tunnel or rather the expected connection to the road he is looking for when he rounds the next curve.
“Hmm…”
I am resigned now. I know him enough to realize he is not going to ask the way till he finds it on his own after maybe taking me around in circles for God knows how long! So I wait. I am an optimist and patient.
One more curve and the road straightens out. It is still pot hole ridden. I see something familiar.
“Yesss! I know this road. This is the one next to the Assembly!”
L & M is beaming. It resembles the contented smile of a cat that has got the cream.
“And I can see some buses! It’s the bus stand!”
I am pleased this ordeal is going to end.
“I told you I will get you there!” he says proudly, smiling broadly, pleased with himself.
“Oh yeah, after driving around for so long and wasting so much time!” I look at him daggers as we now thankfully reach the junction in front of the Science and Technology Museum.
“Look at it this way” says L & M, unfazed, “Didn’t I show you a part of Trivandrum you hadn’t seen before??” He is cheerfulness personified.
I roll my eyes again and tell him,
“Wait till I blog about this!”
Post script: We reached back home with the new microwave oven without much mishap driving via the ‘tried and tested’ roads with no more back breaking ‘adventures’ for the day.
This post has been showcased at sulekha.com
samvit said:
Haha..
I can relate this to my webdesign habits too 😉
I remember, I wanted a particular functionality in a website that I was working on. I searched around the internet, tried this, tried that, but I do not know why I did not ask for even a free help in a webmasters forum. Finally its only they who helped me out, after I wasted almost 50 hours of googling.
But I learned a good lesson. When in confusion, seek help. If there are people who are eager to give free “advices”, they must be delighted when asked for one 😛
PeeKs said:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!! One thing he did do, he took you on the scenic route ;-D! Not to mention all the gas he used up taking you… You haven’t lost your sense of humor though, and you ARE a patient soul Shailji, don’t think I could have kept my Alligator mouth shut..lol. Excellent post.. I had tears from laughter on this one! ;-D
Richette said:
Ha ha ha! Again, Shail, this made me laugh! ^_^
That’s true on the side of the male species. I said this so because I experienced this instance with my husband. It just kept me wondering why they refuse to ask to make things easy? They would insist as part of their “macho” points that asking someone would be a deduction and would later philosophically justified, “Didn’t I show you a part of _________ you hadn’t seen before??” With all eyebrows raising and eyes rolling on our side as female species, they just have to ignore such display of reactions as if nothing. Just like that. Are they (males) afraid to admit mistakes at times? I think it is.
A humorous post! ***all smiles*** ^_^
Vivek said:
I am so glad the return journey was uneventful. So now do you go on trips with him driving? Very funny..even for a male. Keep it up
Bob Hoff said:
A hilarious episode so carefully and wonderfully expressed that I was in the car with you and L&M and I wanted to tell him myself to pull over and get directions or else I would really roll my eyes.
I mean when your car may smack into a frisking whale in a large water-filled road rut, immediate, and I mean immediate action, must be taken.
Only a Mother Teresa type of person can be as patient as you dear Shail, or perhaps you are letting it unfold because you realize the wonderful blog fodder you are witnessing and recording in your head?
What a joyous and funny story of a man who thinks he has saved his ego and who doesn’t realize that it is only because his wise wife knows how he must be “handled.”
Great job–another fun read for me.
Bubbly said:
Awww how shweeth of pappa… he is trying to show mumma part of the Trivandrum city… hehehe AND make pappa read this blog… so that he won’t take another chance :-p As a punishment mumma should have asked for an extra gadget like… hummm ‘cooking robot’ lol. (well… may be it exists!!! who knows??!!??) But I know that mumma is patience personified and won’t opt for the idea of punishing someone :-p I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. I felt as though I was sitting on the back seat watching all the fun (especially mumma’s facial expressions when pappa didn’t bother to ask someone the way):-D hehehe
Roopa said:
Snooped your blog out from Rekz’ Soul Talkin. Your sense of humor is brilliant. A Wodehouse feel to the whole thing. It made my day actually. I haven’t yet read all your posts – you are prolific 🙂 – but i am planning to.
Ganga said:
Got to your blog from Rekha’s. This post was simply hilarious! It’s something that bugs me so often too with my Martian refusing to take directions and me trying to stop the car, turn on my charm and get some directions. But often, directions such as “turn left at the palm tree, go down the sandy road on the right and ask at the murukkankkada at the corner” can leave one even more clueless than before! Anyways, great writing…glad to have “found” you!!!
vinita said:
Once i was in Calicut, and we were going somewhere(sister in law was showing the path) and we lost our way in the city and took us much time to find the correct path – and at last, my sister in law said – see, i showed you ‘muthala kulam’. athu kaanikkaan alle aa vazhi kondu poye.. 😀
swathi said:
I just ROThe SeatLaughing, here in office, reading this…
Ppl here are rolling eyes at me…
Imagining the typical Trivandrum “ooduvazhis” God!
I almost got lost in a Thampanoor ‘ooduvazhi’, when I was on my way to a tuition class – that was 13 yrs back.. hooo…I think I landed in ‘jagathi’ when headed for ‘thampannor’..lol..
But here in Ireland, you know you won’t even see anyone to ask for directions. Its always map-reading or TomTom (GPS car navigation system) and we will be 99% correct because all the roads are labelled almost correctly – till someone “intelligent” try to add 2-3 roundabouts in a junction or 6-7 traffic lights posts in a single round about!!!!
God! Sometimes no ‘engineer’ knows what they are doing!
Anyways my hubby is not a Martian in that area (every other area he sure is…) , he ‘asks’ for directions.. only thing is that there wont be anyone in those ‘dead’ regional roads to ask – except for some rabbits, foxes or even deers.. hi…hi…hi…
So, we are back again to map-reading. I read maps and look for sign-boards (if we are lucky, it won’t be written in Irish!!! Lol) and tell him, to go this way or that way…
So, I have learnt the art of map reading as we don’t have GPS yet.. and I DON’T trust machines.
and..GOOD LUCK WITH TVM ROADS…
my dad is just like uncle..
NEVER asks for direction – God knows why!!!
Shail said:
Hey Samvit! I am glad its a Martian who stepped in to comment first. And whoa what have we here… a typical one at that?! 😉 Hahaha!! Yo, you are right about people who are happy about giving out advice!! 😉
PeeKs!! That was a hearty laughter I heard from you all the way from the US!! Sigh, I am so glad that you could see what a patient soul I am. 🙂
Oh Richette!! You have the same experience as well. Hmmm… you bet they think its macho not to ask for directions!! 😉 Lol.
Shail said:
Hey Vivek! So you found it funny in spite of being a Martian?! But the question, the million dollar one at that, is do you ask for directions?? 😀
Bob, I am happy you could grasp the seriousness of the situation we faced that day. I mean a whale can easily overturn a car, right?? And then where would we be?? One shudders to think of the danger one was in!! *shudders* BTW everything is blog fodder to me Bob!! 😀 ….and oh boy oh boy oh boy!!!!! Bob is insightful or what??!! Or is that experience speaking?? Whatever it is, I have to agree with ‘….who doesn’t realize that it is only because his wise wife knows how he must be “handled.” *discreet smile* 😛
Shail said:
Yo Bubbly! You are right. No punishment. Lol!!! Not even, ‘I told you so!’ Hehehehe… And whats this about Cooking Robots?? 😮 No cooking robots please! I will be out of work!!!!!! 😉
Hello there Roopa! Welcome to my page. Well what can I say *wrings hands blushing betroot red* what can I say when you take the Master’s name along with mine in the same breathe?? I am a Wodehouse fan all the way. BTW I will be haunting your pages as well. You write beautifully! 🙂
Welcome Ganga! Rekha has been instrumental in introducing you to me as well. I have been going through your blogs and will be back for more. Yeah , each region has its way of helping the lost. Some say, “Go west and then take the road to the north, turn east and you’ll find a road going to the south, don’t take that…instead go north again, blah blah… ” while you are left with your head reeling. 🙂
Vikramsekar said:
Your Sense of Humour enriches us, Shail Mam! Its a real fun and I enjoyed goin thro your blog.
Do you know “Why men don’t Listen”??
Men had to rely on spatial skills to survive, they needed to know where to throw the spear to hit the zebra running at high speeds. They also needed to remember how to get back home with the meat. So to have to stop and ask for directions is to admit you’ve failed at your number one evolutionary task.
Our big, fat egos are at stake, even if the task at hand isn’t exactly life & death.
LOL!!!
Chanakya said:
Superbly narrated……Indeed some men & women are too adamant or is it shyness…they never ask for directions ….Dogs tails cannot be straigtened …….
Shail said:
Vikram, your explanation tells a lot!! 😛 😀
Shail said:
Chanakya, men …and women???? Come on now! It is the men who don’t ask for directions, not the women!! 😛 And before you jump at my throat, this is not my own but wisdom handed down the ages!!
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Agnija Bharathi said:
Haha! This is so funny. Love your style. What is it with men and directions? Mine keeps doing this so often that our friend presented him a fridge magnet which says “Life is too short, let’s take the scenic route!” Now-a-days we have a GPS and guess what? He ignores the GPS and tells me he knows the “better” way. I wont spell out what exactly happens!!
Shail said:
@Agnija Bharathi,
They always know the ‘better’ way it seems! Really, beats me how! 😉
Indyeah said:
Lol! Shail! Still not read this , has he? 😀 this is moi and pm to a t. Except that by the third time I tell him to ask for directions, he has learnt to recognize the warning in my voice.
Seriously! What is it with men and directions? ?
And I can read a map darn well though not upto his ‘standards’ rolls eyes
Btw does the l&m also do that routine of showing you the most prominent and the not so prominent landmarks and telling you the history behind each one?
shail said:
I have no idea, Indy. I do share it on Google+ He may or may not have read it 😛 😉
Really, the other day we went on a 20 minute spin when he took a wrong turn (i did tell him it didn’t look like the road we took the previous time) and he just would not stop to ask directions. 😮 And finally we reach a familiar road and he says cheerfully, “See, we reached!”
No land-mark showing. For no reason, he is always in a hurry. That sort of contradicts this ‘not asking for directions’, no? But there it is. He wants to get wherever he wants to as quickly as possible, but he won’t stop to ask for directions if he doesn’t know! 😛
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