Comments on: Back to stare-zone http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/ Where fingers tap dance... Thu, 09 Sep 2010 05:13:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Bob Hoff http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1319 Bob Hoff Tue, 20 Jan 2009 07:47:07 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1319 Delightful story. Yes, take that early-as-you-can-retirement. Of course you deserve it. You have raised two boys, kept a L & M in the comfort and circumstances he feels necessary for his life, and taken care of pets. Also you have been a great traveler to your relatives and a charming, informative, enthusiatic, and fun-filled and human (and humor) promoting blogger for many blogger friends like moi (one of your favorite words). And you continue to write great accounts of your world as YOU SEE IT. I would be more than happy to provide you with my personally written reference, recommending you for early and permanent retirement, unless you change your mind, as humans sometimes do. In this reference I will also second your current conclusions that you are not old or ugly, and matter of fact, aren't even moving in such directions. That's what I think, HRP. <em> Oh <strong>Bob</strong>, you are such a dear! Psst! Keep those written references ready. Ok?? One never knows when one might need them! :P ;) :) </em> Delightful story. Yes, take that early-as-you-can-retirement.

Of course you deserve it.

You have raised two boys, kept a L & M in the comfort and circumstances he feels necessary for his life, and taken care of pets. Also you have been a great traveler to your relatives and a charming, informative, enthusiatic, and fun-filled and human (and humor) promoting blogger for many blogger friends like moi (one of your favorite words). And you continue to write great accounts of your world as YOU SEE IT.

I would be more than happy to provide you with my personally written reference, recommending you for early and permanent retirement, unless you change your mind, as humans sometimes do.

In this reference I will also second your current conclusions that you are not old or ugly, and matter of fact, aren’t even moving in such directions. That’s what I think, HRP.


Oh Bob, you are such a dear! Psst! Keep those written references ready. Ok?? One never knows when one might need them! :P ;) :)

]]> By: Jacob http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1306 Jacob Fri, 16 Jan 2009 16:08:21 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1306 Mmmmmm I think its worse towards south Kerala. The people of Malabar are generally more open and friendly. Trivandrum being the worst, or maybe the Christian heartland of erstwhile central Travancore is worse. I think that the word "Love" has a range of meanings from pure possessiveness, ownership and control, to the heights of caring sharing and respectfulness. "Sex" too has a whole range of meaning from the crass lust and flesh which is displayed in some of our movies to the sacred act between two consenting adults as a culmination of their love. Etiquette has a whole range of meaning from an outward show of formality according to tradition to a meaningful and real show of caring patience and concern for fellow humans the more for the weak. I often tell my students that Kerala culture is not Mohiniattom, Kathakali and kalari Payat. IT is the way Keralites behave and the concern they have for other beings. This is a topic of great interest to me and there is nothing I would like more than having a more open loving and caring humanity, giving individual space to each other. Once one lady from Karnataka asked me why Keralites are so impolite? I told her that it is because Kerala is a hotch potch of races all of whom have come here for the sole purpose of making money on the spice trade. Dunno how far its true but thats the answer I got then. <em>Interesting <strong>Jacob</strong> and now I recall the conversation, a continuation of this, we had while we all met. I think we should continue the topic when we meet next and perhaps Swathi can make her contribution too. :)</em> Mmmmmm I think its worse towards south Kerala. The people of Malabar are generally more open and friendly. Trivandrum being the worst, or maybe the Christian heartland of erstwhile central Travancore is worse. I think that the word “Love” has a range of meanings from pure possessiveness, ownership and control, to the heights of caring sharing and respectfulness. “Sex” too has a whole range of meaning from the crass lust and flesh which is displayed in some of our movies to the sacred act between two consenting adults as a culmination of their love. Etiquette has a whole range of meaning from an outward show of formality according to tradition to a meaningful and real show of caring patience and concern for fellow humans the more for the weak.
I often tell my students that Kerala culture is not Mohiniattom, Kathakali and kalari Payat. IT is the way Keralites behave and the concern they have for other beings. This is a topic of great interest to me and there is nothing I would like more than having a more open loving and caring humanity, giving individual space to each other. Once one lady from Karnataka asked me why Keralites are so impolite? I told her that it is because Kerala is a hotch potch of races all of whom have come here for the sole purpose of making money on the spice trade. Dunno how far its true but thats the answer I got then.

Interesting Jacob and now I recall the conversation, a continuation of this, we had while we all met. I think we should continue the topic when we meet next and perhaps Swathi can make her contribution too. :)

]]> By: Jacob http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1299 Jacob Fri, 16 Jan 2009 05:59:02 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1299 Speaking of travelling to other places I beg to submit a man's observation. I feel that in Kerala ladies never look at me, in the face nor do I look dem in the face, hahaha no evil intended but honestly, outside Kerala ladies look at me in the face and I in theirs and sometimes we even smile at each other. I would welcome observations. <em>Ahhh <strong>Jacob</strong>, you have touched upon a pet peeve of mine. I have always wanted to write about this. Maybe I will in a future post. You are absolutely right. Here people don't look at your face and smile openly or talk naturally to the opposite sex (common among all ages) It irritates me a lot. If someone comes to visit my husband and finds he is out on some errand, he would wait outside in the sun for an hour and a half but would not come in and wait for him in the drawing room even when invited to, all because I am alone at home!! As for the other side, when you visit people, the women folk would not sit in the drawing room, but stand at the door and talk, (half-hidden behind the curtain or door) with men visitors.I tell you, such behavior makes me mad. Mind you I am talking of average educated middle-class people. And if at all there is a mixed group sitting, the men have to make stupid jokes ( a carry over from college days) a la Mallu movie style. We can never talk or discuss anything in an easy manner. If women try they are ridiculed, again la Mallu movie style. (Do the movies reflect the attitude here or do the people learn from the movies??) I have seen that even youngsters in our state follow the same pattern. I have also seen that youngsters from other states are more open and forthright and as a rule able to converse easily to you. This is the place where if a 17-year old boy sits next to a 60-year old woman in a bus she is highly offended. *rolls eyes theatrically* I tell you, better not get me started!! :P</em> Speaking of travelling to other places I beg to submit a man’s observation. I feel that in Kerala ladies never look at me, in the face nor do I look dem in the face, hahaha no evil intended but honestly, outside Kerala ladies look at me in the face and I in theirs and sometimes we even smile at each other. I would welcome observations.

Ahhh Jacob, you have touched upon a pet peeve of mine. I have always wanted to write about this. Maybe I will in a future post. You are absolutely right. Here people don’t look at your face and smile openly or talk naturally to the opposite sex (common among all ages) It irritates me a lot. If someone comes to visit my husband and finds he is out on some errand, he would wait outside in the sun for an hour and a half but would not come in and wait for him in the drawing room even when invited to, all because I am alone at home!! As for the other side, when you visit people, the women folk would not sit in the drawing room, but stand at the door and talk, (half-hidden behind the curtain or door) with men visitors.I tell you, such behavior makes me mad. Mind you I am talking of average educated middle-class people. And if at all there is a mixed group sitting, the men have to make stupid jokes ( a carry over from college days) a la Mallu movie style. We can never talk or discuss anything in an easy manner. If women try they are ridiculed, again la Mallu movie style. (Do the movies reflect the attitude here or do the people learn from the movies??)
I have seen that even youngsters in our state follow the same pattern. I have also seen that youngsters from other states are more open and forthright and as a rule able to converse easily to you.
This is the place where if a 17-year old boy sits next to a 60-year old woman in a bus she is highly offended. *rolls eyes theatrically* I tell you, better not get me started!! :P

]]> By: Bubbly http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1262 Bubbly Mon, 12 Jan 2009 12:27:36 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1262 'A hand brushing too close for comfort. A body pushing closer. A shoulder that rams into you for no apparent reason. When you look up a knowing smile. If you concentrate you can almost see the tongue hanging out and hear the panting and see the dripping saliva too.' Bha... this is one thing that I am scared of India. The thing that I never experience here! 'Ahh, you think homemaker’s don’t need retirement, only those working outside do?? Think again!!' hehe ask me about it :D How I wish some 15 more yrs run faster (for me) :P <em> Good that you don't experience it over there. And <strong>Bubbly</strong>, your VRS taking day is quite far off hehe..., with Jia and Pranav being in 'kid zone'!! :)</em> ‘A hand brushing too close for comfort. A body pushing closer. A shoulder that rams into you for no apparent reason. When you look up a knowing smile. If you concentrate you can almost see the tongue hanging out and hear the panting and see the dripping saliva too.’

Bha… this is one thing that I am scared of India. The thing that I never experience here!

‘Ahh, you think homemaker’s don’t need retirement, only those working outside do?? Think again!!’

hehe ask me about it :D How I wish some 15 more yrs run faster (for me) :P


Good that you don’t experience it over there. And Bubbly, your VRS taking day is quite far off hehe…, with Jia and Pranav being in ‘kid zone’!! :)

]]> By: Amrita http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1257 Amrita Sun, 11 Jan 2009 18:48:38 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1257 hello...back after a long time. after reading ur post..i realised i missed reading it. the idea of vrs rocks..n u shud go for vacationing more often. people in kerala do stare...i am a victim myself :( hope to b back soon reading more of ur posts :) <em>Hey <strong>Amrita</strong>, nice to see you. Anyone who has been to Kerala knows the feeling! :( Hope to see you back soon! And yeah, vacations rock! </em> hello…back after a long time. after reading ur post..i realised i missed reading it. the idea of vrs rocks..n u shud go for vacationing more often. people in kerala do stare…i am a victim myself :(

hope to b back soon reading more of ur posts :)

Hey Amrita, nice to see you. Anyone who has been to Kerala knows the feeling! :(
Hope to see you back soon! And yeah, vacations rock!

]]> By: Jacob http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1250 Jacob Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:46:15 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1250 Grrr how do non Keralite males dare to not look at you. The way you say it, is in alarming proportions, didnt know it was so bad, and so uncomfortable. I could feel as if the looks were sticking onto your skin, and needing some detergent to be washed away. Privacy is a delicate thing and intrusion a fine line not to be crossed. Good topic for discussion, on civic living. The same individuals will waste no time in assuming a high moral ground and accuse all and sundry of immorality. <em>Haha <strong>Jacob</strong>, the gallant man. It IS bad and the 'alarming proportion' can be gauged by the fact how one feels when moving to other places. Every place has anti-social elements. But here we have most all 'drooling' as if they have never seen a woman in their lives!! I am with you about the same individuals accusing all and sundry about immorality. Remember the hue and cry over 'men' visitors to an apartment occupied by a single lady, an executive in some company?? The moral custodians of the block would have it that a single lady cannot have men visitors. Oh yeah??? What disgusting behavior!! Just because she opted to be single she cannot have men-friends over??!! And the same people would be I am sure, ogling every woman in sight and brazenly mentally undressing them. That is allowed of course since (they think) no one knows about it!! Grrr.....</em> Grrr how do non Keralite males dare to not look at you. The way you say it, is in alarming proportions, didnt know it was so bad, and so uncomfortable. I could feel as if the looks were sticking onto your skin, and needing some detergent to be washed away. Privacy is a delicate thing and intrusion a fine line not to be crossed. Good topic for discussion, on civic living. The same individuals will waste no time in assuming a high moral ground and accuse all and sundry of immorality.

Haha Jacob, the gallant man.
It IS bad and the ‘alarming proportion’ can be gauged by the fact how one feels when moving to other places. Every place has anti-social elements. But here we have most all ‘drooling’ as if they have never seen a woman in their lives!! I am with you about the same individuals accusing all and sundry about immorality. Remember the hue and cry over ‘men’ visitors to an apartment occupied by a single lady, an executive in some company?? The moral custodians of the block would have it that a single lady cannot have men visitors. Oh yeah??? What disgusting behavior!! Just because she opted to be single she cannot have men-friends over??!! And the same people would be I am sure, ogling every woman in sight and brazenly mentally undressing them. That is allowed of course since (they think) no one knows about it!! Grrr…..

]]> By: onlooker http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1248 onlooker Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:04:55 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1248 ya, the instinctive drawing up of ur self, to brace against the imaginary 'something', the margin / 'touching' space you draw around urself tends to be a broad one...all this you realise, when you sense, the absense of this extra sensory perception you tend to have hold on to, that hovers around you forever, back home. its true of my hometown too! sigh! :( <em><strong>Onlooker</strong>, when you are in a place where you don't have to be on your guard forever, it feels liberating. I don't think that's asking for too much. Our body is our own and not something to be poked and prodded at will by sick people! Thanks for dropping by. </em> ya, the instinctive drawing up of ur self, to brace against the imaginary ‘something’, the margin / ‘touching’ space you draw around urself tends to be a broad one…all this you realise, when you sense, the absense of this extra sensory perception you tend to have hold on to, that hovers around you forever, back home. its true of my hometown too! sigh! :(

Onlooker, when you are in a place where you don’t have to be on your guard forever, it feels liberating. I don’t think that’s asking for too much. Our body is our own and not something to be poked and prodded at will by sick people! Thanks for dropping by.

]]> By: Rashmi http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1244 Rashmi Thu, 08 Jan 2009 04:33:22 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1244 Hahaha, I have heard of this "eyes following you, fingers brushing like overgrown tentacles, shoulders and bodies invading your space". But you have written about it with such coolness. Kudos. Glad to have you back... I am not admitting I missed ya. ;) <em>I assure you 'cool' is not the way you feel when you are out there facing it. I can go so far as to say that I might tolerate the eyes, even the words though why I (or any woman for that matter), should beats me. But if I had my way, I would chop off the hands or any other body part that invade in this crude manner. When will people learn not to intrude another human beings space in this shameless manner?? Ok so you didn't miss me eh <strong>Rashmi</strong>?! *sob sob* I didn't miss you either!! :P</em> Hahaha, I have heard of this “eyes following you, fingers brushing like overgrown tentacles, shoulders and bodies invading your space”. But you have written about it with such coolness. Kudos. Glad to have you back… I am not admitting I missed ya. ;)

I assure you ‘cool’ is not the way you feel when you are out there facing it. I can go so far as to say that I might tolerate the eyes, even the words though why I (or any woman for that matter), should beats me. But if I had my way, I would chop off the hands or any other body part that invade in this crude manner. When will people learn not to intrude another human beings space in this shameless manner??
Ok so you didn’t miss me eh Rashmi?! *sob sob* I didn’t miss you either!! :P

]]> By: Praveen http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1239 Praveen Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:35:11 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1239 nice writeup thr..loved it.. some uncomfortable truths and some delightful experiences.. <em>Thanks <strong>Praveen</strong>. Hope these 'uncomfortable truths' change for the better in the future.</em> nice writeup thr..loved it..
some uncomfortable truths and some delightful experiences..

Thanks Praveen. Hope these ‘uncomfortable truths’ change for the better in the future.

]]> By: Rekha http://shailsnest.com/wp/life/back-to-stare-zone/comment-page-1/#comment-1237 Rekha Wed, 07 Jan 2009 14:36:19 +0000 http://shailsnest.com/wp/?p=307#comment-1237 Just cudn't stop smiling all through the narration.....And, loved the reunion snap.... :) :) <em> Thanks <strong>Rekha</strong>. Glad I had you smiling! :P</em> Just cudn’t stop smiling all through the narration…..And, loved the reunion snap…. :) :)

Thanks Rekha. Glad I had you smiling! :P

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