Shail’s Nest

Without realizing it, I suddenly burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. He looked at me a trifle offended. Perhaps this had not been the reaction he had been expecting?? But then this had not been what I had been expecting either. I had lulled myself into some sort of false security in a relationship that could never give any. I took a deep breathe as unobtrusively as I could and said,

“Awww…. come on Ranjit, you didn’t think I had taken all this seriously??”

He looked at me a little dumbfounded. Perhaps he did not expect me to retort this way?? I laughed heartily some more. Wiping away the tears of mirth, I looked at him amusedly.

“Did you think I believed in all that soul-mate mumbo-jumbo?”

He looked at me warily. My response had clearly thrown him off-guard. He was not taking chances now. He remained silent waiting for me to continue. Was that hurt I could see in his eyes?? Hurt pride or…

“Don’t be so apologetic about the whole thing now!” I remonstrated.

“We both had a good time. Didn’t we??” I smiled at him, letting the question hang.

He looked at me in the eye and then away. Was there disappointment too in his eyes??

Two years is a long time. Two years of living in a dream world of love for each other. Endless letters and countless phone calls and days of togetherness… For a moment I let my mind wander remembering the many hours we spent in each other’s company. Time just flew when we were together.

Our meeting had been so accidental. We were both at the wrong place at the wrong time. We later amended that to ourselves as being at the right place at the right time. Hadn’t we found each other?? Somehow we had got talking at that first meeting and gelled so well. From then one we were inseparable. We could not stay away from each other. It did not matter one bit that Ranjit was married. We found ways to be together and spend whatever time we could in each others company. We promised each other eternal love. We were going to be together in all our lives to come.

Yet here we were. It was now time to say our goodbyes. Ranjit wanted to move on. He had suddenly woken up to his duties towards his family. I had no complaints. I had always known in some deep recess of my heart this day would come. Even the euphoria of our love did not cloud that fact from me. I had never let myself lose sight of it. Yet…

I pulled my wandering mind back to the present and looked at him questioningly. He had not answered my question.

“We did have a good time. Didn’t we??” I repeated.

“Yes” He answered a bit reluctantly.

“Now, come on Ranjit. What are you looking so glum about??” I tried to hide the impatience in my voice. I wanted to be away as soon as possible. But I did not want him to know that.

“Cheer up now! Keep the memories and move on! Go back and be happy” I said cheerfully patting his arm.

I sat back and watched him, trying to keep a relaxed front. All I wanted to do was get up and walk away. I wondered whether I was doing the right thing. Was he let down that I did not behave the way a conventional jilted lover would do?? Should I have let my tears flow?? I couldn’t. I am not made that way.

I caught myself drumming my fingers hinting at my impatience and stopped myself immediately. He stood up and I followed suit trying to make it look unhurried.

“Bye sweetheart…” he said and I almost fell back on the chair I had vacated. It hit home. I stared at him unable to hide that tiny spark of anger in my look. He winced. I pulled myself together, hiding it quickly.

“Old habits die hard eh Ranjit??” I teased him flashing a smile. I held out my hand and formally shook his.

“Bye Ranjit. Do well and be happy!”

I declined his offer to walk me to the car and stood watching him walk to the lift. One last wave and he was gone. I walked slowly with measured steps to my car which was parked a little away. I pushed the hair off my face, opened the door and settled down. Ranjit must have reached his room. He would surely be watching me. I left the car windows open, switched on the music, reversed my car and drove out of the hotel compound shaking my head to the music.

About a kilometre away, I stopped the car and wound the windows up.

Then, I cried.

This was written for the Sulekha Challenge 6, where we had to write something beginning with the line ‘Without realizing it, I suddenly burst out laughing.’

Reposted from shail-mohan blogs @ sulekha.com